Quick Hits

Not much time to write these days so I’ll make it quick:

1. The USTA National Tennis Center was renamed in honor of Billie Jean King. I’m one of the few tennis fans left in this country but I think this is a good story. Billie Jean King has done a tremendous amount of good in the world of sports and it’s nice that she gets her well-deserved honors here in New York, at the home of the U.S. Open.

That being said, I’ve never been to the U.S. Open. It’s outrageously priced and has become an event for the elitist scum that populates most of New York’s upper class. $300 tickets, overpriced food and drinks, who needs it? Sports like tennis wonder why it can’t sustain grassroots fan interest. I don’t think it would kill the USTA if it seriously re-thought its pricing in order to allow more New Yorkers access to the only major tennis tournament played in this hemisphere.

2. Proving that you can come home again, even if you poured gasoline all over the place and burned your house down and then stole the insurance money to bet on three-legged horses, the Golden State Warriors have decided to re-hire Don Nelson as their head coach.

Apparently the six years that Nelson spent in Golden State from 1989-1995, a period in which the Warriors only went 9-15 in the playoffs, didn’t dissuade Warriors management from rolling the dice on the fat, drunken fool one more time. In June, 1994, Nelson traded three first-round draft picks for Chris Webber. One season later, he traded Webber to Washington and set the franchise on the doomed path it has been on ever since. I guess the fact that the Warriors haven’t been to the playoffs since Nelson famously destroyed the franchise doesn’t bother anyone in Golden State management.

And no one thinks there’s extreme racism in the hiring practices of professional teams? Can you name a bigger re-tread than Don Nelson?

3. The biggest problem with baseball, in my opinion, is that, unlike the NFL, Bud Selig and the other baseball owners don’t do a good enough job vetting prospective new owners. Case in point: Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria. A New York art dealer and gallery owner, Loria first purchased the Montreal Expos. He proceeded to run them into the ground, starving the major league club to the point that an entire roster of All-Stars* were playing in cities other than Montreal. Further, he was the only owner not to sell television or radio rights to the team in the local market. And yet, he was allowed to purchase the Florida Marlins from Wayne Huizenga.

Now, despite the Marlins playing with a $14M payroll, Loria wants to fire rookie manager Joe Girardi. The Marlins are only two games out of the National League Wild Card race. What sort of owner allows himself to be such a distraction to his team in the middle of such a miracle season? His team is overachieving. He’s probably raking in the dough. He needs to shut the hell up and let Girardi do his job without interference or headaches from his boss.

*Vladimir Guerrero, Cliff Floyd, Moises Alou, Larry Walker, Rondell White, Marquis Grissom, Wil Cordero, Mark Grudzielanek, John Wetteland, Pedro Martinez, and Dennis Martinez all made at least one All-Star team under Loria’s watch.

MMBSD: Pre-Season Thoughts

Gleaning facts from pre-season football is typically a risky if not fool-hardy adventure. You might as well as try to predict Keanu Reeves future in show business from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. However where the normal fear to tread I shall try to pick out a few general trends from my pre-season watching.

Blitzing
After hiring Gallop to take a survey of pre-season football watchers I feel even more confident in my first observation: teams are blitzing. Yes, some of you might snicker and say is that really newsworthy but I say it is. Typically in the pre-season team defenses are vanilla. Heck a few years ago teams would scheme beyond vanilla (which I think is some combination of beige and grey). This year, however, teams are blitzing. What does this augur? Well one of two things… 1) teams just assume that other teams will prepare for blitzing packages so might as well practice them now and/or 2) We're going to some exotic blitzing schemes come the regular season. The NFL is a copy cat league. After Tampa Bay won it all, the cover-2 scheme seemed to dominate. Pittsburgh's recent ascendancy would predict mad blitzes to stop not only the pass but also the run.

T.O.
I think Tom Rick's is getting the book rights to Fiasco II: The Terrell Owens Adventure in Dallas. Terrell Owens through his skill on the field and larger than life personality was able to turn his initials into a household word. However after the end of the Philly incident Owens was obviously on a thin rope. The media would predictably pounce on even a hint of controversy. I'm guessing if someone had asked would be willing to bet T.O.'s time in Dallas would end badly I'd say no dice. If someone had said how about willing to bet that things would end badly before the end of pre-season? I bet I could have gotten good odds there. Right now, I'd be getting even odds at best.

Ben Roethlisberger
I was kind of shocked that Roethlisberger did not miss any pre-season time. Roethlisberger spent the off-season recovering from his experience as a human javelin. Cranial facial surgery for multiple hours is no minor arthroscopic surgery. I watched the Pittsburgh v. Philly game and Roethlisberger just doesn't look right. I can't tell if its his release is a little slower or he's not making reads or he no longer has peripheral vision but Roethlisberger just doesn't look good. Roethlisberger has never been a leader in efficiency or play-making (don't make me use the Super Bowl trump card) and degradation of abilities does not portend well for what could be a competitive AFC North.

Quick Hits

I'm keeping my eyes on how Carson Palmer looks. Mentally Palmer still seems a little shell shocked. Andre Agassi makes his final appearance at the U.S. Open today. Agassi, a winner of each of the Grand Slams, deserves the nostalgia and recognition. The U.S. basketball faces Germany on Wednesday at 6:30 am. Set your alarm clocks or tivo. Yes, I know the MLB baseball races going on but honestly everyone seems to be limping to the finish. I'll instead be watching the Jessica Biel v. Jessica Alba cat-fight on the Ocho.

Expulsion

For those that don’t know, ESPN.com’s Daily Quickie will be making its last appearance on August 31st. I don’t know the reason why ESPN pulled the plug on Dan Shanoff’s column. In a weird sort of way, I’ll miss the column, as it’s provided plenty of creative fodder for me along the way.

Here is the latest from that site:

The expulsion of Pluto as an official “planet” in our solar system – and its accompanying frenzy – inspired me to pick out the teams worth banishing from their respective leagues:

MLB: Royals
NBA: Knicks
NFL: 49ers
NHL: Blues
CFB: Duke
CBB: Kelvin Sampson

Duke football barely exists already so if it’s zapped, so be it. Kelvin Sampson is a pretty good coach, but one that probably shouldn’t have been hired as quickly as he was, given the mess he left behind in Oklahoma.

As for the others, I’m just not sold on banishing the Royals, Knicks, 49ers, or Blues. The Royals have been run into the ground by a cheapskate owner and poor management. But at one time, the Royals were the class of the American League. They had Hall of Famer George Brett and All-Stars Willie Wilson, Frank White, Hal McRae, Bret Saberhagen, and Dan Quisenberry playing for a team that went to the postseason seven times from 1976-1985. It would be pretty hard to justify cutting one of the better AL franchises of all time.

The 49ers need no introduction. Before falling on hard times in the past few seasons, the 49ers were still considered one of the best NFL franchises of all time. They dominated the 1980’s and 1990’s and have paraded around the best WR (Jerry Rice) and two of the 10 best QB’s (Joe Montana, Steve Young) in league history.

I’m not the biggest hockey fan in the world (I don’t like hockey at all). But I know the Blues don’t deserve the ax. St. Louis is a very good hockey town with fans that really get behind the club. Before Brett Hull became a hired gun, he made his name and scored most of his goals in St. Louis. With new ownership, the Blues might be able to climb back to respectability soon. If I’m not mistaken, the Blues had a longer postseason appearance streak going than anyone else in sports until this past spring.

Finally, the Knicks. Not only are the Knicks one of the charter members of the NBA, not only do they have an all-time roster that most franchises would die for (Frazier, Monroe, Bradley, DeBusschere, Reed, King, Ewing, and Houston), but they play in Madison Square Garden, a/k/a “The World’s Most Famous Arena.” The Knicks haven’t won a championship in 33 years but they’re still relevant as the basketball team in the media capital of the world.

My choices for expulsion?

MLB: Devil Rays. Worst stadium on earth, no fans, haven’t had a winning season in franchise history, share a market with the minor league Yankees (who outdraw them, incidentally)

NBA: Atlanta Hawks. With all due respect to the great Dominique Wilkins, the franchise hasn’t won a title, can’t draw fans, and has receded into complete insignificance in the NBA.

NFL: Tie – Arizona Cardinals and Baltimore Ravens. The Cardinals franchise has never been good. Not in Chicago from 1920-1959, not in St. Louis from 1960-1987, and not in Phoenix. They’ve got some good players now but I just don’t think anyone would miss the Cardinals if they were gone. I’d like to add the Ravens here because, as far as I’m concerned, they never should’ve come into existence. They were the Cleveland Browns until the league allowed one of its premiere franchises to be relocated. A serious travesty. Plus, there isn’t a single player or coach on the team that can be described as likeable.

NHL: Every team that plays south of the Mason-Dixon. Hockey shouldn’t be played in Florida, North Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Arizona, Georgia, or southern California. It’s just not real hockey that way. If it never snows there, you can’t play, period.

Rally Round Those Reds/A Sad State of Affairs for the Cards: NL Predictions

Since we focus a lot on the AL, I figured I would give my analysis of the state of the NL. Although, many believe including Bill Simmons that the NL is a joke division, I think it is still important to look at what is going on there.

