Obituaries – Week of September 17th

This column, and the ones that follow, will serve as obituaries for the teams likely to be mathematically eliminated from postseason contention during the week. Each team will be identified and their deathwatch number will be written in parenthesis next to their name (deathwatch number will be as of the previous day’s games).

1. Boston Red Sox (3). What more can be said about the 2006 Boston Red Sox that I haven’t already said? They just weren’t good enough in 2006. Boston management overestimated Josh Beckett’s ability to take his game from the weaker competition in the National League to the more competitive American League, and the team is still paying for the mistakes they made with signing Matt Clement, letting Johnny Damon walk away to New York and trading Josh Bard to San Diego for Doug Mirabelli. It’s been a wretched season for the Red Sox and it can’t end soon enough.

2. Toronto Blue Jays (1). On this date in 2005, the Blue Jays were two games under .500 yet had the same “Tragic Number.” Fast forward 365 days later and the Blue Jays have improved themselves by 10 games as they now stand eight games over .500 and now stand three wins away from locking up only their fifth winning season since winning the World Series in 1993. Goes to show what an extra $26.2M in payroll can do. Troy Glaus, BJ Ryan, Lyle Overbay, and to a certain extent AJ Burnett, have all paid dividends for the Jays. They still have a long way to go to catch the Yankees atop the AL East but it looks pretty likely that the Blue Jays can pass Boston for second place in the division later this month.

3. Texas Rangers (3). Another season, another cruddy pitching staff. The 2006 Rangers outscored every team in their division and, predictably, gave up the most runs too. They have a shot at finishing over .500 with five more wins but the Rangers are a team in turmoil. Management seems disenchanted with Buck Showalter and players like Mark Teixeira and Hank Blalock had down years. I don’t know what the solution is, besides the Rangers figuring out how to develop more good young pitchers from within their farm system. Until that happens, the Rangers have third place in the AL West locked up for the next several years.

4. Cincinnati Reds (7). That the Reds spent most of the season in contention was a total surprise. It’s too bad they couldn’t hang on to the lead in the Wild Card because Major League Baseball needs to find a way to reconnect with the fans in the Ohio/Michigan/Western Pennsylvania markets. That used to be baseball’s core constituency. The problem with the 2006 Reds is that they just don’t go deep enough in the starting rotation. They gave up the fifth-most runs in the National League in 2006.

5. Houston Astros (7). The Astros are the bizarro opposites of the Cincinnati Reds. As defending National League champions, Houston was supposed to contend for the division crown, let alone the Wild Card. Instead, they spent much of the season under .500 and frittered away an opportunity to run away with the division on the strength of their rotation. The Astros scored the fourth-fewest runs in the National League and the fifth-fewest runs in the majors. To say the Astros were done in by their offensive ineptitude would be a major understatement.

6. Milwaukee Brewers (2). Not much to say about this team. They had youth all along the lineup and in their bullpen. Their starting pitching was injured and ineffective all season long. A young team and an injured and inconsistent pitching staff is a recipe for a losing season and in that regard, the Brewers didn’t disappoint.

7. Arizona Diamondbacks (6). The Diamondbacks are an interesting team. No one expected them to contend for the postseason but at one point in 2006, the D-Backs were right near the top of the NL West standings. I see a lot of good things happening to this team in the near future. They are loaded with good young players (Conor Jackson, Carlos Quentin, Stephen Drew) and they have a legitimate ace in Brandon Webb. I’m looking at them to take a big step forward in 2007.

8. Colorado Rockies (4). They remind me of a slightly less promising version of the Arizona Diamondbacks. For a while in 2006, the Rockies played with passion and were in the mix. Eventually they came back down to earth but there is a lot to like on this team too. Matt Holliday will be a star in the big leagues for several years. The Rockies have nothing to be ashamed of.

Note #1 – The next group of teams to be listed on deathwatch:

Chicago White Sox (7);
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (7); and
San Francisco Giants (9)

Note #2 – The remaining teams, the Minnesota Twins and San Diego Padres are locked in extremely tight division races with the current division leaders (Detroit Tigers and Los Angeles Dodgers, respectively). It’s impossible to predict who will end up on top; hence I cannot list them on the deathwatch at this time.

Note #3 – I’m rooting for the Twins to pass the Tigers for the AL Central title with the Tigers to lock up the AL Wild Card. In the NL, I’m rooting for the Dodgers to hold off the Padres and for the Philadelphia Phillies to edge out the Padres for the NL Wild Card.

MMBSD: Huh?

Week 2 of the NFL is in the books and if you're anything like me (which means your not wearing pants at the moment) you're looking over the scores with a look of utter confusion. When did Michael Vick learn how to throw? Are the Vikings good or lucky or both? Where did San Francisco purchase an offense and when will the robot devil be collecting their souls? How did the Eagles blow the game against the Giants? Are the Patriots going to win every game by less than a touchdown? Don't you hate pants? Why is Denver so bad?

If your looking for answers from a guy not wearing pants that probably means your in state of desperation (for example the Colonel due to some untimely bets). Here's a few thoughts on the subject of the NFL in no particular order.

1) Minnesota is vastly improved. The addition of Steve Hutchinson to the mountain of man Bryant McKinnie gives them a left side of a line that anyone with a pulse (read Chester Taylor) can run behind.
2) Michael Vick does look better but hey any QB looks good when your rushing game is getting 250 yards per week. Starting in week 6 Atlanta plays the Giants, Pittsburgh and Cinci. If Atlanta looks good after that then you might want to hand over the NFC South crown then and there.
3) In the NFL in order to win late you need to be able to punish the other team through the ground. The three yards and a cloud of dust is time consuming, demoralizing and typically low risk. The Eagles don't have that option given Andy Reid's playbook and that their running backs are slightly more fragile Brady Quinn (more on him in a moment).
4) I'm not sure whether to read that New England still can pull off the close games or that they barely beat the Jets and Bills using smoke and mirrors. New England's ridiculously easy schedule could mean that won't be tested that much but look for the Bengal's game in week 4 as a marker for how this team will do in the playoffs.
5) Denver is crashing and burning at the moment. Part of me is a little annoyed at ESPN (explain why QB controversies erupt in Denver after week 1 according to them. How often has a starting QB been benched and a rookie put it in and it worked out?) However Plummer needs to pick up the pace. Marty ball has solid teams during the regular season and Denver is letting a golden opportunity slip through their hands if they hand the division to the Chargers.

Some College Thoughts:
1. A lot of Michigan fans and Notre Dame bashers may have hoped for a blowout but very few expected that level of beat down. Lloyd Carr, who had struggled so mightily in the shadow of touchdown Jesus, simply demolished press nominated MENSA for life man in Charlie Weis. Weis still hasn't corrected for the pressure that was/is getting at Brady Quinn and the former heisman hopeful doesn't have the mental toughness (yet?) to handle a pounding. Notre Dame's championship ended Saturday while the Wolverines are now in a position to make a run. The health of Mike Hart will determine exactly how far this team can go.

2. That said I'm not entirely convinced Auburn is going to lose and if that's the case the NCAA should publicly announce now that there's a spot open for them in the championship. I'm sorry but if you go undefeated in the SEC (the toughest conference) you should automatically get a shot at the undisputed heavy weight championship. Auburn's defense is simply punishing and if I was an offensive player I would simply refuse to go back into the trenches against them.

Random Thoughts
1. I was skimming the channels and I came to CNN and I saw Steven A. Smith talking with a panel and not your TNT panel but a panel of people that are smart enough to operate microwaves. The topic was on future trends and in particular the US. I have never seen Smith so lucid, so insightful, and frankly so convincing. The act of Steven A. Smith was replaced by a very bright and talented man who looked a lot like Steven A. Smith. Maybe it's more a critique on American public viewing habits but I like the Steven A. at 5 instead at 11.

2. If Peyton Manning was seen hatching out of a football, drinking Gatorade, would you really be scared?

Hail to the Victors

Even though I spent the day in Breckenridge at Oktoberfest (one of the greatest holidays around), I still manage to catch the second half of the game on Sirius and at one of the best Mexican restaurants at 9500 feet. Congrats Michigan. Hopefully you will be able to keep it up for the whole entire season.

Colonel Sanders Finger Lickin' Picks for all Degenerate Gamblers Out There - Week 2

Since I seemed to have gotten 11 out of the 16 games last week, I figure I might as well continue to try to do this. But since I lost my kid, my wife and my car, I won't be able to drive to the game this weekend. Here are the picks:

Buffalo (-6.5) at Miami: Buffalo, they covered last week against the Pats, who says they can't cover again this week

Carolina (even) at Minnesota: Carolina

Detroit (+9) at Chicago: Detroit, I say it will be within about 3 points either way, the Lions could actually pull this out...probably the same score as against the 'Hawks.

