NFL Preview Part II: AFC Risers

As last week's piece focused on Newton's Third Law of Hollywood Starlets clearly has proven, whatever comes up must go down this week we will focus on those that will rush in a fill those gaping holes left from possible fallers. So here's a look at possible risers (highest probability to lowest probability of making the playoffs among the non-playoff teams from last year).

1. Denver - They missed the playoffs but the thinnest of margins last year. This year Jay Cutler has experience, Denver has a quarterback for a full year that isn't named Jake Plummer and an improved defensive line. If they don't make the playoffs it'll be a huge disappointment. Holding them back...Mike Shannahan is scheduled to blink for the first time all decade.

2A. Pittsburgh - Maybe its because I just watched Pittsburgh score a touchdown but given all the oddities that happened to the team and specifically Roethlisberger you have to imagine they'll be better this year. Of course questions remain about new o-coordinator and if Roethlisberger will ever be his first year self but I'm guessing it'll be better than last year. Holding them back Bruce Arians, offensive coordinator used to be the Browns OC.

2B Cincinnati - Less arrests. A fully healthy Carson Palmer. A good duo of shut down corners. Oh yes the Bungals could be back in the playoffs. Holding them back, police still hate Bengals players.

3. Jacksonville - An injured defense gets healthy. An easy schedule. Jack Del Rio knows voodoo magic . Hey anything is possible but I'm putting a lot money on the first three. Holding them back...no quarterback

4. Tennessee - Vince Young. He seems to know something about winning. Less about not punching helmets but hey nobody is perfect (especially if they're from Texas). Holding them back is that they lost of all their receivers and the one's still on their team have no arms.

5. Buffalo - Hey when did JP Losman get good? Umm around game 12. Yes, when a Buffalo quarterback looks good during the winter you have to think that the chances of him continuing that are hard. Holding them back...hardest schedule in the NFL, Dick Jauron.

6. Houston - David Carr is gone. Holding them back...offensive line is blind.

7. Oakland - Hey did anyone know that Raiders had an outstanding defense. Holding them back..hey did anyone know that the Raider's new coach is only 8 years old?

No Chance in Hell - Cleveland - Much improved offensiveline. Always a chance other teams in North could suffer a bout of polio. Holding them back...the city of Cleveland, no quarterback, Jesus hates them.

Even slimmer - Miami - Good defense. Good running back. Nick Saban is gone. Holding them back...Trent Green not recovered from his concussion mistook the Dolphin's for a team with an offensive line..

Cheers and Jeers: Long Summer Night Edition

Ingredients:

• 1 1/2 oz Southern Comfort
• 1 1/2 oz Triple sec
• 1 1/2 oz Sweet and sour mix
• Fill with Mountain Dew
• 3 - 4 Ice cubes

Listen up Turkey the Giant. In one day at Katz Square Garden, you and me will square off again. I'll be honest initially I had my doubts facing you again. After Bobby "The Pickle" Hennan hit me with a chair and you lifted me up and slammed me onto the mat I didn't know if I could get back into the squared circle with you. So brother, I climbed the tallest mountain I could find and looked down into the valley. And you know what I saw? I saw all the little Mikesters pleading me to get back there and right your wrongs. So I climbed down and started getting ready. Oh yes I did the training, the vitamins and the daily prayers. I did it for all my fans. So when I step into that ring at Sandwichmania XX and I don't show any fear its not only because of the training its also because I have the 20,000 Mikeamaniacs behind me. When the 24 inch pythons start crushing the life out of you, its not just me squeezing but also all my fans. That's right Turkey, once I Mike Up, there will be no stopping me and Mikeamaniacs. So brother I just got one question for you, Whatcha going to do when Mikeamania runs wild on you?


Cheers: To the best internet rumor of the week. According to rumors, Scarlett Johansson will play Jenna Jamison in the porn star's upcoming biopic. Oh please please please please be true. I do believe in miracles. In honor here are 10 great video clips of our patron saint.

Jeers: Kevin Mchale. Seems like old Kevin made Bill Simmons about as happy as possible short of buying him that new Barbie car he's been dying for. Boston is in salary cap hell but hey for a few years they have the tools to win a championship.

