Hitman's NFL Picks

No pomp, no circumstance. Here we go:

AFC:

East:
1. New England - Pats still have too many weapons and too much experience. Absent major changes, this is their last year as a serious contender.
2. Miami - Playoff contender and great sleeper choice...if Daunte stays off the ocean.
3. Buffalo - Aiming to become the worst third-place team in league history.
4. NY Jets - J-E-T-S! Blech! Blech! Barf!

South:
1. Indianapolis - Where there is Peyton, there is hope. The team nobody ever, ever wants to face.
2. Jacksonville - Just good enough to stir the pot, but don't expect too much.
3. Tennessee - Look out, Buffalo!
4. Tampa Bay Devil Rays Golden State Warriors Houston Texans.

North:
1. Cincinnati - The most complete team in the NFL, but can they put it all together?
2. Pittsburgh - Good team that isn't good enough to repeat.
3. Baltimore - Possible darkhorse, but in this division, don't count on it.
4. Cleveland - The newest Mistake by the Lake.

West:
1. Denver - Why not? Nobody else in this division is good enough.
2. Kansas City - Serious darkhorse, if Edwards can motivate this squad. Lots of talent here.
3. San Diego - Everything is in place but the QB, and Rivers might not be far off.
4. Oakland - The Silver and Black could surprise a few teams, but it's a heavy burden.

NFC:

East:
1. NY Giants - The team most likely to be good, in the league's toughest division.
2. Washington - Another squad that is rapidly improving.
3. Dallas - If T.O. is not the distraction I think he'll be, Dallas moves up real quick.
4. Philadelphia - Hard to imagine Philly not winning 10 games, but somebody's got to finish last here.

South:
1. Carolina - The same team that's probably been the NFC's best over the last 32 games.
2. Tampa Bay - It'll all come down to intra-division games. Can the Bucs beat the Falcons? It's up to Mr. Simms.
3. Atlanta - Pretty soon, we're going to write this team off, if we haven't already. But this team is good enough to go far.
4. New Orleans - Finally, a Bush that might actually help New Orleans...

North:
1. Chicago - Ok, I'm biased. But there's no serious challenger in the Norris. Though unlikely, solid QB play puts the league's best defense in the Super Bowl.
2. Detroit - Somewhere, Wayne Fontes is grinning.
3. Minnesota - They'll need a year to get their, um, ship in order.
4. Green Bay - A sad way for one of the all-time greats to bow out.

West:
1. Seattle - Another very talented team with little competition, and the team most likely to grab home-field.
2. St. Louis - Sorry, Arizona, but I'll believe in your arrival only if and when it happens. Too much crappin' on the Rams without good reason.
3. Arizona - No, no, THIS is their year. Right.
4. San Francisco - They're making the right moves, but it'll be 2007 or 2008 before they hit .500.

Playoffs:

AFC:
#3 New England over #6 Miami
#5 Pittsburgh over #4 Denver

#1 Indianapolis over #5 Pittsburgh
#2 Cincinnati over #3 New England

#1 Indianapolis over #2 Cincinnati

NFC:
#3 NY Giantsover #6 Washington
#4 Carolina over #5 Tampa Bay

#4 Carolina over #1 Seattle
#3 NY Giants over #2 Chicago

#4 Carolina over #3 NY Giants

Super Bowl XLI: Indianapolis over Carolina. Truth is, you can roll the dice with the NFC, and the winner there loses to Indy or Cincy.

Hail to the Victors

Nuff Said.

Hail to the Victors in Ohio

Well I am back from my trip to the "Heart of it all", the wonderful place where I grew up and follow all their major sports teams. My girlfriend and I went to visit my parents for the weekend. In that weekend, we went to a single A minor league baseball game (the Dayton Dragons), went to the Buckeyes game and watched the Reds on TV continue to fall into the depths of despair that are the Reds.

1) I had never been to a minor league baseball game, so I was really excited to go. We sat about 5 rows above the on deck circle right by where the net to catch foul balls ends (my goal of catching a foul ball wasn't achieved). I was impressed by the stadium and caliber of play. There was constantly entertainment between innings, including 10 year old cheerleaders dancing around, guys in frog outfits playing leap frog and 2 year old racing each other. The only thing that could have been improved was that the food and especially the beer was the same price as a normal ball park. I would think that they would try and make it more affordable for a family to go there.

2) Anyone that has not gone to a college football game in the Horseshoe, Big House, Notre Dame stadium etc is missing out on something big. My parents have season tickets to the Buckeye games in the first row of the top deck around the 40 yard line. Just the sheer volume of 105,000 people is crazy. Also the script Ohio is another cool thing, with the band making (or in our case 4) a script of Ohio on the field. Just a very cool experience. The Buckeyes offense looked really good, their defense will not win a national title. There were holes the size of Orlando Pace in the run defense line. Although Northern Illinois RB is extremely good, Mike Hart could easily have run through that defensive line. The game should have actually been around 35-21, because there were a couple of breakouts that should have been touchdowns and NI had an interception on the end zone. OSU's defense won't be able to play that badly against UM, TEX, and PSU.

3) The Reds suck and my previous post was incorrect, they don't deserve to win and I hope they finish dead last in the Central Division. Fuck em.

MMBSD: New Co-Editor, New NFL Season

Dear Consumers of this great Medium,
As was part of the deal , I the Sandwich, have replaced Mighty Mike as the BSD co-editor. While Mighty if trying to come back from his total route at my hands, I will try my hand at this "Back Seat Driving". As such here is my, the Turkey Sandwiches, predictions for the NFL Season 2006.

AFC East

1. NE Pats

2. Miami - X

3. Buffalo

4. Jets

AFC North

1. Cinci

2. Pitts - X

3. Baltimore

4. Cleveland

AFC South

1. Indi

2. Jacksonville

3. Texas

4. Tennessee

AFC West

1. Denver

2. San Diego

3. KC

4. Oakland

NFC East

1. Dallas

2. Philly - X

3. Giants - X

4. Washington

NFC North

1. Chicago

2. Detroit

3. Minnesota

4. GB

NFC South

1. Carolina

2. Atlanta

3. Tampa

4. New Orleans

NFC West

1. Seattle

2. Arizona

3. StL

4. San Fran

Super Bowl: Cinci over Seattle

Changes In The Works At BSD?