First off I would like to congratulate the ownership/GM of the Cincinnati Red Stockings. They have made decisions that have been viewed as stupid, but the Reds keep on winning and now they are tied with the Cardinals on top of the NL Central. This team that was once the laughing stock of the National League has turned itself around and is winning baseball games. Could this be 1990 revisited when a lowly Reds team comes up against the formidable opponent of the As (the Yankees) and sweeps them and could Bill Bray, Eddie Guardado and Scott Schoenweis be the new "Nasty Boys"...not likely but getting to the playoffs will make this Reds fan happy.

Second, I would like to make my predictions for the end of the year. Using a method of schedule strength and home field advantage (proven by the mighty wisdom of MJ), I will say that the following:

NL Central: Cards
NL West: Dodgers
NL East: Mets
WC: Reds/Phillies (In a perfect world the Reds would win the NL Central and the Phils would get the WC, leaving Tony LaRussa in the dust)

NL CY: Carlos Zambrano (for all you Cub fans out there)...he has been pitching lights out and to have 14 wins on a team like the Cubs is pretty amazing, Plus he has helped my fantasy team to be within half a point of winning it all

NL MVP: I am going to go out on a limb here...I think that Ryan Howard deserves the MVP. You can talk all you want about Beltran aving a great year, but he has Delgado, Wright, etc around him, but without Howard, the Phillies probably wouldn't be in the WC hunt right now
NL ROY: I want to say Dan Uggla (because I love his last name), but I will say Brian McCann (because I love his first name)
NL Comeback Player of the Year: Should go to the entire Reds organization, however Nomar deserves it
NL Manager of the Year: Jerry Narron hands down (although Willie Randolph could get it, but I think that Narron has a lot less to work with than Randolph and the money of the Mets)

Cheers and Jeers: Liquid Courage Edition

Ingredients:

• 1 pint Milk
• 4-6 scoops vanilla or Chocolate ice-cream
• 8-12 oz Creme de Cacao
• 6 oz Vodka (Absolut or Smirnoff)
• 6 oz Rum (Bacardi)

Everyone needs a little Liquid Courage every now and again. This is especially true for football season. The two minute drill is easily one of the most stressful situations known to man. In fact the CIA forces prisoners to watch two minute drills. The other team has the ball and your team is sitting back in the prevent defense your heart stops. A quick 15 yard pass to the sidelines and you can no longer sit down. You begin to pace around like a wild-man, your knees are weaker than Paris Hilton's. Bam! Another 20 yard completion. The opposing team now has the ball in your end of the field. You begin praying to any deity you ever have learned about and some that you haven't (Odin I promise to revive the Norse religion if you can come through). It's to no avail, somehow in that time where you were blinking the opposing team has moved the ball smack dab in the middle of the 15 yard line. Now there is no more pacing or praying - you merely huddle in the good luck corner holding onto a rabbit's foot or whatever talisman you have nearby or if you're a New Yorker your good luck hobo bat, awaiting the inevitable. Somehow your team finally gets a blitzer through, sacking the opposing quarterback. The game is over. You start high fiving people that have wandered in from the streets to catch the end of the game, cars drive by honking horns and you see your neighbor doing back-flips in the yard. Yes in order to survive the 2 minute drill you need a little liquid courage.

Mega-Jeers: To Pluto losing its planetary status. Pluto, formerly, the last of the discovered planets (by an American) was demoted to dwarf status yesterday. Who appointed this science board anyways? Given Pluto's American backers and Pluto being Mickey Mouse's sidekick, this move by the Security Council of Science seems like just another anti-American plot to me.

Cheers: To this handy guide to drinking during football season

Cheers: To Gene Hickerson for becoming a finalist for the NFL Hall of Fame. Hickerson was the great pulling guard for the Cleveland Browns during their glory years. Hickerson blocked for both Jim Brown and Leroy Kelly. When he retired the two main running backs he had blocked for were ranked number one and number four for all time rushing. Its long overdo frankly. (Historical footnote Gene Hickerson replaced Chuck Noll at the guard position)

Jeers: To further articles about why this USA basketball team is doomed. Is this US guaranteed to win it all? Of course they are not. However it seems almost ghoulish the way writers are standing over not yet a lost cause.

Jeers: To the new edition of survivor. If this is some of the responses your going to get from having the tribes divided along the lines of race I would advise you change things up….and soon.

Cheers: To the weekend…..it's about time!

SportsCenter Recap

The Good: SportsCenter floated the notion of Jermaine Dye as AL MVP. It's not a bad selection, and one we hadn't thought of a few weeks ago when discussing the award here. Dye is hitting .325 with 37 homers and 99 RBI, good for a 1.041 OPS. The White Sox remain (albeit barely) the wild card leaders, and in substantial part that's due to Dye's leadership. The big knock against him for being MVP is that this team also features Jim Thome and Paul Konerko in the heart of the order, so it's hard to say that "without Dye, this team wouldn't be here." In the end, I don't think Dye will win - but if the Sox hold off the Twins, it'll be hard for my personal selection, Joe Mauer, to be selected from outside the playofffs. The race should come down to Big Papi against Mauer or Dye, whichever is still playing in October.

The Bad: "The Ultimate Bowl Championship" or whatever they're calling the stupid "analysis" that they're doing on SportsCenter this week. If you've missed it, three of these guys discuss a fake tournament of the best college football teams, to try and figure out what would happen if college football had a tournament playoff system. It's a nice idea - in December, maybe. These teams haven't played a down yet, and in light of the major departures from USC and other top programs, there's no way to fairly or accurately assess whether Iowa can hold off Florida State's pass rush. What's worse about this segment is that they take far too long breaking these fake games down, and the really awful part is that they talk about these games as if they're imminent. I'm not sure that Mark May understands that Louisville isn't gearing up to take on the Trojans this weekend.

The Ugly: If you missed it, Sean Casey got thrown out at first base from left field yesterday. I'll say that again: Sean Casey got thrown out at first base from left field yesterday. He hit a liner between third and short that nicked off 3B Joe Crede's glove and rolled into the outfield. He apparently thought that Crede caught the ball, and stopped running and turned around. Oops. Props to LF Pablo Ozuna for never missing a beat in picking up the roller and firing it straight to first. Sean Casey - you're a veteran who should know much, much better than to not to run out a play. That may have played in Pittsburgh, but not in a pennant race.

I'm Back

Back at my desk, back in New York after spending a great five days in Chicago, visiting my college buddies. I attended a Chicago White Sox game in the new-and-improved Comiskey Park and I have to say that it’s one of the best stadiums I’ve ever been to. That’s about the only nice thing I can say about the White Sox, however. Onto baseball...

1. Yanks v. Red Sox. So, obviously, everyone knows the Yankees swept the Red Sox at Fenway Park. This series had several historic footnotes, most notably the fact that the Yankees sweep of the Red Sox represented the first time in American League history that a first place team swept a second place team in a five-game series. It is only the second such sweep, with the 1923 Giants sweeping the Reds in similar fashion.

From a Yankee fan’s perspective, I am both incredibly excited at what the Yankees were able to accomplish but still leery of the possibility of the Red Sox coming back. There is precedent – the 2004 ALCS has permanently scarred every Yankee fan – however unlikely it may be. Case in point, the 2003 Yankees had a 10.5 game lead over the Red Sox in mid-August and, by September 10th, only led the Red Sox by 2.5 games. Considering the fact that the Yankees and Red Sox play four more times in a few weeks, it’s altogether likely that the Yankees will have to win at least two of those games (if not more) in order to have a chance at their ninth consecutive AL East division title. The one advantage the Yankees do have is that while they can play .500 baseball for the remainder of the season, Boston will have to play at a .698 clip in order to move into first.

2. Manny Being Manny. This phrase irritates me. It’s become a catch-all for excusing the bad behavior of a selfish man-child by simply accepting his Hall of Fame talent and overlooking his pathetic behavior. Why is there no one saying “Barry being Barry” about Bonds? Is he not as selfish, self-aggrandizing, and self-involved? Does he not have the same remarkable talent? When I read things like this, I can’t help but wonder how guys like ARod, who play hard and play hurt, who never complain, get such a raw deal. Manny should be called out at every turn. Honestly, that he’s not booed in every stadium for admiring his homeruns, for flipping his bat, for not running out his ground-outs...when did baseball fans get so desensitized to lazy fatsos making $20M?

3. NL MVP. Without the benefit of statistical analysis or anything other than my gut reaction, I think Carlos Beltran should be the 2006 NL MVP. I reserve the right to change my mind after doing a more in-depth analysis but simply eyeballing his stats and watching him up close here in New York, he’s having an incredibly impressive season. If Beltran wins it, he will be the first MVP in New York Mets history. Imagine, 44 years for a franchise to wait for its first league MVP. The Mets have had their share of Cy Young awards – four of them (Seaver ‘69, ‘73, ’75; Gooden ’85) – so I guess it all evens out eventually.

