"Hello, I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounter is true and by true, I mean false. Its all lies. But they're entertaining lies, and in the end isn't that the real truth? The answer is no." A quote from the Simpsons. What does this have to do with sports this week? Well sports doesn't seem to make sense so why should my articles?
1. Browns v. Benglas. 106 points. 962 yards. Yeah when I envision a shoot out I think back-up quarterback and nearly rookie/robotic quarterback. The second half of that game was something out of Madden. Fumbles, interceptions, penalties, and no defense. None. For all I know the Bungals and Clowns only fielded 7 defensemen. And the way injuries piled up in that game why not.
2. Butch Davis still being coach (or its true as I'm posting this). Let's think the Clowns best offensive player (read K2) was injured on a return team. As some sort of loyalty to symmetry Butch put his best defenseman (read Andra Davis)on the return team and suprise, suprise he's hurt for the year(s). Please someone end this man's reign.
3. The end of parity. Remember the last few years when everyone marveled at the parity of the league. Any team could beat any other. Its a dog fight to win a division. The Eagles clinched their division today. As in before december. There are 3 one loss teams. And Indy isn't that far behind. Yeah there's about as much parity here as the ill-fated man v. bear eating contest or the Norman Chad versus a gorilla wrestling match (turns out Norman Chad can really wrestle).
4. Drew Brees to Antonio Gates. At the begining of the year if someone had told me that the most prolific combination would be Drew "I'm not sure I'm starting" Brees to Antonio "Wait am I playing football or basketball" Gates I'd have called you a liar (and possibly some other things that apparently the FCC frowns on). This is Gates second year playing football. Man oh Man is he good though.
5. Seattle, Phoenix, Orlando first place in their respective divisions. I don't even have anything to say about that other than its a long season. But if the season ended today (and boy is that an overworked phrase these days) I think only Ivan would have predicted any of that. Indiana has won 3 out of 4 games since the massive suspension/purge. I got nothing on that one either (other than Larry Bird needs to get some sort of super award for having that much depth). Finally if anyone at all can explain why I should watch Big East football (let alone watch it in a BCS game) you win a $1.25
Sunday, November 28, 2004
Thursday, November 25, 2004
Week 12- I Love This Game
Well, I’ve got to address the NBA first. I woke up extra early last Saturday just so I could watch the incident from as many angles as possible. As we all know, Artest has no reason to go in the stands. Unfortunately, once he’s in the stands, and you can’t see him, and 4 fans are surrounding him and doing who knows what, I really can’t blame for Stephen Jackson or anyone else for defending their teammate. Now, Jackson went a little overboard though on the haymakers- he looked like a 10-year old repeatedly hitting the punch button in “Mortal Kombat.” Artest & Jackson got the punishments they deserved. As for Jermaine O’Neal, he got the shaft. I can’t believe the arguments I heard this week- “He hit an innocent guy just walking around.”
WHAT??? Let’s just get this straight, that chubby guy that O’Neal lays out wasn’t just going for some exercise. There’s a fight in the stands, craziness all around, fans trying to tackle the players. If you are dumb enough to go down on the court for some unknown (presumably negative) purpose, I could really care less what happens to you. I think O’Neal only deserved a 15-game suspension.
Ok, on to the games. Let me just say, that the George Costanza theory wasn’t great. No more games, no more BS, it’s time to seriously pick games again.
Manwich Matchup of the Week-
Jacksonville @ Minnesota-
2 teams, right in the thick of the playoff race. Moss may play this week. I’m still sticking w/ my Vikings.
Pick: Minnesota
Upset of the Week-
NY Jets @ Arizona-
The Cards play great at home, have a great defense, and the Jets are using a backup QB. The Jets are the worst 7-3 team in the NFL.
Pick: Arizona
Indy @ Detroit-
What are the odds of some object hitting Edgerrin James, and him storming the stands, beating up fans, and then Peyton Manning drop kicking fans left & right? I mean, if these 2 cities’ NBA teams can fight, why not the NFL teams?
Pick: Indy
Chicago @ Dallas-Craig Krenzel vs. Drew Henson. Buckeyes vs. Wolverines! Go Bucks!
Pick: Chicago
Tampa @ Carolina-
The Panthers have started to get hot, but really, I’ve been a big Griese fan for a long time as everyone knows.
Pick: Tampa Bay
Cleve @ Cinci-
Did they really need to have a press release to tell us that Butch could get fired at the end of the season? I already assumed that.
Pick: Cinci
Tennessee @ Houston-
Houston has become quite the sinking ship. But you know what? I’m still sticking by them.
Pick: Houston
San Diego @ KC-
The Amazing Bill Simmons said at the beginning of the season, “What’s the difference between SD & KC? They both have a stud RB, and neither team has a defense.” These were prophetic words, as SD is the playoff team this year, and KC is just terrible.
Pick: SD
Baltimore @ New England-
No Jamal Lewis? Sounds good to me.
Pick: New England
Philly @ NY Giants-
TO is the best. Every week, it’s something different. Personally, when you rank his TD dances, I really do like the pom-pom one best. How does he come up w/ this stuff?
Pick: Philly
Wash @ Pitt-
Rookie Redhawk Roethlisberger.
Pick: Pittsburgh
New Orleans @ Atlanta-
Vick is unreal. Another 100-yard rushing day last week.
Pick: Atlanta
Miami @ San Fran-
At the beginning of the season, I named Wannstedt & Erickson as shoe-ins for getting fired. It’s only a matter of time Erickson. (Sorry, it’s one of the few things I was right about this year, I’ve got to build my confidence anyway I can.)
Pick: Miami
Buffalo @ Seattle-
Let's evaluate this based on their respective NBA teams. Seattle, is red-hot, shooting 3s all over the place. Buffalo used to have a team. They weren't very good. That's what my dad tells me.
Pick: Seattle
Oakland @ Denver-
Unbelievably, IF I would have started Kerry Collins at QB last week, I would have won. Who’d have thunk it? My 3-8 team is pretty deep I thought.
Pick: Denver
St Louis @ Green Bay-
Do you ever get the feeling that Martz is the absent-minded professor? Capable of sweeping Seattle, yet losing to Buffalo AND Miami?
Pick: Green Bay
Last Week: 8-8 (3-0 on my own, 5-8 w/ the George Costanza Theory)Season: 89-71Manwich Matchup: 4-7 (I picked the Bears over the Colts, thanks George.)Upset Special: 6-5 (In anti-upset, I picked Green Bay over Houston. Thanks George.)
WHAT??? Let’s just get this straight, that chubby guy that O’Neal lays out wasn’t just going for some exercise. There’s a fight in the stands, craziness all around, fans trying to tackle the players. If you are dumb enough to go down on the court for some unknown (presumably negative) purpose, I could really care less what happens to you. I think O’Neal only deserved a 15-game suspension.
Ok, on to the games. Let me just say, that the George Costanza theory wasn’t great. No more games, no more BS, it’s time to seriously pick games again.
Manwich Matchup of the Week-
Jacksonville @ Minnesota-
2 teams, right in the thick of the playoff race. Moss may play this week. I’m still sticking w/ my Vikings.
Pick: Minnesota
Upset of the Week-
NY Jets @ Arizona-
The Cards play great at home, have a great defense, and the Jets are using a backup QB. The Jets are the worst 7-3 team in the NFL.
Pick: Arizona
Indy @ Detroit-
What are the odds of some object hitting Edgerrin James, and him storming the stands, beating up fans, and then Peyton Manning drop kicking fans left & right? I mean, if these 2 cities’ NBA teams can fight, why not the NFL teams?
Pick: Indy
Chicago @ Dallas-Craig Krenzel vs. Drew Henson. Buckeyes vs. Wolverines! Go Bucks!
Pick: Chicago
Tampa @ Carolina-
The Panthers have started to get hot, but really, I’ve been a big Griese fan for a long time as everyone knows.
Pick: Tampa Bay
Cleve @ Cinci-
Did they really need to have a press release to tell us that Butch could get fired at the end of the season? I already assumed that.
Pick: Cinci
Tennessee @ Houston-
Houston has become quite the sinking ship. But you know what? I’m still sticking by them.
Pick: Houston
San Diego @ KC-
The Amazing Bill Simmons said at the beginning of the season, “What’s the difference between SD & KC? They both have a stud RB, and neither team has a defense.” These were prophetic words, as SD is the playoff team this year, and KC is just terrible.
Pick: SD
Baltimore @ New England-
No Jamal Lewis? Sounds good to me.
Pick: New England
Philly @ NY Giants-
TO is the best. Every week, it’s something different. Personally, when you rank his TD dances, I really do like the pom-pom one best. How does he come up w/ this stuff?
Pick: Philly
Wash @ Pitt-
Rookie Redhawk Roethlisberger.
Pick: Pittsburgh
New Orleans @ Atlanta-
Vick is unreal. Another 100-yard rushing day last week.
Pick: Atlanta
Miami @ San Fran-
At the beginning of the season, I named Wannstedt & Erickson as shoe-ins for getting fired. It’s only a matter of time Erickson. (Sorry, it’s one of the few things I was right about this year, I’ve got to build my confidence anyway I can.)
Pick: Miami
Buffalo @ Seattle-
Let's evaluate this based on their respective NBA teams. Seattle, is red-hot, shooting 3s all over the place. Buffalo used to have a team. They weren't very good. That's what my dad tells me.
Pick: Seattle
Oakland @ Denver-
Unbelievably, IF I would have started Kerry Collins at QB last week, I would have won. Who’d have thunk it? My 3-8 team is pretty deep I thought.
Pick: Denver
St Louis @ Green Bay-
Do you ever get the feeling that Martz is the absent-minded professor? Capable of sweeping Seattle, yet losing to Buffalo AND Miami?
Pick: Green Bay
Last Week: 8-8 (3-0 on my own, 5-8 w/ the George Costanza Theory)Season: 89-71Manwich Matchup: 4-7 (I picked the Bears over the Colts, thanks George.)Upset Special: 6-5 (In anti-upset, I picked Green Bay over Houston. Thanks George.)
Monday, November 22, 2004
Raising the Discourse
Well with the Republican victory, morality and justice immediately broke out all over the world. And by world I mean a six foot radius near a small town in Vermont. I would love to talk about sports this week and only sports. However the headlines and fines and fights preclude such a thing.
1. Maybe you've heard about a small fight breaking out at an NBA game in Detroit. (if such event was to happen lets be honest detroit in combination with Ron Artest was bound to do it). Ron Artest charged into the stands to combat a cup thrower. Other Pacers raced into the stands to save Artest and for a pound of flesh. Fans raced onto the court (Jermaine O'Neil knocked one of the fools out for such a stunt). Yes there's been a lot of hand ringing over this as well as there should be. But this has not been an isolated incident. In recent years there has been a growing trend of violence between fans and athletes (KC manager attacked in Chicago, Texas throwing chairs into the stands,etc, etc). But the NBA will not move its seats back (lose revenue, heavens to betsy no). The NBA will not restrict beer sales while it gets large endorsements. So the hammer was dropped on the players. David Stern playing the PR game showed the world that out of control athletes would be reigned in. Its not important if they are relative to fans (and in no way do I condone athletes attacking fans. violence is the last resort of the incompetent) but in a world where money talks, who do you think was going to get the brunt of the punishment well-paid athletes or the source of the league's money.
2. Well on the subject of hypocrisy the recent Monday Football's advertisement of Desperate Housewives foots the bill. Once again the usual suspect (Terrel Owens) was involved in the not as typical flash point. Terrel was involved in a scene where (gasp) you could see a woman's naked back. What will the children think? Sure they are exposed to brutal hits and sickening injuries. Sure they are flooded with advertisements for erectile disfunction drugs. But a naked back, well thats just over the line. Did ABC know it was coming? I don't know. In a climate where stations are now censoring "Saving Private Ryan" on Veterans day nobody knows whats in the bounds of "appropriate". But did ABC really think that the US has advanced enough that a naked white girl can jump into the arms of strong black man? It was a week before the event that Bob Jones University wrote Wubya a letter telling him to save this country from "paganism". I know Mike Holmgren worships Pan the Goat god and I've been known to leave libations to various stone idols but I don't think paganism is breaking out across the country. Apparently peace and tolerance aren't either.
3. Well thats a lot on the serious side, what have we learned about sports this week. The NFL is a two-tier league: contenders and the rest. New England, Pittsburgh, Indianopolis and Philadelphia are in a completely different class then any other team. These teams win and they will win in the playoffs. Everyone else, each week is a crap shoot. Somedays they show up and somedays they don't. Yes the Chargers, Broncos, Jets and the Falcons have great records. Yes they could even pull an upset in the playoffs. But is anyone convinced that Drew Brees will beat New Englands D when Oakland took them to the limit? Does anyone really think the Jets can contain half-Manning half-Amazing?
4. Seattle Supersonics are the Gonzaga of the league. They are dropping 3s and jump shots like browns receivers drop passes. Thats why they are winning. Can they keep hitting 60% of their 3s all season, probably not. Would I want to play them while they are hot, no.
5. Parting thoughts: Turkey, Stuffing and football are important parts of Thanksgiving. No thanksgiving is complete without these 3 things. Hats off to Orlando for their good start. They were a dark horse for a lot of writers but nobody thought Grant Hill would ever score over 30 points ever again. Can it continue is the million dollar question. OSU-Michigan was what rivalries are all about. No matter the record, the weather or the location; Its a tough game full of heros and goats. No exception this week. Bowl game I am looking foward to : Utah and whoever they play. Smaller tier schools gateway to the BCS has officially been opened (and if they win the door is wide open).
1. Maybe you've heard about a small fight breaking out at an NBA game in Detroit. (if such event was to happen lets be honest detroit in combination with Ron Artest was bound to do it). Ron Artest charged into the stands to combat a cup thrower. Other Pacers raced into the stands to save Artest and for a pound of flesh. Fans raced onto the court (Jermaine O'Neil knocked one of the fools out for such a stunt). Yes there's been a lot of hand ringing over this as well as there should be. But this has not been an isolated incident. In recent years there has been a growing trend of violence between fans and athletes (KC manager attacked in Chicago, Texas throwing chairs into the stands,etc, etc). But the NBA will not move its seats back (lose revenue, heavens to betsy no). The NBA will not restrict beer sales while it gets large endorsements. So the hammer was dropped on the players. David Stern playing the PR game showed the world that out of control athletes would be reigned in. Its not important if they are relative to fans (and in no way do I condone athletes attacking fans. violence is the last resort of the incompetent) but in a world where money talks, who do you think was going to get the brunt of the punishment well-paid athletes or the source of the league's money.
2. Well on the subject of hypocrisy the recent Monday Football's advertisement of Desperate Housewives foots the bill. Once again the usual suspect (Terrel Owens) was involved in the not as typical flash point. Terrel was involved in a scene where (gasp) you could see a woman's naked back. What will the children think? Sure they are exposed to brutal hits and sickening injuries. Sure they are flooded with advertisements for erectile disfunction drugs. But a naked back, well thats just over the line. Did ABC know it was coming? I don't know. In a climate where stations are now censoring "Saving Private Ryan" on Veterans day nobody knows whats in the bounds of "appropriate". But did ABC really think that the US has advanced enough that a naked white girl can jump into the arms of strong black man? It was a week before the event that Bob Jones University wrote Wubya a letter telling him to save this country from "paganism". I know Mike Holmgren worships Pan the Goat god and I've been known to leave libations to various stone idols but I don't think paganism is breaking out across the country. Apparently peace and tolerance aren't either.
3. Well thats a lot on the serious side, what have we learned about sports this week. The NFL is a two-tier league: contenders and the rest. New England, Pittsburgh, Indianopolis and Philadelphia are in a completely different class then any other team. These teams win and they will win in the playoffs. Everyone else, each week is a crap shoot. Somedays they show up and somedays they don't. Yes the Chargers, Broncos, Jets and the Falcons have great records. Yes they could even pull an upset in the playoffs. But is anyone convinced that Drew Brees will beat New Englands D when Oakland took them to the limit? Does anyone really think the Jets can contain half-Manning half-Amazing?
4. Seattle Supersonics are the Gonzaga of the league. They are dropping 3s and jump shots like browns receivers drop passes. Thats why they are winning. Can they keep hitting 60% of their 3s all season, probably not. Would I want to play them while they are hot, no.
5. Parting thoughts: Turkey, Stuffing and football are important parts of Thanksgiving. No thanksgiving is complete without these 3 things. Hats off to Orlando for their good start. They were a dark horse for a lot of writers but nobody thought Grant Hill would ever score over 30 points ever again. Can it continue is the million dollar question. OSU-Michigan was what rivalries are all about. No matter the record, the weather or the location; Its a tough game full of heros and goats. No exception this week. Bowl game I am looking foward to : Utah and whoever they play. Smaller tier schools gateway to the BCS has officially been opened (and if they win the door is wide open).
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Week 11- It Worked For George Costanza
Well, I’ve reached a new level of futility. In Week 8, I had my first every sub-.500 week. In Week 9, I completed a back-to-back “6-8” week, and had T-shirts & hats made up for all the fans. Last week, I was intent on picking enough upsets to buck the trend. For one fleeting moment last Sunday (Week 10)- I checked the scores and was in danger of missing EVERY game on Sunday. Atlanta sealed the deal, Baltimore won in OT, and I managed to get 2 games right. Then I missed all the 4PM games, and I ended with a whopping 4 games right out of 14.