I would like to announce to the world that Katz’s Turkey Sandwich on Rye is now a new co-editor of Back Seat Drivers. Mighty Mike fought valiantly but was defeated at the hands of an overstuffed deli plate.

(Please note that the sandwich pictured above was what I consumed with absolutely no second thoughts or hesitation. I think that qualifies me for a promotion here at BSD. I should now be known as “MJ – Columnist/Gourmand”). There better be a raise that goes with the new title.

It was great to see the Mighty One after so long. Hopefully he has less of a headache than I do this morning.

Onto sports...

1. Team USA was vanquished by my ancestors and relatives. I knew it was possible that Team USA would lose to the Greeks but I never thought it would be such a high-scoring affair. The Greek team is known for their airtight defense. So now it’s official, Greece has one of the best national sports programs in the country. They are the reigning European champions in both soccer (2004) and basketball (2005) and are guaranteed no less than a silver medal at the world basketball games. That’s pretty impressive for a pint-sized country with a national population that is only slightly larger than my hometown of New York. Team USA will have to settle for trying to win the bronze against Argentina.

2. College football is underway. I won’t write much about it except to wish good luck to Ohio State (my adopted team for the purposes of annoying the Michigan fans around here) and to send a shout-out to our very own Colonel Sanders who will be at The Horseshoe with his parents and girlfriend tomorrow afternoon.

3. Ryan Howard hit his 49th homer of the season, making him the single-season homerun king of the Philadelphia Phillies. By passing Mike Schmidt, Howard has left his imprint on one of baseball’s oldest franchises. Howard is a lot of fun to root for. If the Phillies make the playoffs, he’s got my MVP vote.

National League Wild Card

From Jim Caple of ESPN.com:

“Dilemma. With the Marlins roaring back into the wild-card picture, do you cheer for the low-budget team with a chance to reach the World Series despite a $15 million payroll? Or do you root against a miserable owner who screwed over the city of Montreal, drastically cut his payroll, demands the taxpayers build him a new stadium despite taking in far more money in revenue-sharing than he shells out in payroll and is so petty he might fire manager Joe Girardi despite the team’s success? The answer: We’ll root for the Giants, Reds, Padres, Phillies and Astros.”

Personally, I’m rooting for the Reds and Phillies. The Padres are too dull, the Giants are impossible to root for with Barry Bonds on the roster, and enough is enough with the Astros who score less frequently than a pimply-faced, malodorous nerd.

* * * * *

To follow up on Gutsy’s sentiments, I love this blog and I’m happy to wish it a happy 2nd birthday. May I continue to contribute to its “terrible twos” and beyond. Thanks to Gutsy and Mighty for being our fearless leaders.

Happy 2nd Anniversary to BSD and 2006 NFL Preview

Not only is the NFL season upon us, but it also represents the 2nd Anniversary of the Back Seat Driver’s founding. Last year’s anniversary column revealed a number of interesting things, such as the fact that 259 posts were made in the 1st year.

This year was a much more verbose period for BSD. Granted, the first year really didn’t have as many writers until much later in the NFL season (if not the MLB season). This year… the unofficial count is… 543 posts! In addition, this is exactly the 803rd post of the blog, according to blogger.com.

Unfortunately, I don’t have the time to do the breakdown of the posts by author, as I did last year. This year has been another year of stellar growth for BSD, as pictures and mytube videos have really spiced up the articles.

I will reiterate what I said last year, “I just wanted to thank Mighty Mike for his foresight in creating this blog, which has provided joy to jedi across the galaxy. In addition, his contribution to this very article was also helpful!” If Mighty Mike should be defeated by a corned beef sandwich before he reads this, then I would like to thank the new editor, Chunky Corned Beef Sandwich.

In addition, I would like to thank all of the other contributors (alphabetically): 24, Beth, Colonel Sanders, Hart, Jon, Josh Pho Minh, Laz, MJ, Mr. Nonymous, Publius. Some may have contributed more than others. For example, I don’t even recall “24” ever submitting anything. Nor do I recall “MJ” submitting any articles.

Alas, it’s time to get down and dirty… its time for the NFL preview! Many topics for this upcoming season have been covered already on Back Seat Drivers, so I will try my best to keep things as simple, fresh, and relatively brief as possible.

AFC East
1. New England – I just don’t see them losing their stranglehold on what has become a relatively weak division.
2. Miami – It’s possible if Culpepper regains his 2004 form that the Dolphins would overtake the Patriots. Honestly though, Culpepper tore all 3 ligaments in his knee so his comeback is the least likely of the 4 Horsemen of Injured QBs (Culpepper, Brees, Palmer Roethlisberger), especially considering Culpeppter’s mobility was a big part of his success.
3. NY Jets – probably the worst 3rd place team in the NFL. And their coach is a Mangina.
4. Buffalo – possibly the worst 4th place team in the NFL. Even Willis McGahee needed extra time to get back to 100% when he tore 3 ligaments. Maybe in the Miami-Buffalo game, Culpepper and McGahee can have some special alone time to talk about it.

AFC North
1. Pittsburgh – I hate them, but its hard to pick against them. Even after losing “emotional” leader Jerome Bettis.
2. Cincinnati – The big question mark is obviously Carson Palmer… the big certainty is jail time and parole for the other players.
3. Cleveland – they have a chance to be marginally better than the Ravens.
4. Baltimore – I’m just hoping the wheels fall off this year, and Ravens coach, Cobra Commander yells out “retreat!” I also find it strange how they keep adding Titans to their roster who were really good a few years ago (D. Mason, S. Rolle, and now S. McNair)

AFC South
1. Indianapolis – they still have a great team despite choking against the Steelers in the playoffs last year.
2. Jacksonville – the benefits of an easy division is that they are in position to make the wildcard each year. The problem this year is that they play the NFC East, where its possible to go 1-3, or even 0-4. Last year, Jacksonville played the NFC West and went 3-1. I think this could mean the difference in them not making it, though they are a good team.
3. Houston – who knows? Maybe they’ll finally improve a little bit.
4. Tennessee – certainly another rebuilding year for the state that has a “raccoon” as its official animal.