Scientists have proven that drunk cats would do a better job as GM than Kevin Mchale

Cheers: To Browns cornerback Gary Baxter. After blowing out BOTH his platella tendons in October, Baxter has made it back to the practice field. Whether or not Baxter can play again at a high enough to level to be a pro remains to be seen but hey 9 months ago doctors weren't sure if he would walk again, let alone practice. If that isn't cause for cheers your soul is darker than Rubert Murdoch's.

Jeers: A special melancholy jeers to the passing of Genius Bill Walsh. He not only was a great coach and teacher but also a great person. Can't say that about too many people....

And as always your C&J girl of the week....Angela Mclin

College Football Preview: Questions

While we here in BSD land have been focused on baseball, the mafia…I mean the NBA and the looming NFL rookie contract season there’s something else coming…oh yeah college football. A Saturday refuge from the hum drum of daily existence the college football season is ready for another crazy, nut stomping, cooler pooping season. So what are some questions floating around that will be answered?

One thing not in doubt.....(h/t edsbs )

Big East
Which injured QBs will stay healthy? Brian Brohm of Loooivile and Stven Slaton of the West Virginia Meth Labs are both coming back from injuries. Both are Heisman trophy hopefuls, both are on highly ranked teams and both might be able to push their team to the national championship game but only if they are healthy. Other questions to consider: Where is Rutgers located again? And will the Mustache finally return to his porn career after he gets fired at Pittsburgh?

Indiana Wannstedt and the Busty Crusade, coming to porn shops near you

Big 10
Which Michigan defense will show up? The Michigan offense has basically all of its starters and weapons back so its just a question of the defense coming to play. Except for the last two games of the season the Michigan defense was dominant. However, the last two it just kind of took a pounding not seen this side of Lindsey Lohan on a binger (which I believe is called Tuesdays). Factor in the number of starters lost for the defensive side and that’s a big question. The other major question centers on the Wisconsin QB. After careful research Bucky Badger does indeed have a quarterback. If he’s slightly more effective than a tackling dummy and can keep defenses from focusing on Ron Dayne’s clone (PJ Hill) it might be a Badger Big 10 title.

SEC
Will LSU back its smack talk up? Les Miles obviously hopped up on Louisiana moonshine went on the radio to more or less guarantee a national championship birth, attacked USC, and may have killed a hobo on air. LSU gets Auburn and Florida at home so the path is their for the taking. Other questions to consider: Will Tim Tebow's VD affect his play and will anyone notice if Kentucky doesn't play a single game this year.

Les Miles hates keeping his mouth shut, USC, and hobos

Big 12
Does anyone that can read care? Yes, yes I should be more politically correct about the dust bowl division but I can’t. OU still doesn’t have a QB, a former Raider coach is still husking corn and Texas is led by somebody named Colt (unsure if its in reference to the horse or gun). Short of McCoy’s arm falling off Texas should win this division.

Pac 10
Same question as every year, can anyone win this division but USC? UCLA has made great strides and kept the Championship Bowl from being paved with Trojans but can they win on USC home turf. Cal seems to enjoy being that girl that teases like she might have all the goods in the dank bar but when the lights come on you realize she has a droopy eye or a hook hand or something that would disqualify her from being taken home.

Independents
Has anyone who’s seen Notre Dame’s schedule think they’ll have a decent season? Nope. G-Tech, at Penn State, at Michigan, at UCLA, Michigan State, BC and USC. That’s a nasty start. While Notre Dame finishes up with the Joint Chief’s of Staff, Duke, Stanford and the cast from Grey’s Anatomy an ugly early start might drive Charlie Weis into a food binge not seen since Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest.

Charlie Weis might be in for a losing season

Cheers and Jeers: Kobe Edition

Veritas Asshat = "A Kobe"
Directions: Fill glass with ice, add 2 shots of 151 (rum) then 2 shots of Midori (melon liqueur)then 2 splashes of sour mix and then fill to top of glass with sprite. Stir with straw and enjoy...you ASSHAT!

Thanks to the wonderful people over at Deuce of Davenport they've put together a nice long list of drinks that should be renamed after athletes. Oh and yes there's an Eli.