I need a new theory to break the funk. So, in honor of George Costanza, I will pick the opposite of whatever I truly think this week. Yes, for every game.
Manwich Matchup of the Week-
Indy @ Chicago-
Does anyone else see startling comparisons between this Krenzel-led Bears team and the Buckeyes? Both really had no offense, both relied on defense & special teams to make plays and points, and Krenzel never really does anything well, but keeps on winning.
You know what though, no matter how good the Bears defense is, I can't see them scoring enough to stay w/ Indy.
Pick: Chicago
Upset of the Week-
Green Bay @ Houston-
I still don't trust GB. Seriously, their defense sucks, there's no way they can beat any of the AFC teams they are going to play. In addition, you would think Houston would start winning again, now that D.Davis is healthy again.
Pick: Green Bay
Arizona @ Carolina-
Do you realize the Cardinals are just 1 game under .500? And they almost beat the Falcons back in the beginning of the season. Coach Denny Green is the man.
Pick: Carolina
Dallas @ Baltimore-
What in the world happened to the Dallas D from last year? Where did it go? My conspiracy theory is that some of the players got sucked into the computer, in order to compete to the death, just like in the movie Tron.
Pick: Dallas
Denver @ New Orleans-
Well, New Orleans got another improbable victory, which means this week they are due for a loss. They are the most unpredictable team, going against the most unpredictable QB in Jake Plummer. It's either 4 TDs, 0 INTs, or 0 TDs, 4 INTs.
Pick: New Orleans
Detroit @ Minnesota-
Minnesota really is going to make their move. I swear. With 4 Fantasy RBs, they should be fine. Detroit can't even run the ball or score any points on offense anymore.
Pick: Detroit
NY Jets @ Cleveland-
So, the Browns upset pick failed last week. This week seems easier, facing a fading team, w/ a backup QB, and the Browns have been great at home. It's a good thing the George Costanza theory is working, because it seems too good to be true.
Pick: NY Jets
Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati-
I can't think of one reason for Cinci to win this game.
Pick: Cincinnati
San Fran @ Tampa Bay-
Tampa Bay is 3-6, which looks pretty good in the NFC. San Fran is 1-8, which doesn't look good anywhere.
Pick: San Fran
St. Louis @ Buffalo-
Now that the Rams have swept Seattle, they just have to win the games they are supposed to, and the division is theirs.
Pick: Buffalo
Tennessee @ Jacksonville-
Jacksonville almost lost last week w/o giving up an offensive touchdown. I totally jinxed Garradio into performing well last week.
Pick: Tennessee
Miami @ Seattle-
The first game w/o the moustache. I think I've been claiming that Seattle will be "enraged" about 4 times this season, and yet nothing happens. This time, I swear they're mad.
Pick: Miami
New England @ Kansas City-
Is KC's spirit broken yet? Man, they sure are star-crossed.
Pick: KC
STAYING THE COURSE- NO GEORGE THEORY HERE DOWN
San Diego @ Oakland-
Ok, this is one of 3 games I refuse to apply the "George Costanza" theory for. I'm sorry, the Chargers look fantastic.
Pick: San Diego
Atlanta @ NY Giants-
Eli Manning's first game. Won't be too pretty against that ferocious front 7 of the Falcons.
Pick: Atlanta
Washington @ Philly-
TO finds his way into trouble every week. Personally though, I think it was cool that a naked chick jumped into his arms as a promotion. Seriously, who's going to turn that down? Next time, ABC should make her wear a flesh-colored bikini, proving there really is no difference.
Pick: Philly
Last Week: 4-10
Season: 81-63
Manwich Matchup: 4-6 (Seattle failed me again.)
Upset Special: 5-5 (I lost on the Browns. That was pretty foolish.)
I need a new theory to break the funk. So, in honor of George Costanza, I will pick the opposite of whatever I truly think this week. Yes, for every game.
Manwich Matchup of the Week-
Indy @ Chicago-
Does anyone else see startling comparisons between this Krenzel-led Bears team and the Buckeyes? Both really had no offense, both relied on defense & special teams to make plays and points, and Krenzel never really does anything well, but keeps on winning.
You know what though, no matter how good the Bears defense is, I can't see them scoring enough to stay w/ Indy.
Pick: Chicago
Upset of the Week-
Green Bay @ Houston-
I still don't trust GB. Seriously, their defense sucks, there's no way they can beat any of the AFC teams they are going to play. In addition, you would think Houston would start winning again, now that D.Davis is healthy again.
Pick: Green Bay
Arizona @ Carolina-
Do you realize the Cardinals are just 1 game under .500? And they almost beat the Falcons back in the beginning of the season. Coach Denny Green is the man.
Pick: Carolina
Dallas @ Baltimore-
What in the world happened to the Dallas D from last year? Where did it go? My conspiracy theory is that some of the players got sucked into the computer, in order to compete to the death, just like in the movie Tron.
Pick: Dallas
Denver @ New Orleans-
Well, New Orleans got another improbable victory, which means this week they are due for a loss. They are the most unpredictable team, going against the most unpredictable QB in Jake Plummer. It's either 4 TDs, 0 INTs, or 0 TDs, 4 INTs.
Pick: New Orleans
Detroit @ Minnesota-
Minnesota really is going to make their move. I swear. With 4 Fantasy RBs, they should be fine. Detroit can't even run the ball or score any points on offense anymore.
Pick: Detroit
NY Jets @ Cleveland-
So, the Browns upset pick failed last week. This week seems easier, facing a fading team, w/ a backup QB, and the Browns have been great at home. It's a good thing the George Costanza theory is working, because it seems too good to be true.
Pick: NY Jets
Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati-
I can't think of one reason for Cinci to win this game.
Pick: Cincinnati
San Fran @ Tampa Bay-
Tampa Bay is 3-6, which looks pretty good in the NFC. San Fran is 1-8, which doesn't look good anywhere.
Pick: San Fran
St. Louis @ Buffalo-
Now that the Rams have swept Seattle, they just have to win the games they are supposed to, and the division is theirs.
Pick: Buffalo
Tennessee @ Jacksonville-
Jacksonville almost lost last week w/o giving up an offensive touchdown. I totally jinxed Garradio into performing well last week.
Pick: Tennessee
Miami @ Seattle-
The first game w/o the moustache. I think I've been claiming that Seattle will be "enraged" about 4 times this season, and yet nothing happens. This time, I swear they're mad.
Pick: Miami
New England @ Kansas City-
Is KC's spirit broken yet? Man, they sure are star-crossed.
Pick: KC
STAYING THE COURSE- NO GEORGE THEORY HERE DOWN
San Diego @ Oakland-
Ok, this is one of 3 games I refuse to apply the "George Costanza" theory for. I'm sorry, the Chargers look fantastic.
Pick: San Diego
Atlanta @ NY Giants-
Eli Manning's first game. Won't be too pretty against that ferocious front 7 of the Falcons.
Pick: Atlanta
Washington @ Philly-
TO finds his way into trouble every week. Personally though, I think it was cool that a naked chick jumped into his arms as a promotion. Seriously, who's going to turn that down? Next time, ABC should make her wear a flesh-colored bikini, proving there really is no difference.
Pick: Philly
Last Week: 4-10
Season: 81-63
Manwich Matchup: 4-6 (Seattle failed me again.)
Upset Special: 5-5 (I lost on the Browns. That was pretty foolish.)
Monday, November 15, 2004
An ode to Clint
So I was out with the people and one of my adoring fans wanted a change from the usual poker routine (thanks Seth..keep reaching for that rainbow). Never say that I am not a man of the people. So this week's theme is to the greatest western hero of all time: Clint Eastwood.
The Good:
Two words: Peyton frickin Manning. This guy is in zone. This week he threw for 5 touchdowns (this is the third time he did it this THIS SEASON). At this pace he will set the all time touchdown mark in a season surpassing Dan Marino. Heck at this rate he's going to pass Kareem Abdul-Jabbars mark of most points by a person in any sport. Peyton Manning is not only going to win the NFL MVP but also the Heisman Trophy (yes he's that good.)
The Bad
Have you ever had deja vu? Minnesota last year sprinted out of the gates with a 6-0 record before crashing into the ground and not making the playoffs. This year they galloped to a 5-1 record. After their searing loss to Green Bay they are back in second place and once again at risk of not making the playoffs. I'm not sure whats in the water up north (see Timberwolves for confirmation) but it causes an awful lot of choking. Have you ever had deja vu?
The Ugly
Speaking of the past, it feels like just last year that the Carolina Panthers were in the Super Bowl. That they came within a heartbeat of winning the Super Bowl. This week they struggled to barely beat the worst team in the league (read San Fran). Yes I know their top receiver and running back are out. But how does a team topple so fast?
The Crazy
I could have gone with Ron "I need time off to promote my rap album" Artest. But instead I'll settle on Maurice Clarrett. Let us assume for a second his charges that football players get special treatment in college (I know its a stretch). But you really think bad mouthing your former team is winning you brownie points with the good old boys of the NFL? I can just hear Clarrett losing money every time he opens his mouth. Whoever does that kids publicity better get a restraining order so that Maurice has to stay at least 50 feet from a microphone.
The Random
Dallas Mavericks are playing well. Guess they made the right choice on Nash. Its a long season (especially in the division of death) but I have a feeling Dallas is making the playoffs. Last week I said the Cavs needed to improve rebounding and sure enough Drew Gooden has been rattling off double doubles. If I say I need a new car, I wonder if next week magically I'll get one. I'm firmly going to state if anyone can go undefeated in the SEC they deserve to go the championship game. Possible bowl match-up that I think will be interesting: California v. Michigan in the Rose Bowl. I think we'll see how good the Pac-10 is. Happy trails to Omar...
The Good:
Two words: Peyton frickin Manning. This guy is in zone. This week he threw for 5 touchdowns (this is the third time he did it this THIS SEASON). At this pace he will set the all time touchdown mark in a season surpassing Dan Marino. Heck at this rate he's going to pass Kareem Abdul-Jabbars mark of most points by a person in any sport. Peyton Manning is not only going to win the NFL MVP but also the Heisman Trophy (yes he's that good.)
The Bad
Have you ever had deja vu? Minnesota last year sprinted out of the gates with a 6-0 record before crashing into the ground and not making the playoffs. This year they galloped to a 5-1 record. After their searing loss to Green Bay they are back in second place and once again at risk of not making the playoffs. I'm not sure whats in the water up north (see Timberwolves for confirmation) but it causes an awful lot of choking. Have you ever had deja vu?
The Ugly
Speaking of the past, it feels like just last year that the Carolina Panthers were in the Super Bowl. That they came within a heartbeat of winning the Super Bowl. This week they struggled to barely beat the worst team in the league (read San Fran). Yes I know their top receiver and running back are out. But how does a team topple so fast?
The Crazy
I could have gone with Ron "I need time off to promote my rap album" Artest. But instead I'll settle on Maurice Clarrett. Let us assume for a second his charges that football players get special treatment in college (I know its a stretch). But you really think bad mouthing your former team is winning you brownie points with the good old boys of the NFL? I can just hear Clarrett losing money every time he opens his mouth. Whoever does that kids publicity better get a restraining order so that Maurice has to stay at least 50 feet from a microphone.
The Random
Dallas Mavericks are playing well. Guess they made the right choice on Nash. Its a long season (especially in the division of death) but I have a feeling Dallas is making the playoffs. Last week I said the Cavs needed to improve rebounding and sure enough Drew Gooden has been rattling off double doubles. If I say I need a new car, I wonder if next week magically I'll get one. I'm firmly going to state if anyone can go undefeated in the SEC they deserve to go the championship game. Possible bowl match-up that I think will be interesting: California v. Michigan in the Rose Bowl. I think we'll see how good the Pac-10 is. Happy trails to Omar...
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Week 10- The Reign of the Moustache Ends
First off, yes, I posted another sub-500 week. I'm on a roll. The funniest thing was before the Sunday night game, I only had 4 games right out of 12. And that included my silly pick of Arizona over Miami. Wow. I stink.
Secondly, it's time to reflect on the end of the Moustache era in Miami. Yes, Dave Wannstedt "resigned." A sad day for Miami. They may get a head coach who can actually lead them out of the mess if given a good team like the one Wannstedt had. My only question is- who decided to hit the panic button and deal their top DE for an average WR named Marty Booker in August???
Alas, on to the games.
Manwich Matchup of the Week-
Seattle @ St. Louis-
I'm very curious as to how Seattle will react after blowing that 24 point lead last time with about 3 minutes to play.
I'm going with the revenge factor, and picking Seattle.
Pick: Seattle
Upset of the Week-
Pittsburgh @ Cleveland-
Yes, I've decided to just go crazy, and pick my own team. For some reason, the Browns play very inspired at home. This can be a let-down game right? And we have the revenge factor going after the Browns were trampled about 5 weeks ago.
Pick: Cleveland.
Tampa Bay @ Atlanta-
Brian Griese is playing much better than Vick. I just refuse to believe that. Now let me play more video games.
Pick: Atlanta
Houston @ Indy-
You know what? At this point, I mine as well just start picking Houston almost every week. I'm on the bandwagon, so why not?
Pick: Houston
Detroit @ Jacksonville-
The Lions are road warriors, and Leftwich is out. Granted, I'm sure some guy named Garrardio will come in and make me worried about this.
Pick: Detroit
KC @ New Orleans-
Yes, I think I've only picked one KC game right all year. I have no clue. And I have no clue about the Saints. I guess this is a week for KC to be desperate again. I mean, they are 3-5 now.
Pick: KC
Baltimore @ NY Jets-
And the Jets get exposed again.
Pick: Baltimore
Chicago @ Tennessee-
I wish I had something nice to say about these teams...
Craig Krenzel keeps winning in ugly ways?
Pick: Tennesee
Cincinnati @ Washington-
The Bengals are like the Browns- terrible on the road, great at home.
Pick: Washington
NY Giants @ Arizona-
I found out last week that Boomer Esiason threw for 527 yards when he was on the Cardinals- and Jim Fassel was on the coaching staff!
This random fact brought to you by the letter Q.
Pick: NY Giants
Minnesota @ Green Bay-
I don't care if Moss is there or not, as a matter of respect, the Vikings will get the job done. In fact, GB sucks at home this year. Maybe that's just because they suck in general, no matter though.
Pick: Minnesota
Carolina @ SF-
Oh boy. Battle of the 1-win teams. Get out the coin. The winner is...
Pick: SF
Buffalo @ NE-
IF McGahee does well, and Bledsoe puts on his dancing shoes then... NO way.
Pick: NE
Philly @ Dallas-
I can't stand sportswriters and their hype. Last year, the Tuna was the greatest coach of all time. This year, they say he's lost his touch and doesn't understand today's player.
But wait? He has a 44-year old QB! He and Tuna are pretty close in age? Right?
Pick: Philly
Last Week: 6-8
Season: 77-53
Manwich Matchup: 4-5 (The Colts got me a win for once.)
Upset Special: 5-4 (I lost on the Texans. Whenever I pick a team back-to-back weeks it just doesn't work.)
Secondly, it's time to reflect on the end of the Moustache era in Miami. Yes, Dave Wannstedt "resigned." A sad day for Miami. They may get a head coach who can actually lead them out of the mess if given a good team like the one Wannstedt had. My only question is- who decided to hit the panic button and deal their top DE for an average WR named Marty Booker in August???
Alas, on to the games.
Manwich Matchup of the Week-
Seattle @ St. Louis-
I'm very curious as to how Seattle will react after blowing that 24 point lead last time with about 3 minutes to play.
I'm going with the revenge factor, and picking Seattle.
Pick: Seattle
Upset of the Week-
Pittsburgh @ Cleveland-
Yes, I've decided to just go crazy, and pick my own team. For some reason, the Browns play very inspired at home. This can be a let-down game right? And we have the revenge factor going after the Browns were trampled about 5 weeks ago.
Pick: Cleveland.
Tampa Bay @ Atlanta-
Brian Griese is playing much better than Vick. I just refuse to believe that. Now let me play more video games.
Pick: Atlanta
Houston @ Indy-
You know what? At this point, I mine as well just start picking Houston almost every week. I'm on the bandwagon, so why not?
Pick: Houston
Detroit @ Jacksonville-
The Lions are road warriors, and Leftwich is out. Granted, I'm sure some guy named Garrardio will come in and make me worried about this.
Pick: Detroit
KC @ New Orleans-
Yes, I think I've only picked one KC game right all year. I have no clue. And I have no clue about the Saints. I guess this is a week for KC to be desperate again. I mean, they are 3-5 now.
Pick: KC
Baltimore @ NY Jets-
And the Jets get exposed again.
Pick: Baltimore
Chicago @ Tennessee-
I wish I had something nice to say about these teams...
Craig Krenzel keeps winning in ugly ways?
Pick: Tennesee
Cincinnati @ Washington-
The Bengals are like the Browns- terrible on the road, great at home.