AFC West
1. Denver – They picked up Javon Walker from Green Bay, who’s coming off a knee surgery. They are solid on both sides of the ball, but this division can still be tricky, its just that Denver is the safest pick.
2. San Diego – Everything’s riding on a virtual rookie QB, Philip Rivers, and I just can’t think of the last time a QB played well in his 1st year after substantial dormancy. (Culpepper on Minnesota maybe? Pennington’s 1st and only good year?). Because Rivers has a reliable LT and Gates to rely on, I’m going to predict that they sneak into the postseason!
3. KC – KC’s got a good team, but their offensive line is very questionable for the first time in a while.
4. Oakland – I fully expect Aaron Brooks to shine in Oakland. Almost every veteran QB that goes to the Raiders revitalizes their career to some degree (see Jeff Hostetler, Jeff George, Rich Gannon). In addition, Aaron Brooks has a wildly inaccurate, but strong arm. It’s very similar to when Minnesota used Randall Cunningham to just chuck the ball down the field to Randy Moss. Granted, even if Aaron Brooks shines, the defense is still a mess on Oakland.

AFC Playoffs

6-San Diego over 3-Pittsburgh – Due to his offseason motorcycle accident, Roethlisberger has no face, so there’s no way he’ll see the oncoming Shawn Merriman. This game should provide plenty of old footage of that 1994 AFC Championship game when San Diego went into Pittsburgh and somehow won with Stan Humphries as the QB and Natrone Means Business as the RB.

4-New England over 5-Cincinnati- Cincy will have to wait until next year. Only if Carson’s healthy will the Bungles get a better position than going to New England.

1-Indy over 6-San Diego – Classic revenge game. San Diego wrecked Indy’s perfect season last year which sent Indy into some kind of strange tailspin.

2-Denver over 4-New England – No one will expect Denver to win twice in a row, but I see the game coming down to a kick for New England in Mile High, and without Vinatieri, there’s no given the Pats can do it.

1-Indy over 2-Denver – Indy had one of the better defenses last year, and this year should be no different. Losing Edgerrin James should not be a big deal as long as the O-line is intact.

NFC
NFC East – biggest crapshoot of all
1. NY Giants – Could Eli meet up with Peyton in the Super Bowl???
2. Philly – as my friend Paul pointed out, obviously, the conspiracy theory is that the whole reason the TO situation got out of hand last year and TO was forced out of the games, was so that they could bring in Jeff Garcia this year as a backup. Obviously.
3. Dallas – TO rocks. Except when he sleeps in. I still believe the downfall of this team is the immobile QB Drew Bledsoe, and if even QB Tony Romo-cop steps in, they will be better off. Think about this – both of TO’s QBs that were successful at getting him the ball [McNabb, Garcia] were elusive enough to buy enough time for TO to get down field and get separation.
4. Washington – Portis is dinged up at the beginning. The difference between succeeding and failing in the NFC East could come down to just starting 0-2.

NFC North – still pretty weak
1. Chicago – I’m expecting QB Brian Griese to be in charge of this team and take them to a 2nd-round bye due to a very weak schedule (playing the NFC West and the AFC East).
2. Detroit – Coach Rod “Sensei” Marinelli should have his players worked up into a frenzy all season long. Plus, Martz as offensive coordinator always finds ways to score points, which has certainly been the bigger problem for the Lions the last few years. “There is no pain in this dojo. NO Sensei!” I was going to annoint them the “sleeper team”, but its just going too far.
3. Minnesota – Brad Johnson is QB. Is this 1998?
4. Green Bay – The “Farewell Favre” tour begins and ends in the cellar of the division.

NFC South – holy moly, always a tough division
1. Carolina – I’ve chosen the Panther in the Super bowl, or to win the super bowl for each of the last 2 seasons. Honestly, I was prepared to pick them for a 3rd, but too many people have jumped on this bandwagon, so I’ll just jump off of it for now. They still will go far though.
2. Atlanta – I may be the only person who still thinks Vick can improve.
3. Tampa Bay – Should be a much tougher road to the playoffs, what with this division playing the NFC East and the AFC North.
4. New Orleans – I’m excited to see how the Deuce-Reggie backfield is going to work.

NFC West – holy moly, always a crappy division
1. St. Louis – Craziness, I know. St. Louis is switching to a run-oriented offense based on S. Jackson. If Seattle falls to the curse of the Super Bowl champion, St. Louis has the best chance in this division to “seize the day” and the division title, and hence, their switch to a sensible offense, and a reasonable head coach is the basis for me adopting them as my “sleeper team.”
2. Seattle - The last 7 Super Bowl losers have failed to get back to the playoffs. Shaun Alexander is on the cover of Madden, Alexander had a ridiculous amount of carries last season, and they lost their top offensive lineman. That seems like enough superstitious reasons to pick them out of the playoffs. Gotta love superstitions! [Please note: I have no real reason for doing this other than the superstitions].
3. Arizona - I just don’t know when they will turn that corner. Maybe next year, when they have the new stadium.
4. San Fran – Yawn.

NFC Playoffs

3-NY Giants over 6-Philly – great rivalry game. Going w/ home field.
5- Atlanta over 4-St. Louis – St. Louis’s magical run comes to an end.

3- NY Giants over 2-Chicago – Another bye for the Bears, another immediate exit.
1-CAR over 5- Atlanta – CAR always has had Vick’s number

3-NY Giants over 1-CAR – I’m only doing this so I don’t pick CAR.

Super Bowl
1-Indy over 2-NY Giants – I can’t believe I’m doing it, but I’m predicting a Manning vs. Manning showdown. Both have great defenses, which is the main reason they will be having the showdown. I just as easily could have put any of the other NFC East teams in the Super Bowl, as all 4 of them are capable of making the run through the rest of the NFC.