4. David Justice Redux. The last time the Yankees traded for as polished and professional a hitter as Bobby Abreu was in July 2000 when they acquired David Justice from the Cleveland Indians. In his 78 games with the 2000 Yankees, Justice put up an AVG/OBP/SLG of .305/.391/.585 (OPS .976). So far through 22 games, Abreu’s been even better, putting up .388/.495/.553 (OPS 1.048). I’ve never seen a player fit in to his new team as well as Justice did in 2000 until now. Abreu has been a difference-maker for the Yanks this year and I’m so glad he’s here.

That’s it for the baseball, now for some football:

ESPN is reporting that the Redskins, Broncos, and Falcons finalized a three-team trade that will send third and fourth round draft picks from Washington to Denver, WR Ashley Lelie from Denver to Atlanta, and RB TJ Duckett from Atlanta to Washington.

Honestly, I’m not sure I understand this deal from Atlanta’s point of view. Lelie has shown talent but has never been able to fully realize his potential. Furthermore, he has voiced displeasure over his role as a secondary receiver. So now he goes to Atlanta as the likely third receiver on a team that has a QB whose passing abilities are in doubt. This trade is an odd one by the Falcons, if you ask me. Denver is happy to be rid of Lelie and gets a couple of draft picks, not a bad ransom for the mild bust that was Lelie. And Washington, with star RB Clinton Portis’ health in question, gets a very productive backup who can handle the load. Further, as a big back, Duckett might fit in well with Joe Gibbs’ power trap running philosophy. If Portis comes back healthy, the Redskins will now have a great 1-2 punch.

World Basketball Championship Announcers

I finally caught part of the World Basketball Championships, that are going on in Japan. The games are on early in the morning on ESPN2 I believe, and I was fortunate enough to see a small portion of the US-Slovenia game. The US was stretching a 10-point lead to a 20-point lead at the time. I’m not exactly sure who the announcers were, but the color commentator served up some memorable moments in the 5 minutes I watched. The first comment is completely serious. Try your best to read it without sarcasm:

1) When the US was up 20 points, he said, “This 20 point lead probably scares the US. If Slovenia hits 4 straight 3-pointers, they will be right back in the game.”

Following comments by the play-by-play commentator…
2) “The US cannot be happy with a 20-point lead. I think the goal is to get the lead to 30-points to really demoralize the other team.” [if he didn’t say demoralize, then it was “embarrass.” Either way, the comment is ridiculous.]

Quickie Baseball Notes

As of this writing, the Kansas City Royals are down to perhaps their final “meaningful” game of the season. If the Detroit Tigers beat the Chicago White Sox and the Cleveland Indians beat the Kansas City Royals in Tuesday’s games, the Royals will become the first team to be mathematically eliminated from the 2006 playoffs. And if it’s not on Tuesday, then it seems nearly certain that it will be on Wednesday.

For the record, I had the Royals going right around this time.

Also, on a completely separate note, if I were Toronto GM J.P. Ricciardi, I’d fire John Gibbons first thing Tuesday morning. You can’t do this stuff and keep your job. This is the second incident where the manager has had a physical confrontation with a player and at this point it’s obvious to me that Shea Hillenbrand wasn’t wrong when he said “the ship was sinking” in Toronto.

Since I just got back from vacation, I’m tired and have a lot of stuff to catch up on. Look for more baseball notes in the next 24-48 hours...

MMBSD: College Football Preview

Ah, College Football…the roar of the 100,000 person crowd, the Saturday noon game, the sound of the fire truck racing to put on the 5 car blaze. Few things can bring tears to my eyes like a hard fought victory or the resulting tear gas to put down the celebratory riot. College football officially kicks off its season in a little more (or less depending on when you read this) than 10 days. As I will be doling out some NFL preview action in the coming weeks MMBSD will focus on its college season preview. Listed below are my picks for Conference Champion and my pick for the BCS championship game. Conferences are listed in increasing competitiveness.

6. Big East:

Contenders: West Virginia, Louisville

Winner: West Virginia.

Why: Last year the Mountaineers surprised everyone when the defeated a sleep walking Georgia team in the Sugar Bowl. All the key starters (QB Pat White, running back Steve Salton, cornerback Jimmy Joe Joe Scubadoo) are back and primed for not only a run in a conference that should be re-classified as a mid-major but a shot out at an undefeated season.

Key Game: Louisville at West Virginia. Nov 2. West Virginia can wrap up the Big East title with a win here.

5. Pac-10

Contenders: USC, Cal, Oregon

Winner: USC

Why: The toughest three games (Oregon, Cal, and Notre Dame) are all home at the Coliseum. Gas was affordable the last time USC lost at home. USC also returns a tough defense and a great recruiting class.

Key Game: Cal at USC (Nov 18)

4. Big 12

Contenders: Texas, Oklahoma (did I really even have to spell it out. If the Big East needs to be demoted to mid-major status, the Big 12 North division needs to be demoted to the UAA and no I don't want the UAA is)

Winner: Oklahoma.

Why: That's what the coin flip told me to put. Oklahoma was the favorite until their starting quarterback decided to go all Florida State and get suspended. Both teams have great defenses, solid offensive lines, premier runners (Oklahoma does get the nod here) and freshman quarterbacks. I'm going with Oklahoma as they get the home game of the Red River Classic and they will be looking for revenge for the beat down Texas gave them last year.

Key Game: Texas at Oklahoma October 7.

3. ACC

Contenders: Miami, FSU, Clemson (darkhorse)

Winner: FSU

Why: Talent, Talent, Talent. Miami's recruiting of late has been pretty lame and as a result Larry Coker is on the hot seat in Hurricane land. Second year Drew Weatherford should grow into an elite passer after taking his lumps as a starting freshman last year.

Key Game: FSU at Miami Sept 4.

2. Big Ten

Contenders: OSU, Iowa, that team up North

Winner: Three way tie

Why: OSU goes to Iowa at night. Iowa goes to the Big House. The Wolverines head to Horseshoe. Winning on the road in the Big 10 is a hard task and very few teams escape without a loss somewhere in the dust and din of a Big 10 schedule. All three of the contenders have solid experienced quarterbacks making rebuilt defenses the key to winning an outright title. I'm very doubtful any team will hold sole first place when the dust clears.

Key Game: If you don't know then obviously your not a golfer....

1. SEC

Contenders: Auburn, Florida, LSU, Georgia

Winner: Auburn

Why: Schedule. Florida plays in the following weeks LSU, at Auburn, Georgia. That’s just brutal. I'm giving Auburn the nod over LSU since Auburn has the home game between the two (also Auburn gets Georgia and Florida on their home turf). If teams can't hold serve on their home court then a monkey playing darts has a better shot making correct predictions than I do.

Key Game: All of them

UPDATE: I did forget my BCS Championship pick, thanks Gutsy

BCS Championship Game: W Virginia v. Notre Dame . W.V. has the easy schedule. Notre Dame has the hype. If Notre Dame is anywhere near the top they will get the nod.
I think the big game then migh end up Notre Dame at USC to decide of the Fighting Irish are going to the big game.

Cheers and Jeers: Hollywood Edition

Ingredients:

• 1 1/2 oz Vodka (Skyy)
• 1 1/2 oz Chambord raspberry liqueur
• 1 oz Triple sec
• 1 splash Rose's sweetened lime juice

It is almost football time. This is good for us columnists because when you're posting pictures of Star Trek you know you need more material. Before we strap on our chin straps, lace up the shoes and fire up the Brian Billick voodoo doll perhaps a little Hollywood gazing is in order. Now I know Hollywood folks are simple folks, devoid of ego, focusing only on their craft. However I feel like all their hard work should be rewarded with lists and blogs commentating on their product. Lord knows they do hate the attention but hey I think they'll make an exception for some cheers and jeers. So without further ado….here's my list of top 7 Movies with Football in it (note my contract strictly forbids me from recognizing anything positive about Notre Dame)

1) The Longest Yard (1974 version)

Why you should see it: Burt Reynolds was inducted into the Man Law hall of fame for this movie. I think also Ray Nitschke can be seen actually killing someone in the background.

Best Scene: Last two minutes of the game.

Best Line:

Police Officer: "Why'd you drive her car into the bay?"
Paul Crewe: "Couldn't find a car wash."

2) Mash (the movie)

Why you should see it: While not really a movie about football, the football game steals the show of this Robert Altman classic.

Best Scene: Hmm. So many to choose from but the fake snap to win the game should be game planning for all serious coaches. The other of course being the election of the chief surgeon...

Best Line: so many but here's a good one…

Hotlips O'Houlihan: Oh my God! They've shot him.
Colonel Blake: Hot Lips, you incredible nincompoop. It's the end of the quarter.

3) Any Given Sunday

Why you should see it: Oliver Stones directed probably the most realistic football movie ever made. The cinematography really does make you feel like quarterback blindly searching around for an open receiver. Also count up the number of famous actors and football players…you'll be shocked at the answer.

Best Scene: Either Willie Beamen (Jamie Foxx) throwing up or The Shark (LT) cutting Beamen's car in half.

Best Line: (guard to QB) "Hey, unless you're gonna kiss me, get your hands off my ass."

4) Remember the Titans

Why you should see it: Denzel at the top of his game….constantly yelling at people. Oh and that underlying theme about racial harmony….