Pick: Washington
NY Giants @ Arizona-
I found out last week that Boomer Esiason threw for 527 yards when he was on the Cardinals- and Jim Fassel was on the coaching staff!
This random fact brought to you by the letter Q.
Pick: NY Giants
Minnesota @ Green Bay-
I don't care if Moss is there or not, as a matter of respect, the Vikings will get the job done. In fact, GB sucks at home this year. Maybe that's just because they suck in general, no matter though.
Pick: Minnesota
Carolina @ SF-
Oh boy. Battle of the 1-win teams. Get out the coin. The winner is...
Pick: SF
Buffalo @ NE-
IF McGahee does well, and Bledsoe puts on his dancing shoes then... NO way.
Pick: NE
Philly @ Dallas-
I can't stand sportswriters and their hype. Last year, the Tuna was the greatest coach of all time. This year, they say he's lost his touch and doesn't understand today's player.
But wait? He has a 44-year old QB! He and Tuna are pretty close in age? Right?
Pick: Philly
Last Week: 6-8
Season: 77-53
Manwich Matchup: 4-5 (The Colts got me a win for once.)
Upset Special: 5-4 (I lost on the Texans. Whenever I pick a team back-to-back weeks it just doesn't work.)
Monday, November 08, 2004
Darkness Warshed over the Dude (and 5th Street)
For those of you who have seen the Big Lebowski there is a scene where the Dude is drugged and passes out. Darkness descends and when the Dude awakens you realize something bad had happened. This week that happened to my team. Yes, they were close but you could just feel impeding doom around the corner and when I awoke reality matched that pit in my stomach. Also the Browns lost. Is there any team that is so adapt at snatching defeat from the jaws of victory?
2. While on the down side, let us revist one of my Super Bowl picks, the Eagles. They were physically beaten up last week by the Steelers. I think by the end McNabb could be seen waving a white flag. This is not to say that the Eagles are doomed and won't make the playoffs or anything of that nature. But if they can not improve their run defense, they will not be the Champs.
3. Speaking of not being the Champs, I had high hopes for the Cavs this year. Not championship hopes but I thought the Cavs had an outside shot of being a top 3-4 team in the East. Yes, I know Paul Silas teams notoriously start off slow and yes they played 3 playoff teams so far. However I have noticed that they have been outmuscled and out-hustled on the boards. Their interior defense is terrible. If the Cavs can't find someone who knows how to box out (and please don't bring up Tractor Traylor) it could be a very disappointing season.
4. One of the more interesting experiments this year is: The Kobe Bryant experiment. Basically Kobe had removed the most dominating physical force in basketball (Shaq) and the best coaching mind of our era (Phil). Why? To test out a theory. Is Kobe good enough to lead a mediocore team to the promised land. Well Tracey McGrady experiment out in Orlando didn't work so well. So we'll see about this one. I'm willing to bet though that Dwayne Wade might be a tad happier about this experiment.
5. Random Thoughts:
-Dennis Green..miracle worker.
-Carolina Panthers...this year's New Orleans Saints (lots of talent but can't put it together)
-Craig Krenzel...Honorary Oakland Raider (just win baby)
-Miami Hurricanes....back to back losses to Clemson and UNC. Go figure
- Strange but True ....yes San Diego Super-Chargers are leading the league in scoring
- Who I like in Monday Night Football... Its not Al Michaels!
2. While on the down side, let us revist one of my Super Bowl picks, the Eagles. They were physically beaten up last week by the Steelers. I think by the end McNabb could be seen waving a white flag. This is not to say that the Eagles are doomed and won't make the playoffs or anything of that nature. But if they can not improve their run defense, they will not be the Champs.
3. Speaking of not being the Champs, I had high hopes for the Cavs this year. Not championship hopes but I thought the Cavs had an outside shot of being a top 3-4 team in the East. Yes, I know Paul Silas teams notoriously start off slow and yes they played 3 playoff teams so far. However I have noticed that they have been outmuscled and out-hustled on the boards. Their interior defense is terrible. If the Cavs can't find someone who knows how to box out (and please don't bring up Tractor Traylor) it could be a very disappointing season.
4. One of the more interesting experiments this year is: The Kobe Bryant experiment. Basically Kobe had removed the most dominating physical force in basketball (Shaq) and the best coaching mind of our era (Phil). Why? To test out a theory. Is Kobe good enough to lead a mediocore team to the promised land. Well Tracey McGrady experiment out in Orlando didn't work so well. So we'll see about this one. I'm willing to bet though that Dwayne Wade might be a tad happier about this experiment.
5. Random Thoughts:
-Dennis Green..miracle worker.
-Carolina Panthers...this year's New Orleans Saints (lots of talent but can't put it together)
-Craig Krenzel...Honorary Oakland Raider (just win baby)
-Miami Hurricanes....back to back losses to Clemson and UNC. Go figure
- Strange but True ....yes San Diego Super-Chargers are leading the league in scoring
- Who I like in Monday Night Football... Its not Al Michaels!
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
Week 9 - The Dark Dungeon of Sub-500 Predictions
Yes, the rumors are true. I went 6-8 last week. It's hard to do much worse. I'll try this week to top it somehow. I will refrain from political speak, though I will say it's been a long couple of days.
Manwich Matchup of the Week-
Minnesota @ Indy-
Wow! Now this will be a dazzling display full of fantasy performers determining everyone's fate. Not sure if Moss will be available. I think at this point, I'm going with the more desperate team. Either team could win this game though, but Indy will try real hard not to lose 3 straight. Right Peyton? Peyton???
Pick: Indy
Upset of the Week-
Houston @ Denver-
The Texans were about the only thing I picked right last week. Apparently, Denver's secondary is just terrible. Now, the Bengals and the Falcons have shredded them. I think Carr & Co. should be up to the challenge, and then I won't be able to go w/ the Texans as an upset pick any more.
Pick: Houston
NY Jets @ Buffalo-
The Jets are an absolutely terrible 1-loss team. Honestly, they don't do anything that well except beat up on bad teams.
Pick: Jets
Oakland @ Carolina-
Ughhh... how the mighty have fallen.
Pick: Carolina
Dallas @ Cincinnati-
Please mail in your suggestions on how these 2 teams are supposed to be. I have no idea which weeks they will decide to play.
Pick: Dallas
Washington @ Detroit-
This is a rematch of the 1991 NFC Championship game! Playing the role of Mark Rypien is... Mark Brunell! Playing the role of Barry Sanders is... Kevin Jones! Lion fans are still mad about the one time Barry was a game away... and nothing motivates a team like the fans hatred. Seriously. Word.
Pick: Detroit
Arizona @ Miami-
I have no idea how this shakes out. Both teams have great defenses and terrible offenses. At least the game is in Florida.
Pick: Arizona
Philadelphia @ Pittsburgh-
Yes, this could have also been the Manwich Matchup. Oh well. Redhawk Rookie Roethlisberger continues to dazzle. All I know is that Philly scraped by Cleveland & Baltimore. I flip the coin, and the winner is...
Pick: Pittsburgh
KC @ Tampa Bay-
OK, I got enough hate-mail from the Chief fans already. Yes, I gave up too quickly. Yes, the Broncos defense is just as bad the Chiefs. Ultimately, it won't matter, both teams are fatally flawed.
Pick: KC
Chicago @ NY Giants-
Congratulations to Craig Krenzel for winning a rematch of the Collegiate Championship... embarrassing Ken Dorsey once again. Eventually, Dorsey might get mad at this continual one-upmanship. He may challenge you to a game of Tiddly Winks.
Pick: NY Giants
New Orleans @ San Diego-
And in roll the Saints, Las Vegas' least favorite team since there has been no reason for any of their wins or losses these last 3 years. Let's hope for a shootout. I'm sticking to the Charger bandwagon.
Pick: San Diego
Seattle @ SF-
I know, Ken Dorsey, it hurts. One day, you'll regain your mojo. You may have to go to NFL Europe to find it though.
Pick: Seattle
New England @ St. Louis-
I'm applying a theory that works for any sport- when a dominant team (aka 1996 Bulls, 1999 Broncos, any Duke B-ball team) has a long winning streak snapped, it usually results in a 2 (yes, TWO) game losing streak. I have no idea why, but these are things I remember. Probably should devote more memory cells to people's birthdays and hobbies, but I've chosen my path.
Pick: St. Louis
Cleveland @ Baltimore-
This is a classic revenge game. I don't think the Ravens are going to be too pleased when they think back to the 20-3 spanking they received in week 1.
Pick: Baltimore
Last Week: 6-8
Season: 71-45
Manwich Matchup: 3-5 (So the Chiefs were hungrier than I thought)
Upset Special: 5-3 (Texans took down the high flying Jags. Let's hope they can get another one for me this week.)
Manwich Matchup of the Week-
Minnesota @ Indy-
Wow! Now this will be a dazzling display full of fantasy performers determining everyone's fate. Not sure if Moss will be available. I think at this point, I'm going with the more desperate team. Either team could win this game though, but Indy will try real hard not to lose 3 straight. Right Peyton? Peyton???
Pick: Indy
Upset of the Week-
Houston @ Denver-
The Texans were about the only thing I picked right last week. Apparently, Denver's secondary is just terrible. Now, the Bengals and the Falcons have shredded them. I think Carr & Co. should be up to the challenge, and then I won't be able to go w/ the Texans as an upset pick any more.
Pick: Houston
NY Jets @ Buffalo-
The Jets are an absolutely terrible 1-loss team. Honestly, they don't do anything that well except beat up on bad teams.
Pick: Jets
Oakland @ Carolina-
Ughhh... how the mighty have fallen.
Pick: Carolina
Dallas @ Cincinnati-
Please mail in your suggestions on how these 2 teams are supposed to be. I have no idea which weeks they will decide to play.
Pick: Dallas
Washington @ Detroit-
This is a rematch of the 1991 NFC Championship game! Playing the role of Mark Rypien is... Mark Brunell! Playing the role of Barry Sanders is... Kevin Jones! Lion fans are still mad about the one time Barry was a game away... and nothing motivates a team like the fans hatred. Seriously. Word.
Pick: Detroit
Arizona @ Miami-
I have no idea how this shakes out. Both teams have great defenses and terrible offenses. At least the game is in Florida.
Pick: Arizona
Philadelphia @ Pittsburgh-
Yes, this could have also been the Manwich Matchup. Oh well. Redhawk Rookie Roethlisberger continues to dazzle. All I know is that Philly scraped by Cleveland & Baltimore. I flip the coin, and the winner is...
Pick: Pittsburgh
KC @ Tampa Bay-
OK, I got enough hate-mail from the Chief fans already. Yes, I gave up too quickly. Yes, the Broncos defense is just as bad the Chiefs. Ultimately, it won't matter, both teams are fatally flawed.
Pick: KC
Chicago @ NY Giants-
Congratulations to Craig Krenzel for winning a rematch of the Collegiate Championship... embarrassing Ken Dorsey once again. Eventually, Dorsey might get mad at this continual one-upmanship. He may challenge you to a game of Tiddly Winks.
Pick: NY Giants
New Orleans @ San Diego-
And in roll the Saints, Las Vegas' least favorite team since there has been no reason for any of their wins or losses these last 3 years. Let's hope for a shootout. I'm sticking to the Charger bandwagon.
Pick: San Diego
Seattle @ SF-
I know, Ken Dorsey, it hurts. One day, you'll regain your mojo. You may have to go to NFL Europe to find it though.
Pick: Seattle
New England @ St. Louis-
I'm applying a theory that works for any sport- when a dominant team (aka 1996 Bulls, 1999 Broncos, any Duke B-ball team) has a long winning streak snapped, it usually results in a 2 (yes, TWO) game losing streak. I have no idea why, but these are things I remember. Probably should devote more memory cells to people's birthdays and hobbies, but I've chosen my path.
Pick: St. Louis
Cleveland @ Baltimore-
This is a classic revenge game. I don't think the Ravens are going to be too pleased when they think back to the 20-3 spanking they received in week 1.
Pick: Baltimore
Last Week: 6-8
Season: 71-45
Manwich Matchup: 3-5 (So the Chiefs were hungrier than I thought)
Upset Special: 5-3 (Texans took down the high flying Jags. Let's hope they can get another one for me this week.)
Sunday, October 31, 2004
5th Street: Monkey's Flipping Coins: Part Deux
You may wonder, its Sunday, why is the 5th street being published tonight? Well the answer is that this author is suffering from p.e.s.d. or as psychologists are begining to call it pre-election stress disorder. I can't take it anymore. As such the 5th street is undergoing a mandatory (and needed) media blackout for the next 24-36 hrs. This piece is going to short, quick and bam then itll be done.
The Flop
1. Well as my co-author correctly surmized: monkey's flinging poo would have a better chance at hitting the correct team then anyone I know. The NFL these days clearly standing for No Fucking Logic. Obviously the Giants after getting beaten like a rented mule by Detroit was going to stomp on Minnesota. Obviously Atlanta which lost by like 50 gagillion (which I believe is 46) last week would suddenly discover an offense and beat Denver. Buffalo which so far this year has amassed negative yardage would crush the rising Cardinals. None of this makes any bit of sense. I think the best thing you can do is grab hold of something and not make any predictions on the NFL. Instead we should try something safer like diffusing a bomb or having a long meaningful relationship with Brittney Spears.
2. The one constancy in the NFL left us this week. The Patroits and their 21 game winning streak got snapped by the Pittsburgh Steelers. Why? Well the obviously culprit is that Corey Dillon was missing. The second is Heinz Field's turf (why do I get the feeling that they just paint the dirt green there). New England also I don't think is team exactly built for the long come back. This team hadn't been behind in a game, since their streak started, by more than 7 points. It showed today when they became a one dimensional catch-up squad.
3. Who is the mid-term MVP? I have to give it to Ben Roethlisberger. Pittsburgh was going nowhere with Maddox (well maybe hanging with the Browns and Bengals in missing playoffs again land). All he does is win. For a rookie quarterback to be so accourate and so calm (even against the vaunted Patroits D) is amazing. The fact that Pittsburgh now controls its own playoff destiny is miraculous.
The Turn
4. I could use this place to say "I told you so" about the Boston Red Sox, but I won't. I don't think it was some genius move. In simple SAT analogy New York's payroll is to Boston's payroll as Boston's payroll is to the rest of the league's. The Red Sox and their supposed curse bought their way to a title. You don't add a Curt Schilling and say it was only team spirit that defeated the ghost of the Bambino. Yes hats off to boy genius Theo Epstein for finding the missing pieces to lead Boston to the promised land but let's be real when your payroll is over 100 million you have that kind of maneuvering space. And if anyone cries about Boston being broken up, remember whoever replaces the current squad - that squad will be filled with all-star players that Boston outbid to get.
5. The River (Random Thoughts)
Packers won on Halloween (superstition is running high) Houston had a big win today over Jacksonville but it may be a pyrrhic victory with the loss of David Carr (and yes I did use an SAT word). I think Steve Spurrior will be back at Florida in no time and I'm sure he'll run up the score against Vanderbilt in attempt to prove that he's a good coach (not that good Steve, I think the NFL proved that one). Miami, FSU and Florida all lost this week for the first time since 1978. I think the big man up top is punishing them for something. I think the NBA's division of death (better known as the Southwest) will be tough. But Dallas might keep its playoff hopes alive with the help of Dampier (aka finally a rebounder) , Marquis Daniels and Jason Terry (Steve Nash's replacement). I think this year's NBA final will be Detroit v. Minnesota (unless Sports Illustrated picks that and then I'll have to come up with something else)
The Flop
1. Well as my co-author correctly surmized: monkey's flinging poo would have a better chance at hitting the correct team then anyone I know. The NFL these days clearly standing for No Fucking Logic. Obviously the Giants after getting beaten like a rented mule by Detroit was going to stomp on Minnesota. Obviously Atlanta which lost by like 50 gagillion (which I believe is 46) last week would suddenly discover an offense and beat Denver. Buffalo which so far this year has amassed negative yardage would crush the rising Cardinals. None of this makes any bit of sense. I think the best thing you can do is grab hold of something and not make any predictions on the NFL. Instead we should try something safer like diffusing a bomb or having a long meaningful relationship with Brittney Spears.
2. The one constancy in the NFL left us this week. The Patroits and their 21 game winning streak got snapped by the Pittsburgh Steelers. Why? Well the obviously culprit is that Corey Dillon was missing. The second is Heinz Field's turf (why do I get the feeling that they just paint the dirt green there). New England also I don't think is team exactly built for the long come back. This team hadn't been behind in a game, since their streak started, by more than 7 points. It showed today when they became a one dimensional catch-up squad.
3. Who is the mid-term MVP? I have to give it to Ben Roethlisberger. Pittsburgh was going nowhere with Maddox (well maybe hanging with the Browns and Bengals in missing playoffs again land). All he does is win. For a rookie quarterback to be so accourate and so calm (even against the vaunted Patroits D) is amazing. The fact that Pittsburgh now controls its own playoff destiny is miraculous.