All Baseball All The Time

I’ve been meaning to write an all-baseball post for quite some time. So, without further ado, here are the most interesting things going on in the baseball universe:

1. Roy Oswalt has signed a five-year/$73M contract extension. A great move by the Houston Astros in keeping the franchise ace in town until his 34th birthday. However that, and $1.50 gets you a bottle of water. The Astros offense is horrendous and they, like the Cardinals before them, rested on the laurels of winning the National League pennant in lieu of making any bonafide roster improvements. Oswalt better get used to losing games 4-2 because that’s how it’s going to be unless Astros GM Tim Purpura goes out and gets some hitters.

2. Jon Heyman is reporting that Aramis Ramirez will terminate his contract with the Chicago Cubs and explore the free agent market. The article mentions that he would like to come to New York. Quite honestly, Aramis better keep dreaming. The Yankees are not trading for Aramis Ramirez and they’re certainly not going to go into free agency to sign him when they have ARod already. The Padres need a third baseman, as do the Phillies, Angels, and Mariners. Clearly, there will be a market for his services somewhere, although I doubt he’ll get much more than the $11M he’d be leaving on the table from his existing contract.

If the Cubs let him go, however, they’re making a huge mistake. As we have seen, the Cubs offense is feeble, at best. Through 132 games, the Cubs have scored a total of 559 runs, which puts them on pace for 686 for the year (an average of 4.2 runs/game). Without Ramirez, I don’t see how the Cubs score runs next year.

3. In the same Heyman piece, there’s a tidbit about Soriano’s run at the 40-40 club. He’s exceeded my expectations for this year, no doubt. He’s had a career year. But he’s a selfish player, and an overrated one at that.

I’m sure he’ll get his free agent money from the Mets (who need either a second baseman or a left fielder) but, as a Yankee fan, I know his limitations. He’s always been wrapped up in his own stats, going back to the 2002 season when he was one homer away from joining the 40-40 club and he started swinging for the fences in the last week of the season. He ended up screwing up his swing and posted a .brutal 118/.211/.353 in the ALDS vs. the Angels that year. When it comes to Soriano, buyer beware.

4. The fat fuck formerly known as David Wells is likely headed out of Boston. The rumor is that he’ll be moving back to the National League, either to St. Louis, San Diego, or LA. What does it say about Boston’s confidence when a team with the 11th worst AL ERA (out of 14 teams) and 25th worst overall (out of 30 teams) ERA is selling pitching? I guess Boston is calling it a season. For a team that won the World Series less than two years ago, it didn’t take the Red Sox (and their $120M opening day payroll) long to find themselves behind the eight-ball.

Obviously there are still 30 games left to be played and the Red Sox could mount a comeback at any time. But if I were a Red Sox fan, I’d be pissed that they’re trading Wells and seemingly waving the white flag.

5. One more thing about the Red Sox. They’ve got to be worried about Big Papi’s heart arrhythmia. That offense is pure crap without Papi and Manny in the middle. Not to start rumors or anything but a man with a melon that size and sudden heart trouble? Sounds like steroi...nah, couldn’t be, right?

6. I think this is a really cool little factoid, courtesy of ESPN:

“The Tigers and Yankees met with both teams 25 or more games over .500 for the first time since Sept. 17, 1961.”

It’s hard to believe that it’s been since the days of Mantle, Maris, Colavito, and Kaline since both teams were at the top of their game. Crazy.

Cheers and Jeers: Manhatten Dry Edition

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 oz Canadian whisky
• 3/4 oz Dry Vermouth
• 1 dash Angostura bitters
• Lemon peel

This weekend I will be going on a tour to check out how the various Back Seat Driver columnists are doing. This trip also includes several high level meetings in New York City with a prospective corn beef sandwich. I feel that the sandwich could add a lot. Now you might be wondering why not get everyone in one location? Well according to the Astronomy Department we have here at the online magazine this could result in a quantum singularity causing a breach between time and anti-time (For those unfamiliar with the concept of quantum singularities or anti-time I would recommend either Mad Marty's Pop Up Book of Astro-Physics or Quantum Mechanics for Idiots). Until this problem can be contained we'll continue avoiding massive columnists gathering. Anyway onto some cheering and jeering….

Cheers: To the final 4 of the World Basketball Championships. Favorites Argentina, Spain, Euro Champ Greece and the dark horse USA. Yes I know just about every national basketball columnist predicted that team USA would trip over their shoelaces or whatever but the plucky band of no names somehow beat Germany to make it.

Cheers: To Ryan Howard. At the start of season I cheered the thought of what Howard could do in his second season (not too shabby, eh?). I didn't predict that he would go all MVP on the NL and help push Philly into a Wild Card race.

Jeers: To rumors of Carson Palmers demise. The former-Heisman winner looked cool, calm and collect as he picked apart some arena football league team (better known as the Green Bay Packers). It's always nice to see a player return from an injury.

Jeers: To Katherine Harris. I think it's fair to say that bashing Harris is almost bi-partisan at this point (the RNC is no longer giving her an official endorsement). According to Harris non-Christians are not qualified to hold public office. Which given my Zoroastrian practices I guess means that I'm not qualified. Well maybe also because of my attempts to form a Southwest Republic with Aaron Burr.

Cheers: To the return of college football. This week's GAME OF THE WEEK is FSU v. Miami on Monday. Nothing beats a good college rivalry. Well maybe a martini.

And here's the newest portion of Cheers and Jeers - cheers and jeers in the news

"These questions about cheers and jeers aren't going anywhere. If cheers and jeers practices, cheers and jeers will play. It's that simple"

-Bill Parcells

More Quick Hits

1. As Ron Burgundy would say, “I’m in a real pickle here.” For those that don’t know, I’m the American-born only child of two Greek immigrants. So, with Team USA beating the Germans, the United States will face Greece in the semifinals of the 2006 FIBA World Championship. What am I going to do? Who will I root for? In order to figure this out, I’ll have to use the old reliable method of listing out the pros and cons of each outcome:

Team USA Wins:

-Team USA is one step closer to once again being thought of as the best basketball playing nation in the world (pro);
-Team USA is one step closer to spitting in the eye of the pessimists and haters who did not predict their success (pro);
-Larry Brown looks like a giant loser for failing with a similar roster at the 2004 Olympics (pro); and
-I am no longer welcome at family get-togethers (con)

