Thursday, January 31, 2008

Slice o' Life with Berman

h/t from Deadspin here's Chris Berman cussing up a storm.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Super bowl Preview: Is Bill Belichick a Sith Lord?

Super Bowl week is a joyous time of the year for every American. It’s a time to eat heavily, drink heavily, and refuse to go to the bathroom during the commercials. It’s also a time of the year, where recently, I’ve enjoyed comparing head coaches to other fictional characters. It started in 2006, with Sgt. Slaughter (Cowher) vs. Colonel Mustard (Mike Holmgren) and continued in 2007 with McDowell’s, the dad from Coming to America (Lovey Smith).

Which leads me to the most important question of this week: Is New England Patriots Coach Bill Belichick actually a Sith Lord??? I actually pointed this out briefly, in the comments of a post back in March 2007. I probably was not the first to make the analogy, but since then, other stories have actually published, accusing Belichick of being a Sith Lord, including a quote by Frank of “Frank TV” from this past December. Thus, the time has come to analyze, once and for all, whether Belichick is indeed the Sith Lord that Yoda has been fearing. I’ve devised some important questions that will help us in this determination:

1) Does he ever pull a hood over his head when he gets angry?
Yes, see the picture. He apparently wears a hood 95% of the time, in case he ever decides to get angry and kill children.
2) Sith travel in twos – a master and an apprentice. Does Belichick travel in two?
Yes, he used to follow his father around, who was coach of Navy. Then, Belichick’s first true master was Bill Parcells. Belichick has then had a number of apprentices since becoming a master including Charlie Weis, Eric Mangini, and current offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels.
3) Sith Lord, Emperor Palpatine, once said, "The Sith rely on their passion for their strength. They think inwards only about themselves." Does Belichick only think about himself?
Remember when Belichick was coach of the Jets for a day? Check out this quote:
"I knew I did the right thing and I didn't know where my career was going to go. I knew what wasn't going to happen. … All the things I said then, frankly they've all come true. Every aspect of the organization that I commented on, it looks to me like that's the way I saw it then and that's the way it turned out. … I can't really worry about what other people say. I had to do what was right for me, and that's what I did."
Yes, of course Belichick thinks only about himself. Moreover, he has a quest for becoming the greatest coach in the history of the NFL that wears a hooded cloak. Coincidence? I think not. Thus, the conclusion is unavoidable and clearly Bill Belichick is a Sith Lord. Samuel L. Jackson better be on high alert!

Despite this frightening conclusion that Belichick is indeed a Sith Lord, the rest of the galaxy still has some hope this upcoming Sunday. Belichick’s opponent in this Super Bowl is none other than Tom Coughlin. Tom Coughlin may look like Freddy Krueger, as shown last week here on BSD, because his face was exposed to the -20 degree weather in Green Bay. Unfortunately, Coughlin does not appear to have the powers of Freddy Krueger, so it will be very difficult for the Giants to succeed. As far as I can tell, Coach Coughlin does not enter my dreams, and if anyone's aware of him appearing in their dreams, we would all love to hear about it.

Despite Coughlin not being Freddy Krueger, what actually may give some hope is that Coughlin once viewed Bill Parcells as his mentor, and Belichick just happens to be an apprentice of Bill Parcells! Coughlin, who apparently was receivers coach from 1988-1990 on the Giants when Parcells was coach and when Belichick was defensive coordinator , may have also learned some things from Parcells. Hell, Coughlin may even know how to also shoot electricity from his hands, but let’s not count our chickens before they’ve hatched. The fact that gives me hope is that maybe, just maybe, Coughlin was able to learn something about Belichick when they were both coaching on the Giants at the same time. Hopefully for the sake of the galaxy, Coughlin knows some secret thing that Belichick is allergic to and Coughlin will exploit this allergy. Maybe it’s curry? Or mustard? Or cutting off the hood from his sweatshirt during warm-ups? Maybe it’s using the spread option formation which I assume Belichick has never seen?

Ultimately though, short of Coughlin discovering Belichick's weakness, I think the Patriots are going to win easily because the Giants already played a near-perfect game against the Patriots in December… and still lost.

There’s only one thing that can be done now, and that is to cue up the John Williams soundtrack, because Sith Lord Bill Belichick cannot be stopped.

Pick: New England 35, NY Giants 17

Championship week: 1-1
Playoffs: 6-4 (pretty crappy indeed)

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Quien es Muy Macho?: La Barba

For those that are unaware during the summer Cleveland's Drew Gooden and Washington's Deshawn Stevenson entered into a ritual Beard Growing Contest. The first one to shave loses . The winner gets pride and a large sum of money in the form of unmarked bills.

Now I've been covering Beard growing contests for over 15 years now and I can say this is the first time one has involved possible playoff contenders since the Bill Walton v. His Acid Trip contest of the late 1970s. What if Gooden's beard grows so big he dehydrates? What if Stevenson's beard attacks a reporter? These outcomes could affect their teams playoff positions. However playoffs and looks be damned this is La Barba Macho contest. Quien es Muy Macho: Drew Gooden or Deshawn Stevenson?

Saturday, January 26, 2008

HGH Spokesman

In the past, we have had people tearfully admit that they used steroids, that they used HGH, or they have written books on using steroids and other people using steroids.

Finally, society has what it always has needed - a public spokesperson for HGH ! And who better to play the role than a 60-year old Sylvester Stallone!

My favorite quote in the article is:
""Everyone over 40 years old would be wise to investigate it because it increases the quality of your life. Mark my words. In 10 years it will be over the counter."

Friday, January 25, 2008

Cheers and Jeers: Tumbleweed Edition

Its the week between the conference championships and the Super Bowl. The NBA hasn't hit the all-star break, spring training barely on the horizon, and the official start to the NCAA season (UNC v. Duke) hasn't happened yet. So reporters, columnists and bloggers alike really have to search for topics . I would like to believe that this lull is the reason why the topic of should Tomlinson have played was even raised. Sure world renowned tough guy Deon Sanders spouted out about it but he wasn't alone. From sportsline to espn to that crazy guy on the corner of the street who tried to sell me an umbrella during a snow storm there was this undercurrent that somehow Tomlinson wimped out and NEEDED to play. Its comments like this that make me think that reporters and sports columnist have given up differentiating themselves from that crazy guy on the street. Last time I checked most columnists don't have medical degrees and certainly weren't the ones examining LT. He had a sprained MCL (short hand for its torn in the case of the MCL a 3-5 week injury). He had never had a history of missing a game. So we take a severe injury for a guy that never misses a game and come to the conclusion he just should've played? I too can make ridiculous conclusions like I should be having sex with Jessica Alba at the moment. But those SHOULD statements are nowhere connected to reality. Please, please sports media types, don't make medical diagnosis. You demean us all.

onto Cheering And Jeering

Jeers: Steven A. Smith. Speaking of demeaning us all good ole Steven A. has joined us bloggers. Whew for those worried they weren't getting enough of daily Steven A. insights he now has a blog.