The Turn
4. I could use this place to say "I told you so" about the Boston Red Sox, but I won't. I don't think it was some genius move. In simple SAT analogy New York's payroll is to Boston's payroll as Boston's payroll is to the rest of the league's. The Red Sox and their supposed curse bought their way to a title. You don't add a Curt Schilling and say it was only team spirit that defeated the ghost of the Bambino. Yes hats off to boy genius Theo Epstein for finding the missing pieces to lead Boston to the promised land but let's be real when your payroll is over 100 million you have that kind of maneuvering space. And if anyone cries about Boston being broken up, remember whoever replaces the current squad - that squad will be filled with all-star players that Boston outbid to get.
5. The River (Random Thoughts)
Packers won on Halloween (superstition is running high) Houston had a big win today over Jacksonville but it may be a pyrrhic victory with the loss of David Carr (and yes I did use an SAT word). I think Steve Spurrior will be back at Florida in no time and I'm sure he'll run up the score against Vanderbilt in attempt to prove that he's a good coach (not that good Steve, I think the NFL proved that one). Miami, FSU and Florida all lost this week for the first time since 1978. I think the big man up top is punishing them for something. I think the NBA's division of death (better known as the Southwest) will be tough. But Dallas might keep its playoff hopes alive with the help of Dampier (aka finally a rebounder) , Marquis Daniels and Jason Terry (Steve Nash's replacement). I think this year's NBA final will be Detroit v. Minnesota (unless Sports Illustrated picks that and then I'll have to come up with something else)
Saturday, October 30, 2004
THE 1.21 Gigawatt NBA Preview
NBA Preview
As promised, here is a special NBA preview.
Here's how they stack up, the number next to the team represents their playoff seeding. NOTE: The NBA realigned, each division winner gets a top 3 seed automatically. This means that Indiana could easily be a #4 seed.
Eastern Conference - 5 good teams and a brown bag full of cow dung
Atlantic Division- Someone has to win the division apparently.
3 - New Jersey - this division is terrible. No matter who wins this division, they should likely lose in the first round.
5- Philadelphia - their best move was picking up coach O'Brien, who recently guided Boston to the Conference Finals. Their worst move - picking up Kevin Ollie for his THIRD stint with the team. The moustache returns to Philly! I'm sure they were dancing in the streets.
7- New York- they have Stephon Marbury, which is enough to get trampled in the 1st round of the playoffs in the East. They also added Jamal Crawford from the Bulls, Vin Baker from the '90s, and Lil Penny Hardaway still gets paid $15 million dollars to exercise his knees which have been reconstructed 4 times.
8- Toronto- I may be the only person that likes this team. If Vince Carter remains there, they still have Bosh, Jalen Rose, and they picked up a big rookie Araujo from BYU. NOTE: They would only win 15 games all year if they were in the West, but in the East, they can be the 8th seed.
Boston- Did I read that right? Tom Gugliotta is on their roster? Didn't he retire 6 years ago? I don't believe in Danny Ainge's plan at all right now.
Central Division- Detroit, Indiana, and Cleveland. No one said it'd be easy LeBron.
1- Detroit- Defending champs. And they have Darko, their emotional captain.
4- Indiana - They will have the 2nd best record, but will be stuck with the 4th seed. I love Jermaine O'Neal and their first 7 guys
6- Cleveland- That's right, Cleveland's going to the playoffs! Here's the starting lineup- Gooden, LeBron, Z, Luke Jackson, and McInnis. NOTE: I don't care who starts out of Jackson, McInnis, and E.Snow. They also have D.Wagner in a contract year to knock down 3s off the bench. They also brought back the Tractor Traylor for comedic relief
Milwaukee- I think they have M. Redd and TJ Ford. That's all I even care to know.
Chicago- I liked their draft picks. But seriously- how many times are they going to draft a SG in a PG's body? Crawford (traded to the Knicks), J. Williams (hurt on a motorcycle), and now B.Gordon(Uconn). They also have L.Deng(Duke) and Hinrich(Kansas). Yeah NCAA-all-star-team!
Southeast Division- Shaq and the 4 Munchkins.
2-Miami- Yes, Shaq is on Miami, with Wade and Eddie Jones. You know who will be huge for them? Udonis Haslem. 2nd-year PF from Florida. Shaq's PF always does fairly well.
Orlando- They got rid of T-Mac to get Steve Francis. Not a smart move. They did get Jameer Nelson from St. Joe's though.
Washington- This team is a re-creation of Golden State from 3 years ago. Jamison, Arenas, and Larry Hughes. If they would have brought Early Boykins, I would consider the playoffs.
Atlanta- These guys are terrible.
Charlotte- I don't mean the Hornets, I mean the Bobcats. These guys are worse.
Western Conference - 11 or 12 playoff contenders, of which 5 could win the Eastern Conf.
Northwest Divison- Garnett, Nene, and Boozer.
2- Minnesota-I only pray that Cassell & Spreewell last through the season.
4- Denver- What a team! Carmelo, Nene, Boykins, Andre Miller, Camby. You know what, let's add Kenyon Martin just to be safe! Wow! I love it! They only move one step closer to the 2007-2009 NBA Finals Showdowns between Cleveland and Denver.
8-Utah-Yes, they added Boozer and Memo from Detroit. Coach Sloan is their best asset, and he will get them to the playoffs once again.
Portland- I really don't care. Though it has been reported they have Stoudamire AND Van Exel AND New York high school PG project Telfair.
Seattle- These guys are terrible.
Pacific Division- Do you think Kobe ever sings the song "I think I'm alone now" ?
3- Sacramento- The Kings are always a good bet. Yes, they are getting older, but any team w/ Webber, and a regular season Stojakovic should do well.
6-Phoenix- This is my SURPRISE TEAM. They get 7 foot tall Amare for the whole year (he was injured for about 60 games last year). They added Steve Nash, and Richardson from the Clippers, who can flat-out score.
7-Lakers- How you like it now Kobe? All by yourself, struggling to make the playoffs?
Clippers- Rah rah rah... go Elton Brand.
Golden State- They let Brian Cardinal go to Memphis. These guys responded by saying, "Well, we can spend all of our money on our back up center, named... hey Joe, what's that guy's name? We can spend all of our money on Adonal Foyle." As one of the 24 fans of the NBA, I could not recall who Foyle was.
Southwest Division- All 2004 Playoff teams. Someone has to lose.
1- San Antonio- No one stops Tim Duncan.
5- Houston- They finally realized how much Steve Francis was hurtin the team and they went out and got... Tracy McGrady! And they have Yao! And Shaq left for the other conference! I say playoffs.
Memphis- I can't believe it. I think this team is really good, but I just don't see them getting into the playoffs right now. They would be able to make the 2nd round in the Eastern Conf.
Dallas- This is complicated. They lost PG Nash, are replacing him with Jason Terry (from Arizona & Atlanta), Devin Harris (rookie-Wisconsin) , and Marquis Daniels. I like M. Daniels as their PG. They got Dampier (from Golden State) to be their center, and they added Stackhouse for some '90s flair. I don't see them gelling in time for the playoffs. They would make the 2nd round in the Eastern Conf. Easily.
New Orleans HORNETS- These guys got the shaft. From being a top-5 seed in the East, they get thrown in a division full of playoff teams from last year. Sorry, but this is the ultimate proof of how much the East stinks, as these Hornets will get creamed all year.
So here's how the 1st round playoffs shake out:
1 Det over 8-Tor
4-Ind over 5-Phil
6-Clev over 3-NJ
2-Miami over 7-NY
1-SA over 8-Utah
4-Denver over 5-Houston (one word: NENE)
6-Phoe over 3-Sac (SURPRISE TEAM)
2-Minn over 7-Lakers
2nd round:
4-Ind over 1-Det (That's what we call revenge)
2-Miami over 6-Cleveland
1-SA over 4-Denver
2-Minn over 6-Phoe
The rest:
4-Ind over 2-Miami (O'Neal vs. O'Neal).
1-SA over 2-Minn
1-SA over 4-Ind
All-Goldberg Team
PF- Garnett, Minnesota
SF-James, Cleveland
C- Ming, Houston
SG-Stojacovic, Sacramento
PG-Wade, Miami
As promised, here is a special NBA preview.
Here's how they stack up, the number next to the team represents their playoff seeding. NOTE: The NBA realigned, each division winner gets a top 3 seed automatically. This means that Indiana could easily be a #4 seed.
Eastern Conference - 5 good teams and a brown bag full of cow dung
Atlantic Division- Someone has to win the division apparently.
3 - New Jersey - this division is terrible. No matter who wins this division, they should likely lose in the first round.
5- Philadelphia - their best move was picking up coach O'Brien, who recently guided Boston to the Conference Finals. Their worst move - picking up Kevin Ollie for his THIRD stint with the team. The moustache returns to Philly! I'm sure they were dancing in the streets.
7- New York- they have Stephon Marbury, which is enough to get trampled in the 1st round of the playoffs in the East. They also added Jamal Crawford from the Bulls, Vin Baker from the '90s, and Lil Penny Hardaway still gets paid $15 million dollars to exercise his knees which have been reconstructed 4 times.
8- Toronto- I may be the only person that likes this team. If Vince Carter remains there, they still have Bosh, Jalen Rose, and they picked up a big rookie Araujo from BYU. NOTE: They would only win 15 games all year if they were in the West, but in the East, they can be the 8th seed.
Boston- Did I read that right? Tom Gugliotta is on their roster? Didn't he retire 6 years ago? I don't believe in Danny Ainge's plan at all right now.
Central Division- Detroit, Indiana, and Cleveland. No one said it'd be easy LeBron.
1- Detroit- Defending champs. And they have Darko, their emotional captain.
4- Indiana - They will have the 2nd best record, but will be stuck with the 4th seed. I love Jermaine O'Neal and their first 7 guys
6- Cleveland- That's right, Cleveland's going to the playoffs! Here's the starting lineup- Gooden, LeBron, Z, Luke Jackson, and McInnis. NOTE: I don't care who starts out of Jackson, McInnis, and E.Snow. They also have D.Wagner in a contract year to knock down 3s off the bench. They also brought back the Tractor Traylor for comedic relief
Milwaukee- I think they have M. Redd and TJ Ford. That's all I even care to know.
Chicago- I liked their draft picks. But seriously- how many times are they going to draft a SG in a PG's body? Crawford (traded to the Knicks), J. Williams (hurt on a motorcycle), and now B.Gordon(Uconn). They also have L.Deng(Duke) and Hinrich(Kansas). Yeah NCAA-all-star-team!
Southeast Division- Shaq and the 4 Munchkins.
2-Miami- Yes, Shaq is on Miami, with Wade and Eddie Jones. You know who will be huge for them? Udonis Haslem. 2nd-year PF from Florida. Shaq's PF always does fairly well.
Orlando- They got rid of T-Mac to get Steve Francis. Not a smart move. They did get Jameer Nelson from St. Joe's though.
Washington- This team is a re-creation of Golden State from 3 years ago. Jamison, Arenas, and Larry Hughes. If they would have brought Early Boykins, I would consider the playoffs.
Atlanta- These guys are terrible.
Charlotte- I don't mean the Hornets, I mean the Bobcats. These guys are worse.
Western Conference - 11 or 12 playoff contenders, of which 5 could win the Eastern Conf.
Northwest Divison- Garnett, Nene, and Boozer.
2- Minnesota-I only pray that Cassell & Spreewell last through the season.
4- Denver- What a team! Carmelo, Nene, Boykins, Andre Miller, Camby. You know what, let's add Kenyon Martin just to be safe! Wow! I love it! They only move one step closer to the 2007-2009 NBA Finals Showdowns between Cleveland and Denver.
8-Utah-Yes, they added Boozer and Memo from Detroit. Coach Sloan is their best asset, and he will get them to the playoffs once again.
Portland- I really don't care. Though it has been reported they have Stoudamire AND Van Exel AND New York high school PG project Telfair.
Seattle- These guys are terrible.
Pacific Division- Do you think Kobe ever sings the song "I think I'm alone now" ?
3- Sacramento- The Kings are always a good bet. Yes, they are getting older, but any team w/ Webber, and a regular season Stojakovic should do well.
6-Phoenix- This is my SURPRISE TEAM. They get 7 foot tall Amare for the whole year (he was injured for about 60 games last year). They added Steve Nash, and Richardson from the Clippers, who can flat-out score.
7-Lakers- How you like it now Kobe? All by yourself, struggling to make the playoffs?
Clippers- Rah rah rah... go Elton Brand.
Golden State- They let Brian Cardinal go to Memphis. These guys responded by saying, "Well, we can spend all of our money on our back up center, named... hey Joe, what's that guy's name? We can spend all of our money on Adonal Foyle." As one of the 24 fans of the NBA, I could not recall who Foyle was.
Southwest Division- All 2004 Playoff teams. Someone has to lose.
1- San Antonio- No one stops Tim Duncan.
5- Houston- They finally realized how much Steve Francis was hurtin the team and they went out and got... Tracy McGrady! And they have Yao! And Shaq left for the other conference! I say playoffs.
Memphis- I can't believe it. I think this team is really good, but I just don't see them getting into the playoffs right now. They would be able to make the 2nd round in the Eastern Conf.
Dallas- This is complicated. They lost PG Nash, are replacing him with Jason Terry (from Arizona & Atlanta), Devin Harris (rookie-Wisconsin) , and Marquis Daniels. I like M. Daniels as their PG. They got Dampier (from Golden State) to be their center, and they added Stackhouse for some '90s flair. I don't see them gelling in time for the playoffs. They would make the 2nd round in the Eastern Conf. Easily.
New Orleans HORNETS- These guys got the shaft. From being a top-5 seed in the East, they get thrown in a division full of playoff teams from last year. Sorry, but this is the ultimate proof of how much the East stinks, as these Hornets will get creamed all year.
So here's how the 1st round playoffs shake out:
1 Det over 8-Tor
4-Ind over 5-Phil
6-Clev over 3-NJ
2-Miami over 7-NY
1-SA over 8-Utah
4-Denver over 5-Houston (one word: NENE)
6-Phoe over 3-Sac (SURPRISE TEAM)
2-Minn over 7-Lakers
2nd round:
4-Ind over 1-Det (That's what we call revenge)
2-Miami over 6-Cleveland
1-SA over 4-Denver
2-Minn over 6-Phoe
The rest:
4-Ind over 2-Miami (O'Neal vs. O'Neal).
1-SA over 2-Minn
1-SA over 4-Ind
All-Goldberg Team
PF- Garnett, Minnesota
SF-James, Cleveland
C- Ming, Houston
SG-Stojacovic, Sacramento
PG-Wade, Miami
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Week 8 - Monkeys Flipping Coins
That's right, a monkey flipping a coin could have fared better than my 7-7 week last week. The NFL is a completely unpredictable game, but that's why we watch the games. Let's give some shoutouts to last weeks performers:
Browns- hanging w/ the Eagles. If they would have beaten them, they may have lost out the season due to the hangover from the post-party.
Bengals- I still don't understand why Denver didn't even exert the effort of their pinky fingers. Look at how soft the Bengals secondary is!
Ok, game-time.
Manwich Matchup of the Week-
Indy @ KC-
What a difference a week makes. KC scored 56 points on a top defense (or at least they WERE a top defense) and Indy lost to Jacksonville. This is also a rematch of last year's playoff game, when the Chiefs defense had no idea how to stop the Colts. Plenty of emotion, but I've got to apply the rule that "IF you win by too much, THEN you are doomed in the next couple of weeks." The Chiefs will just get too comfortable, thinking they are back in it. Not yet.
Pick: Indy
Upset of the Week-
Jacksonville @ Houston-
Classic trap game for Jacksonville, perfect scheduling for Houston. Jacksonville just beat the Colts, the kind of victory that is top-billing on ESPN.com. Meanwhile, in the polluted city of Houston, Houston has had the bye week to completely dissect the Jaguars. I think people's heads will spin if Houston can pull this off. We could have an insane 3-way battle in the AFC South!
Pick: Houston
Arizona @ Buffalo-
The only sure thing is that Arizona has a good defense and that they play well at home. Their defense should have a field day on a Buffalo offense that just has no idea how to operate.
Pick: Arizona
Baltimore @ Philly-
Ok, ok, ok. So, Prime-time actually helped the Ravens win a game last week. That was the Bills though, and this is the Eagles. The "Jamal Lewis is missing theory" better pick me up a game this week. In addition, now that the Eagles actually had a close game, they will restart their usual smackdowns on opponents.
Pick: Philly
Cincinnati @ Tennesee-
I only have 1 theory for how the Bengals turned things around last week:
After the Browns thoroughly embarrassed the Bengals and Chad Johnson dropped 18 balls in Week 6, the locker room was just depressed. And then, Rudi Johnson got up, and sang to Chad Johnson, "You Gotta Have Heart... You Gotta have heart...[From "Damn Yankees"]
Then the march to mediocrity continued.
Pick: Cincinnati
Detroit @ Dallas-
The Lions are road warriors. I swear. Also, I sure am glad that Vinny Testaverde has returned to earth. It's probably due to the fact that everyone realized the Cowboys have zero running game.
Pick: Detroit
Green Bay @ Washington-
This may be the most important game on the schedule. If statistics never lie, then get this (as said by Cohen)- If Washington wins, the incumbent (Bush) wins. If Washington loses, the challenger (Kerry) wins. This is historically proven, amazingly.