Greece Wins:

-A small nation of 11 million people (74th most populous nation in the world) beating a world superpower (pro);
-Greece can continue to claim itself as the best basketball-playing nation in Europe (pro);
-I can celebrate a Greek victory with a lunch of souvlaki (pro);

As much as I’d love any opportunity for Larry Brown to look like a bigger loser, I value my family and souvlaki much more. Team USA can win the 2008 Olympics but the Greek national team might not have this kind of opportunity again. Despite winning the 2005 Eurobasket Championship, Greece is still not known as a world basketball powerhouse. Beating the US would go a long way to giving my ancestral home some much-needed national pride. I’m going with my heritage and pulling for Greece.*

2. In his penultimate Daily Quickie column, my favorite whipping boy announced that his vote for AL MVP is Frank Thomas. Frank Thomas is not in the top 50 in win shares by major league players. He is only 5th in win shares among designated hitters. He is not in the top 50 in runs created by major league players. He is 11th and 14th in the AL in homers and OPS, respectively. He is a full-time DH on a team with the lowest batting average in the major leagues. I’m sorry, Frank Thomas is not the AL MVP. He’s not even in the conversation. He could, and probably should, win the AL Comeback Player of the Year Award but that’s it.

Now I know why Shanoff is quitting – ESPN fired him for making a mockery of sports journalism.

3. I’m not a big believer in the whole concept of team chemistry. I think when a team stinks and loses most of its games, the chemistry is bad because losing is toxic. By contrast, when a team wins a lot of games, chemistry is good because everyone enjoys winning. That’s why I think the whole Red Sox “Cowboy Up/Idiots” thing from 2003-2004 was a joke. The Red Sox didn’t win because the entire team grew silly facial hair, didn’t shower, and drank a lot of whiskey before games; they won because they had Pedro Martinez, Curt Schilling, and Keith Foulke on the mound and Damon, Papi, and Manny wreaking havoc at the plate.

That being said, the whole team chemistry thing is something that fans can get behind. Reading this as a Yankee fan makes me realize that I’ve enjoyed the 2006 Yankees more than any Yankee team since 2001. Win or lose, World Series be damned. This is a fun bunch to root for and it’s made being a baseball fan a lot more fun.

*If Team USA beats Greece, obviously I’m rooting for the Americans to beat the winner of the Spain/Argentina match-up.

All Time Stupidest Sports Injuries

Here in New York, there is all sorts of debate and speculation surrounding the news that Carl Pavano broke two ribs in a car accident that took place over two weeks ago. Given the fact that he hasn’t pitched in the big leagues since last June 27th and because some of his injuries (bruised buttocks) have been borderline ridiculous, a lot of folks around here think that the accident and the broken ribs are an excuse for him to simply not pitch.

I don’t think we’ll ever find out the truth behind Pavano’s latest setback. But this list has the all time stupidest sports injuries. It’s a pretty funny read.

2006: The Year of the Knee

So after downing a whole fifth of Vodka and some Lemp beer, I nervously watched the Bungals of Cincinnati face the Packers of Green Bay. My hopes and dreams of making up for Akili Smith and KiJana Carter lay on watching how Carson Palmer's surgically repaired would respond by an attack by KGB. Unfortunately I had to wait until 5 minutes into the game because the Bengals couldn't even win the coin toss. Was this a sign of something to come. I had to wait longer after Favre threw a pick and the Bengals ran it back (it was starting to look like my previous game as the Bengals on Madden). Then Carson came in and 140 yards and 3 TDs later, Carson Palmer was back at the helm of the SS Bungal. Unfortunately Cincinnati plays one of the toughest schedules this year (especially those two games against the Browns) so they probably won't have a record any better than 10-6. But, all of Cincinnati will be happy that their "3rd times a charm" first rounder is back at the head. And many fantasy teams are very happy I am sure.

Quick Hits

Not much time to write these days so I’ll make it quick:

1. The USTA National Tennis Center was renamed in honor of Billie Jean King. I’m one of the few tennis fans left in this country but I think this is a good story. Billie Jean King has done a tremendous amount of good in the world of sports and it’s nice that she gets her well-deserved honors here in New York, at the home of the U.S. Open.

That being said, I’ve never been to the U.S. Open. It’s outrageously priced and has become an event for the elitist scum that populates most of New York’s upper class. $300 tickets, overpriced food and drinks, who needs it? Sports like tennis wonder why it can’t sustain grassroots fan interest. I don’t think it would kill the USTA if it seriously re-thought its pricing in order to allow more New Yorkers access to the only major tennis tournament played in this hemisphere.

2. Proving that you can come home again, even if you poured gasoline all over the place and burned your house down and then stole the insurance money to bet on three-legged horses, the Golden State Warriors have decided to re-hire Don Nelson as their head coach.

Apparently the six years that Nelson spent in Golden State from 1989-1995, a period in which the Warriors only went 9-15 in the playoffs, didn’t dissuade Warriors management from rolling the dice on the fat, drunken fool one more time. In June, 1994, Nelson traded three first-round draft picks for Chris Webber. One season later, he traded Webber to Washington and set the franchise on the doomed path it has been on ever since. I guess the fact that the Warriors haven’t been to the playoffs since Nelson famously destroyed the franchise doesn’t bother anyone in Golden State management.

And no one thinks there’s extreme racism in the hiring practices of professional teams? Can you name a bigger re-tread than Don Nelson?

3. The biggest problem with baseball, in my opinion, is that, unlike the NFL, Bud Selig and the other baseball owners don’t do a good enough job vetting prospective new owners. Case in point: Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria. A New York art dealer and gallery owner, Loria first purchased the Montreal Expos. He proceeded to run them into the ground, starving the major league club to the point that an entire roster of All-Stars* were playing in cities other than Montreal. Further, he was the only owner not to sell television or radio rights to the team in the local market. And yet, he was allowed to purchase the Florida Marlins from Wayne Huizenga.