Houston (+13.5) at Indy: Indy...just way too powerful of an offense

NO (-2.5) at GB: NO, Brett Favre sucks and Reggie Bush is good

NYG (+3) at Philly: Philly, one of the hardest lines however you have to go with the home team when it seems like a tie

Oakland (+12) at Baltimore: Baltimore, however they might be able to score more than 20 points, but their defense will hold Oakland to under 7

TB (+5.5) at Atlanta: Atlanta, see rule on NYG/Philly

AZ (-7) at Seattle: Seattle, Kurt Christ and Edge are still crappy

STL (-3) at SF: STL, I am jumping on the Martzless' Rams bandwagon

KC (+10.5) at Denver: Denver, my hometown love again

NE (-6) at NYJ: NE, the Jets just blow

TENN (+11.5) at SD: SD, LDT will help my fantasy team again

WAS (+6) at DAL: WAS, strange line, Bledsoe is not good

PITT (-2) at JAC: JAC, see NYG/PHI and TB/ATL

And the bet the new wife, the kid, and the Yugo of the week is the CLE/CIN game...Cleveland is getting 10 points in the Jungle...if Cleveland was getting 24 points in the Jungle it wouldn't be enough...WHO DEY!

Last week: 11-5
Bet the car: 0-1

Cheers and Jeers: Brown Eye Opener Edition

Ingredients:

• 1 oz Amaretto
• 1 oz Bailey's irish cream
• 1 oz Kahlua
• 1 oz Everclear
• 1 oz Butterscotch schnapps

Now all of us have made a dumb mistake now and again (Thinking the Mavs would win the NBA Championship, ordering Mac and Cheese instead of Mash Potatoes, having that last shot of tequila, etc). Most of us have made incredibly dumb, jaw dropping mistakes. I certainly have: touching a live British electrical socket with a metal rod, trying to keep sanity in grad school, running into a river taller than myself with a 40 lb backpack, having that last cup of everclear, setting a cinnamon bun on fire, screwing up Easy-Mac, etc.) Believe you me, I've even seen some ridiculously dumb moves (putting coleslaw into a wall, jumping off balconies, driving a truck into a building, letting someone who just turned 21 ride in a car, Kerry's campaign, etc). However, never in my 39 odd years of existence (note I'm bad at calculating my age) have I seen, heard, read something as preposterously, head in the brown eye, laugh out loud, idiotically stupid as Charlie Wang's signing of Rick DiPetro's to a 15 year contract. As one owner put it ""It means the owner is a moron," DiPetro just isn't that good and contracts that go for more than lets say more than a decade in a sport where you get hit by wooden sticks probably isn't a good idea. It's a move that screams for other free agents to stay away and for fans to start following other sports. Short of the NHL going belly up and all contracts being voided in the next 6 days, this may go down as the dumbest signing since China's 99 year loaning out of Hong Kong.

And now for a little cheering and cheering:

Cheers: To College Football this weekend. Great matchups. I'm told there are more games with two ranked teams than any other weekend in like 13 years which coincidentally is the last time Michigan beat Notre Dame in South Bend. Now after Michigan, Notre Dame doesn't face another ranked team/team that can field 11 players until the end of the season with USC (honestly Notre Dame might have one of the easiest schedules outside of Michigan and USC) So Wolverines its all on you (actually I should say its on Michael Hart- if Hart can gash some big runs Michigan should win) to stop a Notre Dame BCS bid. The other two games that will keep my interest is Auburn v. LSU (the winner of this game has gone to the SEC Championship 5 out of past 6 years) and USC v. Nebraska (a crushing loss could end Big 12 hopes for a big time BCS bowl).

Cheers: Jamie Laurinitis. AJ Hawk's replacement is quickly making a name for himself as he won the Big 10 defensive player of the week award. OSU is moving to suplant PSU as Linebacker U (that's a lot of U's) with its recent string of great linebackers. For those that are unaware Laurinitis is the son of Animal of Legion of Doom/Road Warriors fame (the greatest tag-team in the history of wrestling...possibly sports).

Jeers: To Tiger Woods losing at the World Match Championship. For some odd reason that I can't fathom Tiger just doesn't excel/dominate/engender awe in match play. One would think one on one other golfers would spend their time asking autographs but nope thats just not the case.

Cheers: To Jay-Z coming out of retirement. Thank goodness. I was up at night crying, thinking to myself "why oh why did such talent deprive the public of his gift" Then my prayers were answered. As Jay-Z himself said "It was the worst retirement in history,"

Jeers: To not eating your veggies. The FDA reported today "Don't Eat Bagged Spinach. It Might Kill you". Henceforth I'll stick with something safe...like deep fried twinkees.

Cheers and Jeers in the News:
After extensive MRIs it has been discovered that rushing Liriano back to Cheer and Jeer has not caused any structural damage.
-Twins' Organization

Week 2- Top QB Brother Duos

As opposed to dwelling on the fact that I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing when it comes to picking NFL games or playing fantasy football, I think its best if I just come up with a fun topic to divert my attention and to divert the wrath of any readers.

Last Sunday, Peyton Manning beat little brother Eli Manning. In an unrelated note, KC was forced to name Damon Huard as its starting QB. Which immediately confused me, because I thought his name was Brock Huard. Of course, I soon realized they were just another set of NFL QB brothers. I then started to think about the collection of QB Brothers off the top of my head (some active players, some inactive) and thought it only appropriate if we rank them:

1) Peyton & Eli Manning – obviously the best QB Brother Duo in the NFL. Ever. And that’s with Eli only playing 1 year.
2) Matt & Tim Hasselbeck – Everybody knows Matt. As for Tim, he is married to this hot chick who was on the show Survivor. After Matt lost in the Super Bowl to the Steelers, I heard that Tim told Matt, that “winners go home and screw the prom queen.” So, Tim’s a winner in my book despite being a backup QB and bouncing around the league.
3) Luke & Josh McCown – I guess the McCown brothers are the 3rd-best duo. Josh looked pretty good on the Cardinals last year. Josh was drafted by former Browns coach Butch Davis, and as 90% of Butch Davis draft picks turned out to be disastrous, Luke may be cursed. For life.
4) Doug & Darren Flutie – Darren played receiver in the CFL, but I’m guessing that at some point, he attempted a pass. I think this duo beats out the other competition based on Doug’s 1 magical year in Buffalo (even though Bills head coach Wade Phillips had the brilliant idea to start Rob Johnson in the playoff game… and allow the Music City Miracle)
5) Brock & Damon Huard- Damon is now the starting QB for the Chiefs, but Brock is a much cooler name.
6)Ty & Koy Detmer – No QB Brother duo list is complete without the Detmer brothers. Ty once threw 7 INTs in a game.
7) Bernie & Hector Kosar – If only there were more tall, immobile QBs who threw the ball sidearm-style.

On to the games!
Manwich Matchup of the Week -
N.Y. Giants at Philadelphia – I realize most of America may still claim that Philly only beat up on a hapless Houston Texan team. However, I still can’t get around the fact that the Eagles probably still have solid O and D-lines, and had a myriad of injuries last season, all aside from the fact that TO and McNabb were off the team for the second half. This game is also pretty fascinating because the Giants can suddenly start off the season at 0-2. This game is a tossup, so I’ll give the edge to the crazy Philly fans. Pick: Philly

Upset of the Week - Detroit at Chicago – Could this be where Martz, Kitna, and Roy Williams break free? Pick: Detroit

Buffalo at Miami – Buffalo played the Patriots pretty tough last week. Not sure whether the Pats stink, or Buffalo is good. I’ll hesitantly go with Miami, though Culpepper is not looking sharp at all. Pick: Miami

Carolina at Minnesota - Eeesh. This is why week 2 is causing me problems. How quickly do I give up on my biases and go with the hot team? Pick: CAR

Cleveland at Cincinnati - Best graphic from last week’s Browns game – at the end of the first quarter, the Browns had 1 yard passing and 1 yard rushing. Best comment from last week’s Browns game - according to the announcers, 2 things got Kellen Winslow through his injuries – 1) video games and 2) his wife. That’s a real quote. Pick: Cincinnati

Houston at Indianapolis – I’m intrigued by the Texans addition of RB Samkon Gado, but then I rememberd that the Houston O-line still stinks. Pick: Indy

New Orleans at Green Bay – I’m more intrigued by why the Packers got the Texans RB and gave up on Gado. Pick: New Orleans

Oakland at Baltimore - I know Week 1 is not necessarily indicative of the whole season, but I feel completely wrong about Aaron Brooks putting up Jeff George-Raider numbers (4000 yards, 30 TDs). Its hard to put up those kind of numbers if you get benched. Pick: Baltimore

Tampa Bay at Atlanta – Teams in opposite directions? Pick: Atlanta

Arizona at Seattle – I don’t think this is the week the Madden curse starts to take hold of the Seahawks. Not yet. Pick: Seattle

St. Louis at San Francisco – Jim Haslett is putting together quite the week 1 resume (last year, as head coach of the Saints, they took down Carolina ; this year, as defensive coordinator of the Rams, he took down Denver and made Jake Plummer feel beaten like a rented mule). Pick: St. Louis

Kansas City at Denver – Damon’s first start is in Denver, which I hear is lovely this time of year. Pick: Denver

New England at N.Y. Jets - I’m so utterly sick of everyone saying the Patriots have no receivers, they are so doomed, how can a team win without experienced receivers, this is the end of an era, etc. etc. etc. 1) Branch and Givens were good, but they were not pro bowl caliber receivers ; 2) the Pats already reloaded to some extent (drafted C. Jackson, acquired D. Gabriel as a #4, got R. Caldwell from San Diego), 3) this is not much of a dropoff, 4) unless your team lost a Randy Moss or TO in its prime (certainly not the case here), the success of the team is still based on the O-line and D-lines! If the Pats stink it up this season, I highly doubt it will be because of the receiver set. Sorry, had to get that out of my system. I just blacked out during that. Pick: New England

Tennessee at San Diego – San Diego, Super chargers! Pick: San Diego

Washington at Dallas- another NFC East matchup that is quite intriguing, as one team will probably be 0-2 afterwards (yes, there is the mathematical possiblity of an 0-1-1). I believe Drew Bledsoe will keep bringing his team down. Tony Romocop would never let Cowboy fans down, because his directives are to “serve the public, protect the innocent, and uphold the law.” Pick: Washington

Pitt @ Jacksonville- Charlie Bisnatch may have saved the Steelers last week. I’m trying to be more objective, and though I hate the Steelers, I feel like picking against them would be foolish. Pick: Pitt

Last Week: 7-9 (yeah, already below .500 ! )
Manwich: 1-0 (thanks Indy!)
Upset of the Week: 0-1 (Aaron Brooks hurt me, I learned my lesson. Don’t pick the Raiders.)