Best Scene: When the assistant coach walks onto the field and calls out the referees for their blatant cheating despite the fact that it costs him a bid for the hall of fame.

Best Line: "We will be perfect in every aspect of the game. You drop a pass, you run a mile. You miss a blocking assignment, you run a mile. You fumble the football, and I will break my foot off in your John Brown hind parts and then you will run a mile. Perfection. Let's go to work."

5) Varsity Blues

Why You Should See It: Just about any spoof movie made about teen movies has a requisite Varsity Blues homage. Also does anyone doubt that Jon Voight acted the same way as just about any other Texas high school coach does?

Best Scene: That's easy, three words…whip cream bikini

Best Line with a twang: 'I do not want your life.'

6) Last Boy Scout

Why You Should See It: I'm pretty sure football operates exactly like it is portrayed in this movie: crazy owners forcing players to shoot up drugs in hopes of making more money…no wait that's baseball. To add creditability to the movie I think Jerry Jones played himself in the movie. Also in his off days Bruce Willis really does serve as a PI so the movie is good insight into Bruce Willis, PI.

Best Scene: Opening scene where drugged up player uses steroids and a gun to try to score.

Best Line: (Willis after finding out his best friend had an affair with his wife)"Sure, sure, it just happened. Could happen to anybody. It was an accident, right? You tripped, fell on the floor and accidentally stuck your d*ck into my wife. "Oops, I'm sorry, Mrs. H, I guess this just isn't my week".

7) Waterboy

Why You Should See It: Classic Adam Sandler: idiot savant uses his charm to win a contest (in this case a game) and the girl. Also nobody has yet been able to figure out what Kathy Bates is doing in this movie. Watch it, you'll leave as clueless as I am about the casting.

Best Scene: Kathy Bates spearing her ex-husband

Best Line: "You can do it!"

And now a little cheering and jeering….

Cheers: Dikembe Mutombo for opening a hospital in the Congo. The country desperately needs all the medical attention it can get and Mutombo donated 15 million out of his own pocket for the hospital. That's definitely a reason to cheer.

Jeers: To the bizarro world known as Browns training camp. Beethoven once said "Applaud friends, the comedy is over". He obviously wasn't thinking about the Browns. The comedy that is the Cleveland Browns center position continues. Now both second strings are out (ankle sprain, drug suspension). For those keeping track that's one knee injury, one ankle injury, one drug suspension, and two retirements. My Middle East Plan looks better and better.

Jeers: To authorities warning women not to wear gel bras on planes. I can't comment on the necessity of the security but that seems like gender discrimination to me. I mean I can still wear my gel speedo jr. onto planes.

Cheers: To baseball's men of mustache. Need I say more?

Cheers: To a committee of scientists not axing Pluto's status as a planet. Well kind of. A new sub-type of planets is being created, called Plutons, which I guess are the Tampa Bay Devil Rays of planets. The new definition does add 3 more planets to the Terran System: Xena, Charon and Ceres (the dwarf planet). Students all over this planet toilet papered the scientists' houses in protest to more memorization.

Jeers: To re-enacting a scene from Blazing Saddles. An Ohio University football player was fined for punching a policeman's horse. The money quote of the incident was "Logan denied that he punched the horse, saying he put his hand on it when the animal's head ran into him."

Mid-Week Pick Me Up



If this doesn't make you want to get ripped and go see this movie well there's just no hope for you.

More News & Notes

1. Jose Reyes hit three homers last night. The Mets lost 11-4. If ARod so much as hits one homer in a 5-3 loss (as he did on Sunday afternoon), the entire universe stops, rips him for being stats-driven and unclutch, and then goes about their business. Jose Reyes hits three homers in a far more lopsided loss and gets the front page of the New York Times sports section. ARod’s treatment by the local and national press has been beyond abhorrent and it makes me ashamed to be a baseball fan.

2. Mets “All-Star” catcher Paul LoDoca has gotten a major pass in the national media. Besides cheating on his wife with no less than three teenaged girls, LoDuca has a gambling problem that would make Pete Rose and Michael Jordan proud. Apparently bookies and assorted low-level hoods have come to Shea Stadium looking to make their weekly collection from the Mets backstop.

Anytime the gambling and sports worlds collide, only bad things can happen. Toss in the fact that the head groundskeeper at Shea Stadium was arrested late last year on charges of running a multi-million dollar gambling ring and being an associate in a mafia crime family and this should be sending off major alarm bells in Bud Selig’s mind. Where’s the national media attention for this story? Where’s the commissioner trying to protect the best interests of the game? Both are absent, pursuing their own twisted little agendas.

3. For all the golf fans out there, there are few cooler stories than the opening round pairing of Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson, and Geoff Ogilvy at this weekend’s PGA Championship at Medinah Country Club, just outside of Chicago. This threesome represents the winners of the past three Major championships and also pits rivals Tiger and Lefty in a head-to-head matchup early in the tournament. It will be very interesting to see how they relate to one another on the course and if each can play his best golf with the other standing around. I’m more of a Tiger man myself but I like Lefty’s game a lot too. I’m rooting for them to be paired through Sunday, walking up the 18th fairway, each with a chance to win.

4. Finally, in sad news, character actor Bruno Kirby passed away on Monday. His portrayal of the young Clemenza in Godfather II is one of my favorite parts of that movie.

I’m heading to Chicago for an extended weekend so I won’t be posting or commenting until my return on Monday afternoon. To all the Back Seat Drivers, have a great weekend.

Mascot Mayhem

I’m sure everyone read about the ridiculousness of the Titans’ mascot, T-Rac, running over the Saints 4th-string QB last weekend, making him unavailable “indefinitely.”

Apparently, T-Rac has a “variety of motor vehicles” that he uses during celebrations. All I hope for, is that mascots no longer drive there own golf carts!

I decided to do some research on what the hell T-Rac is. I found the Titans website, and I found out the important things about T-Rac:
1) favorite saying is "I didn't do it!"
2) Tennessee's state animal is the raccoon. [insert joke about south here]
3) T-Rac’s Platform: “To stop hit and runs on all Raccoons and get Raccoon crossings at all major highways and Interstates (especially near the Coliseum) "
4) You can order T-Rac for an appearance at (615) 565-TRAC (8722) [this is a real phone number].

More importantly, the T-Rac debacle reminds me of some other fun mascot events. I did some research online, mostly off of http://espn.go.com/page2/s/hruby/030212.html, and found the following fun facts, reminding me how difficult it is to be a mascot:

1) Forty-four percent of mascots suffer from chronic lower back pain.
2) "A lot of mascots have stories about getting hit in the 'nads," said Dr. Edward McFarland, director of sports medicine and shoulder surgery at Johns Hopkins and the author of a study on mascot injuries. "That's just about the right height for kids to punch. They think they're aiming for the stomach. But they're not."
3) According to an article in the Cardozo Law Review, the Phillie Phanatic "holds the dubious record as the most-sued mascot in the majors." Among the judgments levied against him: $2.5 million to a man who suffered back injuries from being hugged too hard; $128,000 to a man who was knocked over at a church carnival; and $25,000 to a pregnant woman who was accidentally kicked in the stomach.
4) 1995 – Cleveland Indian's Slider (a big purple mess) fell off the wall during the playoffs, tearing his ACL. The Slider replacement had a foam crutch, to pay tribute to the real Slider who was unable to perform.
5) In 1999, a Philadelphia electrician shoved Krownapple off the right field wall at Camden Yards. The Orioles mascot fell 15 feet, broke his left ankle and spent a month in a wheelchair. He later won a $59,000 judgment against his assailant.
6) In the late 1990s, the Miami Heat mascot got sued for sexual harassment. He dragged a woman out of her seat to participate in some halftime game. The mascot didn't realize that "No means No", even when you wear a big funny suit.
7) During a game in 2000, Florida's Billy the Marlin accidentally hit a fan in the eye with a wadded-up T-shirt shot out of a CO2 launcher. The fan was knocked unconscious and later filed suit.
8) 2003 - Edmonton Oilers coach Craig MacTavish tore out the tongue of Calgary Flames mascot Harvey the Hound.

I hope everyone else has some fun mascot stories to share. One of my favorite mascot moments was going to a minor league hockey game in Cleveland, involving the now defunct Cleveland Lumberjacks. They had this awesome mascot, named Buzz I believe, that was a beaver that carried an over-sized hockey stick. This one game, he jumped down from the rafters, while guiding himself off of a rip-cord. The only problem was, the cord wasn’t long enough! All the players were already on the ice to the tune of the AC-DC music, and there Buzz was, dangling about 10 feet above the ice. Of course there was nothing left to do, but detach the cord from the rafters, and watch Buzz crash down onto the ice on his buttocks!

News & Notes

1. The Monday Night Football on ESPN era began last night and, wow, did it stink. I’m unable to find a picture of what the on-screen score graphics looked like but for anyone that watched, you know what I’m talking about. The little graphic was in the lower portion of the screen, directly in the center of the picture, just below the players’ feet. It was distracting, to say the least.

Thinking outside the box is great and I applaud television executives when they roll the dice and make creative decisions, but when it comes to televised sports production, just stick to the basics. Give us the most simple score graphics and put it in a part of the screen that isn’t otherwise in the center of the action. ESPN’s broadcast last night showed how much they try to over-think things.