Now, despite the Marlins playing with a $14M payroll, Loria wants to fire rookie manager Joe Girardi. The Marlins are only two games out of the National League Wild Card race. What sort of owner allows himself to be such a distraction to his team in the middle of such a miracle season? His team is overachieving. He’s probably raking in the dough. He needs to shut the hell up and let Girardi do his job without interference or headaches from his boss.

*Vladimir Guerrero, Cliff Floyd, Moises Alou, Larry Walker, Rondell White, Marquis Grissom, Wil Cordero, Mark Grudzielanek, John Wetteland, Pedro Martinez, and Dennis Martinez all made at least one All-Star team under Loria’s watch.

MMBSD: Pre-Season Thoughts

Gleaning facts from pre-season football is typically a risky if not fool-hardy adventure. You might as well as try to predict Keanu Reeves future in show business from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. However where the normal fear to tread I shall try to pick out a few general trends from my pre-season watching.

Blitzing
After hiring Gallop to take a survey of pre-season football watchers I feel even more confident in my first observation: teams are blitzing. Yes, some of you might snicker and say is that really newsworthy but I say it is. Typically in the pre-season team defenses are vanilla. Heck a few years ago teams would scheme beyond vanilla (which I think is some combination of beige and grey). This year, however, teams are blitzing. What does this augur? Well one of two things… 1) teams just assume that other teams will prepare for blitzing packages so might as well practice them now and/or 2) We're going to some exotic blitzing schemes come the regular season. The NFL is a copy cat league. After Tampa Bay won it all, the cover-2 scheme seemed to dominate. Pittsburgh's recent ascendancy would predict mad blitzes to stop not only the pass but also the run.

T.O.
I think Tom Rick's is getting the book rights to Fiasco II: The Terrell Owens Adventure in Dallas. Terrell Owens through his skill on the field and larger than life personality was able to turn his initials into a household word. However after the end of the Philly incident Owens was obviously on a thin rope. The media would predictably pounce on even a hint of controversy. I'm guessing if someone had asked would be willing to bet T.O.'s time in Dallas would end badly I'd say no dice. If someone had said how about willing to bet that things would end badly before the end of pre-season? I bet I could have gotten good odds there. Right now, I'd be getting even odds at best.

Ben Roethlisberger
I was kind of shocked that Roethlisberger did not miss any pre-season time. Roethlisberger spent the off-season recovering from his experience as a human javelin. Cranial facial surgery for multiple hours is no minor arthroscopic surgery. I watched the Pittsburgh v. Philly game and Roethlisberger just doesn't look right. I can't tell if its his release is a little slower or he's not making reads or he no longer has peripheral vision but Roethlisberger just doesn't look good. Roethlisberger has never been a leader in efficiency or play-making (don't make me use the Super Bowl trump card) and degradation of abilities does not portend well for what could be a competitive AFC North.

Quick Hits

I'm keeping my eyes on how Carson Palmer looks. Mentally Palmer still seems a little shell shocked. Andre Agassi makes his final appearance at the U.S. Open today. Agassi, a winner of each of the Grand Slams, deserves the nostalgia and recognition. The U.S. basketball faces Germany on Wednesday at 6:30 am. Set your alarm clocks or tivo. Yes, I know the MLB baseball races going on but honestly everyone seems to be limping to the finish. I'll instead be watching the Jessica Biel v. Jessica Alba cat-fight on the Ocho.

Expulsion

For those that don’t know, ESPN.com’s Daily Quickie will be making its last appearance on August 31st. I don’t know the reason why ESPN pulled the plug on Dan Shanoff’s column. In a weird sort of way, I’ll miss the column, as it’s provided plenty of creative fodder for me along the way.

Here is the latest from that site:

The expulsion of Pluto as an official “planet” in our solar system – and its accompanying frenzy – inspired me to pick out the teams worth banishing from their respective leagues:

MLB: Royals
NBA: Knicks
NFL: 49ers
NHL: Blues
CFB: Duke
CBB: Kelvin Sampson

Duke football barely exists already so if it’s zapped, so be it. Kelvin Sampson is a pretty good coach, but one that probably shouldn’t have been hired as quickly as he was, given the mess he left behind in Oklahoma.

As for the others, I’m just not sold on banishing the Royals, Knicks, 49ers, or Blues. The Royals have been run into the ground by a cheapskate owner and poor management. But at one time, the Royals were the class of the American League. They had Hall of Famer George Brett and All-Stars Willie Wilson, Frank White, Hal McRae, Bret Saberhagen, and Dan Quisenberry playing for a team that went to the postseason seven times from 1976-1985. It would be pretty hard to justify cutting one of the better AL franchises of all time.

The 49ers need no introduction. Before falling on hard times in the past few seasons, the 49ers were still considered one of the best NFL franchises of all time. They dominated the 1980’s and 1990’s and have paraded around the best WR (Jerry Rice) and two of the 10 best QB’s (Joe Montana, Steve Young) in league history.

I’m not the biggest hockey fan in the world (I don’t like hockey at all). But I know the Blues don’t deserve the ax. St. Louis is a very good hockey town with fans that really get behind the club. Before Brett Hull became a hired gun, he made his name and scored most of his goals in St. Louis. With new ownership, the Blues might be able to climb back to respectability soon. If I’m not mistaken, the Blues had a longer postseason appearance streak going than anyone else in sports until this past spring.

Finally, the Knicks. Not only are the Knicks one of the charter members of the NBA, not only do they have an all-time roster that most franchises would die for (Frazier, Monroe, Bradley, DeBusschere, Reed, King, Ewing, and Houston), but they play in Madison Square Garden, a/k/a “The World’s Most Famous Arena.” The Knicks haven’t won a championship in 33 years but they’re still relevant as the basketball team in the media capital of the world.

My choices for expulsion?

MLB: Devil Rays. Worst stadium on earth, no fans, haven’t had a winning season in franchise history, share a market with the minor league Yankees (who outdraw them, incidentally)

NBA: Atlanta Hawks. With all due respect to the great Dominique Wilkins, the franchise hasn’t won a title, can’t draw fans, and has receded into complete insignificance in the NBA.