Revenge Is A Dish Best Served In The Bronx

If you’ll permit me this moment of unabashed Yankee arrogance at the expense of anything and everything Bostonian...

Bob Ryan, perhaps the finest sports columnist left on the planet, has weighed in with his MVP vote and it should make Big Papi rush out to seek the solace of a good dozen cheeseburgers.

Since the fate of the AL East has already been decided and the Yankees have their ninth straight division crown just about in the bag, I won’t spend too much time discussing this upcoming weekend’s four game series between the Yanks and Red Sox at Yankee Stadium. The only thing I will mention is that if the Yankees win tonight (weather permitting) then, ignominy of ignominies, the Yankees can put the final deathblow on the 2006 Red Sox by beating them three times this weekend. It won’t erase 2004, but it would go a long way to re-establishing the right and proper order of things in the Yankee Universe.

And now, I leave you all with a picture...

That’s Big Papi looking up at the Yanks in the standings...and Derek Jeter in the MVP voting.

2006 AL MVB (Most Valuable Bitch)

I’m a diehard Yankee fan and I hate everything about the Boston Red Sox. And as much as David Ortiz has killed the Yankees since the 2003 season, I still give him a degree of respect because he always manages to come through for his ballclub. There are a lot of Red Sox that are easy to hate (Varitek and Beckett chief among them) but Ortiz, for some reason, has sort of grown on me. I still root against him and I hope that every time he faces the Yankees, a fastball finds its way right into his ribs or his fat ass, but I don’t wish him death or deformity (I reserve that sort of loathing for others in Red Sox uniforms).

All of the above was true until a few minutes ago, when I read this. A player should never openly campaign for personal accolades. Teammates, coaches, managers, team owners, and local reporters/TV commentators should do all of the electioneering for individual awards like MVP’s, Gold Gloves, or Cy Youngs. I find it both unseemly and pathetic for a guy like Ortiz to be openly carping for an MVP when his team has gone into the toilet and has no chance at making the playoffs. It reeks of the same selfishness that goes with “Manny being Manny” territory.

Ortiz should know better than to ever degrade a player like Derek Jeter, calling him out as a product of the Yankees’ deep lineup. Someone should point out to David Ortiz that he is a product of hitting in front of Manny Ramirez, without whom teams would simply never give Ortiz an opportunity to swing the bat. And that, folks, is why Manny is the real MVP of the Boston Red Sox.

There’s also that little inconvenient factor of statistical evidence that shows Manny to be worth more to Boston’s wins than Ortiz since he’s leading: (1) the AL in Win Shares, (2) second in Runs Created per Game, (3) ahead of Ortiz in Batting Average/Runners in Scoring Position (note – file this in the “don’t believe everything you see on ESPN when it comes to clutch” department) and (4) not even the highest-ranked designated hitter in the 2006 VORP leaderboard (that distinction belongs to Travis Hafner).

In short, Ortiz needs to remember that no one likes a self-promoter. He needs to shut up and play out the last handful of meaningless baseball games for the Red Sox. If he really wants the MVP in 2007, maybe he should drop 40 pounds and learn how to play the field.

Obituaries – Week of September 10th

This column, and the ones that follow, will serve as obituaries for the teams likely to be mathematically eliminated from postseason contention during the week. Each team will be identified and their deathwatch number will be written in parenthesis next to their name (deathwatch number will be as of the previous day’s games).

1. Cleveland Indians (3). The 2006 Indians were among the biggest disappointments of the year. Predicted by most to contend for a division title or the AL Wild Card, the Indians dipped under .500 during the season’s 10th week and have not been able to tread water since. After a frustrating off-season in which they were not able to secure their own free agents (Kevin Millwood, Bob Howry) or convince others to join them (Trevor Hoffman), the Indians traded Coco Crisp to Boston for minor league prospect Andy Marte. The Indians struggled with their pitching and defense and consequently, MVP-type seasons by DH Travis Hafner and CF Grady Sizemore were wasted on a fourth-place team.

2. Atlanta Braves (2). The incredible run seems to be over. After 14 consecutive division titles (3 NL West – ’91-‘93; 11 NL East – ’95-‘05), the Braves will be watching the playoffs from home this October. This day has been coming for quite some time, as the Braves’ dominance in their division had been as much about great pitching as it had been about poor competition. As the Mets transformed themselves into a juggernaut, the Braves’ trademark pitching began to fall apart two seasons ago. The Braves have nothing to be ashamed of. I hope that the generally-apathetic fans of Atlanta go out to Turner Field for the team’s last homestand and give them a long and well-deserved standing ovation. Bobby Cox and company have earned the vacation from October.

3. Pittsburgh Pirates (2). What to say about this team? They were poorly constructed, their minor league pitching prospects (Zach Duke, Oliver Perez, Tim Gorzelanny) did not pan out as expected in ’06, and the offense, with the exception of Jason Bay and Freddy Sanchez, was poor. The Pirates haven’t had a winning season since 1992 and they don’t look any closer to turning it around in 2007. Baseball’s pretty close to dead in the Steel City.

4. Chicago Cubs (1). I was bullish on the 2006 Cubs but, as all things go on the North Side of Chicago, Derrek Lee’s injury ended Chicago’s season before it really ever began. Coupled with Juan Pierre and Aramis Ramirez’s atrocious first half, and the ever-predictable injuries to Kerry Wood and Mark Prior, Chicago dipped under .500 in the season’s 6th week and now resides in the basement of the game’s worst division. They’ll be put out of their misery within the next 48 hours. If team ownership and management has any baseball acumen whatsoever, Dusty Baker will be fired the day after the season ends. There is really nothing else positive to say about this team. If ever there was a team desperate for wholesale changes in its approach to baseball operations, it’s this one.

Note #1 – I did not prepare obituaries for the three teams already eliminated from postseason play (Kansas City Royals, Tampa Bay Devil Rays, Baltimore Orioles) because those three teams suck harder than words can describe. Suffice it to say, these teams died the type of early and painful death befitting franchises that do not care enough to compete among the ranks of the “varsity” MLB teams.

Note #2 – The next group of teams to be listed on deathwatch:

Boston Red Sox (11);
Toronto Blue Jays (9);
Texas Rangers (10);
Seattle Mariners (7);
Milwaukee Brewers (10);
Arizona Diamondbacks (12); and
Colorado Rockies (11)

MMBSD: Auguring the Future

As I sit here my breakfast and race the clock for submitting this article (the new co-editor is demanding sandwich) I'm tempted to pull a pundit and make grandiose claims after this early week of football. However it would be a huge mistake. Pro Football, you only play your way out of playoffs in the first half of the season and college football...well your always on a razor's edge. However a few details caught my eye so here goes:

OSU v. Texas
I wouldn't say that the OSU - Texas exactly lived up to the billing butthe game was closer than the score appeared it to be. It was not until much later that the turning points of the game (A Laurinitis induced fumble in the red zone and then the 2 minute drill strike to Ted Ginn Jr.) were realized to be turning points. I think there were three factors that led to the OSU win. First, Troy Smith has become as a cool and collected passer as they come in the college ranks. Texas has one of the best defensive lines in the country but Smith never seemed rattled. Second, Anthony Gonzalez actually lives these days inside of an oxygen tent. Gonzalez seemed to be in the right place at the right time all night and I have to believe his artificial high altitutude training was a major factor. (Little known fact when prepping for a big exam, Gutsy studies in a combination oxygen tent, hyperbolic chamber) Finally OSU star powered sideline typed the scales. While Texas had Matthew McConaughey and Emmit Smith tainted by Dancing with the Stars, OSU had Eddie George and Lebron James. Lebron cashed in his fame for some sideline tickets with his almost-alumni school. Hey, it's good to be the king!


Around the NFL in 5 Thoughts or Less...
1. The race for the number one draft pick is off and I'm calling it a close race between the Titans, Packers and Browns. My guess is that the Titans will evantually get better which leaves the Packers and Browns. Neither team seems to have any sort of offensive line. The Packers are yoked to an over the hill quarterback (now wouldn't that be an ignominious end to Favre's career if he's yanked for Aaron Rogers) while the Browns have the coaching version of typhoid fever with offensive coordinator Maurice Carthon. On third and inches not once but 4 times Carthon avoided using (heck even decoying) 1,200 yard rusher Rubeon Droughns. (let alone that the two minute drill looks like something out of a Felini film.)

