Monday, August 10, 2009

Shut Your Piehole! Double Play Edition

Today's special Shut Your Piehole! features two moronic statements about baseball:

1. On today's ESPN.com home page, the tagline for the article about last night's Yankees win over the Red Sox reads:

"In one swing Sunday, Mark Teixeira proved he's worth his $180M deal as he catapulted the Yankees into completing a four-game sweep of the Red Sox."

Um, no. Big Teix is having a terrific season and certainly has justified his big contract to date. But the only time that "one swing" justifies an entire contract, if ever, is when that one swing scores the winning run in the last game of the World Series. Yanks-BoSox is always a big deal - but hey, it's only August. There's plenty of time (and 6 more regular season games) for overhyping and overanalyzing every little aspect of a Yankees-Red Sox contest. Let's celebrate the moment and the terrific show by the Bombers - but please, Bristol, for once can we not get ahead of ourselves? If you need some help with that, may I suggest that you SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE!

2. Indians team president Paul Dolan had this to say as a partial explanation for his team's pathetic salary-dumping:

"The larger market teams have managed to take their money and, in fact, manipulate the amateur draft situation."

Damn those larger market teams for drafting well - and at the bottom of the draft order, no less! If you want someone to blame, Paul, take a look in the mirror: since your daddy bought the Tribe in 2000, only four of your team's 19 first-round picks have even made the bigs - the most notable of which are Jeremy Guthrie and Jeremy Sowers. Quit your whining and finger-pointing, and take some fucking responsibility for your train wreck - and in the meantime, please SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE!

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