2. It’s not news around here that I think Joe Torre’s an absolutely dreadful manager. Last night Torre made my case a whole lot easier: Bottom of the seventh inning in a 2-2 tie, the Yankees have Johnny Damon on second base, Derek Jeter on first base and Bobby Abreu coming up to bat with nobody out. With a team’s 3-4-5 hitters coming to bat, one would think that the proper strategy is to let the big sluggers hit away, looking for a pitch they can drive. What does Torre do? He calls for the bunt with Abreu.

Abreu hasn’t executed a sacrifice bunt since July 1998. Why ask a lefty hitter with an OBP of .421, who also happens to be facing a righty pitcher, to execute a bunt when that hitter hasn’t attempted one in nearly 10 years? Even if Bobby Abreu were the Venezuelan King of the Bunt, why open up first base and allow the other team to walk the cleanup hitter? Anyway, Abreu was able to bunt Damon and Jeter up and, predictably, the Angels walked Giambi to load the bases for ARod.

Fortunately ARod drove in the go-ahead run with a sacrifice fly to deep RF, narrowly missing a grand slam. ARod bailed Torre out. I know of no other manager who gets his ass kissed as much as Torre does despite not understanding that taking the bat out of the hands of Abreu and Giambi is sheer baseball lunacy.

To top it off, Torre brings out Mariano Rivera to pitch the ninth inning, despite having a comfortable 7-2 lead. In case he hadn’t noticed, the Yankees are in the middle of a 20-day stretch where they will play 21 games. Every inning that Torre uses Rivera when he doesn’t have to is one more inning that Rivera can’t give him in late September or October when the innings count a lot more. The Yanks could’ve given lefty specialist Mike Myers an inning of work (he hasn’t pitched in at least three days), or they could’ve gone to journeyman Jose Veras for the final three outs. If you can’t trust a pitcher to get three outs before he gives up five runs, that pitcher doesn’t belong on the major league roster. Suffice it to say, Torre needs to be fired as quickly as possible. He’s just a complete moron.

3. Going into last night’s game, the story was that Pedro Martinez was approaching the milestone of becoming one of only three righty pitchers in baseball history to have 200 wins, 3000 strikeouts and a career ERA below 3.00. He was 15 strikeouts away. Now he’s 14 strikeouts away. And perhaps he’ll have to wait until September to get another shot. Pedro injured his calf in warm-ups and proceeded to get bombed by the Phillies, lasting only one inning and giving up six earned runs. If Pedro’s not healthy, the Mets are getting bounced in the playoffs.

4. Finally, Matt Leinart signed with the Arizona Cardinals. I guess Cardinals management caved to his demands because he got more guaranteed money than the two players drafted immediately before him and the total value of the contract ranks him fourth overall for the 2006 NFL Draft class. Personally, I think the Cards should’ve continued to play hardball. Leinart didn’t have a leg to stand on in his demands and the Cards just set a bad precedent. Plus, I don’t like Leinart at all. For the first time since 2001, I’m rooting for Kurt Warner to have a good season. I’ll even become a born-again Christian and join Kurt’s Krusaders if he wins the MVP (not really). Fuck Leinart; may his career be short and full of memorable failures.

MMBSD: If wishes were horses.....

Well its been a good summer off from the Monday Morning Back Seat Driver. While the time has been well spent on poker, Italian Ice and a Deadwood DVD boxset its time to get the thought process back in line and start analyzing football and other sports events from the back seat. Well almost time. Before we starting analyzing the land of reality I thought a little tip toe through fantasy land would be nice. If wishes were horses then beggars and bloggers would ride. If wishes were horses I'd travel to campus on a herd of my little ponies. I'd win at strip poker with Natalie Portman, Jessica Alba and Charlize Theron. The Browns would be on their second string center instead of the fourth. I could dunk a basketball. The Hitman would still respect me even though I wrote a column with a pink pony in it. If I had wishes to burn through there would be three branches of government in Washington, D.C. Well maybe the power of the wish doesn't go that far. Anyway here's a list of some of things I'm wishing for this new season of Monday Morning Back Seat Driving.

College Football: I have lots of wishes but I think my top wish for college football is for Charlie Weis to be hit by a go-cart driven by a mascot. It really doesn't matter what mascot just as long as Weiss is knocked out of a crucial game and made to look like a fool. Weis combines the arrogance of a Belicheck disciple with the arrogance of a Notre Dame fan. All in all its a lot of arrogance and it needs to be run over by a go-cart.

Basketball: I would wish for the USA basketball team to win in Tokyo. I want Dwayne Wade to dunk on Manu Ginobelli's head. I want Carmelo Anthony to wreck downtown Tokyo in a manner that hasn't been equaled since the days of Mecha-Godzilla. I want Bill Simmons for the first time to actually admit he is wrong about something or that his keen insights are no better than anyone else that occasionally tunes into Sports Center.

Baseball: I would wish for one of current crop of rookie pitches to win 300 games. I'm sure our baseball fellows can dig up a better year of rookie pitchers but the current crop this year really has been delightful. Each year reaching the fabled plateau of 300 wins for a starter seems to get more and more unreachable. However I wish that one of the young guns can reach the promised land of immortality.

NFL: I would wish for Chad Johnson to have his own improv show. Honestly, would there be anything better than watching celebrations Johnson would come up with if he has CGI technology? He could have an entire Vegas Show girl ensemble backing him up and win an emmy. Or he could use his talents for driving around in a mystery van solving crimes. There is no limit to what Chad Johnson could do given his own TV show.

Me: I would wish for what Steven Martin wished for:

If I had one wish that I could wish this holiday season, it would be that all the children to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace. If I had two wishes I could make this holiday season, the first would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing in the spirit of harmony and peace. And the second would be for 30 million dollars a month to be given to me, tax-free in a Swiss bank account. You know, if I had three wishes I could make this holiday season, the first, of course, would be for all the children of the world to get together and sing, the second would be for the 30 million dollars every month to me, and the third would be for encompassing power over every living being in the entire universe. And if I had four wishes that I could make this holiday season, the first would be the crap about the kids definitely, the second would be for the 30 million, the third would be for all the power, and the fourth would be to set aside one month each year to have an extended 31-day orgasm, to be brought out slowly by Rosanna Arquette and that model Paulina-somebody, I can't think of her name. Of course my lovely wife can come too and she's behind me one hundred percent here, I guarantee it. Wait a minute, maybe the sex thing should be the first wish, so if I made that the first wish, because it could all go boom tomorrow, then what do you got, y'know? No, no, the kids, the kids singing would be great, that would be nice. But wait a minute, who am I kidding? They're not going to be able to get all those kids together. I mean, the logistics of the thing is impossible, more trouble than it's worth! So -- we reorganize! Here we go. First, the sex thing. We go with that. Second, the money. No, we got with the power second, then the money. And then the kids. Oh wait, oh jeez, I forgot about revenge against my enemies! Okay, I need revenge against all my enemies, they should die like pigs in hell! That would be my fourth wish. And, of course, my fifth wish would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace.

- Steve Martin SNL 1986

The Most Creative Celebrations in Sports

I am not one to necessarily advocate taunting, obnoxious touchdown dances, and other silly antics. However, I really do get a kick out of thoughtful, original celebrations, or gestures after a touchdown, a dunk, a blocked shot, etc. So I thought it would be fun to think about some of the best “celebrations” in sports. Granted, I’m focusing more on the last few years because the athletes have started to make more original and comedical celebrations.

Here’s my top 12, based mainly on originality and comedic effect. I hope everyone will share their favorites as well, as there’s no way I’ve included all of them.


1) Sam Cassell’s “I have big balls”. For those non-NBA fans out there, you are really missing out. Whenever Sam Cassell hits multiple 3s, takes over a game, etc., he puts his arms in a position to significy that he indeed has “big balls” and they are much bigger than his opponent’s. This picture was hard to find, but it should be cherished.



2) Reggie Miller’s choke sign. This has become the ultimate taunting gesture, as it is used all across the streets of America. Really revolutionary when you think about it. I think Reggie used this in a game against the Knicks, directed at Spike Lee, but I’m guessing MJ has a better recollection of the moment.


3) Michael Jordan’s shrug – The shrug after he hit like EIGHT 3-pointers in the NBA Finals against the Portland Trailblazers. I mean, he purposely makes the shrug, as if to say, “I didn’t even know I was this good!” I like using this shrug after I go 1 for 10 from the field in a pick-up basketball game. My shrug signifies more of, “even I can hit a shot once in a while!”


4) Chad Johnson letter – please don’t fine me!
5) Chad Johnson playing golf using the pylon and the football
6) Chad Johnson giving CPR to the football! - I just kept thinking of how many creative moments Chad Johnson has had. Plus I found a website with all of the pictures.

7) Lebron James lighting his hand on fire – not sure if anyone saw this outside of Cleveland. But after making 3-straight 3-pointers in a random regular season game, Lebron pretended one hand was a lighter and lit his other hand on FIRE. It was aweseome, and was very creative.