Cheers: TGIF. Its been a long week. From going to work to avoiding flying fireworks I'm worn out. I know what's in store for relaxation for tonight....
Cheers: To Transformers the movie. My childhood heroes and villains are finally on the big screen. I mean really robots that change into 1980s cars, trucks and the occasional microscope what isn't there to like. Anyway a tribute to my favorite uber transformer...Devastor. The combination of 6 construction vehicles, but without the Teamsters interfering.

Jeers: To Douchebags in sports. Sure it would be nice if the world was free of douchebags and that they didn't drive around in their new i-cars talking on their i-phones while listening to their i-tunes but can they at least stay off my tv. According to uber...no

Cheers: To David Beckham's arrival. Soon enough USA soccer will actually be seen by someone. Which is a shame because if you haven't you missed Freddie Adu making a sick sick goal

Jeers: To lengthy contract holdouts. Looks like Brady Quinn is asking for top 10 money as opposed to his slotted 22nd spot. Look buddy the Browns saved you from getting sent to the grave yard of QBs (learning from Brian Billick) you should thanking them at every turn. So shut up, get your contract and if you honestly can't beat out Charlie Frye and Derek Anderson you have a lot bigger issues on hand.

Cheers: Less than 2 months to go before the start of college football season. August 30th the Miami Redhawks take on the Ball State Scratchers. If that doesn't peak your interest Tennessee takes on California. Frankly I'm more interested to see those two schools fans interact.

What else are we cheering and jeering about this week?

Notes from the Periphery: Congrats to Oca!

Winning Moment of July Palio 2007: Oca Wins (from D. Suo AP reporter)

Well folks as my last duty as the wayward European reporter I want to wish congratulations to the July Champion of Il Palio: Oca (The Goose). Every year for the past 1000+ years the city of Siena hosts a horse race around its Piazza which it affectionately has termed Il Palio (which I believe is Italian for insane suicide run). In the race the 17 sections of the town (known as Contradas) face off against one another. The entire year is built up for this one event (its like the Iron Bowl in Alabama but with less inbreeding). There are parties held from the various Contradas. Small children or midgets (I'm uncertain which) practice every day with their drumming, flag tossing and leaning tower making.

Apparently in the Middle Ages it was common to jump over flags as they didn't have any Sony Playstations back then to entertain themselves

Then about a month before the race is run, a group of wise old elders meets together to determine which of the Contrada's gets to actually run in the race (as the track is maybe 5 men wide and therefore too tiny for all the Contrada's to race). Given Siena's wonderful communist tradition the previous years winners are automatically excluded and then following Siena's wonderful Italian tradition a complex, arcane, opaque and probably bribery inflicted process determines which 10 Contradas are racing. Then there are more parties, drinking, and bureaucratic delays for the next month. Finally on July 2nd over 50,000 people (of whom at least 5 are sober) crowd the tiny town to watch the horses run around in a circle. Unfortunately for the safety of the horses (who spend their mornings pooping in churches) people are locked in the center of the piazza for the entire afternoon.

There are no bathrooms after 2 PM for a dusk race. You do the math...

This year the race was neck and neck between Oca (the Goose), a traditional powerhouse that had won more titles than any other contrada and the upstart ragtags of Nicchio (the Seashells which you can read as the Cleveland Contrada of Siena). Now I'm of course a card carrying member of Nicchio so we all know what happened next. Yes Via dei Pispini, home of the Fightingest of Sea Shells, is quiet tonight for Nicchio seized defeat from the jaws of victory, letting Oca claim the grand prize of first place (which is wearing a pacifier and carrying baby bottles. True Story). Anyway so Congrats to the Noble Contrada of Oca for the Victory. This Moretti is for you!

Cheers and Jeers: Wild Fire edition

Cheers and Jeers: Wild Fire edition
Ingredients
-teXqXuXilla
-tabasco
- black pepper
-pain
--------------------

Note: this is Mighty's C+J posted by Publius due to the MAN keeping Mighty down by bugging his email, probing his anus, and basically making him goto work 5 days a week!!!