Ahman Green, please hold on to that ball!
Pick: Kerry
NY Giants @ Minnesota-
This game concerns me, but I'm still going with the Vikings. Do you think the Vikings grow RBs in a petri dish? Whoever starts is a guaranteed fantasy stud.
Pick: Minnesota
Atlanta @ Denver-
Wow. Last week, these 2 division winners were playing losing teams with no heart. And both of these teams failed me by losing. Now, they get to see who can rebound fastest. Unfortunately, the Falcons don't have a passing game to take advantage of the suddenly ineffective Champ Bailey.
Pick: Denver
Carolina @ Seattle-
I seriously couldn't tell you the last time either of these teams met my expectations.
Pick: Seattle
New England @ Pittsburgh-
I met a girl last weekend who showed me a picture on her cell phone of her and Roethlisberger, taken 4 minutes earlier in the same hotel hallway that I was in. Yes, I was just a few minutes away from meeting the Rookie Redhawk Sensation.
Pick: New England
Oakland @ San Diego-
I'm starting to get the feeling that Coach Schottenheimer has abandoned his "conservative" play calling that he used on the '90s Chiefs and he has returned to his '80s Browns playbook. I'm also guessing, he no longer had a copy of it, but was thankful that the 1986 Browns (and their playbook) were available on Madden '05 this year.
Pick: San Diego
San Francisco @ Chicago-
Craig Krenzel finally got some playing time! Let's give him a standing ovation!
Too bad Ken Dorsey isn't playing. We could have had a rematch of the College Championship.
Pick: San Fran
Miami @ NY Jets-
The moustache vs. the gunslinger (Pennington). Gunslinger sounds more dangerous.
Pick: NY Jets
Last Week: 7-7
Season: 65-37
Manwich Matchup: 3-4 (I know, rooting for the Patriots is like rooting for the Yankees)
Upset Special: 4-3 (I told someone that if the Ravens D scored any touchdowns I was in big trouble. I hate you Deion. I hope they promote you to full time CB so Owens can burn you for 4 Touchdowns)
Browns- hanging w/ the Eagles. If they would have beaten them, they may have lost out the season due to the hangover from the post-party.
Bengals- I still don't understand why Denver didn't even exert the effort of their pinky fingers. Look at how soft the Bengals secondary is!
Ok, game-time.
Manwich Matchup of the Week-
Indy @ KC-
What a difference a week makes. KC scored 56 points on a top defense (or at least they WERE a top defense) and Indy lost to Jacksonville. This is also a rematch of last year's playoff game, when the Chiefs defense had no idea how to stop the Colts. Plenty of emotion, but I've got to apply the rule that "IF you win by too much, THEN you are doomed in the next couple of weeks." The Chiefs will just get too comfortable, thinking they are back in it. Not yet.
Pick: Indy
Upset of the Week-
Jacksonville @ Houston-
Classic trap game for Jacksonville, perfect scheduling for Houston. Jacksonville just beat the Colts, the kind of victory that is top-billing on ESPN.com. Meanwhile, in the polluted city of Houston, Houston has had the bye week to completely dissect the Jaguars. I think people's heads will spin if Houston can pull this off. We could have an insane 3-way battle in the AFC South!
Pick: Houston
Arizona @ Buffalo-
The only sure thing is that Arizona has a good defense and that they play well at home. Their defense should have a field day on a Buffalo offense that just has no idea how to operate.
Pick: Arizona
Baltimore @ Philly-
Ok, ok, ok. So, Prime-time actually helped the Ravens win a game last week. That was the Bills though, and this is the Eagles. The "Jamal Lewis is missing theory" better pick me up a game this week. In addition, now that the Eagles actually had a close game, they will restart their usual smackdowns on opponents.
Pick: Philly
Cincinnati @ Tennesee-
I only have 1 theory for how the Bengals turned things around last week:
After the Browns thoroughly embarrassed the Bengals and Chad Johnson dropped 18 balls in Week 6, the locker room was just depressed. And then, Rudi Johnson got up, and sang to Chad Johnson, "You Gotta Have Heart... You Gotta have heart...[From "Damn Yankees"]
Then the march to mediocrity continued.
Pick: Cincinnati
Detroit @ Dallas-
The Lions are road warriors. I swear. Also, I sure am glad that Vinny Testaverde has returned to earth. It's probably due to the fact that everyone realized the Cowboys have zero running game.
Pick: Detroit
Green Bay @ Washington-
This may be the most important game on the schedule. If statistics never lie, then get this (as said by Cohen)- If Washington wins, the incumbent (Bush) wins. If Washington loses, the challenger (Kerry) wins. This is historically proven, amazingly.
Ahman Green, please hold on to that ball!
Pick: Kerry
NY Giants @ Minnesota-
This game concerns me, but I'm still going with the Vikings. Do you think the Vikings grow RBs in a petri dish? Whoever starts is a guaranteed fantasy stud.
Pick: Minnesota
Atlanta @ Denver-
Wow. Last week, these 2 division winners were playing losing teams with no heart. And both of these teams failed me by losing. Now, they get to see who can rebound fastest. Unfortunately, the Falcons don't have a passing game to take advantage of the suddenly ineffective Champ Bailey.
Pick: Denver
Carolina @ Seattle-
I seriously couldn't tell you the last time either of these teams met my expectations.
Pick: Seattle
New England @ Pittsburgh-
I met a girl last weekend who showed me a picture on her cell phone of her and Roethlisberger, taken 4 minutes earlier in the same hotel hallway that I was in. Yes, I was just a few minutes away from meeting the Rookie Redhawk Sensation.
Pick: New England
Oakland @ San Diego-
I'm starting to get the feeling that Coach Schottenheimer has abandoned his "conservative" play calling that he used on the '90s Chiefs and he has returned to his '80s Browns playbook. I'm also guessing, he no longer had a copy of it, but was thankful that the 1986 Browns (and their playbook) were available on Madden '05 this year.
Pick: San Diego
San Francisco @ Chicago-
Craig Krenzel finally got some playing time! Let's give him a standing ovation!
Too bad Ken Dorsey isn't playing. We could have had a rematch of the College Championship.
Pick: San Fran
Miami @ NY Jets-
The moustache vs. the gunslinger (Pennington). Gunslinger sounds more dangerous.
Pick: NY Jets
Last Week: 7-7
Season: 65-37
Manwich Matchup: 3-4 (I know, rooting for the Patriots is like rooting for the Yankees)
Upset Special: 4-3 (I told someone that if the Ravens D scored any touchdowns I was in big trouble. I hate you Deion. I hope they promote you to full time CB so Owens can burn you for 4 Touchdowns)
Monday, October 25, 2004
5th Street: Politics and Prime Time
1. What is the most important football game of the year? The answer is of course next week's game Washington v. Green Bay. The simple fact is that the last Redskins game before the election determines the who will be the next president. Everytime (and I mean every) Washington has won, the incumbent has won. Every time Washington has lost, the challenger has won. The most famous instance was when Harry S. Truman himself returned a punt 67 yards for a touchdown, sealing Washington's victory over Dewey. This year (as in the regular election) the Supreme Court will be affecting the outcome. Antoine "Slingin" Scalia will be running the option play with Clarence Thomas while Green Bay's secondary will get a boost from Ruth "Iron Maiden" Ginsburg.
2. How are the Packers looking? Well they (along with Kansas City) starred this past weekend in Night of the Living Dead. You know the movie where the dead come back to life to terrorize the living. Yep two teams that looked like they were heading to the big Adios whooped up on their opponents. If Kansas City can score 8 rushing touchdowns (as they did against Atlanta) every game theyll be in good shape. If Green Bay can stop Slingin Scalia next week, they might make the playoffs yet.
3. I confess I suffer from philosophy (literally greek for love of wisdom). Over at ESPN they suffer from philodeon (greek for love of Deon Sanders). Deon's back and yes espn showed like 15 clips of him returning his INT for touchdown. Yes I know Deon's ego is so massive it has its own gravity and yes I know Deon (even at his peak) couldn't tackle an 85 year old woman propped up by her walker. But Deon with his touchdown moved into 2nd on the all-time INT for TD list so in honor of that say it with me "PRIME TIME, PRIME TIME"
4. Also in honor of Deon I will type the next segment Deon style (i.e wearing a purple suit and an over-sized fedora) Also I will only speak in 3rd person. What did Michael predict for MLB? Oh yes Boston over St.Louis. Was Michael worried when Boston was down 3-0. Michael was not. Was Michael worried when St.Louis was down 3-2 . Michael was not. That is because Michael is always right. Michael will guarentee Boston's World Series win. And you can print that
The River (Random Facts)
Self-Promotion of the Week: Oh Jacksonville wins another close game. Haven't I been saying this all season? Its about time the national gurus started paying attention to the HMS Leftwich. This QB and team are playoff bound I tell you.
Suprise of the Week: Arizona over Seattle. I was debating if this should be the choke of the week but I'll give Dennis Green the nod.
NBA prediction of the Week: Al Jefferson (Celtics) or Dwight Howard (Magic) will be rookie of the year. Tim Duncan will be the MVP.
Boring Game of the Week: Penn State losing 6-4. This is supposed to be football not tennis.
Deja Vu of the Week: A mobile quarterback marching his team against the Browns in OT to set up the winning field. I think I've seen this movie before. If history is any guide, McNabb, like Elway, will be crushed in his first Super Bowl appearance.
Question of the Week: Would you rather have Sean Salisbury, Joe Theisman or an Oompa Loompa announcing a game? I would prefer an Oompa Loompa because then you'd at least get a song.
2. How are the Packers looking? Well they (along with Kansas City) starred this past weekend in Night of the Living Dead. You know the movie where the dead come back to life to terrorize the living. Yep two teams that looked like they were heading to the big Adios whooped up on their opponents. If Kansas City can score 8 rushing touchdowns (as they did against Atlanta) every game theyll be in good shape. If Green Bay can stop Slingin Scalia next week, they might make the playoffs yet.
3. I confess I suffer from philosophy (literally greek for love of wisdom). Over at ESPN they suffer from philodeon (greek for love of Deon Sanders). Deon's back and yes espn showed like 15 clips of him returning his INT for touchdown. Yes I know Deon's ego is so massive it has its own gravity and yes I know Deon (even at his peak) couldn't tackle an 85 year old woman propped up by her walker. But Deon with his touchdown moved into 2nd on the all-time INT for TD list so in honor of that say it with me "PRIME TIME, PRIME TIME"
4. Also in honor of Deon I will type the next segment Deon style (i.e wearing a purple suit and an over-sized fedora) Also I will only speak in 3rd person. What did Michael predict for MLB? Oh yes Boston over St.Louis. Was Michael worried when Boston was down 3-0. Michael was not. Was Michael worried when St.Louis was down 3-2 . Michael was not. That is because Michael is always right. Michael will guarentee Boston's World Series win. And you can print that
The River (Random Facts)
Self-Promotion of the Week: Oh Jacksonville wins another close game. Haven't I been saying this all season? Its about time the national gurus started paying attention to the HMS Leftwich. This QB and team are playoff bound I tell you.
Suprise of the Week: Arizona over Seattle. I was debating if this should be the choke of the week but I'll give Dennis Green the nod.
NBA prediction of the Week: Al Jefferson (Celtics) or Dwight Howard (Magic) will be rookie of the year. Tim Duncan will be the MVP.
Boring Game of the Week: Penn State losing 6-4. This is supposed to be football not tennis.
Deja Vu of the Week: A mobile quarterback marching his team against the Browns in OT to set up the winning field. I think I've seen this movie before. If history is any guide, McNabb, like Elway, will be crushed in his first Super Bowl appearance.
Question of the Week: Would you rather have Sean Salisbury, Joe Theisman or an Oompa Loompa announcing a game? I would prefer an Oompa Loompa because then you'd at least get a song.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Week 7 - Blockbuster NFL trades!
Most NFL seasons go by without any trades at the deadline. This season was certainly an exception! 3 trades went down that actually affected fantasy football. The over-the-hill Jerry Rice went to Seattle for a conditional 7th-round pick. That's right, if Rice doesn't play well, then Seattle just gets him for free! I guess the rest of the league has an IQ above 60 and figured out Rice just isn't that good anymore.
The holdout WR McCardell got traded to the Chargers in a blockbuster- multiple pick deal. Good job Chargers on loading up for a stretch playoff run!
Finally, the Browns traded WR Quincy Morgan for Dallas WR Antonio Bryant. This is a classic, "we're disappointed with our guy, so let's swap dance partners and hope things turn out better."
Notice that all the trades were intra-conference, because that's the only way to make sure that your plays don't get used against yourself.
Enough banter, it's game-time.
Manwich Matchup of the Week-
NY Jets @ New England-
2 undefeated teams battling it out certainly qualifies under the "Manwich" category. The sad fact is, the Jets haven't been the most consistent team, barely scraping by against Buffalo and San Francisco. The Jets defense is suspect, and they better pray that playmaker Santana Moss is 100% this week to give them a chance.
NOTE: I really thought the Pats would lose last week, they were even on the cover of SI and it said "19-0." SI Cover Jinx where are you?
Pick: New England
Upset of the Week-
Buffalo @ Baltimore-
I think that the Bills have a good defense, and we all know that the Ravens offense is almost as anemic as a Zwick-led Buckeye offense. And Jamal Lewis isn't playing! I think the Bills could have what you call a "winning streak."
Pick: Buffalo
San Diego @ Carolina-
San Diego, Super-Chargers. They did play well last week against the Falcons, and I think I'm going to hop on the bandwagon. I'm not going to say playoffs, but these guys could finish right around .500
Pick- San Diego
Philadelphia @ Cleveland-
The Browns are undefeated at home, winless on the road. That analysis isn't going to help me... On a juicier note, a mad, deranged T.O. is facing off against mutant-looking Jeff Garcia. T.O. called Garcia gay during the summer. I don't think T.O. noticed that Garcia has been making out in public w/ that Playboy Playmate of the year. Details.
Pick: Philadelphia
Jacksonville @ Indy-
Do you think that during the bye week, Indy has a Madden tournament to see who can put up the most touchdowns with their video game versions of themselves?
Pick: Indy
Atlanta @ KC-
This is an interesting game. Ultimately though, this is a prime opportunity for Vick to get 100 yards rushing and add to his highlight show.
Pick: Atlanta
St. Louis @ Miami-
Even Brian Griese is good once he leaves the Dolphins! Take that Coach Wannstedt!
Pick: St. Louis
Tennessee @ Minnesota-
If you thought the Titans D-line looked bad in previous weeks, just wait until this matchup.
Pick: Minnesota
Detroit @ NY Giants-
Don't even get me started on the Lions stinking up the joint last week. I really want to pick the Lions, but until Kevin Jones gets healthy enough to be the feature back, it's going to be tough. AND Kurt Warner's sabbatical to the "Fortress of Solitude" during the bye week has strengthened his super powers.
Pick: NY Giants
Chicago @ Tampa Bay-
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Man versus Brian Griese. For fans who stick around after the game, the Senior NFL Flag Football League is showcasing Jim Harbaugh vs. Steve DeBerg.
Pick: Tampa Bay
Seattle @ Arizona-
Hasselbeck did shred the Pats for 350 yards last week. This time, Seattle needs to score touchdowns, not field goals.
Pick: Seattle
Dallas @ Green Bay-
This game is impossible to predict. 2 underachieving teams. It pains me to say it, but I guess I'll go w/ GB just because they have a running game.
Pick: Green Bay
New Orleans @ Oakland-
It would only be fitting if Kerry Collins hits 3 different receivers for TDs this week, now that Rice is gone.
Pick: New Orleans
Denver @ Cincinnati-
Cincinnati's first home Monday night game in almost 15 years. Too bad the pre-game will be more exciting than the actual game.
Pick: Denver
Last Week: 11-3
Season: 58-30
Manwich Matchup: 2-3 (if the Seahawks would have scored TDs, not FGs, it would have happened)
Upset Special: 4-2 (Houston Texans came through in the clutch, I sent D.Carr a fruit basket)
By the way- Cohen pointed out last week that Joe Theisman was at 61%. Well, I think I certainly stepped up to the plate last week (11-3). Let's just hope I can continue, because there's nothing more embarrassing than losing to Joe Theisman in picking NFL games (well, maybe Theisman beating me in Battleship or Connect-4).
The holdout WR McCardell got traded to the Chargers in a blockbuster- multiple pick deal. Good job Chargers on loading up for a stretch playoff run!
Finally, the Browns traded WR Quincy Morgan for Dallas WR Antonio Bryant. This is a classic, "we're disappointed with our guy, so let's swap dance partners and hope things turn out better."
Notice that all the trades were intra-conference, because that's the only way to make sure that your plays don't get used against yourself.
Enough banter, it's game-time.
Manwich Matchup of the Week-
NY Jets @ New England-
2 undefeated teams battling it out certainly qualifies under the "Manwich" category. The sad fact is, the Jets haven't been the most consistent team, barely scraping by against Buffalo and San Francisco. The Jets defense is suspect, and they better pray that playmaker Santana Moss is 100% this week to give them a chance.