8) Mutumbo’s Finger-wagging – “No, no, no, no, no” – Mutumbo started doing this after he would block a shot. I now do this when I refuse to do favors for people I know. Of course, it’s just not as cool without having a really long finger.

9) TO’s shake your pom-pom – You have to be confident in your sexuality to pull this off. And have rhythm!

10) Ickey Woods Shuffle. Absolutely classic.









11) Dirty Bird – Jamal Anderson did this. Just like Ickey Woods, he took his team to the Super Bowl where they lost, then they both tore up their knees the following seasons. It’s quite eery. You would almost have to warn other RBs to not have their own dance.

12) Merton Hanks Chicken neck – He does that crazy head shake thing. This isn’t safe to do for 99.7% of the population. Unfortunately, I can't get the picture to load.

Cheers and Jeers: Pooh Bear Edition

Ingredients:

• 1 shot Tennessee whiskey (Jack Daniel's)
• Add Cream soda (to taste)
• Ice cubes

There are definitely days when it's easier to Eeyore. There are days where one looks at the dark side of things and wonders if there even is such a thing as a good morning. However Cheers and Jeers is striving to find happy things to cheer about like honey or balloons or spelling "Tuesday". As old Pooh Beer once said “It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" Already I have copied Pooh's spelling technique: "My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling, but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places." Yes my grammar and spellings resembles a bear stuffed with cotton but that’s ok, because today I'm staying positive.

Cheers: To another bizarre loss for the Cleveland Browns. First there was LeCharles Bentley, who went down with a season ending knee injury without being touched. Now the new Brown's center, Bob Hallen, has retired due "chronic back problems". This is fairly odd because there is not one shred of evidence he ever had any sort of back problem before joining the Browns. Now why in the world is this cause for cheering? Well from a Browns perspective its not. But I think this jinx can be used for good. I firmly believe that if we select a few Middle Eastern leaders and have them join the Browns, they will immediately blow out a knee or retire without cause. Terrorism is a lot harder without an ACL.

Cheers: To this bit of news. For too long the glandularly challenged have not gotten the respect in the criminal world they deserve. Well five well endowed girls decided to take into their own, albeit flabby, hands to change this stereotype. Well done girls.

Cheers: To Team USA. Coach K has got the Americans back to solid basketball at the international level. While the US still has major hurdles to overcome if it's to win the World Basketball Championship being held in Japan. Manu Ginobelli has declared that the age of US dominance is "part of the past". Well then there can be only one goal for this US team….find Argentina and heat up some Lipton's Instant Cup of Shut the Hell Up. (For the record I think Argentina is located somewhere near a country called Randall McNally)

Cheers: To Freshmen. Those lovable innocent college first years that typically end up making mistake after mistake in classes, in hook-ups, in drinking and in eating cheese sticks at 3 am (who knew that would add weight). However watching a college football freshmen mature over the season is one the more enjoyable sights of the season. Freshmen take over at the quarterback position at Texas and Georgia. How those powerhouses progress will be in large part determined by how their freshman QB's do. Also a factor is the extent to which Matthew McConaughey and Ben Affleck are able to paddle them.

Cheers: To Muppet Porn. Or I think that’s what's going on in England. You read the Yahoo News bit. I'll I'm seeing is "Adults Only" and "half dozen hot dogs and Ricky Martin". I bet you its really funny though…

Lawless In Oklahoma?

I’m normally not a big law-and-order guy when it comes to college sports. I think the NCAA has ridiculous rules, anti-common sense rules and a very selective (read: inconsistent) eye towards enforcement. But when I read stuff like this, I hope they throw the book at this kid and investigate OU’s program:

“‘I’m not a bad kid,’ the exiled Oklahoma QB Rhett Bomar told the New York Times. ‘I made a mistake and I have to live with it, but I own up to it.’”

I agree Bomar’s not a “bad kid” in that he didn’t maliciously harm anyone or commit a felony of any sort. But I don’t buy the whole “I made a mistake” act. He’s only sorry he got caught. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have made the same mistake over and over again, every single day for the whole summer. He earned several weeks’ worth of paychecks for a no-show job at a car dealership. That’s not an isolated incident, that’s the same mistake repeated over time. And I have to believe that this isn’t the first time something like this has happened in Norman, OK.

In light of Barry Switzer’s past transgressions nearly two decades ago and how Kelvin Sampson’s tenure ended with the OU basketball team, I get the feeling that OU’s boosters (and athletic department) are running wild out there. OU’s always seemed like a dirty school and I hope this is the tip of the iceberg that gets them busted down for good.

Off The Top Of My Head...

There is so much going on in the world of sports so let’s get moving...

1. Maurice Clarett. This is a very sad story. Loaded weapons, bullet-resistant vests, high speed car chases, mace, and stun guns? It’s obvious that this guy is deeply troubled and that he hasn’t been able to answer the question of what he’s going to do with the rest of his life now that football is no longer an option. Our country is failing its inner city youth when individuals can make the leap from sports stardom to criminality in less than 12 months. Some might say that Clarett will get what he deserves behind bars. Those people are only half-right. His is a wasted life, but at least he’ll be alive. There’s no doubt he’d die on the streets if he hadn’t been arrested yesterday.

2. Roger Goodell. The NFL has appointed Roger Goodell as the third commissioner in league history. Most view his selection as the NFL’s decision to maintain the status quo, as Goodell was outgoing Commissioner Paul Tagliabue’s right hand over the past several years. Tagliabue, my vote for best commissioner in sports history, leaves Goodell in an awkward place. On the one hand, everything looks rosy for the NFL. They have a billion-dollar media relationship with CBS, NBC, FOX, and ESPN and multi-million dollar contracts with Sirius Satellite Radio, DirectTV, and EA Sports. 19 of 32 teams have built new stadiums, with at least six more new facilities (49ers, Cardinals, Cowboys, Giants, Jets, and Vikings) on the way. On the other, the collective bargaining agreement negotiated less than 12 months ago has a mutual termination option set for November 2008 whereby either the owners or the NFLPA can opt-out of the deal and go back to the negotiating table.

Talk about potential baptism-by-fire for a commissioner who will have less than 26 months of service time at that point. And I haven’t even begun to scratch the surface on why I think the NFL faces challenges in the years ahead. A league can only grow so much before it begins an inevitable decline. Baseball can speak to that with aplomb.

3. Baseball. I’m certain people will disagree with this one but, in my opinion, walk-off hits should only be a minor factor in deciding an MVP race. While the legend of Big Papi continues to grow (in large part due to the ESPNification of our National Pastime), even I am in awe of the man who looks like Esther Rolle. But despite his uncanny ability to make the walk-off hit, his win share and RCAA stats indicate that he’s not even the top offensive powerhouse of his own team. With all due respect to Mr. Ortiz, my vote for AL MVP is going to go to Vernon Wells. Hell, Peter King has his own vote for Red Sox team MVP:

“I honestly think Jason Varitek is a bigger loss to the Red Sox than Manny Ramirez would be.”

Obviously that’s a laughable proposition as Varitek isn’t among the top half of AL catchers in win shares and ranks dead last on his own team in RCAA. Moreover, King forgets that without Manny, there would be no Big Papi and for that reason, Big Papi, as great as he is, is not a force unto himself. Barry Bonds won four MVP’s in San Francisco by doing all the heavy lifting himself. Big Papi’s being fed the fastballs that no one wants to feed to the true big dog in the Red Sox lineup.

I know, I know, walk-off hits are exciting. But human beings are programmed to remember what they see first or last in a sequence and tend to forget all the stuff in the middle. And I think sometimes it’s not what we remember, but what is happening in the middle, that should define who the MVP is. The day Manny goes on the DL is the day the Red Sox offense goes into the toilet. Just my two cents...

4. Matt Leinart. I’ll keep this one brief: Leinart’s getting horrendous advice from his agent. And the funny thing is that his agent, Tom Condon, is the agent to several other high-profile NFL QB’s who were drafted higher and signed sooner. I really have no idea why Leinart and Condon have decided on their poorly-reasoned strategy of holding out of training camp. The 10th pick in the 2006 draft is entitled to a little more than the 11th pick and a little less than the 9th pick, with some upward adjustment for inflation from the salary of the 10th pick in the 2005 draft. It should be very simple.

Leinart has effectively killed any chance he might’ve had to earn meaningful playing time in his rookie year. And given the challenges of the QB position in the NFL, there’s no telling what stunted growth can mean to the overall arc of Leinart’s career.

5. Shameless Huckstering. I forgot who came up with the saying, but whoever coined the phrase “act like you’ve been here before” should probably pay a visit to the New York Mets sometime soon. For those that live outside of the New York area, the Mets have been beating the 20th anniversary of the 1986 World Series theme to death. OK, we get it; you won the World Series in 1986.

I can’t speak for other cities and other teams but in New York, a city that prides itself on being a “winner’s city”, the Mets’ marketing barrage is bordering on ridiculous. The Knicks never celebrated any anniversaries for their 1970 and 1973 NBA titles and the Rangers didn’t go overboard with any tributes to the 1994 Stanley Cup team. The Super Bowl XXI-winning Giants certainly aren’t going bananas in this, the 20th anniversary of that great season. The Mets’ inferiority complex would be laughable if it weren’t so tiresome and boring.