Cheers: To Roger Federer. Yes he was eliminated today in the Australian Open but lets all take a moment to gawk at his ridiculous 10 straight Grand Slam Final appearances.

Cheers/Jeers: To the new Bond film. On the negative side the title is: Quantum of Solace. I don't have a clue what that means. Which makes me confused and angry. On the plus side Olga Kurylenko will be in the film (see below)

Jeers: Any discussion about Tom Brady's foot. He's playing. Any other discussion is boring me. Please guys try to have SportsCenter as a step up from Entertainment Tonight.

Sean Taylor Memorial Beatdown: Goes to the Cavs Victory over the Wizard. In the decisive third quarter the Cavs outscored the Wiz 43-17. They had 39 assists to 5 turnovers. That my friends is a recipe for a beatdown.

And your C&J Gal of the Week is....Danielle Lloyd (who has managed to have an outstanding modeling career despite being allergic to clothes)

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

NBA at Midseason

Well its Midseason Time in the NBA World. Remember the NBA? That organization with the basketball? I'm not entirely sure why it feels like its fallen off the face of the Earth but at least to me it feels like it. That said I figure maybe a little post would help return the NBA (or provide a topic while football is on hiatus). So here's some story lines going on and should be followed

1. All Aboard the MVP L-Train

Lebron is in the midst of one of the great seasons ever. I realize in Cleveland Lebron is beyond an icon but the Cavs recent run has been fueled by his gaudy stats. Lebron is throwing in 34 points 10 rebounds and 8 assists this month and those numbers aren't that different from his regular seasons. Without Lebron the Cavs are a bottom feeder with him they're among the elite. KG has turned the Celtics from good to great but the L-Train comes out ahead in my book.

2. Boston Down the Stretch

The Celtics are currently on pace for one of the best records ever in NBA history. Deal. The question is do they add to Boston's stranglehold on title games? The Celtics are a collection of old timers and young rookies, neither of which the NBA playoffs looks kindly on. So can they continue their winning ways or fall flat is an open question?

3. Hornets Take Center Stage
The second best team in the deep West isn't San Antonio or Dallas or LA but the New Orleans Hornets. Free of the curse of Oklahoma (I can only assume Oklahoma is cursed place like the Fox Network) Chris Paul has quietly become the best point guard in the league. David West and Paul run the best pick and roll in the league. Tyson Chandler has become one of the great defensive players in the league. All told its time for the Hornets to take center stage among the league's elite.

4. The Race for Playoffs

Out West Utah and Houston are actually on the onside looking in for the playoffs despite having records that would place them as the fourth and sixth seed, respectively, in the East. At this point only two and half separate the 10th seed and the 7th seed so 4 teams are competing for those last 2 spots.

5. Is Retro In?
The injuries to Shaq and Jermaine O'Neal just have pointed to the lack of dominant big men. The NBA Post Season used to be playground of giants as we can all remember series changing performances by Hakeem or Ewing or Robinson or Daugherty to name a few. Outside of Duncan its hard to think of an interior presence that changed a playoff series (Yao hasn't escaped the first round). However this year might be different. Dwight Howard under the tutelage of Ewing is becoming a complete player on both ends of the court. Andrew Bynum, before his injury, was making similar strides under Kareem Abdul Jabbar's guidance. Add in Lamarcus Aldridge emergence and this year might see the return of the dominant big men.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Stay in school kids! Or you’ll end up being an umpire

It’s my least favorite week during the football season, the week between the championship game and the Super Bowl when we allow star quarterbacks to walk around in protective boots and go out clubbing so they can mentally and physically prepare for the upcoming game that doesn’t take place for many days. In the meantime, I've put together some random stories/events that caught my eye this week…

Head coaches from the Giants are popular!
Not only is Tom Coughlin going to the Super Bowl for the first time this week, but former Giants coach Jim Fassel is suddenly making a serious run at becoming the new coach of the Washington Redskins! Of course, former Giants coach Bill Parcells is now the GM of the Dolphins. I also took a look, and former Giants Coach Dan Reeves supposedly does radio games for the NFL as a color analyst. I couldn’t think of any other Giants coaches at that point, until I went to Wikipedia and found the perennial loser, Ray Handley! He’s fallen off the face of the earth. Not even Google knows what he’s doing now. However, I did find out that Ray Handley has an IQ of 140. Supposedly.

Big Man on Campus
I’ve caught multiple stories recently, particularly on about Kenny George a basketball player on UNC-Asheville who is 7 ft, 7 inches tall, and has an absurd size-28 shoe. The human body really isn’t meant to be that big, so he’s had a lot of knee problems and he's not too agile. He’s also been gawked at so much, though, that he hardly talks to anyone and gets stared at when he goes out in public. Yahoo even reported that ESPN made fun of him repeatedly on air. Let’s just hope he can help his team get to the tourney and he can take his aggression out on some major conference team. He has managed to average 13.1 ppg, 8.8 rebounds, and 4.9 blocks per game in only 22 minutes per game. I hope he does well and that his body can hold up this season.

Andy Roddick’s Relatively Unreported Tirade
I watched part of Andy Roddick’s loss in the Australian Open last week and was thoroughly entertained. The funniest thing about the match was the fact that not only did Roddick argue with the head umpire in regards to the usage of instant replay, Roddick said some things that were absolutely outrageous. The main contention throughout this argument was that the linesman yelled that a ball was out, so Roddick did not swing at the ball. Roddick’s opponent, Philipp Kohlschreiber, then challenged the call, despite the fact that Roddick had “relied” on the umpire’s call that it was out.