NOTE: I really thought the Pats would lose last week, they were even on the cover of SI and it said "19-0." SI Cover Jinx where are you?
Pick: New England
Upset of the Week-
Buffalo @ Baltimore-
I think that the Bills have a good defense, and we all know that the Ravens offense is almost as anemic as a Zwick-led Buckeye offense. And Jamal Lewis isn't playing! I think the Bills could have what you call a "winning streak."
Pick: Buffalo
San Diego @ Carolina-
San Diego, Super-Chargers. They did play well last week against the Falcons, and I think I'm going to hop on the bandwagon. I'm not going to say playoffs, but these guys could finish right around .500
Pick- San Diego
Philadelphia @ Cleveland-
The Browns are undefeated at home, winless on the road. That analysis isn't going to help me... On a juicier note, a mad, deranged T.O. is facing off against mutant-looking Jeff Garcia. T.O. called Garcia gay during the summer. I don't think T.O. noticed that Garcia has been making out in public w/ that Playboy Playmate of the year. Details.
Pick: Philadelphia
Jacksonville @ Indy-
Do you think that during the bye week, Indy has a Madden tournament to see who can put up the most touchdowns with their video game versions of themselves?
Pick: Indy
Atlanta @ KC-
This is an interesting game. Ultimately though, this is a prime opportunity for Vick to get 100 yards rushing and add to his highlight show.
Pick: Atlanta
St. Louis @ Miami-
Even Brian Griese is good once he leaves the Dolphins! Take that Coach Wannstedt!
Pick: St. Louis
Tennessee @ Minnesota-
If you thought the Titans D-line looked bad in previous weeks, just wait until this matchup.
Pick: Minnesota
Detroit @ NY Giants-
Don't even get me started on the Lions stinking up the joint last week. I really want to pick the Lions, but until Kevin Jones gets healthy enough to be the feature back, it's going to be tough. AND Kurt Warner's sabbatical to the "Fortress of Solitude" during the bye week has strengthened his super powers.
Pick: NY Giants
Chicago @ Tampa Bay-
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Man versus Brian Griese. For fans who stick around after the game, the Senior NFL Flag Football League is showcasing Jim Harbaugh vs. Steve DeBerg.
Pick: Tampa Bay
Seattle @ Arizona-
Hasselbeck did shred the Pats for 350 yards last week. This time, Seattle needs to score touchdowns, not field goals.
Pick: Seattle
Dallas @ Green Bay-
This game is impossible to predict. 2 underachieving teams. It pains me to say it, but I guess I'll go w/ GB just because they have a running game.
Pick: Green Bay
New Orleans @ Oakland-
It would only be fitting if Kerry Collins hits 3 different receivers for TDs this week, now that Rice is gone.
Pick: New Orleans
Denver @ Cincinnati-
Cincinnati's first home Monday night game in almost 15 years. Too bad the pre-game will be more exciting than the actual game.
Pick: Denver
Last Week: 11-3
Season: 58-30
Manwich Matchup: 2-3 (if the Seahawks would have scored TDs, not FGs, it would have happened)
Upset Special: 4-2 (Houston Texans came through in the clutch, I sent D.Carr a fruit basket)
By the way- Cohen pointed out last week that Joe Theisman was at 61%. Well, I think I certainly stepped up to the plate last week (11-3). Let's just hope I can continue, because there's nothing more embarrassing than losing to Joe Theisman in picking NFL games (well, maybe Theisman beating me in Battleship or Connect-4).
Monday, October 18, 2004
5th Street Says Streaking is In
1. Well I have to write fast because there is a boston -new york game going but first a quick history note. The Puritans of the 17th century were a breed of people so conservative and uptight that even the British kicked them up (thats pretty bad). But a strange transformation happened to those Puritans when they hit plymouth rock. A new found respect for freedom, liberty but most especially streaking. Those pilgrims would run around naked all day (well sometimes they wear those funny hats). A little known fact was that the first Thanksgiving actually had a wet t-shirt contest. That spirit of streaking is still with New Englanders today. The Patroits have 18 in a row, no New England Democrat has won the White House in 44 years and the Red Sox haven't won a world series since money was invented (1918 to be exact). Which streak will be broken first? No idea
2. J-E-T-S. Yes thats the right , the other new york team is one of three teams currently undefeated in the NFL. Chad Pennington is completing a 110% of his passes (of course my math is a little shakey). Curtis Martin has found the fountain of youth and is running by, around and over players that were in diapers when he first began his career. On the other hand the Jets have beaten a who's who of crappy teams (Cinci, Buffalo, San Fran, etc.) But is anyone not fired up for their meeting with the Patroits next week?
3. Basketball, already? Yep midnight madness has come and gone and the ever exciting NBA exhibition season is upon us. The West is filled with more playoff caliber teams than Barry Bond's cupboard is with 'roids (just kidding barry don't sue me). The East on the other hand has 3 maybe four teams locked in (Detroit, Indiana, Miami and the Washington Generals... yeah the East is that bad). After that its a free for all for the bottom spots.
The Turn
4. What has happened to the Tennessee Titans? Once the bastion of that penciled in playoff pick. Well two things happened actually 1) Tyrone Calico got hurt which means the Titans are sans receivers outside of Derrick Mason and 2) The defensive line got decimated in the off-season and it just hasnt recovered. Teams are running the Titans D ragged and catch-up means McNair becomes a human pinata.
The River (Random Thoughts)
Watching a Browns Game is much like drinking an entire bottle of Tequilla. At first it might seem like a good idea but as time gets on you get more and more sick and by the end your not sure what your looking at. Don't look now but the Jaguars keep winning the close games (this year's Carolina?) Big Ben, formerly of Miami, keeps getting better and better. Sure its only been 4 games but guess what his record is. Now compare to Carson Palmers record. 'nuff said. Daunte Caulpepper is the League's MVP right now (3 games of 5 touchdowns) but Randy Moss and his hamstring better get healthy if they are to stop the Eagles juggernaught.
2. J-E-T-S. Yes thats the right , the other new york team is one of three teams currently undefeated in the NFL. Chad Pennington is completing a 110% of his passes (of course my math is a little shakey). Curtis Martin has found the fountain of youth and is running by, around and over players that were in diapers when he first began his career. On the other hand the Jets have beaten a who's who of crappy teams (Cinci, Buffalo, San Fran, etc.) But is anyone not fired up for their meeting with the Patroits next week?
3. Basketball, already? Yep midnight madness has come and gone and the ever exciting NBA exhibition season is upon us. The West is filled with more playoff caliber teams than Barry Bond's cupboard is with 'roids (just kidding barry don't sue me). The East on the other hand has 3 maybe four teams locked in (Detroit, Indiana, Miami and the Washington Generals... yeah the East is that bad). After that its a free for all for the bottom spots.
The Turn
4. What has happened to the Tennessee Titans? Once the bastion of that penciled in playoff pick. Well two things happened actually 1) Tyrone Calico got hurt which means the Titans are sans receivers outside of Derrick Mason and 2) The defensive line got decimated in the off-season and it just hasnt recovered. Teams are running the Titans D ragged and catch-up means McNair becomes a human pinata.
The River (Random Thoughts)
Watching a Browns Game is much like drinking an entire bottle of Tequilla. At first it might seem like a good idea but as time gets on you get more and more sick and by the end your not sure what your looking at. Don't look now but the Jaguars keep winning the close games (this year's Carolina?) Big Ben, formerly of Miami, keeps getting better and better. Sure its only been 4 games but guess what his record is. Now compare to Carson Palmers record. 'nuff said. Daunte Caulpepper is the League's MVP right now (3 games of 5 touchdowns) but Randy Moss and his hamstring better get healthy if they are to stop the Eagles juggernaught.
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
Week 6 - Return to Unpredictably
In Week 5, everything seemed very normal. I didn't even have to think twice about any of the games. I still only went 8-6. I think it's time for me to start being a little more crazy in the picks. One could also say that as the season progresses, and I lose track of more of these teams from not watching football, that could also lead to my poor picking. Oh well, let's try it out:
Manwich Matchup of the Week:
Seattle @ New England-
That's right, I still think this is the best game of the week, despite Seattle just collapsing last week against the Rams. The Patriots have a million positive things going for them- the best team, defending champs, a new stud RB, the longest winning streak of all time. What happens when you get them in a shootout though? The Pats probably win. BUT, I think the Seahawks will be steaming mad after last week's debacle, and that's enough for me to begin the point in the season when I start picking against the Patriots for almost no reason.
Pick: Seattle
Upset of the Week:
Houston @ Tennessee-
Everyone thinks Tennessee is fine just because they ripped up a pathetic Green Bay team. Will guess what? The Houston Texans don't quit! They forced OT against Minnesota! And don't even get me started about the other tough teams the Texans have played (San Diego & Detroit- SEE BELOW). The Texans are for real, and this game will put them on the map.
Pick: Houston
Miami @ Buffalo-
Tune in to this week's epic Toilet Bowl showdown! The battle of the only 2 winless teams! Miami K Olindo Mare got injured last week, and the Miami kick returner ended up kicking a field goal, an extra point, and a kickoff. He also tackled the returner! It's too bad this may be the highlight for the team for the season... since I think the Dolphins are using a 3rd-string QB, a 4th-string RB, a 5th-string RT, and a 6th-string waterboy.
Pick: Buffalo
San Diego @ Atlanta-
I almost made this the Manwich matchup of the week. You read that right. Vick, battling the team that traded him away, for other draft picks (Tomlinson & Brees) and a WR (T. Dwight). Fantastic storyline AND San Diego is actually good this year! San Diego already has 3 wins. I just don't think I have the balls to jump on the bandwagon this week, but if they win, I've got dibs on one of the seats next week.
Pick: Atlanta
Washington @ Chicago-
It's amazing how quickly the media can turn on Joe Gibbs when he only has 1 win.
Pick: Washington
Cincinnati @ Cleveland-
What are the odds of the Browns losing to (2) first-year starters in back-to-back weeks? I hope they are low.
Pick: Cleveland
Green Bay @ Detroit-
So, does everyone realize now, that if you Green Bay gets behind, they can't catch up? And does everyone realize that their defense is one of the worst? And does everyone realize that Ahman Green is intent on trying extra hard for yardage, so he fumbles at least once a game? Good, I'm glad we got that straight. AND- the Lions are for real.
Pick: Detroit
Kansas City @ Jacksonville-
Another great game. I'm not sure what to make of Jacksonville's D after getting shredded by San Diego last week. I think with 2 weeks to prepare, Vermeil should have his guys ready to begin a long road back to .500.
Pick: Kansas City
San Fran @ NY Jets-
I just don't believe in the 49ers. The Jets are barely winning, but in the words of Coach Edwards, "That's why you play the games! To win!" Thanks coach for clearing that up.
Pick: NY Jets
Carolina @ Philadelphia-
This Panther team really is the 1999 Atlanta Falcons, losing 1-2 players every week due to injury. This week, they welcome back RB S.Davis, after losing RB D. Foster for 6-10 weeks.
Pick: Philadelphia
Pittsburgh @ Dallas-
This is another game that is very interesting. Can the Rookie Redhawk Roethlisberger pull out 4 in a row???
Pick: Pittsburgh
Denver @ Oakland-
Am I the only one who really could care less about whether Jerry Rice gets a catch, whether he's benched, or whether he's traded? Seriously, Jerry Rice is like 42 years old and about 5 years past his prime. The coaches are right to bench the guy- that UNC point guard from '96 (R. Curry) is a lot better right now. Rice will still be the greatest WR of all time, but he's just too old right now.
Pick: Denver
Minnesota @ New Orleans-
It will be another exciting, high scoring shootout in a dome for the Vikings. This game will have high ratings Sunday night due to the large amount of fantasy players involved.
Pick: Minnesota
Tampa Bay @ St. Louis-
I bet ABC would love to get rid of this stinker of a game. At least Tampa won a game last week. Also, Coach Martz always makes the game close whether he has a big lead, or needs to make a big comeback.
Pick: St. Louis
Last Week: 8-6
Season: 47-27
Manwich Matchup: 2-3 (thank you Titans for spanking the Packers)
Upset Special: 3-2 (I guess doubling down on the Cardinals was a bad idea)
Manwich Matchup of the Week:
Seattle @ New England-
That's right, I still think this is the best game of the week, despite Seattle just collapsing last week against the Rams. The Patriots have a million positive things going for them- the best team, defending champs, a new stud RB, the longest winning streak of all time. What happens when you get them in a shootout though? The Pats probably win. BUT, I think the Seahawks will be steaming mad after last week's debacle, and that's enough for me to begin the point in the season when I start picking against the Patriots for almost no reason.
Pick: Seattle
Upset of the Week:
Houston @ Tennessee-
Everyone thinks Tennessee is fine just because they ripped up a pathetic Green Bay team. Will guess what? The Houston Texans don't quit! They forced OT against Minnesota! And don't even get me started about the other tough teams the Texans have played (San Diego & Detroit- SEE BELOW). The Texans are for real, and this game will put them on the map.
Pick: Houston
Miami @ Buffalo-
Tune in to this week's epic Toilet Bowl showdown! The battle of the only 2 winless teams! Miami K Olindo Mare got injured last week, and the Miami kick returner ended up kicking a field goal, an extra point, and a kickoff. He also tackled the returner! It's too bad this may be the highlight for the team for the season... since I think the Dolphins are using a 3rd-string QB, a 4th-string RB, a 5th-string RT, and a 6th-string waterboy.
Pick: Buffalo
San Diego @ Atlanta-
I almost made this the Manwich matchup of the week. You read that right. Vick, battling the team that traded him away, for other draft picks (Tomlinson & Brees) and a WR (T. Dwight). Fantastic storyline AND San Diego is actually good this year! San Diego already has 3 wins. I just don't think I have the balls to jump on the bandwagon this week, but if they win, I've got dibs on one of the seats next week.
Pick: Atlanta
Washington @ Chicago-
It's amazing how quickly the media can turn on Joe Gibbs when he only has 1 win.
Pick: Washington
Cincinnati @ Cleveland-
What are the odds of the Browns losing to (2) first-year starters in back-to-back weeks? I hope they are low.
Pick: Cleveland
Green Bay @ Detroit-
So, does everyone realize now, that if you Green Bay gets behind, they can't catch up? And does everyone realize that their defense is one of the worst? And does everyone realize that Ahman Green is intent on trying extra hard for yardage, so he fumbles at least once a game? Good, I'm glad we got that straight. AND- the Lions are for real.
Pick: Detroit
Kansas City @ Jacksonville-
Another great game. I'm not sure what to make of Jacksonville's D after getting shredded by San Diego last week. I think with 2 weeks to prepare, Vermeil should have his guys ready to begin a long road back to .500.
Pick: Kansas City
San Fran @ NY Jets-
I just don't believe in the 49ers. The Jets are barely winning, but in the words of Coach Edwards, "That's why you play the games! To win!" Thanks coach for clearing that up.
Pick: NY Jets
Carolina @ Philadelphia-
This Panther team really is the 1999 Atlanta Falcons, losing 1-2 players every week due to injury. This week, they welcome back RB S.Davis, after losing RB D. Foster for 6-10 weeks.
Pick: Philadelphia
Pittsburgh @ Dallas-
This is another game that is very interesting. Can the Rookie Redhawk Roethlisberger pull out 4 in a row???
Pick: Pittsburgh
Denver @ Oakland-
Am I the only one who really could care less about whether Jerry Rice gets a catch, whether he's benched, or whether he's traded? Seriously, Jerry Rice is like 42 years old and about 5 years past his prime. The coaches are right to bench the guy- that UNC point guard from '96 (R. Curry) is a lot better right now. Rice will still be the greatest WR of all time, but he's just too old right now.
Pick: Denver
Minnesota @ New Orleans-
It will be another exciting, high scoring shootout in a dome for the Vikings. This game will have high ratings Sunday night due to the large amount of fantasy players involved.
Pick: Minnesota
Tampa Bay @ St. Louis-
I bet ABC would love to get rid of this stinker of a game. At least Tampa won a game last week. Also, Coach Martz always makes the game close whether he has a big lead, or needs to make a big comeback.
Pick: St. Louis
Last Week: 8-6
Season: 47-27
Manwich Matchup: 2-3 (thank you Titans for spanking the Packers)
Upset Special: 3-2 (I guess doubling down on the Cardinals was a bad idea)
Monday, October 11, 2004
5th Street: Wild, Wacky Week especially out West
Well just when you think you have this league figured out, it throws you another a curveball. Case in point was out in the NFC West: the 2 best teams (Seattle v. St.Louis) and the 2 worst teams (San Fran v. Arizona) played. Both games a team had a huge lead. Both games incredible comebacks occurred. Now no one is really surprised if/when Arizona's defense collapses and they lose, but Seattle?!? The Seahawks had the number one rated defense going into the game. They hunted, sacked, hurried Bulger and forced three interceptions in the first half. At the end of the first half, Seattle was leading 24-7, Mike Holmgren was already diagramming plays for next weeks game against the Eagles and the Seattle fans were drinking coffee (well they always do that). But coaching genius Mike Martz (a man that admits fewer mistakes than George Bush) had Seattle just where he wanted him.
