1. Denver Broncos - Josh McDaniels
Proposed nickname: Mr. McFlurry
Honestly, has any new coach ever gotten off to a worse start before the season than Josh McDaniels? Basically, he arrived in Denver, immediately started courting his old QB (Matt Cassel), failed to acquire him, pissed off his current QB, and ended up downgrading from QB Jay Cutler to QB Kyle Orton... and ended up pissing off his WRs too! McDaniels, who is only 33, was previously the offensive coordinator (2006-2008, during the 50-TD season of 2007 for Tom Brady) and QBs coach for the Patriots. McDaniels looks young and sweet, like a McFlurry. However, McDaniels is also just like a McFlurry- which has approximately 23 fat grams (or 76% of your saturated fat daily allowance!), as he is actually unhealthy for your football organization.
2. Detroit Lions - Jim Schwartz
Proposed nickname: Yogurt!
The Lions were winless in 2008. 2009 will be different because t
his time the Lions have the Schwartz! A fun fact: Jim Schwartz is yet another Belichick disciple, getting his start as a scout in the 1990s on the Cleveland Browns! Schwartz has been the defensive coordinator from 2001-2008 for the Titans.3. Indianapolis Colts - Jim Caldwell
Proposed nickname: Jimmy
Interestingly, Caldwell was the head coach at Wake Forest from 1993 to 2000... and compiled a ghastly record of 26-63. Eesh. He is the hand-picked successor to Tony Dungy and was named as the coach before the 2008 season (for the 2009 season). I don't have a good feeling about this... I wonder what the Colts fans think?
4. KC Chiefs - Todd Haley
Proposed nickname: The Todd
He was the offensive coordinator for the Cardinals in 2007 and 2008. Haley is very demanding, is fiery and blunt, and learned these things while under Bill Parcells while on the Jets and the Cowboys. He's also worked with Pioli before - back on the Jets in the late 1990s. I'm proposing we call Haley the Todd, after the character from Scrubs who relentlessly gives high-fives. Like The Todd, such an insane, over-the-top energy gets old after a while. But it certainly will be fresh and enjoyable at first for the Chief players.
5. NY Jets - Rex Ryan
Proposed nickname: Zan (Wonder Twin)
Rex Ryan is indeed a son Buddy Ryan, and the twin brother of the Browns' defensive coordinator Rob Ryan. Ryan was the defensive coordinator from 2005-2008 on the Baltimore Ravens. Is it the players or was it the coaching? Marvin Lewis has showed us it was the players. I'm curious what Rex Ryan will show us? His bio on the official Jets website says that he "participated in Maryland State Police's Polar Bear Plunge in 2006 and '07." This event entails jumping in the freezing water of the Chesapeake Bay, but doing it for charity. I assume this means when he meets up with his brother Rob, he yells out "Form of... a glacier!"
6. St. Louis Rams - Steve Spagnuolo
Proposed nickname: Mr. Spasmodic
He was the Giants defensive coordinator the last 2 seasons, and has never been a head coach. By far, his greatest accomplishment was game-planning a way to defeat the previously undefeated New England Patriots in the 2007 season's Super Bowl. I absolutely love this silly picture that the Rams have on their website. Yes, one day, you could be #1! I also love this quote, from the Rams official bio: "Steve is married to wife, Maria." Yes, he is indeed married to his wife.
7. Tampa Bay - Raheem Morris
Proposed nickname: Theo
He is only 32 years old. He was the defensive coordinator at K-State for one season, and was the defensive backs coach for the Buccaneers... and now he is head coach! Wow. I did find one article explaining a bit of his background, and how he grew up in a tough neighborhood, and how he likes the Cosby Show, but then again, who doesn't like the Cosby show?!? I think we'll call him Theo, because everyone loves Theo, and this guy must be a real smooth-talker like Theo to be a head coach at the age of 32.
Coaches who took over as Interim Coaches, and Stayed on
8. San Fran 49ers - Mike Singletary*
Proposed nickname: Captain Intensity
Coach Singletary took over the 49ers last year and went 5-4 with a soft schedule. As widely reported, Singletary dropped his pants last year during a halftime speech last year to illustrate what he thought of his players' performance. I wouldn't want to mess with Singletary. He's a throwback and is full of intensity!
9. Oakland Raiders - Tom Cable*
Proposed nickname: T-Pain
Cable has only been the offensive line coach, and only was a head coach at Idaho for 3 years. He took over head coaching duties last season and went 4-8. There really isn't much known about this guy.
NOTE: Cleveland and Seattle brought back coaches who have already coached elsewhere in the past (Eric Mangini and Jim Mora Jr.). They are technically not freshman coaches who are new to the NFL so I have omitted them from this article.
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