2. A lot of new coaches and here's some thoughts on them: Eric Mangini is a lot fatter than he looks in his picture. Either Seattle is in for a long long year or Rod Marinelli is twice the miracle worker that got Helen Keller to talk. The best move by a rookie coach might go to Scott Linehan for bringing in Jim Haslett to coach up the Rams previously soft defense.

3. I don't care what the refs, League, etc say...it was a dirty, unnecessary and sickening hit on Trent Green. I hope he gets well soon.

4. I'm a little bummed out over no Sunday Night Primetime in ESPNville. NBC Sunday Night Football keeps ESPN from showing their highlights while the game is in progress. I guess I'll just have to wait till 10 "Sportscenter" to get my fill of NFL nicknames. That said NBC's "Football Night in America" did a decent job of highlight reels. I'm a fan of Sterling Sharp and Jerome Bettis commentary while Bob Costas has the best snarky comments.

5. Teams that caught my eye in a good way: Baltimore (crushing win), Atlanta (passing yardage), San Fran (Vernon Davis) and teams that caught my eye in a bad way: New England (offensive line), Denver (your killing your father Jake) and Tampa Bay (goose egg).

A Conspiracy Theory to Support

I was listening to ESPN Radio during the early games today, and at one point they cut over to Pedro Gomez, reporting from the new Cardinals Stadium in Phoenix. Gomez talked about how excited all the locals were for the team and the new arena, how it was the most excited he'd ever seen the fans there in all the years he's been in Arizona, and how important it would be for the Cardinals to win the first game in order to validate all the excitement and avoid a "here we go again" mentality.

That got me thinking: a quick look at Arizona's schedule indicates that, by far, San Francisco is their easiest home opponent. Is it possible that the NFL schedulers set this one up intentionally, to groove a Week 1 win for the Cards?

I say, yes, it's quite possible, maybe even probable - and I have no issue with that whatsoever. There is no science or magic in the specifics of any team's week-to-week schedule, and this was as good a week for Arizona to host San Francisco as it would have been to host Seattle. But if bringing in the 49ers meant that the NFL could help spark football in the large Phoenix market, then I'm all for it.

Horns Hooked

#1 beats #2 24 - 7 in an early season showdown....

Friday Ramblings

It’s been a while since I posted. Two things on my mind today:

1. Now this, this is an idea I can get behind. Why is it that a pop-culture observer can come up with a better sports idea than the trained monkeys at ESPN who are actually paid to write and think critically about sports? Anyway, I love the idea and I hope someone at USA Basketball is listening. I’m 100% positive that the US will not deviate from its formula but I wish they would read this and see the value in this concept.

2. I was talking about the Red Sox with a friend of mine this weekend. The general perception surrounding the 2006 Red Sox falls into two main camps. The first group thinks that the ’06 Sox simply got unlucky at the wrong time, and that injuries to Varitek, Nixon, Ramirez, Ortiz, Clement, Wakefield, Papelbon, and Lester torpedoed their season. The second group thinks that the ’06 Sox were right on the cusp of greatness but were led down the wrong path by the (mis-)management team of GM Theo Epstein and President Larry Lucchino.

My feeling is that it’s a bit of both and a whole lot of neither. It’s true; the Red Sox played a lot of their games in August without some of their starting players. Most teams cannot withstand such a sudden rash of injuries, especially during a key stretch of the season. So there is definitely a bit of value to the “unlucky” theory. But it’s also true that, of the everyday players, only Varitek and Nixon missed a significant amount of playing time. Ortiz missed a week due to his irregular heartbeat. Manny didn’t suffer injuries as much as he picked mid-August as his annual “Manny being Manny (is a selfish prick)” vacation. The injuries to Clement and Wakefield, while unfortunate, are something I’ll touch on in just a bit...

Those (including Bill Simmons) that have trashed Boston’s front office for not being more proactive during the trade deadline also have a bit of a point. The Red Sox, with all the games they sell out at Fenway Park, with the highest ticket prices in baseball, with their $120M payroll, could’ve easily afforded to add payroll to their roster at the end of July. That they didn’t was a bit curious. That they played the impoverished card and compared themselves to the big bad Yankees was fairly ridiculous. But what isn’t ridiculous is the basic truth in Theo Epstein’s rationale for not forcing a deal – the market just wasn’t that rich for buyers. Outside of the Yankees’ trade for Bobby Abreu and Cory Lidle, the Dodgers were the only other team that was able to acquire premium talent (if you consider a 40-year old pitcher whose 9-11 record with a 5.02 ERA at the time being “premium”).

The point is, for those fans that patted Red Sox management on the back for trading youth in order to acquire Josh Beckett and Mike Lowell, how could retaining youth at the trade deadline be construed as a bad move? Would trading more youth for C- and D-level talent be a worthwhile move? Theo’s worst move of the year was trading Josh Bard for Doug Mirabelli back in May. That was a pure panic move. But otherwise, can Red Sox fans really complain about the caliber of players this management team has brought in since taking over in 2002?

In effect, Theo’s only mistake was not selling the inactivity in the right way. Instead of whining about what the Yankees were able to do with Philadelphia, Theo simply should’ve reminded fans that the Red Sox still have some talent at the minor league level and that they continue to draft and scout top-notch players. Fans don’t want to hear about how the Red Sox view themselves as “have nots”, not when they’re paying top dollar to keep Fenway Park packed every night.

The 2006 Red Sox are, as of this writing, 15 games from mathematical elimination. They have a nearly zero percent chance of making the post-season over the White Sox, Twins, or Yankees. But the reason for this isn’t entirely due to bad luck and it’s not entirely due to a poor front office. Plain and simple, their pitching wasn’t good enough all year. They’ve given up the fourth-most runs in the American League and they have the highest team ERA of any team still over .500. Josh Beckett has been a major bust in 2006 and the Red Sox are still paying for the mistake they made in signing Matt Clement. If the Sox don’t address their pitching, next year won’t be any better.

Colonel Sanders Finger Lickin' Picks for all Degenerate Gamblers Out There - Week 1

Since even this degenerate gambler will not bet on week 1, I don't know why I am doing this but here are my thoughts on the games against the spread.

Miami at Pittsburgh (-1): Pittsburgh
Atlanta at Carolina (-5): Carolina
Baltimore at TB (-3): Baltimore
Buffalo at NE (-9.5): Buffalo
Cincy at KC (-2.5): Cincy
Denver (-4) at St Louis: Denver (hometown love)
NO at Cleveland (-3): NO (sorry Steamers, I think that Brees will breeze through the mistake by the lake)
NYJ at Tenn (-3): Who cares...TENN
Philly(-5.5) at Houston: Philly
Seattle (-6) at Detroit: Detroit (if their new coach will actually have them playing, this is a very strange line)
Chicago(-3.5) at GB: Chicago, I will not be watching this game on Sunday Ticket
Dallas at Jacksonsville (-3): Dallas, why can't national sports have decent games in the afternoon, do I have to choose from DAL/JAC, SF/AR and CHI/GB, ugh
SF at Arizona (-9): ARI, only because it is the first game in the new field
IND (-3.5) at NYG: Indy
MINN at WAS (-4.5): MINN (Brad Johnson will avenge his old team and Chester the Molester will run wild through the streets of DC)
SD (-3) at OAK: SD, another strange line that I am not sure why it is so small

Bet the baby, the car and the wife pick (ie lock pick): The over in the Cincy/KC game at 46.5 points. Last year there was a total of 40 points scored in the game and Jon Kitna was playing and he threw for 76 total yards. My first week of Madden the score was 66-42...Madden never lies, just look at the Madden curse.

Cheers and Jeers: Three Wise Men

Ingredients:

• 1/3 oz Jack Daniels
• 1/3 oz Johnnie Walker
• 1/3 oz Jim Beam

Fortunately or unfortunately I wasn't raised in a polygamous household. Instead of 3 wise men to look up to, I just have one, my dad. I talk sports with Mighty Dad on a fairly regular basis and while he doesn't follow sports as intently as us nutsos that go through several series of espn news, worry about the Madden curse, play fantasy football,etc; he always has a good scouting eye. Also he's actually seen a Cleveland championship in his lifetime, which is a step up from me. I think that makes him a tad more sane than most Clevelanders you run into. So here's Mighty Dad NFL predictions:
AFC East: Miami - New England had too many losses and Dolphins D will be solid.
AFC North: Cincinnati - Will have as good as an offense as the Colts. Roethlisberger will struggle a little.
AFC South - Indianopolis - Colts still the beast of this weak division
AFC West - Denver. Solid running game always gets you far
Wild Cards - Pittsburgh - still a great defense. San Diego - There is always a big surprise so why not this.

AFC Championship - Colts v. Bengals, Bengals win as Dungy continues to come up short.

NFC East - Philly. New school coaching with Andy Reid will win out.
NFC Norris - Chicago. Defense, Defense, Defense. (although Detroit will come in second)
NFC South - Carolina - D-Line
NFC West - Seattle - Weakest Division
NFC Wild Card - Dallas (Parcells), Washington (Gibbs and D)

NFC Championship - Rematch City Seattle v. Carolina

Super Bowl: Seattle over Bengals

And now for some cheering and jeering

Cheers: To the Browns who possibly are done with their train of new centers. Since the begining of training camp the Browns have gone through 9 (yes thats nine) centers. At the end of one of the weirdest training camps on record Jimmy Donovan, the Cleveland radio play by play man, when discussing the upcoming game against New Orleans and Reggie Bush said "I can't wait to see bush". Jimmy, I too am tickled pink at the prospect of seeing bush. Man the FCC is totally busting us.