---------------------

Well as you can notice the man had me down this week as the reason for the delay in cheering and jeering. The man should not be taken lightly. As the urban documentary Don't Be a Menace to South Central…. clearly notes the man has a checklist and he's checking it twice for who has been thuggish and who has nice. As a member of the Alles Clan 4 life I'm obviously on the list of who gets it. So without further ado…Cheers and Jeers

Cheers: To the NBA Draft. Certainly one of the most over hyped drafts in years. Two drafts in one said Jay Bilas. Win win for all said the smarmy guy (Andy Katz). How am I still on tv said Stephen A. That said I'm pretty intrigued by the fact that Durant and Oden will be in the Pacific Northwest together for awhile. Given the distances involved (among other things) the Carmelo v. Lebron rivalry never really took off but the constant playing of the Sonics and Trail Blazers will definitely be worthy of notice.

Jeers – To steroids. I'm not a doctor, I don't even play one on tv but the recent bizarre tragedy involving professional wrestler Chris Benoit and possible linkages to steroids makes the case of why testing for these drugs is probably important for reasons other than records.

Cheers – Football training camp and the start of rookie hold out season is about 2-3 weeks away.

Jeers – To DC heat. Its really the humidity. I don't remember signing up to fight in the jungles of ' Nam but that's how I feel when I exit the metro in the afternoon.

Jeers- To scary animals. A random conversation this week between MJ and I prompted me to post the animals I am most scared of. I probably shouldn't make this public but all of these animals are on notice.

5. Portuguese Man o'War- They're like jelly fish but basically the size of a house. Technically they're actually a colony of animals living in symbiotic co-existence. As a true American ( i.e. someone not born on a coast) I just don't trust working together for common goals. Smacks of communism to me.

4. Pigs – No one animal should produce that variation of foods. Plus they're all foods that are bad for you. And smell funny. And can be used to ward off Jewish Vampires. While I've gotten over my fear of ham sandwiches I remain fairly peeved at prosciutto.
3. Bees - I dislike bees. They're basically flying kamikaze needles. I mean what kind of animal kills itself in order to inflict a little bit of pain. Crazy ones, that's who, and therefore can you trust suicidal animals? Outside of lemmings the resounding answer from the scientific community is no.

2. Chimpanzees – At the moment I'm not petrified of them. Sure they're smart, better as sign language, use a variety of complex tools and can finger paint better than I but that's not enough to scary me. What does scare me is their potential. According to experts, assuming chimps make it through the next century, there's a 60% chance they will take over the world. And possibly destroy the Statue of Liberty. And fight Mark Wahlberg. So they may look innocent now, blowing their bubbles and wearing their diapers, but secretly they are getting ready for the end of the time of Man.

1. Clowns –Contrary to the urban myth, clowns aren't people. They're actually the descendents of crocodiles. They have never evolved a frontal cortex. These creatures of the deep run solely off their reptilian mind with the simple pattern of find animal and drag it down to their layer. It's also why clowns are more common in the summer as their cold blood doesn't function well in frigid climates. When confronted by clowns one should remember this fact as they are only quick over short distances. This crucial detail has saved my life more than once.

So with that what is everyone else cheering and jeering about?

Cleveland Advances

Thats not an optical illusion folks, the Cavs are the Eastern Conference Champions. After Jim Chones foot, after the Shot over Craig Ehlo, after Brad Daughterty's back, after trading Ron Harper, after time and time again the Cavs would end the season without a celebration, they finally did it last night and in emphatic way put away the Boring Boys of Motown. Mind you there's another series and there's only a slim chance the Cavs can take the Spurs but for today and until Thursday this Championship starved Cleveland fan will enjoy life thanks to The King and Prince Boobie......

Friday Culture: On Language

With Publius traveling and myself tied up in Italy it looks like we'll be missing out on cheers and jeers. Plus I have no more cheers left to give after Lebron's performance. As such I thought an off-beat link would suffice.

Occasionally we here at the BSD get e-mails to improve the culture and provide high brow intellectual debates. As such I bring you this think piece on the definition of douchebag. Its actually some combination of witty, funny and thought provoking.

Was I dreaming?