I thought that I could certainly find a multitude of articles, but apparently, Roddick’s PR people must control the AP and the other major American news services, because it really was not widely reported. Finally, I did find this a couple of videos with the main argument…For example, at one point Roddick told the umpire – “You’re an idiot. You don’t believe it, you’re lying to yourself!... Seriously, do you have to be a second grade dropout to be an umpire? Did you go to school until you were 8 years old? I think you quit school before you were 10.”
(If you prefer European commentators, they compare the play to something in cricket, which I don’t understand. The European version includes some of the footage before the argument).

Roddick also said, “I will speak very slowly, so maybe you can understand me…” Roddick also apparently said, “You need to do your job! Do you have ears connected to your head? You can't hear him yelling?"

The funniest thing is that Roddick finished his argument and walked away from the umpire and said directly to the fans: “Stay in school kids! Or you’ll end up being an umpire!” You can also see this in either of the video links I have listed above.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

MMBSD: Ok I Get It, Its Cold

So there it was overtime when the Giants kicker trotted out on the field aware that he'd already missed two. Not only was he aware but the entire city of New York was aware of the situation. Hit the field goal and his misses would be forgotten. Miss it and is family, his families friends, his dog, his dog's friends lives were forfeit. With all the pressure Tynes calmly stepped up and booted a 47 yard field goal that sailed through sending the NY football Giants into the Super Bowl and forcing MJ to crap his pants. The Giants in the Super Bowl. Eli Manning in the Super Bowl. How the fuck did this happen?

1. Brett Favre Aged 35 years over the Course of the GameLook I've taken some shots at Favre over the years but the one thing I've always secretly enjoyed and respected about Favre is that he still looked young. Over the course of the game I swear Favre morphed into some version of YA Title or Bart Starr. He looked old. He played old. He couldn't handle the cold. His hands were some odd purple color by the end. The result was costly turnovers, missed receivers and a second half performance that frankly was sad.

2. Tom Coughlin threatened his team with leprosy
Why did Fox keep showing Coughlin? I'm not sure if he had a fifth degree chemical burn or leprosy but he very quickly morphed into Freddie Kruger. Whether the fear of having to look at Coughlin or he threatened them with his ebola but the Giants turned things around in the second half. The defense played more physical. Receivers besides Plaxico managed to hold onto the ball. Bradshaw added a little spark. Whatever it was the Giants outplayed the Packers in the second half (and frankly short a fluke fumble would have won it in regulation).

3. Keeping Your Cool
I'll say this about the Giants, they didn't lose their cool over some borderline calls (ahem KGB offsides). They just kept trucking along. At the center of this cool in the cold was Eli Manning. I haven't jumped on the never ending Manning is turning the corner that seems to get published every two weeks for the past 3 years. HOWEVER Manning has played well the past three playoff wins. He didn't get flustered by the blitz. He didn't get flustered by dropped passes. He didn't seem to freak out by the cold or the fact that during halftime he had three toes amputated. He played smart. He didn't make costly mistakes. He threw the ball away when it was needed. He put the ball where either his receiver would make the play or it would be an incomplete. This is not to say Eli is Payton. Or Eli will now be a Pro Bowl QB. But he's played well on the playoffs and credit goes to where credit is deserved.

Random Thoughts
Did anyone understand Norv Turner's decision to punt down 9 in the fourth quarter? Outside of fear choking all rational decision out of Norval's brain there's no other explanation. What had the Chargers shown in the second half that would lead anyone to conclude that the Chargers could stop the Pats twice let alone force quick three and outs? Not to say the Chargers weren't hamstrung especially in the Red Zone by no Tomlinson, a Gates at half strength and referee crew that obviously compromised of Bill Simmon's family members? And just to emphasize a trend I saw Umm is their any team in the league dirtier than the Patriots? Nice leg whip Vrabel.

Al Harris you and your secondary was Pwned by Plaxico Burress. Plaxico was trying which meant the Packers were roasted.

Any doubts that huge sucking sound is the sound of ESPN preparing its coronation of the Patriots?

Onto the Super Bowl

New Look

For those that are unaware occasionally Blogger throws a few curves at those of us running the infrastructure of the blog and well long of the short umm blogger ate the website. However it did allow me the chance to finally give the site a new look. So let me know how you like it, what other changes you'd like, etc, etc, etc. Luckily we have an on-site coder in the computer graphics department here at BSD so throw out the ideas. I mean they'll probably be ignored due to advice from the Legal Department, but still.....

Note: Outside of the fancy new look other changes are we can now rate posts .....Hooray. Also those that would like new websites added to the our favorite links..please e-mail me....

Friday, January 18, 2008

Should've Seen That Coming

No, that's not a photoshop, the Legally brain dead misunderstood Stephen A. Smith is trying his hand at political punditry. At first my thought was why? Stephen is a walking, skulking, lamprey on talent. His ghostly apparition frightens interns and cameramen in Bristol. His every movement centers on trying to suck on any camera he can find since he's a failure at his own show, newspaper, wooing Bob Ryan, etc. Accuracy in the world of Steven A. is a function of how much stress each syllable receives and the volume of one's voice.

Why oh Why was he on Hardball? His deep insight about the Democratic debate was
I was totally bored, Chris, I was totally bored and I was disgusted.
He's right dammit, the candidates didn't do anything spectacular. Its why I'm voting for the David Copperfield - Pac-Man Jones ticket. Now they'd be entertaining. Sure they'd run the country into the ground and Pac-Man Jones would almost certainly be the second sitting Vice President to shoot someone in the face but they'd BE ENTERTAINING. And isn't that what I should base my vote on?

After the first wave of nausea had passed I realized that Steven A probably wasn't the first sign of Ragnarok, the end of world that every Norse worshiper like me is prepared for, but just a sign of the general political discourse. The number of times I can remember policy or policy implications of candidates being discussed in the news can be counted on one hand. To steal Jack Shafer's phrase, Steven's A. aggressive pursuit of the trite fits him in the normal media discourse. So why not include him on Tweety's Christ Matthews show. There's really very difference between the coverage of Presidential "horse race" and pick your sports "horse race" .

Team Rankings

Before last week’s Divisional Playoff games, ESPN ran a Scouts Inc. feature that ranked the remaining eight playoff teams across nine categories.