Jeers: To Texas cornerback, Tarrell Brown, who was arrested for gun and drug charges. Now he claims that he just fell asleep and these items appeared on him in his sleep. I would be skeptical however Publius has totally planted illegal items on me when I fell asleep.

Cheers: To Anibel Sanchez throwing a no-hitter. As I said a great year for rookie pitchers.

Jeers: To the rise of intersex fish in the Potomac. I always said DC's taint was serious but I had no idea it caused physical side affects.

Cheers: To yahoonews. Click the clink quickly because this is too funny.

Mega-Cheers: To the start of the NFL Season. I predict Joe Theisman tackles Kornheiser on air, Terry Bradshaw doesn't notice that James Brown has been replaced by Joe Buck and I will be confused at least twice a month as to why MNF is not on ABC. In honor of the first game tonight (Miami v. Pittsburgh) here's a little Cleveland love for the Steel City (Turkey Jones spiking Bradshaw).

Cheers and Jeers in the News:
"Cheering and jeering is a ticketable offense unless done so in the designated area at a designated time"
-DC Police

NFL Picks

Well, this week begins my nirvana.
"Pepper needs new shorts!!"

Not only does the NFL begin on Thursday, but OSU and TX clash in the annual epic pre-bowl bowl on Sat. This time the Young-less Longhorns will face Troy Smith and Ginn Jr. (i'm fairly certain he was the #47 car in Taladega Nights... yes, he is that fast). I cheer for OSU 3 times during the year (vs. TX, ND, and during bowl games)... go buckeyes! (what is a buckeye?)

Don't forget Penn State vs. ND and the US Open.

Peter La Fleur: "Come on, Kate. It's time to put your mouth where our balls are."

Onto my NFL Picks...
AFC:

East:
New England-- duh.
Miami-- i'm not ready to jump on the Fish bandwagon as they have a habit of disappearing when the weather dips below 50 in Buffalo (October). I picked them for #2 because this division is just that bad.
Buffalo--
Jets--

South:
Indy-- I won't pick them for the Superbowl
JAX-- JAX and Carolina end up better than I think they should be so I'll run with it.
TN-- Better then you'd think... but 9-7 or 8-8.
TX-- Ov vey.

North:
Pitt-- Ben's face vs. Carson's ACL. I pick Ben's face.
Cincy-- See above.
Cobra Commander-- Baltimore... watching the Ravens play football is cruel and should be unconstitutional.
Ohhh, the Cleveland Steamers finishing last. At least they wont tease Mighty into thinking they MIGHT be good. they won't.

West: tough one... people seem to like Denver mostly out of history... and the amazing man-stable they have playing offensive line.
Denver--
SD-- I thought they were playoff material last year and still think so.
KC-- Dick V teams have a 3 year window and KC is fading...
Oakland-- Where veterans goto pasture... hollywood squares of the NFL.

New England represents the AFC in the superbowl after beating Indy... Adam V. misses the game winning kick!! Paging Dr. irony, your help is needed in OR.

NFC: (isn't this the national league of the NFL?)

East:
Giants-- Toss up but the rivarly between the Eagles and the GMen is back!
Philly--
Dallas-- Bledsoe is still lousy. He looks like a deer in headlights.
Washington-- I am not certain which is worse, (a)the GOP Congressional majority or (b) Mark Brunnell as QB. During session I vote (a) but on sundays, I vote (b). Next year, I'm doing the Sunday ticket to avoid Redskins regional coverage.

South:
Carolina-- See JAX... ohh and since the Whalers won the Stanley Cup the whale power transfers to the NFL. It's science.
TB-- Gruden looks like Sting but really pissed off. I think he owns Vick.
ATL-- Owned by Sting.
NO-- Cheers to the end of Aaron Brooks era.

North:
Yes, Da Bears.
Dettown-- Mad Martz works with less talent but he still can put up more points than INT Favre and MN.
Vikings--
Packers--

West:
Seattle-- Madden curse be damned. they are still talented.
STL-- They are back. Watch out Seattle.
AZ-- Jesus powered Warner cant fool me twice... Matt Leinart?
SF-- Bonds will hit a home run.

Carolina defeats tge G-Men for the chance to lose to NE again in the Superbowl.

Week 1 – NFL Kickoff ‘Pickoff

As the NFL season begins, its back to my traditional format – picking the games based off of ridiculous, arbitrary reasons. I must say, Week 1 has typically been a terrible week for picking games the last few years. The reason for the uncertainty is that when the season starts off preconceived notions about many teams are shattered almost immediately. A lot of the games on this year’s Week 1 seem relatively simple, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I miss half (or more of) the games this week.

Manwich Matchup of the Week – Indy @ NY Giants – Quite the intriguing game, but it locked up “Manwich” status considering I have this game as my Super Bowl pick. It will be really interesting to see how well Indy runs the ball, and fantasy owners will be curious WHO is running the ball. Anyway, I guess I have to go with my super bowl pick, though I am tempted to pick the Giants, just so Indy will be extra motivated all season to get back to the Super Bowl to play the Giants and beat them. Pick: Indy

Upset of the week - San Diego @ Oakland – First start of the season for Philip "Running" Rivers is a late Monday night game in Oakland. I can’t go with Philip Rivers, as much as I like the guy because he’s essentially a rookie. Pick: Oakland

Miami @ Pitt – I wonder if old Miami coach, Dave “The Moustache” Wannstedt, currently the coach at Pitt, will show up to cheer against the Dolphins. Hines Ward is hobbled, Roethlisberger is out, which makes picking the road team a lote easier. Pick: Miami

Seattle @ Detroit – I was seriously close to picking Detroit. If offensive coordinator Mike Martz finds a way to put up lots of points by simply transferring the St. Louis offensive package, I will be really amazed. Pick: Seattle

Philly @ Houston – Houston just has no luck. The #1 pick, Super Mario Williams hasn’t looked great, RB D. Davis is out for the season, and then they were forced to sign RB Ron Dayne. Every time you think Dayne’s pathetic career is over, and it seems like Dayne can go back to getting fat and eating Twinkies, some other team ends up picking him up! I say, “let him have the twinkies!” Pick: Philly

NY Jets @ Tennessee – Who the hell is playing in this game? Is it Vince Young? Is it Chad Pennington? Is David Givens really on Tennessee? Is Al Toon on the Jets? Pick: Tennesee

NO @ Cleveland – As a Cleveland fan, this is one of the 6 designated weeks that I am picking the Browns. I’m sticking to the formula this year. I’m also hoping that the Browns do not create a superstar out of Reggie Bush. Pick: Cleveland

Denver @ St. Louis – Broncos GM Ted Sundquist finally acknowledged the pain and suffering he has inflicted on fantasy football owners the last 7 years: "With all due respect to the fantasy football people out there, I don't care who we have back there." That’s a real quote, found it on Yahoo. I guess he gets a lot of hate-mail. Pick: Denver

Cincy @ KC - This is another game that could have easily been the Manwich Matchup. I’m just going to go with the home team, and eliminate all other analysis. Pick: KC

Buffalo @ New England – Remember that game back in like 2003 when Buffalo beat the Patriots 31-0 to kick off the season? I don’t think that’s happening this year. Pick: New England

Baltimore @ Tampa – Two of the craziest coaches, Cobra Commander (Brian Billick), and Jon “Chucky” Gruden will be locked in an epic chess battle. I could see Gruden finding Billick’s hotel, and paying a high school band to play music at 3AM to ensure that Cobra Commander doesn’t get any restful sleep. A grumpy Cobra Commander does not usually make good decisions. Pick: Tampa

Atlanta @ CAR – Wow, this is a very important game in the NFC South, right off the bat. Steve Smith has been battling some sort of hamstring injury, but hopefully for CAR, its not a big deal. Pick: CAR

San Fran @ Arizona – It will be very interesting to see if Edgerrin James can actually gain some rushing yards behind the pathetic Arizona O-line. Pick: Arizona

Dallas @ Jacksonville – Another intriguing game where many reasons can be given for either team to win. As I said in my earlier preview article though, I just don’t respect Drew Bledsoe anymore. If he proves me wrong this week, I may reconsider, but for now, I’m holding on to my blind bias against him. Pick: Jacksonville

Chicago @ Green Bay – To ridicule Favre even more for coming back for an extra season on a crappy team, I’m going to also pick his interception total for each week. Pick: Chicago, and 3 Picks for Favre

Minnesota @ Washington – I think this could also be an intriguing game. If Washington had a more solid QB, I probably wouldn’t be intrigued. I just gave up on Brunell a while ago. I’m also assuming Portis is not healthy to play in this game, but I’m guessing Wasington will find a way. Minnesota rookie head coach, Brad Childress, takes the field. I was hoping to glean some info from my earlier article previewing the coaches, but all I said was that he had a good moustache. Pick: Washington

Past Years Stats - "I'm only mortal"
2005 – 160-96
Manwich Matchup: 10-7
Upset Special: 3-14 (That’s not a misprint)
2004 – 150-106
Manwich Matchup: 7-11 (I doubled the serving of Manwich one week)
Upset Special: 7-9

Hitman's NFL Picks

No pomp, no circumstance. Here we go:

AFC:

East:
1. New England - Pats still have too many weapons and too much experience. Absent major changes, this is their last year as a serious contender.
2. Miami - Playoff contender and great sleeper choice...if Daunte stays off the ocean.
3. Buffalo - Aiming to become the worst third-place team in league history.
4. NY Jets - J-E-T-S! Blech! Blech! Barf!