I realize that its a bit earlier here than in the Eastern Time Zone, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm still dreaming. Did I see that right? Lebron scored 25 straight points? He scored 29 out of the final 30 points of the Cavs? Including all the points in overtime and double overtime? A grand total of 48 points, 8 rebounds and 6 assists? A performance so impressive that even ESPN compared it to MJesque performances against the Celtics or Jazz or Magics 1980 finals performance? All of this in a crucial game 5 against the supposed playoff savvy and battle scarred Detroit Pistons? Really? Was I dreaming?

For his next trick Lebron will lead the Cavs over the Alps

No matter who wins the NBA Eastern Conference (and before anyone says its over the Cavs were in the exact same spot in that they had won 3 straight before going home in Game 6 before blowing it last year) they almost certainly going to be chum for the Spurs. Spurs are playing well, Greg Popovitch obviously has pictures of David Stern in a dress, and Bowen is ready and able to shiv any opponent that get out of line. I believe this article summarizes my feelings about another Spurs Championship.

Notes from The Periphery: Pazzo Calcio e Piu

Soccer-mania
Some thoughts over here in +1 GMT land. Over the weekend I attended an AC Siena game. It was an important game here in sleep Siena. If the home team didn't win they would have been demoted to Series B (read minor leagues). As such to bring out the hometown fans it was 1 euro ticket day, which given exchange rates is about 82 American dollars. They would need it as they faced SS Lazio (no really SS. I'm still not sure what that stands for but they have a really scary eagle on their flag that looks like it was stolen from the Third Reich. Also Lazio fans tend to throw flares around and give fascist salutes to one another.)

The game started under bad conditions as we got a good Midwestern/Baptist thunderstorm with the rain, wind and lightening. Luckily here in Europe soccer games aren't canceled just because people are standing in pools of water on metal stands. Despite blowing numerous good chances, the home team scored with about 5 minutes to go to get the 2-1 win. To celebrate the giocatori (players) ran around hugging, sliding on the rain soaked turf and throwing anything they could get their hands on into the stands (this included soccer balls, their shirts and their shorts. I'm still not sure how it happened but numerous players did end up running around in their underwear). Anyway moral of the story is that best celebrations here in Europe are either winning a Championship Game and not being sent to the minors.

NBA Semi-Finals
While continuing on the Lebron theme from Laz.... I can no longer go with the media as hating Lebron but merely Memento-like treatment. From Kelly Dwyer at CNNSI to Doyel at sportsline to Chris Sheridan at espn everyone was bowing to the king (well so was Rasheed Wallace after Lebron posterized him with an inhuman dunk). However wasn't it a few days ago that Lebron was ripped as being over-rated and never fufilling his hype. Nevermind his actual performance or his teams performance or his overall work but merely the score for THAT game determines how highly rated is Lebron. Its almost if everyone went on a roadtrip with Bill Walton....

Oh wait, isn't there another NBA semi-final game. Something about Utah v. San Antonio. But its so boring. Duncan v. Boozer. Who can get excited about that? Urge to write failing, urge to fall asleep rising. Better think of something else to wake myself up. Ah yes. Miss Johansson....

NFL Draft Predictions

Ok Boys and Girls time for the great NFL draft prediction. Its my favorite game next to how many jokes does Berman make until Tom Jackson snaps and tackles him on stage (although more fun that how many jokes does Berman make until Mel Kiper Jr.'s hair tackles Berman on stage).

Anyway here's my predictions:
1. Oakland Raiders - Jamarcus Russell

Everything else has been a smoke screen. The Crypt Keeper err Al Davis wants action and excitement and as such there are only two possibilities. Scarlett Johansson and Jamarcus Russell. The Raiders will obviously make the wrong choice and go with Russell.

Wouldn't you take her first if given the choice?

2. Detroit Lions - Calvin Johnson
Look its equally likely that the Lions will trade this slot to either Tampa or Atlanta or Washington or John Mccain (who desperately needs good publicity) and make the selection themselves but whoever is at the Number 2 slot I say picks Calvin Johnson. He's by far the anointed "sure thing" with a chiseled physique, freakish athletic skills and abilities in the kitchen (notably he makes a tasty chicken parmigiana). That said Matt Millen may end up going with his other choice...a pony.