For some reason, they haven’t updated it to reflect the NFL’s final four teams so I’ve gone through and done it myself:

Categories: QB-RB-REC-OL-DL-LB-DB-ST-Coach=Total

1. Patriots: 1-3-1-1-2-3-2-1-1=15
T2. Packers: 2-4-2-4-4-2-1-3-2=24
T2. Chargers: 4-1-4-2-3-1-3-2-4=24
4. Giants: 3-2-3-3-1-4-4-4-3=27

I more or less agree with the rankings here although I’d argue that the Giants have better special teams than Green Bay (Jeff Feagles is a better punter than Jon Ryan and the Giants kick and punt coverage is certainly solid). I’d also question why Mike McCarthy is being given the benefit of the doubt as a better coach, given the fact that this is only his second career playoff game.

Even still, swapping those points between New York and Green Bay only puts New York at 25 and Green Bay at 26. That doesn’t change anything in my view since the gulf between Favre (#2) and Manning (#3) is a mile wide. For that reason, I won’t quarrel with the original rankings since it’s the divide between the rankings that matters, not the rankings themselves.

Thursday, January 17, 2008


I’m disgusted by baseball. I used to love it but now I pretty much detest it. And the reason is because of this man right here. I hate him so much, I can’t even say (or type) his name.

A little over a year ago, the demon of baseball said that he’d step down as commissioner (see Item #2). In a change of heart, the bastard’s decided to stick around for another three years after his term expires. Guess I’m not coming back to baseball before 2013.

I thought people in Wisconsin had bad diets and a preponderance of heart disease. Why hasn’t this son of a bitch keeled over yet?

Cheers and Jeers: Massacre Edition

This week MJ and I have been having a friendly back and forth on the merits of blocking bad choices in the world of politics. However in the world of sports there is no debate. Second only to the joys of having your team win is seeing teams you hate go down in a Hindenburgesque fashion. Fans in Washington exploded in an orgy of fireworks and hanging Joe Buck (possibly in effigy) after the Cowboys went down in defeat. Every North Carolina fan prays every night for Andre the Giant to return to life and hit Coach K with a steel chair. Every week Yankees fans debate the effectiveness of bear traps on Big Pappi. Chicago Fans try set to fire to Wisconsin Cheese every year (silly Chicagoans you need Magic Greek pixie dust to set fire to cheese). And so friends I bring you a guide to which to team you should want Massacred.

Reason's to Hate New England

Bill Belichek:Used cameras, mics, and tapped phone lines to cheat. Had an affair with a married woman. Steals clothes from Hobos

Tom Brady: Left pregnant girlfriend, hangs with George Bush Jr. Had an affair with a married man (Peter King)

Rodney Harrison: Uses Steriods, Dirtiest player since Bill Romanowski , stole souls belonging to a Pawnee Tribe

Other Reasons: Bill Simmons is a douche and likes the Pats

Reason's to Hate Chargers

Norv Turner: History of Sucking, Hideous Visage, Smells of Ben-Gay

Phillip Rivers: Reminds everyone of Greg Marmalard. Beat up several kids involved in the Punt, Pass, Kick competition. Forced Tomlinson into the Witness Protection Program.

Shawn Merriman:
Uses Steriods. Stupid Lights-Out dance is offensive to those with terets. Shawn Merriman Foundation lobbies to stop porn on the internet

Other Reasons to Hate: San Diego is based on the illegal whale vagina trade

Reasons to Hate the Packers

Mike McCarthy:I don't know a thing about Mike McCarthy but I do know he stands for everything you hate

Brett Favre: Caused prices in pain killers
to sky rocket in late 1990s. Dick-Tease (maybe I'll retire, maybe I won't, maybe I'll fly away to Cabo with Peter King, maybe I won't) . Beard won't grow past grizzled phase.

Charles Woodson: Won't wear dreadlocks like the rest of the Packers secondary.

Al Harris: Refused to honor contract and kill Danny Glover in Predator II (Glover had a contract put on his life for his failure to kill Mel Gibson when he had the chance).

Reasons to Hate the Giants

Tom Coughlin: Hates Earth's greatest natural resource: sun glasses. Dislikes clocks. Kills Hobos

Elisha Manning: Foundation trying to steer youths to squash. Inconsistent. Won't let me play with his Transformer toys

Brandon Jacobs: Can't catch. Makes MJ's hero, Ron Dayne, look like a bust. Won't speak his native language of Yiddish in public.

Other Reasons: Win by Giants might bring back Gozer the Gozerian.

So there's your guide. Now go forth and bring hate into the sports world on Sunday...

........and now some cheering and jeering

To the Writer's Strike. Ughh there's nothing on tv. What am I supposed to do, read? Not to say I don't support the writers. As the BSD's resident workman's circle stock owner (that's code for socialist) I always support striking workers. I'm also the sites resident science expert, toy appraiser, stunt cock, and caterer.

Cheers: To Mit Romney's Michigan win. Not that I support Mit Romney. I disagree vehemently with his Pro-Clown platform. However a win by Mit should keep the Presidential primary going longer which means I have something to watch while TV is on strike.

Cheers: To Tracy Morgan. Who's spending time during the strike doing karate and trying to get females pregnant

Jeers: 2007 turns out was only the 5th warmest year on record. Come on guys we need to kick this global warming thing into high gear in 2008 and kick 2005s ass (the current record holder). And no - 2007 being the warmest on record on Earth's land areas does not count. That's only 1/4 of the area on Earth. Thats barely 25%. (note C&J is not responsible for division errors)

Your Sean Taylor Memorial Beatdown of the Week: Goes to the Packers win over the Seahawks. After spotting team Holmgren 14 points the Packers marched on the Seahawks at will racking up like 40 million yards and 20,000 points (note C&J is also not responsible for adding or reading mistakes). Frankly I'm not sure if the Pack even have a Punter. Congrats Packers on your beatdown.

And the C&J Gal of the Week ....the return of Gemma Atkinson. Cuz she's that damn good

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Bizzaro Manning

Last week was a wild one! Even w/o MJ constantly pointing out the deficiencies of the Giants, I still wouldn’t have had the guts to pick the Giants or Bizzaro Manning when the Giants got sliced and diced in both of their previous meetings against the Cowboys. As for one thing that never gets Bizzaro, it’s Dennis Northcutt. Northcutt, while always fast, has a knack for dropping balls. He dropped a big one in the Browns loss to the playoffs to the Steelers in 2002, and he didn’t disappoint by dropping another big one against the Patriots when the Jaguars were only down 21-14 (they settled for a field goal). At least we can still count on Northcutt for predictability.