South:
1. Indianapolis - Where there is Peyton, there is hope. The team nobody ever, ever wants to face.
2. Jacksonville - Just good enough to stir the pot, but don't expect too much.
3. Tennessee - Look out, Buffalo!
4. Tampa Bay Devil Rays Golden State Warriors Houston Texans.

North:
1. Cincinnati - The most complete team in the NFL, but can they put it all together?
2. Pittsburgh - Good team that isn't good enough to repeat.
3. Baltimore - Possible darkhorse, but in this division, don't count on it.
4. Cleveland - The newest Mistake by the Lake.

West:
1. Denver - Why not? Nobody else in this division is good enough.
2. Kansas City - Serious darkhorse, if Edwards can motivate this squad. Lots of talent here.
3. San Diego - Everything is in place but the QB, and Rivers might not be far off.
4. Oakland - The Silver and Black could surprise a few teams, but it's a heavy burden.

NFC:

East:
1. NY Giants - The team most likely to be good, in the league's toughest division.
2. Washington - Another squad that is rapidly improving.
3. Dallas - If T.O. is not the distraction I think he'll be, Dallas moves up real quick.
4. Philadelphia - Hard to imagine Philly not winning 10 games, but somebody's got to finish last here.

South:
1. Carolina - The same team that's probably been the NFC's best over the last 32 games.
2. Tampa Bay - It'll all come down to intra-division games. Can the Bucs beat the Falcons? It's up to Mr. Simms.
3. Atlanta - Pretty soon, we're going to write this team off, if we haven't already. But this team is good enough to go far.
4. New Orleans - Finally, a Bush that might actually help New Orleans...

North:
1. Chicago - Ok, I'm biased. But there's no serious challenger in the Norris. Though unlikely, solid QB play puts the league's best defense in the Super Bowl.
2. Detroit - Somewhere, Wayne Fontes is grinning.
3. Minnesota - They'll need a year to get their, um, ship in order.
4. Green Bay - A sad way for one of the all-time greats to bow out.

West:
1. Seattle - Another very talented team with little competition, and the team most likely to grab home-field.
2. St. Louis - Sorry, Arizona, but I'll believe in your arrival only if and when it happens. Too much crappin' on the Rams without good reason.
3. Arizona - No, no, THIS is their year. Right.
4. San Francisco - They're making the right moves, but it'll be 2007 or 2008 before they hit .500.

Playoffs:

AFC:
#3 New England over #6 Miami
#5 Pittsburgh over #4 Denver

#1 Indianapolis over #5 Pittsburgh
#2 Cincinnati over #3 New England

#1 Indianapolis over #2 Cincinnati

NFC:
#3 NY Giantsover #6 Washington
#4 Carolina over #5 Tampa Bay

#4 Carolina over #1 Seattle
#3 NY Giants over #2 Chicago

#4 Carolina over #3 NY Giants

Super Bowl XLI: Indianapolis over Carolina. Truth is, you can roll the dice with the NFC, and the winner there loses to Indy or Cincy.

Hail to the Victors

Nuff Said.

Hail to the Victors in Ohio

Well I am back from my trip to the "Heart of it all", the wonderful place where I grew up and follow all their major sports teams. My girlfriend and I went to visit my parents for the weekend. In that weekend, we went to a single A minor league baseball game (the Dayton Dragons), went to the Buckeyes game and watched the Reds on TV continue to fall into the depths of despair that are the Reds.

1) I had never been to a minor league baseball game, so I was really excited to go. We sat about 5 rows above the on deck circle right by where the net to catch foul balls ends (my goal of catching a foul ball wasn't achieved). I was impressed by the stadium and caliber of play. There was constantly entertainment between innings, including 10 year old cheerleaders dancing around, guys in frog outfits playing leap frog and 2 year old racing each other. The only thing that could have been improved was that the food and especially the beer was the same price as a normal ball park. I would think that they would try and make it more affordable for a family to go there.

2) Anyone that has not gone to a college football game in the Horseshoe, Big House, Notre Dame stadium etc is missing out on something big. My parents have season tickets to the Buckeye games in the first row of the top deck around the 40 yard line. Just the sheer volume of 105,000 people is crazy. Also the script Ohio is another cool thing, with the band making (or in our case 4) a script of Ohio on the field. Just a very cool experience. The Buckeyes offense looked really good, their defense will not win a national title. There were holes the size of Orlando Pace in the run defense line. Although Northern Illinois RB is extremely good, Mike Hart could easily have run through that defensive line. The game should have actually been around 35-21, because there were a couple of breakouts that should have been touchdowns and NI had an interception on the end zone. OSU's defense won't be able to play that badly against UM, TEX, and PSU.

3) The Reds suck and my previous post was incorrect, they don't deserve to win and I hope they finish dead last in the Central Division. Fuck em.

MMBSD: New Co-Editor, New NFL Season

Dear Consumers of this great Medium,
As was part of the deal , I the Sandwich, have replaced Mighty Mike as the BSD co-editor. While Mighty if trying to come back from his total route at my hands, I will try my hand at this "Back Seat Driving". As such here is my, the Turkey Sandwiches, predictions for the NFL Season 2006.

AFC East

1. NE Pats

2. Miami - X

3. Buffalo

4. Jets

AFC North

1. Cinci

2. Pitts - X

3. Baltimore

4. Cleveland

AFC South

1. Indi

2. Jacksonville

3. Texas

4. Tennessee

AFC West

1. Denver

2. San Diego

3. KC

4. Oakland

NFC East

1. Dallas

2. Philly - X

3. Giants - X

4. Washington

NFC North

1. Chicago

2. Detroit

3. Minnesota

4. GB

NFC South

1. Carolina

2. Atlanta

3. Tampa

4. New Orleans

NFC West

1. Seattle

2. Arizona

3. StL

4. San Fran

Super Bowl: Cinci over Seattle

Changes In The Works At BSD?

I would like to announce to the world that Katz’s Turkey Sandwich on Rye is now a new co-editor of Back Seat Drivers. Mighty Mike fought valiantly but was defeated at the hands of an overstuffed deli plate.

(Please note that the sandwich pictured above was what I consumed with absolutely no second thoughts or hesitation. I think that qualifies me for a promotion here at BSD. I should now be known as “MJ – Columnist/Gourmand”). There better be a raise that goes with the new title.

It was great to see the Mighty One after so long. Hopefully he has less of a headache than I do this morning.

Onto sports...

1. Team USA was vanquished by my ancestors and relatives. I knew it was possible that Team USA would lose to the Greeks but I never thought it would be such a high-scoring affair. The Greek team is known for their airtight defense. So now it’s official, Greece has one of the best national sports programs in the country. They are the reigning European champions in both soccer (2004) and basketball (2005) and are guaranteed no less than a silver medal at the world basketball games. That’s pretty impressive for a pint-sized country with a national population that is only slightly larger than my hometown of New York. Team USA will have to settle for trying to win the bronze against Argentina.

2. College football is underway. I won’t write much about it except to wish good luck to Ohio State (my adopted team for the purposes of annoying the Michigan fans around here) and to send a shout-out to our very own Colonel Sanders who will be at The Horseshoe with his parents and girlfriend tomorrow afternoon.

3. Ryan Howard hit his 49th homer of the season, making him the single-season homerun king of the Philadelphia Phillies. By passing Mike Schmidt, Howard has left his imprint on one of baseball’s oldest franchises. Howard is a lot of fun to root for. If the Phillies make the playoffs, he’s got my MVP vote.

National League Wild Card

From Jim Caple of ESPN.com:

“Dilemma. With the Marlins roaring back into the wild-card picture, do you cheer for the low-budget team with a chance to reach the World Series despite a $15 million payroll? Or do you root against a miserable owner who screwed over the city of Montreal, drastically cut his payroll, demands the taxpayers build him a new stadium despite taking in far more money in revenue-sharing than he shells out in payroll and is so petty he might fire manager Joe Girardi despite the team’s success? The answer: We’ll root for the Giants, Reds, Padres, Phillies and Astros.”

Personally, I’m rooting for the Reds and Phillies. The Padres are too dull, the Giants are impossible to root for with Barry Bonds on the roster, and enough is enough with the Astros who score less frequently than a pimply-faced, malodorous nerd.

* * * * *

To follow up on Gutsy’s sentiments, I love this blog and I’m happy to wish it a happy 2nd birthday. May I continue to contribute to its “terrible twos” and beyond. Thanks to Gutsy and Mighty for being our fearless leaders.

Happy 2nd Anniversary to BSD and 2006 NFL Preview

Not only is the NFL season upon us, but it also represents the 2nd Anniversary of the Back Seat Driver’s founding. Last year’s anniversary column revealed a number of interesting things, such as the fact that 259 posts were made in the 1st year.

This year was a much more verbose period for BSD. Granted, the first year really didn’t have as many writers until much later in the NFL season (if not the MLB season). This year… the unofficial count is… 543 posts! In addition, this is exactly the 803rd post of the blog, according to blogger.com.