NFL: Tie – Arizona Cardinals and Baltimore Ravens. The Cardinals franchise has never been good. Not in Chicago from 1920-1959, not in St. Louis from 1960-1987, and not in Phoenix. They’ve got some good players now but I just don’t think anyone would miss the Cardinals if they were gone. I’d like to add the Ravens here because, as far as I’m concerned, they never should’ve come into existence. They were the Cleveland Browns until the league allowed one of its premiere franchises to be relocated. A serious travesty. Plus, there isn’t a single player or coach on the team that can be described as likeable.

NHL: Every team that plays south of the Mason-Dixon. Hockey shouldn’t be played in Florida, North Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Arizona, Georgia, or southern California. It’s just not real hockey that way. If it never snows there, you can’t play, period.

Rally Round Those Reds/A Sad State of Affairs for the Cards: NL Predictions

Since we focus a lot on the AL, I figured I would give my analysis of the state of the NL. Although, many believe including Bill Simmons that the NL is a joke division, I think it is still important to look at what is going on there.

First off I would like to congratulate the ownership/GM of the Cincinnati Red Stockings. They have made decisions that have been viewed as stupid, but the Reds keep on winning and now they are tied with the Cardinals on top of the NL Central. This team that was once the laughing stock of the National League has turned itself around and is winning baseball games. Could this be 1990 revisited when a lowly Reds team comes up against the formidable opponent of the As (the Yankees) and sweeps them and could Bill Bray, Eddie Guardado and Scott Schoenweis be the new "Nasty Boys"...not likely but getting to the playoffs will make this Reds fan happy.

Second, I would like to make my predictions for the end of the year. Using a method of schedule strength and home field advantage (proven by the mighty wisdom of MJ), I will say that the following:

NL Central: Cards
NL West: Dodgers
NL East: Mets
WC: Reds/Phillies (In a perfect world the Reds would win the NL Central and the Phils would get the WC, leaving Tony LaRussa in the dust)

NL CY: Carlos Zambrano (for all you Cub fans out there)...he has been pitching lights out and to have 14 wins on a team like the Cubs is pretty amazing, Plus he has helped my fantasy team to be within half a point of winning it all

NL MVP: I am going to go out on a limb here...I think that Ryan Howard deserves the MVP. You can talk all you want about Beltran aving a great year, but he has Delgado, Wright, etc around him, but without Howard, the Phillies probably wouldn't be in the WC hunt right now
NL ROY: I want to say Dan Uggla (because I love his last name), but I will say Brian McCann (because I love his first name)
NL Comeback Player of the Year: Should go to the entire Reds organization, however Nomar deserves it
NL Manager of the Year: Jerry Narron hands down (although Willie Randolph could get it, but I think that Narron has a lot less to work with than Randolph and the money of the Mets)

Cheers and Jeers: Liquid Courage Edition

Ingredients:

• 1 pint Milk
• 4-6 scoops vanilla or Chocolate ice-cream
• 8-12 oz Creme de Cacao
• 6 oz Vodka (Absolut or Smirnoff)
• 6 oz Rum (Bacardi)

Everyone needs a little Liquid Courage every now and again. This is especially true for football season. The two minute drill is easily one of the most stressful situations known to man. In fact the CIA forces prisoners to watch two minute drills. The other team has the ball and your team is sitting back in the prevent defense your heart stops. A quick 15 yard pass to the sidelines and you can no longer sit down. You begin to pace around like a wild-man, your knees are weaker than Paris Hilton's. Bam! Another 20 yard completion. The opposing team now has the ball in your end of the field. You begin praying to any deity you ever have learned about and some that you haven't (Odin I promise to revive the Norse religion if you can come through). It's to no avail, somehow in that time where you were blinking the opposing team has moved the ball smack dab in the middle of the 15 yard line. Now there is no more pacing or praying - you merely huddle in the good luck corner holding onto a rabbit's foot or whatever talisman you have nearby or if you're a New Yorker your good luck hobo bat, awaiting the inevitable. Somehow your team finally gets a blitzer through, sacking the opposing quarterback. The game is over. You start high fiving people that have wandered in from the streets to catch the end of the game, cars drive by honking horns and you see your neighbor doing back-flips in the yard. Yes in order to survive the 2 minute drill you need a little liquid courage.

Mega-Jeers: To Pluto losing its planetary status. Pluto, formerly, the last of the discovered planets (by an American) was demoted to dwarf status yesterday. Who appointed this science board anyways? Given Pluto's American backers and Pluto being Mickey Mouse's sidekick, this move by the Security Council of Science seems like just another anti-American plot to me.

Cheers: To this handy guide to drinking during football season

Cheers: To Gene Hickerson for becoming a finalist for the NFL Hall of Fame. Hickerson was the great pulling guard for the Cleveland Browns during their glory years. Hickerson blocked for both Jim Brown and Leroy Kelly. When he retired the two main running backs he had blocked for were ranked number one and number four for all time rushing. Its long overdo frankly. (Historical footnote Gene Hickerson replaced Chuck Noll at the guard position)

Jeers: To further articles about why this USA basketball team is doomed. Is this US guaranteed to win it all? Of course they are not. However it seems almost ghoulish the way writers are standing over not yet a lost cause.

Jeers: To the new edition of survivor. If this is some of the responses your going to get from having the tribes divided along the lines of race I would advise you change things up….and soon.

Cheers: To the weekend…..it's about time!

SportsCenter Recap

The Good: SportsCenter floated the notion of Jermaine Dye as AL MVP. It's not a bad selection, and one we hadn't thought of a few weeks ago when discussing the award here. Dye is hitting .325 with 37 homers and 99 RBI, good for a 1.041 OPS. The White Sox remain (albeit barely) the wild card leaders, and in substantial part that's due to Dye's leadership. The big knock against him for being MVP is that this team also features Jim Thome and Paul Konerko in the heart of the order, so it's hard to say that "without Dye, this team wouldn't be here." In the end, I don't think Dye will win - but if the Sox hold off the Twins, it'll be hard for my personal selection, Joe Mauer, to be selected from outside the playofffs. The race should come down to Big Papi against Mauer or Dye, whichever is still playing in October.

