Friday, August 25, 2006

Expulsion

For those that don’t know, ESPN.com’s Daily Quickie will be making its last appearance on August 31st. I don’t know the reason why ESPN pulled the plug on Dan Shanoff’s column. In a weird sort of way, I’ll miss the column, as it’s provided plenty of creative fodder for me along the way.

Here is the latest from that site:

The expulsion of Pluto as an official “planet” in our solar system – and its accompanying frenzy – inspired me to pick out the teams worth banishing from their respective leagues:

MLB: Royals
NBA: Knicks
NFL: 49ers
NHL: Blues
CFB: Duke
CBB: Kelvin Sampson

Duke football barely exists already so if it’s zapped, so be it. Kelvin Sampson is a pretty good coach, but one that probably shouldn’t have been hired as quickly as he was, given the mess he left behind in Oklahoma.

As for the others, I’m just not sold on banishing the Royals, Knicks, 49ers, or Blues. The Royals have been run into the ground by a cheapskate owner and poor management. But at one time, the Royals were the class of the American League. They had Hall of Famer George Brett and All-Stars Willie Wilson, Frank White, Hal McRae, Bret Saberhagen, and Dan Quisenberry playing for a team that went to the postseason seven times from 1976-1985. It would be pretty hard to justify cutting one of the better AL franchises of all time.

The 49ers need no introduction. Before falling on hard times in the past few seasons, the 49ers were still considered one of the best NFL franchises of all time. They dominated the 1980’s and 1990’s and have paraded around the best WR (Jerry Rice) and two of the 10 best QB’s (Joe Montana, Steve Young) in league history.

I’m not the biggest hockey fan in the world (I don’t like hockey at all). But I know the Blues don’t deserve the ax. St. Louis is a very good hockey town with fans that really get behind the club. Before Brett Hull became a hired gun, he made his name and scored most of his goals in St. Louis. With new ownership, the Blues might be able to climb back to respectability soon. If I’m not mistaken, the Blues had a longer postseason appearance streak going than anyone else in sports until this past spring.

Finally, the Knicks. Not only are the Knicks one of the charter members of the NBA, not only do they have an all-time roster that most franchises would die for (Frazier, Monroe, Bradley, DeBusschere, Reed, King, Ewing, and Houston), but they play in Madison Square Garden, a/k/a “The World’s Most Famous Arena.” The Knicks haven’t won a championship in 33 years but they’re still relevant as the basketball team in the media capital of the world.

My choices for expulsion?

MLB: Devil Rays. Worst stadium on earth, no fans, haven’t had a winning season in franchise history, share a market with the minor league Yankees (who outdraw them, incidentally)

NBA: Atlanta Hawks. With all due respect to the great Dominique Wilkins, the franchise hasn’t won a title, can’t draw fans, and has receded into complete insignificance in the NBA.

NFL: Tie – Arizona Cardinals and Baltimore Ravens. The Cardinals franchise has never been good. Not in Chicago from 1920-1959, not in St. Louis from 1960-1987, and not in Phoenix. They’ve got some good players now but I just don’t think anyone would miss the Cardinals if they were gone. I’d like to add the Ravens here because, as far as I’m concerned, they never should’ve come into existence. They were the Cleveland Browns until the league allowed one of its premiere franchises to be relocated. A serious travesty. Plus, there isn’t a single player or coach on the team that can be described as likeable.

NHL: Every team that plays south of the Mason-Dixon. Hockey shouldn’t be played in Florida, North Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Arizona, Georgia, or southern California. It’s just not real hockey that way. If it never snows there, you can’t play, period.

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