Turning to this week’s games, interestingly, both of these games this weekend are rematches from earlier in the season. In both situations, the hosts (New England, Green Bay) won earlier meetings against the other team…

San Diego @ New England- I think this game is really interesting, because everyone involved hates each other from last year’s game. LT got angry after the game as the Patriots were dancing on the Chargers’ logo and even mocked the Shawn Merriman dance. LT said the Patriots “showed no class… and maybe that comes from the coach!” The Chargers lost a real wild game last year (a combined 7 turnovers between both teams) and it was at home and it led to the firing of Coach Marty Schottenheimer. If the Chargers do anything this weekend, it should be devoting the game to the firing of their coach, Marty Schottenheimer! Seriously though, I think the Colts matched up better with the Patriots than the Chargers. Now, it’s not even a question as to who matches up better with a gimpy Rivers and a banged-up Tomlinson and it’s anyone’s guess as to how effective they’ll be on Sunday. I realize this column has never been about personal feelings, but today, I’m going to express myself and say what’s been on my mind: “I hate the Patriots!” Moreover, there’s one quote that keeps seeping into my head, especially now that the Chargers are injured… I can’t get out of my head the image of Bill Belichick calling up former Dolphins Coach Don Shula each week and just saying one thing:
Agent Smith/Belichick: You hear that Mr. Shula?... That is the sound of inevitability... It is the sound of the death of your undefeated record... Goodbye, Mr. Shula.
Pick: Patriots

NY Giants @ Green Bay – Early forecast is bitter cold. I’m sure it will snow as well. But really, that almost might HELP the giants! Then they wouldn’t have to use their Bizzaro Manning as often. The other reason that “bad” weather may help is that the Giants are supposedly missing their top 3 cornerbacks. The odds are really against Bizzaro Manning getting to the Big Show. I’ve been really racking my brain and scouring the internet in my best efforts to come up with an angle that can provide Bizzaro Manning with hope. Finally, I found the motivational piece that Bizzaro Maning needs:
If the kids in this commercial (including the little brother from “Just one of the guys”) can figure out how to succeed in their 1980s high school AND eat McDonald’s…
well, then there’s hope for Bizzaro Manning and the Giants still!

Pick: Green Bay

Last week: 2-2 (I didn’t count on Eli OR Billy Volek saving the day!)

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Rich Ro has a Case of the Cheneys

And we have a new entrant in the College Coaches You Stay Classy contest.

Umm outside of being paranoid delusional or a giant douchebag what explanation would there be for Rich Rodriguez shredding all the files on Mountaineer players. Seriously, I'm open to any possible explanation that doesn't put Rich in a bad light.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

MMBSD: Hide from the Bookie

Ok. Ok. I know I owe some money after this weekend. But listen to me, Rocko, its not my fault. I mean this was supposed to easy money. Colts at home? Marvin Harrison back? A gimpy Gates? What was I going to do? Sit at home and invest in the stock market? You know how it is. And then LT and Rivers went down. Of course I was going to double down. I mean Billy Fucking Volek making the Colts D look terrible? Dallas Clark dropping passes? What were the chances of that?

And as soon as I lost that bet you know I had to make the money back by betting on the Cowsluts. I mean no #1 team had lost its opening game since they implemented the new format. And by the fact that I used the word implement you know I'm a thinking man. I mean I see Owens, Witten and Glenn being guarded by R W McQuarters and a few holograms. I mean R W McQuarters. Thats not even a real name. Thats the new burger special at Mcdonald's. You know the one where they use onion rings. And yet the Giants pull it off. Somehow their special teams was able to overcome their offensive/defensive shortcomings. Somehow the defensive line used their special second half steriods and were able to knock Romo silly. Somewhere along the way Elisha has become error free for two straight games when there was something on the line. How in the world should I know that was going to happen?

Look just give me a week. Let me earn back this money. You can take Hitman's sister as collateral. I'm betting the overs with the Pats and Packers. There's no way that upsets can happen again. Right? Right? Oh please don't take my thumbs. I need those..... Thanks man next week the world can right itself and I can repay those debts. Damn you Billy Volek. Damn You

Bait and Switch

Most of us probably predicted that only one Manning brother would be victorious this weekend. But I don't think many saw this coming.

So, I'm a Giants fan now. Anybody's better than the Packers. Then again, the Bears are the only team to have swept GB this if the Cheeseheads win it all, does that make the Bears the #1 team in football?

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Guest Post from Tha Dawg Pound

Given the vigorous past debates over Hall of Fame inductions, I was surprised that nobody had anything to say about my post earlier this week about the 2008 Baseball Hall of Fame vote. So, I've invited guest poster Snoop Dogg to spice up my comments and maybe start somethin'.

Got yo' tongues tied? Bitches, you must be trippin'


Cooperstown News n Notes

1 like a motha fucka. Congratulizzles ta Goose Gossage on his election into tha Baseball Hizzall of Fame n shit. It's bootylicious ta see closa git some recognizzles wit Goose's election this year n Bruce Sutta's in 2006 fo' rizeal. Goose was truly dominant fo` a numba of years, n F-U-Double-Lizzy deserves this bootylicious honor.

2 Its just anotha homocide. There has neva been a playa who has ever received at least 63.6% of tha vote in any given year n who has noteventually been elected. This bodes extremely wizzay fo` Jim Rice, who fell just 16 votes short of induction at 72.2%, n Andre Dawson, whose 65.9% is 50 votes shy , ya feel me?. Bizzle playa absolutely deserve induction - n as noted below, I thizzay this year's vote indicates tizzle we'll see them biznoth enshrined in tha nizzle two years.

3 crazy up in here. 2008 was also good news fo` Bert Blyleven, whose candidacy I have supported n who picked up a whopp'n 76 mizzy votes Crazy Ass Nigga straight trippin' along wit Dawson, from 2006 ta 2007) dogg. He is now at 61.9% support. I'm not sure if hizze'll eventually makes it, but this is encourag'n.

4 We've debated tha candidizzles of Lee Smith n Jizzay Morris in years pizzle. I support both of them, n particularly T-H-to-tha-izzink it's hard ta exclude Smizzith now tizzle Playa n Goose is bizzoth in - but at 43.3%, n wit no signifizzles upward movement, I D-to-tha-izzon't thizzay tha big homey wizzle ever makes it dogg. Morris has gizzy up n dizzle a bit...but again, witout any real jizzay it doesn't look good fo` a homey who was tha game's bizzy big-game hustla fo` a decade.