Unfortunately, I don’t have the time to do the breakdown of the posts by author, as I did last year. This year has been another year of stellar growth for BSD, as pictures and mytube videos have really spiced up the articles.

I will reiterate what I said last year, “I just wanted to thank Mighty Mike for his foresight in creating this blog, which has provided joy to jedi across the galaxy. In addition, his contribution to this very article was also helpful!” If Mighty Mike should be defeated by a corned beef sandwich before he reads this, then I would like to thank the new editor, Chunky Corned Beef Sandwich.

In addition, I would like to thank all of the other contributors (alphabetically): 24, Beth, Colonel Sanders, Hart, Jon, Josh Pho Minh, Laz, MJ, Mr. Nonymous, Publius. Some may have contributed more than others. For example, I don’t even recall “24” ever submitting anything. Nor do I recall “MJ” submitting any articles.

Alas, it’s time to get down and dirty… its time for the NFL preview! Many topics for this upcoming season have been covered already on Back Seat Drivers, so I will try my best to keep things as simple, fresh, and relatively brief as possible.

AFC East
1. New England – I just don’t see them losing their stranglehold on what has become a relatively weak division.
2. Miami – It’s possible if Culpepper regains his 2004 form that the Dolphins would overtake the Patriots. Honestly though, Culpepper tore all 3 ligaments in his knee so his comeback is the least likely of the 4 Horsemen of Injured QBs (Culpepper, Brees, Palmer Roethlisberger), especially considering Culpeppter’s mobility was a big part of his success.
3. NY Jets – probably the worst 3rd place team in the NFL. And their coach is a Mangina.
4. Buffalo – possibly the worst 4th place team in the NFL. Even Willis McGahee needed extra time to get back to 100% when he tore 3 ligaments. Maybe in the Miami-Buffalo game, Culpepper and McGahee can have some special alone time to talk about it.

AFC North
1. Pittsburgh – I hate them, but its hard to pick against them. Even after losing “emotional” leader Jerome Bettis.
2. Cincinnati – The big question mark is obviously Carson Palmer… the big certainty is jail time and parole for the other players.
3. Cleveland – they have a chance to be marginally better than the Ravens.
4. Baltimore – I’m just hoping the wheels fall off this year, and Ravens coach, Cobra Commander yells out “retreat!” I also find it strange how they keep adding Titans to their roster who were really good a few years ago (D. Mason, S. Rolle, and now S. McNair)

AFC South
1. Indianapolis – they still have a great team despite choking against the Steelers in the playoffs last year.
2. Jacksonville – the benefits of an easy division is that they are in position to make the wildcard each year. The problem this year is that they play the NFC East, where its possible to go 1-3, or even 0-4. Last year, Jacksonville played the NFC West and went 3-1. I think this could mean the difference in them not making it, though they are a good team.
3. Houston – who knows? Maybe they’ll finally improve a little bit.
4. Tennessee – certainly another rebuilding year for the state that has a “raccoon” as its official animal.

AFC West
1. Denver – They picked up Javon Walker from Green Bay, who’s coming off a knee surgery. They are solid on both sides of the ball, but this division can still be tricky, its just that Denver is the safest pick.
2. San Diego – Everything’s riding on a virtual rookie QB, Philip Rivers, and I just can’t think of the last time a QB played well in his 1st year after substantial dormancy. (Culpepper on Minnesota maybe? Pennington’s 1st and only good year?). Because Rivers has a reliable LT and Gates to rely on, I’m going to predict that they sneak into the postseason!
3. KC – KC’s got a good team, but their offensive line is very questionable for the first time in a while.
4. Oakland – I fully expect Aaron Brooks to shine in Oakland. Almost every veteran QB that goes to the Raiders revitalizes their career to some degree (see Jeff Hostetler, Jeff George, Rich Gannon). In addition, Aaron Brooks has a wildly inaccurate, but strong arm. It’s very similar to when Minnesota used Randall Cunningham to just chuck the ball down the field to Randy Moss. Granted, even if Aaron Brooks shines, the defense is still a mess on Oakland.

AFC Playoffs

6-San Diego over 3-Pittsburgh – Due to his offseason motorcycle accident, Roethlisberger has no face, so there’s no way he’ll see the oncoming Shawn Merriman. This game should provide plenty of old footage of that 1994 AFC Championship game when San Diego went into Pittsburgh and somehow won with Stan Humphries as the QB and Natrone Means Business as the RB.

4-New England over 5-Cincinnati- Cincy will have to wait until next year. Only if Carson’s healthy will the Bungles get a better position than going to New England.

1-Indy over 6-San Diego – Classic revenge game. San Diego wrecked Indy’s perfect season last year which sent Indy into some kind of strange tailspin.

2-Denver over 4-New England – No one will expect Denver to win twice in a row, but I see the game coming down to a kick for New England in Mile High, and without Vinatieri, there’s no given the Pats can do it.

1-Indy over 2-Denver – Indy had one of the better defenses last year, and this year should be no different. Losing Edgerrin James should not be a big deal as long as the O-line is intact.

NFC
NFC East – biggest crapshoot of all
1. NY Giants – Could Eli meet up with Peyton in the Super Bowl???
2. Philly – as my friend Paul pointed out, obviously, the conspiracy theory is that the whole reason the TO situation got out of hand last year and TO was forced out of the games, was so that they could bring in Jeff Garcia this year as a backup. Obviously.
3. Dallas – TO rocks. Except when he sleeps in. I still believe the downfall of this team is the immobile QB Drew Bledsoe, and if even QB Tony Romo-cop steps in, they will be better off. Think about this – both of TO’s QBs that were successful at getting him the ball [McNabb, Garcia] were elusive enough to buy enough time for TO to get down field and get separation.
4. Washington – Portis is dinged up at the beginning. The difference between succeeding and failing in the NFC East could come down to just starting 0-2.

NFC North – still pretty weak
1. Chicago – I’m expecting QB Brian Griese to be in charge of this team and take them to a 2nd-round bye due to a very weak schedule (playing the NFC West and the AFC East).
2. Detroit – Coach Rod “Sensei” Marinelli should have his players worked up into a frenzy all season long. Plus, Martz as offensive coordinator always finds ways to score points, which has certainly been the bigger problem for the Lions the last few years. “There is no pain in this dojo. NO Sensei!” I was going to annoint them the “sleeper team”, but its just going too far.
3. Minnesota – Brad Johnson is QB. Is this 1998?
4. Green Bay – The “Farewell Favre” tour begins and ends in the cellar of the division.

NFC South – holy moly, always a tough division
1. Carolina – I’ve chosen the Panther in the Super bowl, or to win the super bowl for each of the last 2 seasons. Honestly, I was prepared to pick them for a 3rd, but too many people have jumped on this bandwagon, so I’ll just jump off of it for now. They still will go far though.
2. Atlanta – I may be the only person who still thinks Vick can improve.
3. Tampa Bay – Should be a much tougher road to the playoffs, what with this division playing the NFC East and the AFC North.
4. New Orleans – I’m excited to see how the Deuce-Reggie backfield is going to work.

NFC West – holy moly, always a crappy division
1. St. Louis – Craziness, I know. St. Louis is switching to a run-oriented offense based on S. Jackson. If Seattle falls to the curse of the Super Bowl champion, St. Louis has the best chance in this division to “seize the day” and the division title, and hence, their switch to a sensible offense, and a reasonable head coach is the basis for me adopting them as my “sleeper team.”
2. Seattle - The last 7 Super Bowl losers have failed to get back to the playoffs. Shaun Alexander is on the cover of Madden, Alexander had a ridiculous amount of carries last season, and they lost their top offensive lineman. That seems like enough superstitious reasons to pick them out of the playoffs. Gotta love superstitions! [Please note: I have no real reason for doing this other than the superstitions].
3. Arizona - I just don’t know when they will turn that corner. Maybe next year, when they have the new stadium.
4. San Fran – Yawn.

NFC Playoffs

3-NY Giants over 6-Philly – great rivalry game. Going w/ home field.
5- Atlanta over 4-St. Louis – St. Louis’s magical run comes to an end.

3- NY Giants over 2-Chicago – Another bye for the Bears, another immediate exit.
1-CAR over 5- Atlanta – CAR always has had Vick’s number

3-NY Giants over 1-CAR – I’m only doing this so I don’t pick CAR.

Super Bowl
1-Indy over 2-NY Giants – I can’t believe I’m doing it, but I’m predicting a Manning vs. Manning showdown. Both have great defenses, which is the main reason they will be having the showdown. I just as easily could have put any of the other NFC East teams in the Super Bowl, as all 4 of them are capable of making the run through the rest of the NFC.

All Baseball All The Time

I’ve been meaning to write an all-baseball post for quite some time. So, without further ado, here are the most interesting things going on in the baseball universe:

1. Roy Oswalt has signed a five-year/$73M contract extension. A great move by the Houston Astros in keeping the franchise ace in town until his 34th birthday. However that, and $1.50 gets you a bottle of water. The Astros offense is horrendous and they, like the Cardinals before them, rested on the laurels of winning the National League pennant in lieu of making any bonafide roster improvements. Oswalt better get used to losing games 4-2 because that’s how it’s going to be unless Astros GM Tim Purpura goes out and gets some hitters.