The Cincinnati CrimeStoppers

Ok this is a really funny concept that the Bungals have started at Paul Brown Stadium

Whatever happened to being able to spit and curse your opponent and throw around lewd gestures at football games. Those days are long gone and I guess I can't get drunk and streak across the field now...thank god for NFL Sunday Ticket.

Reporting Live from Chicago...

This is Publius reporting live from Chicago. Mighty Mike sent me to report on the MLS All-Star game vs. Chelsea. I am pleased to report the MLS squad defeated Chelsea 1 nil.

The MLS All-Stars outplayed and out hustled the boys in blue all night. Although Chelsea was clearly more talented, they considered it a friendly match and the MLS wanted the win. DC United players were the anchor of the match. The backline of the MLS (including DC United keeper Troy Perkins) did a fine job.

Sports a commodity: This was clearly evident. The price tag of the team (2004 = 115 million pounds and growing!!) made it impossible for Chelsea to play a hard match. Now compare that price tag against the MLS. This comments tracks back to athletes becoming economic commodities. Do pitchers throw inside less now versus 20 years ago? Why are NBA players less coachable now versus 20 years ago? Why should the Yankees allow their players to play in the "world cup of baseball??" if the league wont protect them financially against injuries?

Do leagues need to "reinsure" a team for lost wages against the salary cap or lost revenues from tickets sales if their stud player injurers himself in the world cup?

Special cheers to the “drunk bus” aka “bunk drus.” I recommend without hesitation being driven to a game soccer game in a yellow school bus drinking PBR. Good times. If only Mighty can arrange a similar assignment to the World Cup in 2010.

Sunday Night Back Seat Driver

Well the week from hell officially has ended and so I'm back in the saddle doing something I love….back seat driving about sports. Special thanks to Publius for the fill in cheers and jeers. Alright time for commenting and to do so…I'm whipping out it out old school style. Texas Holdem Style

The Flop

1. While baseball might have the most talked about election process to a hall of fame, football's acceptance ceremony to the Hall of Fame stands heads and shoulders above the other professional sports. Whether it is because the NFL hype machine is enough to allow the warriors a spotlight on the way to Valhalla or the opening exhibition game is what gives it some extra juice the Hall of Fame speeches seem to stick out more so than other sports. I really can't recall any baseball induction speech with any clarity but can easily remember the ceremony surrounding Sweetness or choking back tears at Jim Kelley's speech. This year's ceremony was no different. I have a confession to make. I like the Raiders' mystique. I like the bad boy image. The idea that a team will take on the persona (or actually be) convicts parading as football players. I like how once a week Oakland has all the crazy people as opposed to San Francisco. John Madden was an integral part of building the Raider Nation. Apparently he has the second highest winning percentage of any coach with 100 games save the Super Bowl Trophy namesake. Madden deserved the Hall of Fame for his announcing work (can anyone really name a better well known or influential color commentator?) or being an ambassador of the game via his video game. Heck being a spokesman for Outback would have been enough for my vote. However there was something special for Madden to finally be recognized as a coach that helped create an image.

2. An interesting question generated related to the Hall of Fame induction….is Troy Aikman under rated? Brett Favre is typically lauded as the best QB of the mid to late1990s. Well I shouldn't go that far. It's not like there's some definitive publication on who is or is not the best, but the question remains: how high should Aikman be on the list. It's not as easy as a question as it would seem.

3. Here’s a list of some coaches that I'll be watching this season. Add as you see fit.

1) Mike Martz- What does the mad chemist come up with now that he's back in an assistant role?

2) Al Saunders - Former Chiefs offensive coordinator now has the reigns of the Redskins. Fairly fascinating to see Joe Gibbs being reduced to a figure head and Saunders enter the lion's mouth (Daniel Snyder).

3) Brian Billick - If Billick does not make the playoffs I'm fairly certain he will be fired. What happens when a raging narcissist meets his own limitations and failures? I can only hope its video taped.

3) Jeff Fisher - The Titans have been trapped in salary cap hell for seemingly forever. This is the last year on Fisher's contract. Will Fisher rush Young along if the S.S. Titan starts taking on water?

4) Bill Parcells - If Parcells fails again to make the playoffs, we can safely conclude he will either quit or eat the hearts of those that have failed him

5. Lloyd Carr/Larry Coker - College coaches for sure but both sit at two of the bigger programs in the land. Both redid the coordinator positions to bolster their offenses and get back to the BCS. Can it be done?

The Turn: Rankings

One thing that really bothers me about college football are pre-season rankings. The Coaches Poll came out and OSU is ranked number. Sure we can sit around and debate if OSU is truly worthy of that slot (are 9 lost defensive players equal to a lost QB and defensive captain; are the back up players on OSU better than the chum that existed last year on Notre Dame's defense?). I think a better question is why they have polls before a few games have been played. With any games played poll voters are basing their opinion on hype or weird some sort of weird astrology. I'm not sure who that’s good for except talk radio. By having polls before the games it also provides a psychological (if not physical anchor) in that teams ranked higher at the beginning have a built in advantage. (If OSU wins 8 games by 1 point in fluke fashion are they truly more deserving than if Florida dominates the SEC by 40 points every game?). I say start the polls after week 2 or 3. Not before

The River: Firings

Last week longtime Cleveland Cavs TV play by play man, Michael Reghi, was fired. While the team gave no official reason, it has since been fairly clear that the team wanted an announcer that would be more "positive" (read sycophantic). For one thing to fire a tv personality this late in the year, especially one that has given has called games for years, is classless. Secondly, it's always a shame to lose a quality announcer. Reghi called the action from a fan's perspective. He called the game as it was played: high excitement during good days and a critical eye when the team did not play. I certainly understand that organizations and institutions want to control the message to get a more favorable spin on things. Certainly at least as far back as Gramsci an understanding has existed that people's perspectives can be shaped by the right message. However something is lost….credibility. Positive spin can only hold back the dike of truth for so long. When teams go badly, a Pravda style commentator will keep interest and hope alive for only so long. When that is lost, fans interest will die. At least with Reghi and his his kind you could tune in to hear your views hammered out on television. The battle for my interest might be bettered in the short run by yes-men tv personalities but on the long run, I (and I hope) other fans want truth.

Editorial: No More Editorials!

Getting poorly-written, biased, and factually inaccurate sports pieces from ESPN is commonplace. Getting opinions on which people we should or shouldn’t like is apparently the next frontier for the so-called “Worldwide Leader.” From today’s Daily Quickie:

“Bednarik blasphemes: Asked if he was a Reggie White fan, Chuck said, ‘Not really...At the time there was something about him that I just despised.’ Yikes.”

Yikes? Jeez, Shanoff, you’d think Reggie White was a saint the way you’re so offended by someone expressing their negative view of the now-deceased NFL Hall of Famer. The guy was an anti-Semite and a homophobe so it’s not like some people don’t have the right to hate his guts, even after his passing. Stick to getting the fact wrong – it’s the one thing you’re actually good at – leave the personal politics pieces to someone else.

Big XII Is Big Joke

Growing up in New York and going to school at a Division-III university, college football was never a big part of my early sports life. But over the past six or seven years I’ve noticed that I’m getting more and more excited by it. I’m not the resident expert on all things NCAA as I’m a baseball man by temperament and training. But I do know that any bad news for the Big XII is good news for me.

Hopefully this screws the Big XII badly enough that the University of Texas won’t get their usual ass-kissing from the BCS voters. With Oklahoma’s season likely in the toilet, UT now officially plays a soft schedule. Please, PLEASE let this be the year that voters realize how soft the Big XII has become. How many times do we need to see a .500 team in the Big XII conference title game getting its head handed to it by OU or UT? Anyway, OU, UT, and Big XII fans can now suck it. Defending champions, my ass...

Zidane Headbutt Song is #1 in France

The title of this post is completely true. The #1 song in France right now is "Coupe de Boule" or roughly “The Headbutt.” Check out the link to the story: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2006/soccer/08/01/headbutt.song/index.html

Check out the youtube link for the music video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWAJhUNj8Xg&search=coupe%20de%20boule

Check out the following English translation of the song lyrics, courtesy of http://etiennemarcel.blogspot.com/. I bolded the best verse. FYI - Trezeguet is the guy on France who missed the penalty. Of course, others have said that he still would have kicked a penalty even if Zidane was in the game, but this song is still funny.