5 keep'n it real yo. Tim Raines gots only 24.3%. I recognize thizzat he's not a first-ballot inductee, n thizzay many rappa have come F-R-to-tha-izzom similar depths ta ultimate induction . It dont stop till the wheels fall off. But I expected mizzy than this. Let's see if he can hustla mizzle support in tha nizzle few years so you betta run and grab yo glock.

6 paper'd up. McGwire is S-T-to-tha-izzuck at 128 votes . They call me tha black folks president. Not even a drug deala of tha brotha support him fo' sheezy. Whetha you agree or's safe ta say thizzat Big Mac isn't straight trippin' up unless/until there's eitha a sea change of opinion regard'n tha steroids scandal, or McGwire adopts a different PR stance.

7 Look'n aheezee :

a: thats off tha hook yo. The only truly viable candidate in 2009 is Rickey Henderson, who is a lock ta makes it on his first try aww nah. Given tha vota' general willingness ta give a homey tha extra piznush wizzle he gets pizzle 70%, I expect Rice ta find those last few votes n join Cooperstown niznext year. Bizzy tha vota don't like mackin' in too many at once, W-H-to-tha-izzich should mean that Dawson gains a shawty bit but doesn't quite git there like a motha fucka.

b: fo' sheezy. In 2010, W-to-tha-izze'll see Roberto Alomar, Edgar Martinez, n Fred McGriff on tha ballot in tha dogg pound. All should git serious considerizzles but none will be a first-ballot success bitch ass nigga. Unless Dawson's totals in '09 takes a major dive, I think he'll be tha beneficiary of a weak 2010 class n makes his way ta tha Hall in two years . Listen to how a motherfucker flow shit.

(h/t Gizoogle)

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Divisional Playoffs!

Before I get to the divisional playoffs, I feel the need to address the NCAA BCS Championship. For whatever it's worth, I think that OSU actually played well. By "well" I mean both LSU and OSU gained similar amounts of yards, and they forced LSU into a number of punts. Of course LSU had some long plays, but so did OSU. Obviously, there's just no way to overcome 3 turnovers, 5 personal fouls, 1 blocked FG, and the fumble that loses you 30 yards on 4th down. All in all, the BCS Championship was really night and day compared to last year's game, where OSU appeared overmatched on every play. OSU was not overmatched in this game at all and I believe they actually played “well” (outside of the large number of mistakes)….now back to our regular programming…

Seattle @ Green Bay – Mike Holmgren gets to coach against his old team (again). This game actually could turn into a good one, depending on the weather forecast, which would allow Seattle to utilize its passing game. In the end, I’ll just go with the home team on this one.
Pick: Green Bay

NY Giants @ Dallas – Which Eli is going to show up on Sunday? Cool, calm, collected, "Ferris Bueller" Eli? Or sloppy, hungover, clumsy, Peyton's Degenerate Little Brother Eli? If the Giants play perfectly, they could have a chance. However, you can’t really bank on perfection of Eli to turn into Ferris Bueller every week. He's just not that cool. Pick: Dallas

San Diego @ Indy – I actually think that Indy’s going to destroy San Diego. Actually, though Indy narrowly lost earlier in the season to San Diego, but that was when Peyton threw SIX Interceptions. That’s not happening again. On another random note of something “not happening again”, I caught part of the American Gladiators this past week. Bringing back American Gladiators was smart in my mind, but the problem is some idiot was left to direct the show. They have less events, but now with more interviews by Hulk Hogan! That’s not what I was looking for. Plus, the interviews aren’t even good conversation. Typically, Hulk Hogan will ask a very direct question, like: “How did you feel before you got yanked down off those rings?” Contestant: “I was definitely scared!” The part that makes the American Gladiators UNWATCHABLE though is the fact that they have 10 camera angles, and they switch between each camera every 0.7 seconds, making it utterly impossible to follow any of the events. During one of my old favorites, Assault, they switched camera angles 3 times as the ball was launched towards the contestant and then I wasn’t even sure if she got hit. At least they stayed with the theme of having a short, round-looking referee.
Pick: Indy

Jacksonville @ New England – this is the matchup I’ve been salivating over all season. As shown in Pittsburgh last week, Jacksonville can play dominating football. Of course, they only did it for one half last week, which certainly wouldn’t be good enough against the Patriots. However, if there ever was going to be a formula for beating the Patriots, you’d have to assume it would be a team that can run the ball and play defense to limit the number of possessions that New England has. I don’t have the balls of steel to pick the Jags, but I think this game could be a dandy.
Pick: New England

Last week: 3-1 (I didn’t count on Eli playing so well)

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Cooperstown News and Notes

1. Congratulations to Goose Gossage on his election into the Baseball Hall of Fame. It's great to see closers get some recognition, with Goose's election this year and Bruce Sutter's in 2006. Goose was truly dominant for a number of years, and fully deserves this great honor.

2. There has never been a player who has ever received at least 63.6% of the vote in any given year and who has not eventually been elected. This bodes extremely well for Jim Rice, who fell just 16 votes short of induction at 72.2%, and Andre Dawson, whose 65.9% is 50 votes shy. Both players absolutely deserve induction - and as noted below, I think this year's vote indicates that we'll see them both enshrined in the next two years.

3. 2008 was also good news for Bert Blyleven, whose candidacy I have supported and who picked up a whopping 76 more votes (after backsliding, along with Dawson, from 2006 to 2007). He is now at 61.9% support. I'm not sure if he'll eventually make it, but this is encouraging.

4. We've debated the candidacies of Lee Smith and Jack Morris in years past. I support both of them, and particularly think it's hard to exclude Smith now that Sutter and Goose are both in - but at 43.3%, and with no significant upward movement, I don't think the big guy will ever make it. Morris has gone up and down a bit...but again, without any real jump, it doesn't look good for a guy who was the game's best big-game pitcher for a decade.

5. Tim Raines got only 24.3%. I recognize that he's not a first-ballot inductee, and that many others have come from similar depths to ultimate induction. But I expected more than this. Let's see if he can garner more support in the next few years.

6. McGwire is stuck at 128 votes. Not even a quarter of the voters support him. Whether you agree or's safe to say that Big Mac isn't moving up unless/until there's either a sea change of opinion regarding the steroids scandal, or McGwire adopts a different PR stance.