In the third quarter Martz used the Marshall Plan and scored three points, softening the Seattle D via repeated kidney punches and all Faulk all the time. In the fourth quarter and OT the Rams, despite a Seattle defense that blitzed cornerbacks, linebackers, and possibly a tank, outscored Seattle 23-3. How did this happen?
In the fourth:
9:26 Bulger finds Manumaleuna the Slender in the end zone. Holmgren responds by continuing to eat his celebratory bag of dorritos. No worries, yet. Seattle 27-17
11:30 Bulger throws a 44 yard bomb to Kevin "Who" Curtis. Holmgren responds by sticking pins in Marshall Faulk voo-doo doll. Mike Martz seen doing the running man. Seattle 27-24
12:30 Shaun Alexander hit by tranquilizer gun. Seattle forced to punt. Holmgren makes sacrifice to Pan, the god of Goats.
14:52 Marc Bulger, channeling St. Hannah (patron saint of comic book super-heroes), leads the Rams down the field with no time outs, setting up Jeff Wilkins who hits a game tying field goal. 27-27.
OT Rams win coin toss. Holmgren electrifies end zone in last ditch effort.
3:02 into OT Bulger hit a random fan ( Shaun McDonald) streaking down the sideline on a 52 yard pass play for a touchdown. Holmgren found in fetal position crying for Binkie his Teddy Bear. Rams win 33-27
2. Alright stand up if you predicted San Diego over Jacksonville, Detroit over Atlanta and New York over Dallas. Keep standing if you also predicted that Detroit, NY Jets and NY Giants would be a combined 11-2 and Tennessee, Green Bay and Kansas City would be a combined 4-10. If your still standing you will be committed to an insane asylum. Coaching matters (witness the Giants finding an offensive line and Detroit finding a clue) but so do injuries and the return of Chad Pennington and Jeremy Shockey can't be overlooked.
3. If there is one permanent fact in the NFL these days (besides Janet Jackson off the Christmas Card list) it is the New England Patroits. 19 straight wins. Cheers all around for Brady's razor sharp accuracy or the offense line that opens holes and gives the QB time. But as the Detroit Pistons showed in the NBA , great defenses, teamwork and turnovers go a long way. While this Cleveland native hates admitting it, Bill Bellichek always has his teams on all cylinders.
The Turn
4. Is there anything more fun (or common) in baseball then second guessing the manager? Was Johan Santanna pulled too early? Should Houston have left Roger Clemens in longer? Did Torre/Francona not use/use their closer/starter/porsche at the right time? Nonetheless if Boston is finally going to get over the CURSE it seems only fitting that they have to go through the Yankees.
The River (random thoughts)
5. If Chaos Theory is correct and the flapping of the butterflies wings in North Dakota produce a hurricane in Indonesia is it possible that by writing this article I am influencing the outcome of a sports game? Do you think the Browns regret not drafting Ben Roethlisberger now or will take a few more losses? After all that debate of taking Phillip Rivers or Eli Manning I find it ironic that its Big Ben playing. How bad is OSU playing, coach Jim Tressel has lost complete confidence in the power of his sweater-vests. Finally, how much more leeway does Joe Gibbs have before Daniel Snyder puts his foot in his mouth.
In the third quarter Martz used the Marshall Plan and scored three points, softening the Seattle D via repeated kidney punches and all Faulk all the time. In the fourth quarter and OT the Rams, despite a Seattle defense that blitzed cornerbacks, linebackers, and possibly a tank, outscored Seattle 23-3. How did this happen?
In the fourth:
9:26 Bulger finds Manumaleuna the Slender in the end zone. Holmgren responds by continuing to eat his celebratory bag of dorritos. No worries, yet. Seattle 27-17
11:30 Bulger throws a 44 yard bomb to Kevin "Who" Curtis. Holmgren responds by sticking pins in Marshall Faulk voo-doo doll. Mike Martz seen doing the running man. Seattle 27-24
12:30 Shaun Alexander hit by tranquilizer gun. Seattle forced to punt. Holmgren makes sacrifice to Pan, the god of Goats.
14:52 Marc Bulger, channeling St. Hannah (patron saint of comic book super-heroes), leads the Rams down the field with no time outs, setting up Jeff Wilkins who hits a game tying field goal. 27-27.
OT Rams win coin toss. Holmgren electrifies end zone in last ditch effort.
3:02 into OT Bulger hit a random fan ( Shaun McDonald) streaking down the sideline on a 52 yard pass play for a touchdown. Holmgren found in fetal position crying for Binkie his Teddy Bear. Rams win 33-27
2. Alright stand up if you predicted San Diego over Jacksonville, Detroit over Atlanta and New York over Dallas. Keep standing if you also predicted that Detroit, NY Jets and NY Giants would be a combined 11-2 and Tennessee, Green Bay and Kansas City would be a combined 4-10. If your still standing you will be committed to an insane asylum. Coaching matters (witness the Giants finding an offensive line and Detroit finding a clue) but so do injuries and the return of Chad Pennington and Jeremy Shockey can't be overlooked.
3. If there is one permanent fact in the NFL these days (besides Janet Jackson off the Christmas Card list) it is the New England Patroits. 19 straight wins. Cheers all around for Brady's razor sharp accuracy or the offense line that opens holes and gives the QB time. But as the Detroit Pistons showed in the NBA , great defenses, teamwork and turnovers go a long way. While this Cleveland native hates admitting it, Bill Bellichek always has his teams on all cylinders.
The Turn
4. Is there anything more fun (or common) in baseball then second guessing the manager? Was Johan Santanna pulled too early? Should Houston have left Roger Clemens in longer? Did Torre/Francona not use/use their closer/starter/porsche at the right time? Nonetheless if Boston is finally going to get over the CURSE it seems only fitting that they have to go through the Yankees.
The River (random thoughts)
5. If Chaos Theory is correct and the flapping of the butterflies wings in North Dakota produce a hurricane in Indonesia is it possible that by writing this article I am influencing the outcome of a sports game? Do you think the Browns regret not drafting Ben Roethlisberger now or will take a few more losses? After all that debate of taking Phillip Rivers or Eli Manning I find it ironic that its Big Ben playing. How bad is OSU playing, coach Jim Tressel has lost complete confidence in the power of his sweater-vests. Finally, how much more leeway does Joe Gibbs have before Daniel Snyder puts his foot in his mouth.
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Week 5 - Appealing, Delaying, & Repealing Appeals
Can anyone explain to me how Onterrio Smith wanted to "appeal" his drug suspension, then somehow "delayed" his appeal for over a month? But then he repealed his appeal and just accepted the punishment?!? It's all very convenient, as now Michael Bennett is ready to return, but then he injures his knee during practice. I didn't even think you could appeal a drug suspension in the NFL. This is the league that has had a "fashion police" to make sure that everyone's socks are right and that everyone's shirts are tucked in. Yet suddenly, Onterrio is the first one to just say "Hey, my team has a lot of injuries, so I'm just going to play for a few weeks first." I just have this image of Onterrio paying the "Piss Man" from ESPN's "Playmakers" to delay in reporting the results.
I'm glad that's off my chest. Here are the games-
Manwich-Sized Matchup
Tennessee @ Green Bay-
This is a strange game between 2 desperate teams. I'm looking at (2) 1-3 teams that have just been terrible. The Titans got edged out by the Jaguars and then got smacked around by the Chargers. Yes, the Chargers. The Packers started with a bang by beating Carolina, then proceeded to lose every game since showing that they are incapable of playing any run defense. The Titans can run the ball well, and I'm expecting Ahman Green to fumble a couple of more times, so I'm going with the Titans.
Pick: Tennessee
Upset of the Week
Arizona @ San Fran-
It still says that San Fran is a one-point favorite, so I'm going to cash in on the Cardinals for one more week while I still can.
Pick: Arizona
Detroit @ Atlanta-
This could actually be a good game. You gotta believe in Coach Mariucci... to keep it close. I can't even imagine how good the Falcons would be if they used WR Michael Jenkins. If anyone has ESPN football- The Videogame, you know that Jenkins is incredible.
Pick: Atlanta
NY Giants @ Dallas-
OK, Kurt Warner. You showed me that there was no Krypton in Green Bay. I still don't believe it though. The Packers defensive players, that Warner beat last week, wouldn't even compete w/ Dallas's local pee-wee defensive team.
Pick: Dallas
Minnesota @ Houston-
Houston has climbed back to 2-2. But stopping Minnesota is difficult, no matter whether Onterrio Smith, Moe Williams, or Marty McFly is in at running back.
Pick: Minnesota
Oakland @ Indy-
I wonder if Jerry Rice has any kids, because then we could have our first father-son combo on the field at the same time.
Pick: Indy
Miami @ New England-
The best news the Dolphins got this week is that Ricky Williams wants to play again, meaning they might be able to trade Ricky's rights for something. Too bad that doesn't help the Dolphins on the field, as they are already on a 4th string RB.
Pick: New England
Tampa Bay @ New Orleans-
Chris Simms is starting his first game. Phil Simms could broadcast this game. Father-son broadcast-player relationships don't work well. Just look at Bill Walton calling some Arizona basketall games w/ Luke Walton. Oh wait, that's just because Bill Walton is a poor broadcaster in general.
Top Bill Walton quote: "The team that can score the most points will win."
Pick: New Orleans
Cleveland @ Pittsburgh-
What were the odds that the Browns could get into 1st place by winning this game? This pains me to say it, it pains me to predict it, but I don't think the Browns have the Steelers playbook (unlike last week against Washington).
Pick: Pittsburgh
Buffalo @ NY Jets-
J-E-T-S! Jets! Jets! Jets!
Pick: NY Jets
Jacksonville @ San Diego-
I am refusing to believe in these Chargers. The Jag defense will put the clamps down.
Pick: Jacksonville
Carolina @ Denver-
I have no idea which Carolina team will show up. I don't think I've picked any of their games right so far.
Pick: Denver
St. Louis @ Seattle-
The only way this division gets interesting is if Coach Martz finds a way to win. Martz is just too illogical and crazy at this point to get it done.
Pick: Seattle
Baltimore @ Washington-
So, the Ravens had to lose a game w/o Deion. Had to give him some value. Meanwhile, Portis and the Redskins were complaining that the Browns "knew all the plays" last week. Doesn't that just mean they need to expand the playbook beyond on the 8 plays available in the 1991 version of Tecmo Bowl?
Pick: Baltimore
Last Week: 9-5
Season: 39-21
Manwich Matchup: 1-3 (damn the unpredictable Panthers)
Upset Special: 3-1 (thank you Cardinals)
I'm glad that's off my chest. Here are the games-
Manwich-Sized Matchup
Tennessee @ Green Bay-
This is a strange game between 2 desperate teams. I'm looking at (2) 1-3 teams that have just been terrible. The Titans got edged out by the Jaguars and then got smacked around by the Chargers. Yes, the Chargers. The Packers started with a bang by beating Carolina, then proceeded to lose every game since showing that they are incapable of playing any run defense. The Titans can run the ball well, and I'm expecting Ahman Green to fumble a couple of more times, so I'm going with the Titans.
Pick: Tennessee
Upset of the Week
Arizona @ San Fran-
It still says that San Fran is a one-point favorite, so I'm going to cash in on the Cardinals for one more week while I still can.
Pick: Arizona
Detroit @ Atlanta-
This could actually be a good game. You gotta believe in Coach Mariucci... to keep it close. I can't even imagine how good the Falcons would be if they used WR Michael Jenkins. If anyone has ESPN football- The Videogame, you know that Jenkins is incredible.
Pick: Atlanta
NY Giants @ Dallas-
OK, Kurt Warner. You showed me that there was no Krypton in Green Bay. I still don't believe it though. The Packers defensive players, that Warner beat last week, wouldn't even compete w/ Dallas's local pee-wee defensive team.
Pick: Dallas
Minnesota @ Houston-
Houston has climbed back to 2-2. But stopping Minnesota is difficult, no matter whether Onterrio Smith, Moe Williams, or Marty McFly is in at running back.
Pick: Minnesota
Oakland @ Indy-
I wonder if Jerry Rice has any kids, because then we could have our first father-son combo on the field at the same time.
Pick: Indy
Miami @ New England-
The best news the Dolphins got this week is that Ricky Williams wants to play again, meaning they might be able to trade Ricky's rights for something. Too bad that doesn't help the Dolphins on the field, as they are already on a 4th string RB.
Pick: New England
Tampa Bay @ New Orleans-
Chris Simms is starting his first game. Phil Simms could broadcast this game. Father-son broadcast-player relationships don't work well. Just look at Bill Walton calling some Arizona basketall games w/ Luke Walton. Oh wait, that's just because Bill Walton is a poor broadcaster in general.
Top Bill Walton quote: "The team that can score the most points will win."
Pick: New Orleans
Cleveland @ Pittsburgh-
What were the odds that the Browns could get into 1st place by winning this game? This pains me to say it, it pains me to predict it, but I don't think the Browns have the Steelers playbook (unlike last week against Washington).
Pick: Pittsburgh
Buffalo @ NY Jets-
J-E-T-S! Jets! Jets! Jets!
Pick: NY Jets
Jacksonville @ San Diego-
I am refusing to believe in these Chargers. The Jag defense will put the clamps down.
Pick: Jacksonville
Carolina @ Denver-
I have no idea which Carolina team will show up. I don't think I've picked any of their games right so far.
Pick: Denver
St. Louis @ Seattle-
The only way this division gets interesting is if Coach Martz finds a way to win. Martz is just too illogical and crazy at this point to get it done.
Pick: Seattle
Baltimore @ Washington-
So, the Ravens had to lose a game w/o Deion. Had to give him some value. Meanwhile, Portis and the Redskins were complaining that the Browns "knew all the plays" last week. Doesn't that just mean they need to expand the playbook beyond on the 8 plays available in the 1991 version of Tecmo Bowl?
Pick: Baltimore
Last Week: 9-5
Season: 39-21
Manwich Matchup: 1-3 (damn the unpredictable Panthers)
Upset Special: 3-1 (thank you Cardinals)
Monday, October 04, 2004
Flying High on the 5th Street
Well with week 4 of the NFL is in the books and major league baseball playoffs nearly upon us the sports world is heating up. So without further ado, a few thoughts and observations, courtesy of the 5th street.
The Flop
1. The Eagles are definitly flying high. They have cruised to a 4-0 record this year and have already bested one of the top NFC contenders (Minnesota). What is the secret of their success? It is not the addition of Terrell Owens. Its certainly not Andy Reid's impersonation of Humpty Dumpty. The answer is Rush Limbaugh. It seems like it was only last year when ESPN made one of the biggest blunders in TV history by hiring the Rushbo. If you are what you eat, Rush obviously has devoured a fat racist. Since his criticism of McNabb being overrated, the Eagles are 17-3. McNabb is currently playing his best football of his career while Rush is still working on sit-up number 1. If only Rush would criticize the Browns, perhaps then they could start winning as well.
2. Is there any team more disappointing than the Chiefs? If they lose tonight, no. But a close contender are the Packers. Formerly as constant as the Northern Star, the Packers have fallen flat on their face. Since beating the Colts, the Packers have been unable to do anything right. Ahman "Butters" Green couldn't hold onto the ball if he was covered in glue. The Packer's defense puts up slightly less resistance than a kleenex after the proverbial snot party (one might ask do people really have snot parties and I answer obviously you have never been to any of my family functions). Mike Tice, now armed with the heimlich manuever, should keep the Vikings from choking and on top of the NFC North.
3. While on the subject of disappointing...how about them Cubbies? Now you may say Philadelphia was equally disappointing but you would be completely wrong. Philadelphia did improve their team but forgot to ditch manager Larry Bowa. Bowa couldn't lead his team to a victory at tic-tac-toe over a two year old. The Cubbies, despite being healthy executed a perfect swan dive by losing 7 of their last 10 games. A tough day for Chicago.
The Turn
4. While on the subject of baseball, can anyone really pick out the favorite for the baseball playoffs? In the AL nearly every team has two solid starters, a good closer and a powerful lineup. The exception is of course the Yankees (sans starting pinching) but can anyone ever count out the team that Ruth built and Steinbreinner bought out? Out on the NL side, no team is complete with starting pitching a glaring hole. If I was a betting man, I would state that the Florida Marlins will not repeat as World Series champions and by the fact that they did not make the playoffs, leaves me to believe if its a fairly safe bet.
The River (or random thoughts)
5. Cheers all around for Kurt Warner. The former MVP was pretty much dumped like a JLo husband. However he has bounced back, won the starting qb job and led the Giants to a startling 3-1 record. Also cheers all around for Dennis Green. Football's doormat (the Arizona Cardinals) have played every team tough so far this year and it paid off Sunday with Arizona's first victory. Here in Columbus political signs seem to be being stolen left and right off lawns. Ah democracy truly brings out the best in people. Finally the 5th street is all aboard the Kyle Orton for Heisman trophy train. Damn is he good.