The Bad: "The Ultimate Bowl Championship" or whatever they're calling the stupid "analysis" that they're doing on SportsCenter this week. If you've missed it, three of these guys discuss a fake tournament of the best college football teams, to try and figure out what would happen if college football had a tournament playoff system. It's a nice idea - in December, maybe. These teams haven't played a down yet, and in light of the major departures from USC and other top programs, there's no way to fairly or accurately assess whether Iowa can hold off Florida State's pass rush. What's worse about this segment is that they take far too long breaking these fake games down, and the really awful part is that they talk about these games as if they're imminent. I'm not sure that Mark May understands that Louisville isn't gearing up to take on the Trojans this weekend.

The Ugly: If you missed it, Sean Casey got thrown out at first base from left field yesterday. I'll say that again: Sean Casey got thrown out at first base from left field yesterday. He hit a liner between third and short that nicked off 3B Joe Crede's glove and rolled into the outfield. He apparently thought that Crede caught the ball, and stopped running and turned around. Oops. Props to LF Pablo Ozuna for never missing a beat in picking up the roller and firing it straight to first. Sean Casey - you're a veteran who should know much, much better than to not to run out a play. That may have played in Pittsburgh, but not in a pennant race.

I'm Back

Back at my desk, back in New York after spending a great five days in Chicago, visiting my college buddies. I attended a Chicago White Sox game in the new-and-improved Comiskey Park and I have to say that it’s one of the best stadiums I’ve ever been to. That’s about the only nice thing I can say about the White Sox, however. Onto baseball...

1. Yanks v. Red Sox. So, obviously, everyone knows the Yankees swept the Red Sox at Fenway Park. This series had several historic footnotes, most notably the fact that the Yankees sweep of the Red Sox represented the first time in American League history that a first place team swept a second place team in a five-game series. It is only the second such sweep, with the 1923 Giants sweeping the Reds in similar fashion.

From a Yankee fan’s perspective, I am both incredibly excited at what the Yankees were able to accomplish but still leery of the possibility of the Red Sox coming back. There is precedent – the 2004 ALCS has permanently scarred every Yankee fan – however unlikely it may be. Case in point, the 2003 Yankees had a 10.5 game lead over the Red Sox in mid-August and, by September 10th, only led the Red Sox by 2.5 games. Considering the fact that the Yankees and Red Sox play four more times in a few weeks, it’s altogether likely that the Yankees will have to win at least two of those games (if not more) in order to have a chance at their ninth consecutive AL East division title. The one advantage the Yankees do have is that while they can play .500 baseball for the remainder of the season, Boston will have to play at a .698 clip in order to move into first.

2. Manny Being Manny. This phrase irritates me. It’s become a catch-all for excusing the bad behavior of a selfish man-child by simply accepting his Hall of Fame talent and overlooking his pathetic behavior. Why is there no one saying “Barry being Barry” about Bonds? Is he not as selfish, self-aggrandizing, and self-involved? Does he not have the same remarkable talent? When I read things like this, I can’t help but wonder how guys like ARod, who play hard and play hurt, who never complain, get such a raw deal. Manny should be called out at every turn. Honestly, that he’s not booed in every stadium for admiring his homeruns, for flipping his bat, for not running out his ground-outs...when did baseball fans get so desensitized to lazy fatsos making $20M?

3. NL MVP. Without the benefit of statistical analysis or anything other than my gut reaction, I think Carlos Beltran should be the 2006 NL MVP. I reserve the right to change my mind after doing a more in-depth analysis but simply eyeballing his stats and watching him up close here in New York, he’s having an incredibly impressive season. If Beltran wins it, he will be the first MVP in New York Mets history. Imagine, 44 years for a franchise to wait for its first league MVP. The Mets have had their share of Cy Young awards – four of them (Seaver ‘69, ‘73, ’75; Gooden ’85) – so I guess it all evens out eventually.

4. David Justice Redux. The last time the Yankees traded for as polished and professional a hitter as Bobby Abreu was in July 2000 when they acquired David Justice from the Cleveland Indians. In his 78 games with the 2000 Yankees, Justice put up an AVG/OBP/SLG of .305/.391/.585 (OPS .976). So far through 22 games, Abreu’s been even better, putting up .388/.495/.553 (OPS 1.048). I’ve never seen a player fit in to his new team as well as Justice did in 2000 until now. Abreu has been a difference-maker for the Yanks this year and I’m so glad he’s here.

That’s it for the baseball, now for some football:

ESPN is reporting that the Redskins, Broncos, and Falcons finalized a three-team trade that will send third and fourth round draft picks from Washington to Denver, WR Ashley Lelie from Denver to Atlanta, and RB TJ Duckett from Atlanta to Washington.

Honestly, I’m not sure I understand this deal from Atlanta’s point of view. Lelie has shown talent but has never been able to fully realize his potential. Furthermore, he has voiced displeasure over his role as a secondary receiver. So now he goes to Atlanta as the likely third receiver on a team that has a QB whose passing abilities are in doubt. This trade is an odd one by the Falcons, if you ask me. Denver is happy to be rid of Lelie and gets a couple of draft picks, not a bad ransom for the mild bust that was Lelie. And Washington, with star RB Clinton Portis’ health in question, gets a very productive backup who can handle the load. Further, as a big back, Duckett might fit in well with Joe Gibbs’ power trap running philosophy. If Portis comes back healthy, the Redskins will now have a great 1-2 punch.

World Basketball Championship Announcers

I finally caught part of the World Basketball Championships, that are going on in Japan. The games are on early in the morning on ESPN2 I believe, and I was fortunate enough to see a small portion of the US-Slovenia game. The US was stretching a 10-point lead to a 20-point lead at the time. I’m not exactly sure who the announcers were, but the color commentator served up some memorable moments in the 5 minutes I watched. The first comment is completely serious. Try your best to read it without sarcasm:

1) When the US was up 20 points, he said, “This 20 point lead probably scares the US. If Slovenia hits 4 straight 3-pointers, they will be right back in the game.”

Following comments by the play-by-play commentator…
2) “The US cannot be happy with a 20-point lead. I think the goal is to get the lead to 30-points to really demoralize the other team.” [if he didn’t say demoralize, then it was “embarrass.” Either way, the comment is ridiculous.]