Matt Millen upon hearing that he can't draft a pony

3. Cleveland Browns - Brady Quinn
The Cleveland Browns draft strategy tends to oscillate between a Chinese Fire Drill and re-enacting the scene of the Captain going down with the Titantic. Pederson is still hurt, Joe Thomas makes too much sense and the ownership wants to sell tickets with the face of the lost Manning Sibling on it. Yet another year of rebuilding and possibly one step forward to triumphant return of Sgt Slaughter (aka The Chin aka Bill Cowher) to Cleveland.

Artist rendition of a local Cleveland bar (or the Cohen household) during the NFL Draft

4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Gaines Adams
Remember when Tampa won the Super Bowl. Remember when Jon Gruden was considered a good coach, maybe even great. Remember that time Gutsy was in a Turkish Prison. Ah so many memories. So long ago. So lets say that my wild projections are somehow accurate and Calvin Johnson is off the table. Tampa should go with defense. Gaines Adams is the choice if Detroit is selecting here. Its possibly the choice if Tampa is selecting here. I suppose so is Gruden using his "laser" and holding the world hostage for.....1 million dollars.

According to legend only the sweet sweet nectar of Onion Rings can soothe Gruden's rage.

5. Arizona Cardinals - Joe Thomas

The average life span of an Arizona Cardinals QB is roughly equivalent to the life expectancy of a person covered in cupcakes and sent to Rosie O'Donnells' house. Jake Plummer came into the league discussing Sartre and left wondering how to operate a razor. Coincidence, I think not! There's just not enough blocking for the Cards. They made huge strides last year so Thomas can be brought in to protect Leinart from tacklers and paternity suits.

There's a lot of potential dangers that Joe Thomas must protect against.

Random Bets (note betting is illegal unless your having fun or really need the money)
1. Michael Irvin forgets he doesn't play anymore: EVEN
2. Michael Irvin forgets he's on tv and wears his rasta hat 2:1
3. Kiper rips Minnesota's pick. Even
4. Kiper Jr. rips the state of Minnesota and they're lousy lakes. 4:1
5. Suzy Kolber interviews a college kid who mumbles incoherently EVEN
6. Suzy Kolber interviews Stuart Scott who also mumbles incoherently: 1:2
7. Number of times Jaws uses the phrase "I've watched the tape" : 67
8. Number of times Merill Hodges is confused by a door knob: 67

What's your prediction?

Quick Hits from the Periphery

A little Monday Morning thoughts on this weekend in sports.

NBA
Well its only (deep breathe here) one game but a few surprises have popped up. Frankly I expected the Eastern Conference Games to be tightly contested well the real games wouldn't start out West until Round 2. However yesterday a series of upsets in Texas quickly changed that. Denver and Golden State (which I believe is located actually in Oregon as part of tax deferment plan) beat out the heavily favored Spurs and Mavs. Baron Davis showed off that he is that good when healthy and the dynamic duo of AI and Melo worked the way Denver fans had dreamed when the trade was first announced. While I doubt either of the underdogs can continue their winning ways every extra game the Spurs or Mavs have to play, every extra ounce of energy hurts their chances in future rounds. That said if Spurs or Mavs fall behind 2-0 before heading out on the road watch out.

NFL
There's more smoke around the NFL Draft still than at a coffeehouse in Amsterdam (Or so the Pink Elephant told me). One factor thats important thats a little unreported is the fear a lot of NFL executives have over top 5 draft pick money. There's a huge difference in guaranteed money and certainly given the chance players could fall the likelihood of trades early on are very low. In fact it may be far more likely the trades will happen in the bottom half of the first round rather than the top.

Meta Journalism
One of the interesting thing I find (and annoying) is how the media covers itself. How does react and interact with their own. One of the more controversial things in the sports world today is oddly about Jason Whitlock. Whitlock a former espn columnist/commentator wrote a column calling out Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson as attention hogs and in effect the Don Imus controversy overblown. This was of course was of course countered by the General Manager of ESPN the Magazine's Keith Clinkscales who wrote one of the more scathing smackdowns I think I've ever read. More less Clinkscales wrote that Whitlock was empowering the main stream media in continuing to perpetuate the sideshow debates and continue with fairly bigoted commentary. Michael Wilbon, probably the most prominent black sports writer today echoed this point of Zero Tolerance and appropriateness of the focus on Imus with slightly more politeness before subtly putting Whitlock's comments behind the shed and beating it like the proverbial government mule.
Of course like a moth to the flames Pete King, Captain Main Stream Media himself, with one line alined himself with Whitlock and Uncle Ruckus today in his column. I'm even going to bother linking to such a ridiculous column. I'm not sure why Pete King is intruding himself onto this debate in the first place but if he thinks that inserting himself with only one line will allow him to float above this serious debate - its silly and frankly cowardly. If King has an opinion he should give it. If not he should shut up. I'm of mind to use the Hitman War Call "Peter King: Shut the Hell Up!