The Flop
1. The Eagles are definitly flying high. They have cruised to a 4-0 record this year and have already bested one of the top NFC contenders (Minnesota). What is the secret of their success? It is not the addition of Terrell Owens. Its certainly not Andy Reid's impersonation of Humpty Dumpty. The answer is Rush Limbaugh. It seems like it was only last year when ESPN made one of the biggest blunders in TV history by hiring the Rushbo. If you are what you eat, Rush obviously has devoured a fat racist. Since his criticism of McNabb being overrated, the Eagles are 17-3. McNabb is currently playing his best football of his career while Rush is still working on sit-up number 1. If only Rush would criticize the Browns, perhaps then they could start winning as well.
2. Is there any team more disappointing than the Chiefs? If they lose tonight, no. But a close contender are the Packers. Formerly as constant as the Northern Star, the Packers have fallen flat on their face. Since beating the Colts, the Packers have been unable to do anything right. Ahman "Butters" Green couldn't hold onto the ball if he was covered in glue. The Packer's defense puts up slightly less resistance than a kleenex after the proverbial snot party (one might ask do people really have snot parties and I answer obviously you have never been to any of my family functions). Mike Tice, now armed with the heimlich manuever, should keep the Vikings from choking and on top of the NFC North.
3. While on the subject of disappointing...how about them Cubbies? Now you may say Philadelphia was equally disappointing but you would be completely wrong. Philadelphia did improve their team but forgot to ditch manager Larry Bowa. Bowa couldn't lead his team to a victory at tic-tac-toe over a two year old. The Cubbies, despite being healthy executed a perfect swan dive by losing 7 of their last 10 games. A tough day for Chicago.
The Turn
4. While on the subject of baseball, can anyone really pick out the favorite for the baseball playoffs? In the AL nearly every team has two solid starters, a good closer and a powerful lineup. The exception is of course the Yankees (sans starting pinching) but can anyone ever count out the team that Ruth built and Steinbreinner bought out? Out on the NL side, no team is complete with starting pitching a glaring hole. If I was a betting man, I would state that the Florida Marlins will not repeat as World Series champions and by the fact that they did not make the playoffs, leaves me to believe if its a fairly safe bet.
The River (or random thoughts)
5. Cheers all around for Kurt Warner. The former MVP was pretty much dumped like a JLo husband. However he has bounced back, won the starting qb job and led the Giants to a startling 3-1 record. Also cheers all around for Dennis Green. Football's doormat (the Arizona Cardinals) have played every team tough so far this year and it paid off Sunday with Arizona's first victory. Here in Columbus political signs seem to be being stolen left and right off lawns. Ah democracy truly brings out the best in people. Finally the 5th street is all aboard the Kyle Orton for Heisman trophy train. Damn is he good.
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Week 4 - The Road Team Always Wins
Last week, 7 road teams won out of the 14 games played. This week, it's extremely likely (or at least I think it is likely) that 8 road teams could win, and I even have Arizona winning at home. Whatever happened to home field advantage? Are there just not enough crazies out there like in Cleveland and Oakland to make a home field advantage? Not really sure. And yes, I realize it's hard to have a home field advantage in Cleveland this year with 1 out of every 3 players injured each week.
On to the games...
Manwich-sized Matchup:
Atlanta @ Carolina-
The Falcons are undefeated, but they've only faced San Fran, St. Louis, and Arizona. For those who are slow let me summarize--- the Falcons have yet to venture outside of the pathetic NFC West, and this is certainly their first test. The Falcon defense has looked incredible, but I'm curious to see what happens against Delhomme and Foster. Once again, I have to go with the home team, which is now 3-0 in the Manwich-Sized Matchup.
Pick: Carolina
Upset of the Week:
New Orleans @ Arizona-
Most people would pick Arizona to go 0-16. But I saw a lot of positives in their 6-3 loss to the Falcons last week. Their defense is actually above average. The Saints defense is a lot worse than the Falcons, so I'm sure Arizona can score more than 3 points. In addition, the game is in Arizona where it is really hot, and this reminds me of how Arizona shocked Green Bay at home last year on an unseasonably warm day.
Pick: Arizona
New England @ Buffalo-
Both of these teams are coming off of byes. Give Belichick 2 weeks to disect your team and you can ensure a big fat "L."
Pick: New England
Oakland @ Houston-
Well, my 2004 Sleeper Team, the Houston Texans finally won a game. This will be yet another shootout. Let's just go with the home team.
Pick: Houston
Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh-
I think it's becoming pretty aparent that Bengals coach Marvin Lewis didn't actually COACH the 2000 Baltimore Ravens defense; he just inherited some fantastic defensive talent. We've all played Madden. Those guys had incredible rankings! When Lewis went to the Redskins for one year under Spurrier (everyone forgets this even happened) the Redskins defense stunk. Just like the Bengals. I'm noticing a trend here. Maybe Lewis should trade for GM Ozzie Newsome.
Pick: Pittsburgh
Indy @ Jacksonville-
This should be a great game- on paper. A stout defense against the best offense in the league. Peyton Manning threw for 320 yards and 5 touchdowns in the 1st half last week. The other side of the ball is a problem. Even if the Jags play good defense and get lucky like the Pats did in Week 1, there's no way the Jags are scoring over 24 points to win the game.
Pick: Indy
NY Giants @ Green Bay-
Point: Kurt Warner has regained his Superman powers! All the pollution in St. Louis resulted in increased amounts of Kryptonite in the water and Warner became useless. The change of scenery has been great for his thumb, his x-ray vision, and his speed (he ran for a TD last week).
Counterpoint: Warner was playing against the Browns last week and their backup CBs.
Pick: Green Bay
Philadelphia @ Chicago-
Did you know that THE Ohio State University Alumnus Craig Krenzel was only one more injury away from seeing action last Sunday?
Pick: Philadelphia
Washington @ Cleveland-
During the day off on Monday, 2 Browns pulled their groins while raking the leaves during filming of a United Way commerical. They gave it all for their communities.
Pick: Washington
Denver @ Tampa Bay-
Wow. I was really wrong about Tampa Bay finding a way to win last week. Oh well.
Pick: Denver
NY Jets @ Miami-
A great rivalry game, where anyone can win. Unless you have a coach w/ a really large moustache that screams, "Call me Magnum, PI."
Pick: NY Jets
Tennessee @ San Diego-
Can someone please tell Steve McNair that if he spends 2 nights in the hospital he doesn't have to play that week against the lowly Chargers? I think he's proven his toughness too many times already. And they said Brett Favre was hooked on painkillers 6 years ago, I can't even imagine what McNair is on. ("Alex, I'll take 'Mr. Ed's' Favorite Painkillers for $2000...")
Pick: Tennessee
St. Louis @ San Fran
San Fran continues the march to 2-14.
Pick: St. Louis
KC @ Baltimore
Did you know:
Ravens are: 0-1 -When Deion plays an entire game
Ravens are: 2-0 - When Deion gets injured and is not available for the entire game.
Deion "Past his Prime Time" Sanders should get the point- the Ravens are better off without him.
Pick: Baltimore
NOTE: To answer a popular question, in all games, I'm only picking the winner. I don't deal w/ the spread.
Last Week: 8-6
Season: 30-16
Manwich Matchup: 1-2 (thank you Colts)
Upset Special: 2-1 (damn Tampa Bay; I'll never trust them again)
On to the games...
Manwich-sized Matchup:
Atlanta @ Carolina-
The Falcons are undefeated, but they've only faced San Fran, St. Louis, and Arizona. For those who are slow let me summarize--- the Falcons have yet to venture outside of the pathetic NFC West, and this is certainly their first test. The Falcon defense has looked incredible, but I'm curious to see what happens against Delhomme and Foster. Once again, I have to go with the home team, which is now 3-0 in the Manwich-Sized Matchup.
Pick: Carolina
Upset of the Week:
New Orleans @ Arizona-
Most people would pick Arizona to go 0-16. But I saw a lot of positives in their 6-3 loss to the Falcons last week. Their defense is actually above average. The Saints defense is a lot worse than the Falcons, so I'm sure Arizona can score more than 3 points. In addition, the game is in Arizona where it is really hot, and this reminds me of how Arizona shocked Green Bay at home last year on an unseasonably warm day.
Pick: Arizona
New England @ Buffalo-
Both of these teams are coming off of byes. Give Belichick 2 weeks to disect your team and you can ensure a big fat "L."
Pick: New England
Oakland @ Houston-
Well, my 2004 Sleeper Team, the Houston Texans finally won a game. This will be yet another shootout. Let's just go with the home team.
Pick: Houston
Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh-
I think it's becoming pretty aparent that Bengals coach Marvin Lewis didn't actually COACH the 2000 Baltimore Ravens defense; he just inherited some fantastic defensive talent. We've all played Madden. Those guys had incredible rankings! When Lewis went to the Redskins for one year under Spurrier (everyone forgets this even happened) the Redskins defense stunk. Just like the Bengals. I'm noticing a trend here. Maybe Lewis should trade for GM Ozzie Newsome.
Pick: Pittsburgh
Indy @ Jacksonville-
This should be a great game- on paper. A stout defense against the best offense in the league. Peyton Manning threw for 320 yards and 5 touchdowns in the 1st half last week. The other side of the ball is a problem. Even if the Jags play good defense and get lucky like the Pats did in Week 1, there's no way the Jags are scoring over 24 points to win the game.
Pick: Indy
NY Giants @ Green Bay-
Point: Kurt Warner has regained his Superman powers! All the pollution in St. Louis resulted in increased amounts of Kryptonite in the water and Warner became useless. The change of scenery has been great for his thumb, his x-ray vision, and his speed (he ran for a TD last week).
Counterpoint: Warner was playing against the Browns last week and their backup CBs.
Pick: Green Bay
Philadelphia @ Chicago-
Did you know that THE Ohio State University Alumnus Craig Krenzel was only one more injury away from seeing action last Sunday?
Pick: Philadelphia
Washington @ Cleveland-
During the day off on Monday, 2 Browns pulled their groins while raking the leaves during filming of a United Way commerical. They gave it all for their communities.
Pick: Washington
Denver @ Tampa Bay-
Wow. I was really wrong about Tampa Bay finding a way to win last week. Oh well.
Pick: Denver
NY Jets @ Miami-
A great rivalry game, where anyone can win. Unless you have a coach w/ a really large moustache that screams, "Call me Magnum, PI."
Pick: NY Jets
Tennessee @ San Diego-
Can someone please tell Steve McNair that if he spends 2 nights in the hospital he doesn't have to play that week against the lowly Chargers? I think he's proven his toughness too many times already. And they said Brett Favre was hooked on painkillers 6 years ago, I can't even imagine what McNair is on. ("Alex, I'll take 'Mr. Ed's' Favorite Painkillers for $2000...")
Pick: Tennessee
St. Louis @ San Fran
San Fran continues the march to 2-14.
Pick: St. Louis
KC @ Baltimore
Did you know:
Ravens are: 0-1 -When Deion plays an entire game
Ravens are: 2-0 - When Deion gets injured and is not available for the entire game.
Deion "Past his Prime Time" Sanders should get the point- the Ravens are better off without him.
Pick: Baltimore
NOTE: To answer a popular question, in all games, I'm only picking the winner. I don't deal w/ the spread.
Last Week: 8-6
Season: 30-16
Manwich Matchup: 1-2 (thank you Colts)
Upset Special: 2-1 (damn Tampa Bay; I'll never trust them again)
Monday, September 27, 2004
Substance Not Style for the 5th Street
The mighty lords of cosmos have put things back in line. Yes, the Detoit Lions have lost. If they had beaten the Eagles I was heading towards the nearest bomb shelter, waiting for the apocalypse. But all is not right and this blogger (apparently there's over 2 million of us in the USA alone) wants to point out a few of them.
The Flop
1. One thing that needs to be addressed is politics. Yes its a sports column so I'm going to use a sports analogy and it entails substance versus style. In today's politial campaigns and media- style trumps all. "Vote for Bush, he has leadership qualities." "John Kerry shares your values ." another commercial sang. Think about how people evaluate head coaches in the NFL and you'll quickly see how silly those kinds of comments go. Bill Bellichek is many things, charismatic is not one of them. A popularity contest between him and a pet rock, the pet rock is getting the nod. But how many people are calling for his firing because of his lack of charisma? I'm pretty sure Tom Coughlin is wound so tight he fines his mother if she's late to a family function. But if he makes the playoffs, all of his personal shortcomings will be overlooked. In the NFL you don't see a head coach pleading for his job with his wife at his side because its the substance and results that counts, not the image. Ultimately candidates should be evaluated on results and policy choices - no different than coaches are. The next time someone tells you that someone should be elected president on purely on charisma, think about the Patroits and if they would have been better off with a charismatic coach.
2. On the topic of substance over style, how about those Jaguars? Pretty they are not. But they have given up only 28 points all year long. They have two mountains of men in the middle that crush opposing teams running games. They have a pass rush that would sack a QB, even if he were protected by barbed wire. Oh and Mr. Leftwhich is finding a way to win in the clutch. They beat the Titans and are quickly building an impressive resume for the playoffs. The question remains though, can they beat the Colts (although will they have a stadium after all these hurricanes may be an equally important question).
3. For a team that represents style over substance I turn to the Atlanta Michael Vicks. Don't get me wrong Michael Vick is the most exciting player in football. I'm pretty certain Michael Vick can score from anywhere on the football field and possibly from the Men's Room. But the key word is "can". Yesterday they edged the 0-2 Cardinals, by the score 6-3 ,when Arizona's Shaun King hit into a double play. Beating the Cardinals by 3 points does not bode well for future match ups against the NFC elite teams.
The Turn
4. The AL West is a close race. One game seperates two teams. Two games seperates three teams. And does anyone care? Hello? Is this thing on? Meanwhile off the East Coast Boston and New York continue to garner the headline. BoSox cut Yankees lead to 5 games , nation hold's collective breadth. Sure I realize everyone east of the Missippi River is fast asleep by the time the AL West games are over but a little respect please.
5. The River (random thoughts)
Is it just me or is the Brown's season already begining to approximate the proverbial "runaway train". A thrashing by the Giants? I'm not sure crack offensive coordinator Terry Robskie could guide an offense through a maze on the side of a Happy Meal let alone into the end zone. I'm glancing over and Peter King's column over at SI continues to steal my ideas. Don't think I'll forget this, Pete. Brett Favre v. Peyton Manning lived up to everything that was it billed to be. I got to believe that both defensive coordinator's were drinking heavily by the 4rth quarter. Finally apparently the secret to Mike Nugent's field goal skills is General Tso's Chicken. Who knew?
The Flop
1. One thing that needs to be addressed is politics. Yes its a sports column so I'm going to use a sports analogy and it entails substance versus style. In today's politial campaigns and media- style trumps all. "Vote for Bush, he has leadership qualities." "John Kerry shares your values ." another commercial sang. Think about how people evaluate head coaches in the NFL and you'll quickly see how silly those kinds of comments go. Bill Bellichek is many things, charismatic is not one of them. A popularity contest between him and a pet rock, the pet rock is getting the nod. But how many people are calling for his firing because of his lack of charisma? I'm pretty sure Tom Coughlin is wound so tight he fines his mother if she's late to a family function. But if he makes the playoffs, all of his personal shortcomings will be overlooked. In the NFL you don't see a head coach pleading for his job with his wife at his side because its the substance and results that counts, not the image. Ultimately candidates should be evaluated on results and policy choices - no different than coaches are. The next time someone tells you that someone should be elected president on purely on charisma, think about the Patroits and if they would have been better off with a charismatic coach.
2. On the topic of substance over style, how about those Jaguars? Pretty they are not. But they have given up only 28 points all year long. They have two mountains of men in the middle that crush opposing teams running games. They have a pass rush that would sack a QB, even if he were protected by barbed wire. Oh and Mr. Leftwhich is finding a way to win in the clutch. They beat the Titans and are quickly building an impressive resume for the playoffs. The question remains though, can they beat the Colts (although will they have a stadium after all these hurricanes may be an equally important question).
3. For a team that represents style over substance I turn to the Atlanta Michael Vicks. Don't get me wrong Michael Vick is the most exciting player in football. I'm pretty certain Michael Vick can score from anywhere on the football field and possibly from the Men's Room. But the key word is "can". Yesterday they edged the 0-2 Cardinals, by the score 6-3 ,when Arizona's Shaun King hit into a double play. Beating the Cardinals by 3 points does not bode well for future match ups against the NFC elite teams.
The Turn
4. The AL West is a close race. One game seperates two teams. Two games seperates three teams. And does anyone care? Hello? Is this thing on? Meanwhile off the East Coast Boston and New York continue to garner the headline. BoSox cut Yankees lead to 5 games , nation hold's collective breadth. Sure I realize everyone east of the Missippi River is fast asleep by the time the AL West games are over but a little respect please.
5. The River (random thoughts)
Is it just me or is the Brown's season already begining to approximate the proverbial "runaway train". A thrashing by the Giants? I'm not sure crack offensive coordinator Terry Robskie could guide an offense through a maze on the side of a Happy Meal let alone into the end zone. I'm glancing over and Peter King's column over at SI continues to steal my ideas. Don't think I'll forget this, Pete. Brett Favre v. Peyton Manning lived up to everything that was it billed to be. I got to believe that both defensive coordinator's were drinking heavily by the 4rth quarter. Finally apparently the secret to Mike Nugent's field goal skills is General Tso's Chicken. Who knew?
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