2. Jon Heyman is reporting that Aramis Ramirez will terminate his contract with the Chicago Cubs and explore the free agent market. The article mentions that he would like to come to New York. Quite honestly, Aramis better keep dreaming. The Yankees are not trading for Aramis Ramirez and they’re certainly not going to go into free agency to sign him when they have ARod already. The Padres need a third baseman, as do the Phillies, Angels, and Mariners. Clearly, there will be a market for his services somewhere, although I doubt he’ll get much more than the $11M he’d be leaving on the table from his existing contract.

If the Cubs let him go, however, they’re making a huge mistake. As we have seen, the Cubs offense is feeble, at best. Through 132 games, the Cubs have scored a total of 559 runs, which puts them on pace for 686 for the year (an average of 4.2 runs/game). Without Ramirez, I don’t see how the Cubs score runs next year.

3. In the same Heyman piece, there’s a tidbit about Soriano’s run at the 40-40 club. He’s exceeded my expectations for this year, no doubt. He’s had a career year. But he’s a selfish player, and an overrated one at that.

I’m sure he’ll get his free agent money from the Mets (who need either a second baseman or a left fielder) but, as a Yankee fan, I know his limitations. He’s always been wrapped up in his own stats, going back to the 2002 season when he was one homer away from joining the 40-40 club and he started swinging for the fences in the last week of the season. He ended up screwing up his swing and posted a .brutal 118/.211/.353 in the ALDS vs. the Angels that year. When it comes to Soriano, buyer beware.

4. The fat fuck formerly known as David Wells is likely headed out of Boston. The rumor is that he’ll be moving back to the National League, either to St. Louis, San Diego, or LA. What does it say about Boston’s confidence when a team with the 11th worst AL ERA (out of 14 teams) and 25th worst overall (out of 30 teams) ERA is selling pitching? I guess Boston is calling it a season. For a team that won the World Series less than two years ago, it didn’t take the Red Sox (and their $120M opening day payroll) long to find themselves behind the eight-ball.

Obviously there are still 30 games left to be played and the Red Sox could mount a comeback at any time. But if I were a Red Sox fan, I’d be pissed that they’re trading Wells and seemingly waving the white flag.

5. One more thing about the Red Sox. They’ve got to be worried about Big Papi’s heart arrhythmia. That offense is pure crap without Papi and Manny in the middle. Not to start rumors or anything but a man with a melon that size and sudden heart trouble? Sounds like steroi...nah, couldn’t be, right?

6. I think this is a really cool little factoid, courtesy of ESPN:

“The Tigers and Yankees met with both teams 25 or more games over .500 for the first time since Sept. 17, 1961.”

It’s hard to believe that it’s been since the days of Mantle, Maris, Colavito, and Kaline since both teams were at the top of their game. Crazy.

Cheers and Jeers: Manhatten Dry Edition

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 oz Canadian whisky
• 3/4 oz Dry Vermouth
• 1 dash Angostura bitters
• Lemon peel

This weekend I will be going on a tour to check out how the various Back Seat Driver columnists are doing. This trip also includes several high level meetings in New York City with a prospective corn beef sandwich. I feel that the sandwich could add a lot. Now you might be wondering why not get everyone in one location? Well according to the Astronomy Department we have here at the online magazine this could result in a quantum singularity causing a breach between time and anti-time (For those unfamiliar with the concept of quantum singularities or anti-time I would recommend either Mad Marty's Pop Up Book of Astro-Physics or Quantum Mechanics for Idiots). Until this problem can be contained we'll continue avoiding massive columnists gathering. Anyway onto some cheering and jeering….

Cheers: To the final 4 of the World Basketball Championships. Favorites Argentina, Spain, Euro Champ Greece and the dark horse USA. Yes I know just about every national basketball columnist predicted that team USA would trip over their shoelaces or whatever but the plucky band of no names somehow beat Germany to make it.

Cheers: To Ryan Howard. At the start of season I cheered the thought of what Howard could do in his second season (not too shabby, eh?). I didn't predict that he would go all MVP on the NL and help push Philly into a Wild Card race.

Jeers: To rumors of Carson Palmers demise. The former-Heisman winner looked cool, calm and collect as he picked apart some arena football league team (better known as the Green Bay Packers). It's always nice to see a player return from an injury.

Jeers: To Katherine Harris. I think it's fair to say that bashing Harris is almost bi-partisan at this point (the RNC is no longer giving her an official endorsement). According to Harris non-Christians are not qualified to hold public office. Which given my Zoroastrian practices I guess means that I'm not qualified. Well maybe also because of my attempts to form a Southwest Republic with Aaron Burr.

Cheers: To the return of college football. This week's GAME OF THE WEEK is FSU v. Miami on Monday. Nothing beats a good college rivalry. Well maybe a martini.

And here's the newest portion of Cheers and Jeers - cheers and jeers in the news

"These questions about cheers and jeers aren't going anywhere. If cheers and jeers practices, cheers and jeers will play. It's that simple"

-Bill Parcells

More Quick Hits

1. As Ron Burgundy would say, “I’m in a real pickle here.” For those that don’t know, I’m the American-born only child of two Greek immigrants. So, with Team USA beating the Germans, the United States will face Greece in the semifinals of the 2006 FIBA World Championship. What am I going to do? Who will I root for? In order to figure this out, I’ll have to use the old reliable method of listing out the pros and cons of each outcome:

Team USA Wins:

-Team USA is one step closer to once again being thought of as the best basketball playing nation in the world (pro);
-Team USA is one step closer to spitting in the eye of the pessimists and haters who did not predict their success (pro);
-Larry Brown looks like a giant loser for failing with a similar roster at the 2004 Olympics (pro); and
-I am no longer welcome at family get-togethers (con)

Greece Wins:

-A small nation of 11 million people (74th most populous nation in the world) beating a world superpower (pro);
-Greece can continue to claim itself as the best basketball-playing nation in Europe (pro);
-I can celebrate a Greek victory with a lunch of souvlaki (pro);

As much as I’d love any opportunity for Larry Brown to look like a bigger loser, I value my family and souvlaki much more. Team USA can win the 2008 Olympics but the Greek national team might not have this kind of opportunity again. Despite winning the 2005 Eurobasket Championship, Greece is still not known as a world basketball powerhouse. Beating the US would go a long way to giving my ancestral home some much-needed national pride. I’m going with my heritage and pulling for Greece.*

2. In his penultimate Daily Quickie column, my favorite whipping boy announced that his vote for AL MVP is Frank Thomas. Frank Thomas is not in the top 50 in win shares by major league players. He is only 5th in win shares among designated hitters. He is not in the top 50 in runs created by major league players. He is 11th and 14th in the AL in homers and OPS, respectively. He is a full-time DH on a team with the lowest batting average in the major leagues. I’m sorry, Frank Thomas is not the AL MVP. He’s not even in the conversation. He could, and probably should, win the AL Comeback Player of the Year Award but that’s it.

Now I know why Shanoff is quitting – ESPN fired him for making a mockery of sports journalism.

3. I’m not a big believer in the whole concept of team chemistry. I think when a team stinks and loses most of its games, the chemistry is bad because losing is toxic. By contrast, when a team wins a lot of games, chemistry is good because everyone enjoys winning. That’s why I think the whole Red Sox “Cowboy Up/Idiots” thing from 2003-2004 was a joke. The Red Sox didn’t win because the entire team grew silly facial hair, didn’t shower, and drank a lot of whiskey before games; they won because they had Pedro Martinez, Curt Schilling, and Keith Foulke on the mound and Damon, Papi, and Manny wreaking havoc at the plate.

That being said, the whole team chemistry thing is something that fans can get behind. Reading this as a Yankee fan makes me realize that I’ve enjoyed the 2006 Yankees more than any Yankee team since 2001. Win or lose, World Series be damned. This is a fun bunch to root for and it’s made being a baseball fan a lot more fun.

*If Team USA beats Greece, obviously I’m rooting for the Americans to beat the winner of the Spain/Argentina match-up.

All Time Stupidest Sports Injuries

Here in New York, there is all sorts of debate and speculation surrounding the news that Carl Pavano broke two ribs in a car accident that took place over two weeks ago. Given the fact that he hasn’t pitched in the big leagues since last June 27th and because some of his injuries (bruised buttocks) have been borderline ridiculous, a lot of folks around here think that the accident and the broken ribs are an excuse for him to simply not pitch.

I don’t think we’ll ever find out the truth behind Pavano’s latest setback. But this list has the all time stupidest sports injuries. It’s a pretty funny read.

2006: The Year of the Knee

So after downing a whole fifth of Vodka and some Lemp beer, I nervously watched the Bungals of Cincinnati face the Packers of Green Bay. My hopes and dreams of making up for Akili Smith and KiJana Carter lay on watching how Carson Palmer's surgically repaired would respond by an attack by KGB. Unfortunately I had to wait until 5 minutes into the game because the Bengals couldn't even win the coin toss. Was this a sign of something to come. I had to wait longer after Favre threw a pick and the Bengals ran it back (it was starting to look like my previous game as the Bengals on Madden). Then Carson came in and 140 yards and 3 TDs later, Carson Palmer was back at the helm of the SS Bungal. Unfortunately Cincinnati plays one of the toughest schedules this year (especially those two games against the Browns) so they probably won't have a record any better than 10-6. But, all of Cincinnati will be happy that their "3rd times a charm" first rounder is back at the head. And many fantasy teams are very happy I am sure.