Notes from the Periphery: Final Four Edition

Well the Semi-Finals of the Men's NCAA Division I tournament is in the books. Here are a quick four things I think:

1) You have to be insane to listen to the radio in your apartment screaming at a computer for you team which is playing 6 time zones over. Luckily I am that crazy. Technology is fairly impressive that I can even keep up and read about the tournament let alone listen to the local Columbus radio station. It is well worth the lack of sleep.

Surprisingly I look very much like Homer Simpson while listening to the Buckeyes

2) The Clash of the Titans kind of fizzled. The NCAA refs seemed a little perplexed how to call a game that has individual's over 7 foot. The much anticipated dinosaur matchup of Oden and Hibber never really materialized due to some quick and dubious officiating especially in the first half. The second half the refs swallowed their whistles. That said while in Hibbert seemed to gt the better of the younger Oden. In 24 minutes Hibbert put up 19 points and six rebounds while Oden in only 20 minutes had 14 points and 9 rebounds. Both will good pros although as Oden develops it will interesting to see these two go at it agiain....

3) The true MVP of OSU is not Oden but Mike Conley Jr. The son of an olympic gold medalist Conley has showed time and time again that OSU can win against good competition without Oden. Conley is currently reminding me of when Isiah Thomas won a national championship while on Indiana. The ease at which both could slice through the opposing defense and the sense of when to throw a perfect floating shot and when to kick it out for the three.

I just wanted something classy for once. Take some notes from here on tasteful but beautiful

4) Two-peat? Returning to our previous conversation of the comparison between UNLV and Florida I think last night showed what the two squads have in common. While UNLV never let off the gas and continually crushed opponents Florida seems to sleep walk at times. However when Florida plays at they are capable of you can almost see the other team wilt, which is what happened against UNLV opponents. The raw athleticism, the variety of scorers, the ability to dominate both sides of the ball was too much of UCLA. You could literally almost see the point where it dawned on them that they had no chance at winning and internalized it. Simply put UCLA was scared of Florida no different then teams were scared to play UNLV. OSU has already experience a thrashing in basketball this season at the hands of Florida so the key to this Final's match up is fear. Will OSU remain as mentally tough as they have been throughout the tournament when facing deficits or will they fold like UCLA did last night.

The star matchup will be Oden versus Horford

Clash of the Titans

The most anticipated big man matchup in college basketball since Georgetown and Pat Ewing, Sr. took on Phi Slamma Jamma and Olajuwon (or at least since Godzilla took on Barkley) happens today. Two legitimate top 15 NBA draft picks that are both over 7 feet. If you can't get excited for that just stop watching basketball. Set those tivos folks this could be a good one. Oden v. Hibbert. Ah yeah!

Onto Atlanta: Part I

Well the first two prongs of the Atlanta invasion are set. Ohio State and UCLA (pronounced Uck-La for those that don't follow College Basketball) are heading to the Final 4. Somehow there's a huge difference in terms of judging if a team was successful on whether they reached the Elite 8 or the Final 4. Its the equivalent of talking to a hot girl and lets say pulling a Tom Brady. So how did we get here? A question UCLA fan Numero Uno, Bill Walton, probably asks half a dozen times a day (other notable questions Bill Walton asks are 1) Who are You? 2) Did Shaq call today? 3) Are you sure? 4) Is that weed container Michael Vick has for sale 5) Are you really sure Shaq didn't call?)