Watch out, it's the headbutt dance!
(Headbutt, headbutt)Headbutt to the right
(Headbutt, headbutt)Headbutt to the left
(Headbutt, headbutt)
Go Blues!Go,Zidane, he hit [him], Zidane, he slapped [him]
(Headbutt!)* 4x

The guido, he was hurt
Zidane hit [him]
The Italian's not doing well
Zidane slapped [him]
The ref saw it on the TV
Zidane hit [him]
But we lost the World Cup
We had a good laugh anyways
Zidane, he hit [him], Zidane, he slapped [him]
(Headbutt!) 4x

Trezeguet didn't play
When he played he sucked
He screwed up everything
We lost the World Cup
Barthez didn't stop anything
And it's not even complicated
The sponsers are all angry
But Chirac was eloquent
Zidane, he hit [him], Zidane, he slapped [him]
(Headbutt!) 4x

Watch out, it's the headbutt dance!
(Headbutt, headbutt)Headbutt to the right
(Headbutt, headbutt)Headbutt to the left
(Headbutt, headbutt)Headbutt to the front
(Headbutt, headbutt)Headbutt to the back
(Headbutt, headbutt)

And now it's the penalty
Attention please, he's gonna shoot
One, two, three...he missed!
Zidane, he hit [him], Zidane, he slapped [him] (4x)
We had a good laugh anyways

Zidane and Trezeguet
We lost the World Cup
Zidane and Trezeguet (2x)
And Trezeguet...and Trezeguet...and Trezeguet-guet-guet
Trezeguet(Headbutt, headbutt)
and Trezeguet(Headbutt, headbutt)
and Trezeguet(Headbutt, headbutt)
and Trezeguet(Headbutt, headbutt)

Baseball Potpourri

I have much to say about baseball today so I’ll get right to it. I apologize in advance if this is a very lengthy read. As Simmons always says, feel free to print this out and take it to the “s(h)itting room”:

1. And Now, A Word From Our Sponsors. This is perhaps the most blatant bunch of Red Sox propaganda I’ve ever read from ESPN, and certainly from Jayson Stark, a guy I used to count on as a pretty good baseball writer. The headline of this piece says it all in why I think this article is a complete hack job. Teams don’t owe anything to their veteran players with respect to the standings and the playoff picture. A team like the Cubs or Astros shouldn’t have to trade Greg Maddux or Roger Clemens just because those ballcubs are out of the playoff picture. Teams should only make trades that benefit the entire organization and should never feel obligated to reward “good soldiers” or future Hall of Famers by simply sending them off to other clubs with better postseason potential.

All I can conclude from this piece is that ESPN is speaking on behalf of its friends in New England and that Stark is writing about what he would’ve liked to see, not what he thought was necessarily good for the Houston Astros franchise. I’m certain that Stark wouldn’t have made the same impassioned plea for Clemens’ relocation had the destination been someplace other than the so-called Red Sox Nation. It’s pathetic.

2. Trade Breakdowns. This season’s non-waiver trade deadline had lots of action. Here’s a snapshot of what I think the best deals were:

(Note: In an effort to write as quickly as I could, I didn’t include hyperlinks to player stats. If you’re like me and you like knowing the stats of all the traded players, use ESPN.com or MLB.com for the guys already in the big leagues. For minor league player stats, I always use The Baseball Cube.)

-Yankees acquire, in separate deals, RF Bobby Abreu, RHP Cory Lidle, and 1B/OF Craig Wilson for RHP Shawn Chacon, SS CJ Henry (minors), C Jesus Sanchez, RHP Carlos Monasterios (minors), and LHP Matt Smith (minors).

None of these players individually put the Yankees over the top in the division or Wild Card standings. Collectively, however, is another matter. Without trading from the top tier of their minor league talent or dramatically altering their major league roster, the Yankees acquired a corner outfielder, a fifth starter, and a player who can either start or provide much-needed depth on the bench. Obviously games are won or lost on the field but, on paper, the Yankees improved their roster significantly. The biggest question is how Joe Torre will deploy Craig Wilson, who I feel is the most important of the new acquisitions. Wilson absolutely destroys lefty pitching (.923 OPS in 2006, .959 career) which makes him a very useful platoon player. And given the possible scenario of the Yankees facing the Twins in the ALDS, Wilson would provide a nice counterbalance to LHP studs Johan Santana and Francisco Liriano.

As I’ve pointed out in the past, Torre’s biggest weaknesses as a manager are his myopic loyalty to veteran players (especially his veterans) and his illogical and inconsistent use of bullpen and bench assets. If Torre can find a way to get Wilson all the at-bats against LHP while playing him at 1B (with Bernie, another LHP killer in ’06, at DH) then the Yankees should be able to win a playoff spot.

As for Lidle, he’s 41-25 with a 4.04 ERA after the All-Star break in his career, contrasted with a 37-44 record and 4.92 ERA before the break. If he can provide some quality innings in the 5th slot of the rotation, he’ll automatically have more value than Sidney Ponson, Kris Wilson, Shawn Chacon, and Aaron Small had in the same spot so far in 2006.

I won’t go into Abreu because we all know he’s a former All-Star with a patient eye and a good arm in the field. He seems to have lost his power stroke since July 2005 but isn’t being asked to hit 30 homers for New York. As long as he can put up his usual .400 OBP and provide a bit of protection for Alex Rodriguez, the Yanks are fine with that. His presence pushes Bernie from everyday duty and that’s a good thing.

-Dodgers acquire, in separate deals, RHP Greg Maddux and INF Julio Lugo for Cesar Izturis and minor league prospect Joel Guzman.

Here’s the thing with these moves for LA – despite being 4-13 since the All-Star break, despite having some fissures developing in the clubhouse between Brad Penny and Kenny Lofton, despite going from first place to last place in the span of two weeks, the Dodgers are still not out of the race. Maddux isn’t winning any more Cy Young awards but he can be a capable 4th starter for his new team and cost them very little to acquire. And since Lugo’s a better and more versatile player than Izturis, the Dodgers upgraded their offense and their infield by simply swapping one middle infielder for another. The cost was Joel Guzman, a good minor league player who, at 21, was already beginning to work over Triple-A pitching. But the Dodgers didn’t have to part with Andre Ethier, Chad Billingsley, or Matt Kemp, their current crop of young players at the major league level. Guzman has been compared to a young Chipper Jones or ARod but given the tremendous crop of talent the Dodgers have in the farm, they could afford to part with one player to get two back (that’s how little I think of Cesar Izturis).

-Royals acquire, in separate deals, LHP Jorge de la Rosa, LHP Odalis Perez, 1B Ryan Shealy, RHP Scott Dohmann, RHP Blake Johnson (minors), RHP Julio Pimental (minors), LHP Tyler Lumsden (minors), RHP Daniel Cortes (minors), and RHP Jose Diaz (minors) for 2B Tony Graffanino, RHP Elmer Dessens, RHP Mike MacDougal, RHP Jeremy Affeldt, RHP Denny Bautista, and 1B/OF Matt Stairs.

I’ve taken the Royals to task several times for their cheapskate ways and their atrocious management but these deals tell me that new GM Dayton Moore knows what he’s doing. By adding eight new pitchers to the franchise, the Royals will be able to figure out which of these arms can help them on the major league level and which can be used as bait to acquire future talent. Best of all, the Royals found Mike Sweeney’s replacement at 1B, stealing Ryan Shealy from the Colorado Rockies. The Yankees had been interested in acquiring Shealy instead of Wilson because he projects as a pretty decent line drive hitter with an above-average glove at 1B. None of the players the Royals unloaded had much in the way of value, save perhaps Affeldt and MacDougal, who, when healthy, are pretty decent relief pitchers.

I’ll end here for now. Look for more baseball-related material in the next 24-48 hours. Thanks for reading.

Cheers and Jeers: A Call to the Bullpen

Dirty Dog
________________________________________
Ingredients:
• 1 oz Cognac (Hennessy)
• 1 1/2 oz Vodka
• 5 crushed Ice
• 5 oz chilled Orange juice
• 1 oz chilled Cranberry juice
________________________________________

Since Mighty is on vacation (or working...), he appointed me to take a swing at Cheers and Jeers. This is similar to the Varsity coach calling up the JV team so work with me here.

To open the discussion, I’d like to hear the opinion of the trade deadline happenings or not happenings. The Nats did not sell Hernandez or Soriano. The A’s did not sell Zito nor did Clemens return to Boston. The Dodgers attempted to load up but the Red Sox did not (although Big Papi’s walk of HR against the Tribe is the real reason why Mighty could not post this week. He is mourning the Tribe).

Ok- onto the show.

Cheers: The NFL is going to work. I demand football. Ever since the end of the World Cup, I have longed for another sport to augment baseball. Sure, I love baseball but I need more. Baseball can only satisfy me so much.

Jeers: Floyd Landis: Today’s ESPN article shows that he did have synthetic testosterone in his system. I hoped in vain that his victory and the continued US dominance in the Tour de France (pronounced Froooonnnccee) were legitimate. Why would a man use synthetic testosterone to climb a mountain on a bike?

Cheers: Bruce Sutter: Congrats.
Jeers: To the Hall of Fame process. Sutter is a legitimate contender for the honor but why elect him (300 saves) and before Lee Smith (438 saves)? Here’s to hoping Andre “the hawk” Dawson makes the Hall.

Jeers: To Mel Gibson. You know why. Check out this old school episode of South Park where the kids attempt to get their money from Mel Gibson after watching his lousy movie. Like Colbert says, “alcohol gets you to say things to do not really mean…” Sure.

Cheers: To the end of the heat wave!! It’s 100 and humid (heat index 110) today in DC meaning the Department of Grundle Security has posted a code red for all grundles and taints. A code red = constant need of gold bond. It’s sad to wish for 90s. You might have thought the color coded threat indicator was for terrorism but no... it's the demand for gold bond.