7. Looking ahead:

a. The only truly viable candidate in 2009 is Rickey Henderson, who is a lock to make it on his first try. Given the voters' general willingness to give a guy the extra push when he gets past 70%, I expect Rice to find those last few votes and join Cooperstown next year. But, the voters don't like voting in too many at once, which should mean that Dawson gains a little bit but doesn't quite get there.

b. In 2010, we'll see Roberto Alomar, Edgar Martinez, and Fred McGriff on the ballot. All should get serious consideration, but none will be a first-ballot success. Unless Dawson's totals in '09 takes a major dive, I think he'll be the beneficiary of a weak 2010 class and make his way to the Hall in two years.

Monday, January 07, 2008

Weekend and Battle of New OrleansThoughts

Well the NFL went like clockwork save for the Giants upset of Garcia. Jacksonville stormed out to a big lead, blew it but then came back to win it. I swear their entire team is powered by something. Every single member of that team is uberstrong. Has anyone else seen Big Ben tossed around like a rag doll like that? Usually it takes two defensive ends and a team of oxen to bring him down. Meanwhile Titans made us all thankful that the Browns hadn't made the playoffs. Otherwise an exciting game might have broken out. Todd Collins showed why he's a career backup as the sad Redskins season came to an end. Over in Tampa Garcia played the same way he has the past few years after facing some crap. The surprise was that Eli was solid and avoided any mistakes (anyone that watches Eli on a regular basis must have been waiting for that shoe to drop up to an including the post game interview). Next week the real playoffs start......

Battle of New Orleans aka BCS Championship

Well its a day off but 196 years ago Andrew Jackson became probably the first person to win a major battle (Battle of New Orleans for those that need things spelled out) after the war had ended. An impressive feat. Anyway here's a quick run down

Game Time:
When's Mars fearsome blood red dot hits 40 degrees
Announcers: Ohio University's (the Ohio school without THE THE) Thom Brennnaman and Admitted Cannibal Charles Davis
Head Coaches Choice of Food: Jim Tressel a plain hamburger. Les Miles - hearts of defeated warriors
Location Sugar Dome (or the backyard for LSU)
Fastest Man on Field: LSU KR Trindon Holliday who runs a 10.2 100 meter (yes he's a trackstar)
Biggest Matchup - Glenn Dorsey v. Beanie Wells. Dorsey is the most decorated defensiveline in the land because when he has two knees. Buckeyes need to run and need to neutralize Dorsey to achieve this. My recommendation is shot Dorsey in the knee.
Matchup That Nobody is Noting: QBs. Matt Flynn v. Todd Boekman. Both have been adequate all year. Neither are what we'd call pro prospects. Can they avoid the mistake? Can they make the deep throw when needed? Can their backups do better?
Ubiquitous Vernon Gholston Comment: Fear Vernon Gholston. If he can take Jake Long he can take anyone. Oh and he's just friends with his female roomate.
Mighty's Mood: Why are we fans? The answer is different for different sports. College Football people are fans for winners. Its a tiered system based on demographics and finances. Your in the right the state with a wealthy enough school you have potential, your not and you have limited runs. Its really as close to European Soccer as the US has. While in pro sports and college basketball most people are fans of their team and the plucky underdog in college football its not the case. Ultimately it comes down to the bitch slap theory (this is more applicable to politics but thats a separate debate) where when a team gets bitch slapped they deserved it but they were inherently weaker. You don't root for the team bitch slapped, you hate their weakness. If you can't defend yourself against a bitch slap you the victim should be blamed and piled on. There's no notion of on any given sunday....outcomes are deterministic. You lose its because you and your conference have flaws. As quickly as a Meechigan v. OSU near rematch for a title in 06-07 turned to OSU didn't have a single quality win in 2007 in the blink of a Florida bitch slap. The Buckeyes and the Big 10 more generally though have been savagely beaten this year by the dumpdits of ESPN over their lack of speed, their soft conference play, in a word their weakness. The BCS game provides a duel edge sword. The Buckeyes can reclaim their and their conference pride by a strong showing close game or win. But another loss, well another heavy loss and the very long knives come out to shred them for allowing themselves to be bitch slapped again. So Mighty's mood is grim. He's not hopeful and very unsure when he'll watch sports again if there's a big time loss.......

Friday, January 04, 2008

You Stay Classy Contest

Lloyd Carr v. Urban Meyer

Its too close to call. Thanking seniors and reminding them to get degrees or taking dumps on players. I dunno. This is a toughie....

Although this would confirm reports Meyer had already sold his soul....

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Feverish Bowl Thoughts

Well Day 3 of battling 3 flu has reduce me to a fetal state of lying in the corner and unable to put together a coherent thought. Luckily Pinky the Elephant who has assured me is not a hallucination has volunteered to help me put together a few thoughts on conventional wisdoms floating around

Michigan's Win Was Shocking
Unexpected? Yes. Surprising? Yes. Shocking to the point that exemplifies the wacky season of Stanford over USC/Applachian State over Michigan. Umm no. Yes Michigan has struggled with mobile quarterbacks. And yes they had played below expectations. But for a senior laden squad to put together a fairwell performance Lloyd out of the realm of possibility? Especially with Florida's secondary composed of matadors and papermache facing two soon to be NFLers in Manningham and Arrington? I think I might have been shocked when Lloyd Carr oked a double lateral flea-flicker but shocked that a healthy Michigan can compete with a three loss team? Umm no

Oklahoma is a top tier school
From the moment West Virginia and Missouri fell flat, Oklahoma was touted as one the candidates for the national championship game (yes I'm looking at you Lee Corso). In fact I seem to recall pushers for OU every year. And yet year in and year out (note year in and year out is classified as equal to 5 years) OU loses in BCS bowls. Spectacularly. Getting blown out by West Fuckin Virginia just the latest in a trend. There's no dismissing that OU has well pwned the Big 12 but its not paying off a meaningful way in the bright lights. It'll be curious if voters and pundits rank them high again next year? If not one has to wonder what it takes to kill the teflon team?
Les Miles threatened to kill an entire Kenyan Village if he didn't get his recruit
I actually this conventional wisdom might be true. To lay the cards out where they are the SEC does tend to have a recruiting advantage over the Big 10 as they do something called over-recruiting (I'm not sure as to other conferences ot be fair Big 10 allows 3 over-recruits while the SEC has unlimited). Over-recruiting is the college sports equivalent of over-booking. Basically a school brings in more recruits than they have spots for and then just jettisons the overs in August. Now as the sites resident commie pinko tree hugger I have this crazy notion that recruits are people and probably shouldn't be treated like Nick Saban's leftover trash. I know college football has lots of things to clean up like gambling refs, Auburn's penitent for chop blocks, but let's add recruits should be treated like humans and Les Miles should not be allowed near any Kenyan Villages.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Welcome to the NFL Playoffs

I’m actually not overly ecstatic about these games this first weekend. Mainly because the greater intrigue this season are the 4 teams with byes...