Ohio State over Memphis
Before the game Joey Dorsey, the man assigned to go to toe to toe with the NBA's number one pick, made a fairly interesting pre-game analysis possibly without the influence of Walton's secret stash. He claimed that Greg Oden was over-rated and he (Dorsey) was the true Goliath. While I'm not a psychologist and typically I get scared of clowns - I can tell you not to do the following things:
1) Don't Piss off Greg Oden
2) Don't stick metal into electrical sockets, especially in England
3) Don't assume Germans get sarcasm, they typically don't. Check with Poland.
4) Don't Piss off Greg Oden
5) Don't assume Bill Simmons can extract head from his ass.

So how did the final line of the game go. Joey Dorsey: 19 minutes 4 fouls, 0 points and 3 rebounds. Greg Oden 24 Minutes 17 points 9 rebounds. What wasn't reflected in the scoring table how big of influence Oden had on the defense. With Oden in there the dribble penetration slowed to a trickle while the OSU execution of its offense soared. Outside of a 8-0 run that Memphis had with Oden on the bench OSU controlled the game. Onto Atlanta for the Buckeyes.

The Big Man threw it down and Walton was happy (John 12: 4)

UCLA over Kansas
Last year's runner up versus last year's choker. Kansas has been on a redemption mission all year. Their crop of super freshman had turned into super sophomores. They had breezed through the bracket so far without a hint of difficulty. However UCLA had their own legacy overcome. In particular history was a bitch for Arron Affalo (who obviously is unaware how to correctly spell his own first name.). Affalo was second fiddle in last year's tournament run to Jordan Farmer (now of the LA known as the Kobe Bryants. apparently they actually put 4 other guys on the court at the same time as Kobe. Who knew?). As such Affalo wanted to prove he to could enter the pantheon of UCLA players that played big in big games. Last night he was up to the challenge, pouring 15 of his 24 points in the second half like salsa on a tasty burrito

(random angery O moment. There is no good Mexican food here. Also apparently the concept of spicy doesn't exist in Europe. I firmly believe that most cultural differences between the US and Europe is there lack of ability to handle jalepenos).

Anyway Kansas never correctly figured out that turning the ball over usually HURTS a teams chances for winning. Without good ball handling skills, and not in the Jenna Jamison way, Kansas couldn't make up the difference. UCLA now can wait in Atlanta, hoping for a rematch with Florida. Remember redemption can be spelled A-R-R-O-N.

If Ron Burgundy can redeem himself maybe so can Arron Affalo

Notes from The Periphery: It Begins!

As I sit here quietly contemplating my picks for the tournament, its important to be in the right state of mind. You see teams are seeded for a reason therefore you should expect the higher seeded to teams to win. Of course thats what the committee wants you to think. They know that that you know how the seeds go so there's always a few upset gems intentionally placed in there. Of course they know that you know that they know that while studying in Spain they learned that teams are mortal. So you can clearly not pick the underdog in front of you (most of the time). I think. Is it clear now? I hope not. Nonetheless here's some quick thoughts.

Region of Death (i.e. toughest region):
East: UNC, Texas, Wash St., Georgetown all have potential along with numerous sleeping giants (USC, BC, Arkansas, Oral Roberts (is that a real school by the way?). Just assume there will be upsets somewhere. Much like going to that cheap Chinese place across the street, cross your fingers and pray.

Region of Fluffy Bunnies and Pink Frilly Things (i.e. easiest region)
Midwest. Basically the committee decided that Florida, a school thats quickly moving up ranks for team I'd like to be stuck on a flight with Bill Simmons, should get a free pass to the Final 4. Arghh. Not another championship. Please if your listening stop it Christopher Walken.

Christopher Walken, patron saint of schadenfreude.

Best First Round Matchup
I have two Nevada v. Creighton and Marquette v. Michigan State.

Best Story Lines:
Will a freshman (Oden, Durant, Wright, fill in blank) lead his team to the Championship. Will Florida Repeat? Can anyone stop them? Please? Will the mid-majors do it two years in a row and bracket bust everything? Will Duke lose in the first round? Has anyone seen my pants? Does the committee really think I will ever refer to anything as the East Rutherford Region? Really? Will I really stay up to crazy hours to watch the tournament?

Stay tuned more answers are coming.....

Quick Thoughts

With Duke out of the picture as an actual threat here is a list of the top 20 villains of all time, please feel free to debate, rethink and add.

http://www.uber.com/villains