Interestingly, the AFC is sporting a couple of rematches this weekend, and it seems inevitable that the winners from earlier may just be winning yet again...

3-San Diego vs. 6-Tennessee – San Diego beat Tennessee just a few weeks ago, when Tennessee somehow had a decent lead. The Titans actually look worse in a lot of ways than last year’s team that went on that insane 6-game winning streak near the end of 2006. During that run last year, the Titans scored 31, 24, 20, 26 24, and 30 points (an average of 26 ppg). Vince Young had a crappy 66.7 rating, with 12 TDs and 13 INTs, but had added 550 yards rushing. This season, Vince Young has a crappy 71 rating, but with only 9 TDs and 17 INTs, and only 400 yards rushing. It just doesn’t seem to be as good of a team, plus they finished the season 4-4 and almost lost to the Colts’ backups.
Pick: San Diego

4-Pittsburgh vs. 5- Jacksonville – Jacksonville put the smackdown on Pittsburgh a few weeks ago and I don’t see why this game will be any different. The Steelers are not going to be able to slow down the Jags running game, unless they put the field in really crappy shape (again) to even the playing field. Little known fact: Jags QB Garrard has a 102.2 Rating this season, as he only threw 3 INTs all season, which is good for 3rd in the league behind Brady and Roethlisberger.
Pick: Jacksonville

3-Seattle vs 6-Washington – Just like a couple of years ago, I don’t think the Redskins can go into Seattle and win a playoff game. The Todd Collins Fantastic Voyage ends here.
Pick: Seattle

4-Tampa vs. 5-Giants – This is probably the hardest game to pick, because it’s completely unclear to me how the Giants will play. Odds are, the Tampa defense, which regained its old form this year, should be able to force enough Eli Manning turnovers to win the game.
Pick: Tampa

Now I’m going to pick the whole playoff tree, but I’ll be back each week to pick the matchups. So, it’s time to get to what I’m seeing in my crystal ball (which never actually happens)…

San Diego goes to Indianapolis. The Colts give beat the snot out of the Chargers and force 3 Rivers’ INTs. Meanwhile, the Jaguars go to New England. The Jaguars are still mad about losing to the Patriots in the playoffs from 2 seasons ago, when the Jags lost 28-3. I think this game will be a lot closer than that game. Unfortunately, the Jags defense may be good, but even if the Jags give up 24 points, it could be difficult for the Jags to eek out more than 20 points. If the weather is shitty though, that should help reduce the chance of any long-bombs to Moss.

Finally, the rematch we’ve all been waiting for, Pats-Colts, takes place. ESPN decides to award the Pats the “ESPN NFL Championship” before the game, regardless of the outcome. This feat results in a lot of anger among the Colts, who are still angry about their earlier collapse to the Pats with a 10 point lead. With the game in New England though, the Colts end up falling short as Vinatieri misses a late FG. Irony sucks.

Seattle goes to Green Bay. Green Bay makes short work of the Seahawks with their big play ability by running and passing the ball.
Tampa goes to Dallas and also gets utterly destroyed by the big-play ability of the Dallas Cowboys. I know TO may be gimpy, but I think the Cowboys still have enough weapons to get through this game.
Finally, the rematch we’ve all been waiting for, Dallas-Green Bay, takes place. Peter King abruptly faints at the prospect of 2 of his favorite white QBs playing each other and writes mushy love letters all week about the prospect of either Favre going back to the Super Bowl or Romo reaching the big game for the first time. Romo's girlfriend, Jessica Simpson, does not show up at the game, to the relief of the Cowboys fans. Unfortunately for all the fans of the Cowboys though, Wade Phillips ends up getting distracted during the game, as he notices that Tony Romo is completely fixated on his daughter, Tracy Phillips, (who also is a dancer in the movie Charlie Wilson’s war) being in the stands. Finally, the announcers and the millions of viewers realize why Coach Wade Phillips is so agitated - it's because Tony Romo is also dating his daughter! With the distractions on the sideline for the QB and the coach, the Cowboys lose the game by 10 points.

Super Bowl
New England vs. Green Bay. The Same Super Bowl matchup of 11 years ago. It’s perhaps the most obnoxious Super Bowl coverage ever, with talk of Brett Favre now playing for 5 more years, and talk of Bill Belichick wearing an emperor’s gown all week because he’s that confident of winning and going 19-0. Belichick, as part of his plan to mess with the opposing team, eats at the exact same places that the Green Bay coaches eat at and gives them menacingly stares throughout Super Bowl week. In the end, it doesn’t matter, as the Pats destroy the Packers, and thus complete the perfect season. Finally, Belichick smiles in public, and the city of Boston celebrates yet again.

Final Stats From the Regular Season
ESPN Average: 150-106 (This seems rather low, given that so many favorites won this year. Maybe it’s counting people who forget to enter their picks???)
Yahoo “Average”: 168-88 (I found out that this is not an average, it’s just that if 51% of the nation picks a team, than that counts as one game correct. Basically, this is almost the same as “picking the favorites.”)
Peter King: 162-94
Me: 166-90 (last week was another stellar 12-4 outing… this was my best season yet. But as I’ve said before, I’m like the San Antonio Spurs, and I only pick well in the odd years for some reason.)
Manwich: 13-4 (thanks Redskins)
Upset Special: 8-9 (The Colts backups almost won the game. It’s too bad Vince Young got injured, because I was convinced he was going to lose the game for the Titans)

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Was It Over When The Germans Bombed Pearl Harbor?

Its only over when Lloyd Carr says its over.......Michigan 41 Florida 35

Dear SEC,
You can't handle Arrington and Big 10 speed. Please suck on my balls.