THE 1.21 Gigawatt NBA Preview

NBA Preview

As promised, here is a special NBA preview.

Here's how they stack up, the number next to the team represents their playoff seeding. NOTE: The NBA realigned, each division winner gets a top 3 seed automatically. This means that Indiana could easily be a #4 seed.

Eastern Conference - 5 good teams and a brown bag full of cow dung

Atlantic Division- Someone has to win the division apparently.
3 - New Jersey - this division is terrible. No matter who wins this division, they should likely lose in the first round.
5- Philadelphia - their best move was picking up coach O'Brien, who recently guided Boston to the Conference Finals. Their worst move - picking up Kevin Ollie for his THIRD stint with the team. The moustache returns to Philly! I'm sure they were dancing in the streets.
7- New York- they have Stephon Marbury, which is enough to get trampled in the 1st round of the playoffs in the East. They also added Jamal Crawford from the Bulls, Vin Baker from the '90s, and Lil Penny Hardaway still gets paid $15 million dollars to exercise his knees which have been reconstructed 4 times.
8- Toronto- I may be the only person that likes this team. If Vince Carter remains there, they still have Bosh, Jalen Rose, and they picked up a big rookie Araujo from BYU. NOTE: They would only win 15 games all year if they were in the West, but in the East, they can be the 8th seed.
Boston- Did I read that right? Tom Gugliotta is on their roster? Didn't he retire 6 years ago? I don't believe in Danny Ainge's plan at all right now.

Central Division- Detroit, Indiana, and Cleveland. No one said it'd be easy LeBron.
1- Detroit- Defending champs. And they have Darko, their emotional captain.
4- Indiana - They will have the 2nd best record, but will be stuck with the 4th seed. I love Jermaine O'Neal and their first 7 guys
6- Cleveland- That's right, Cleveland's going to the playoffs! Here's the starting lineup- Gooden, LeBron, Z, Luke Jackson, and McInnis. NOTE: I don't care who starts out of Jackson, McInnis, and E.Snow. They also have D.Wagner in a contract year to knock down 3s off the bench. They also brought back the Tractor Traylor for comedic relief
Milwaukee- I think they have M. Redd and TJ Ford. That's all I even care to know.
Chicago- I liked their draft picks. But seriously- how many times are they going to draft a SG in a PG's body? Crawford (traded to the Knicks), J. Williams (hurt on a motorcycle), and now B.Gordon(Uconn). They also have L.Deng(Duke) and Hinrich(Kansas). Yeah NCAA-all-star-team!

Southeast Division- Shaq and the 4 Munchkins.
2-Miami- Yes, Shaq is on Miami, with Wade and Eddie Jones. You know who will be huge for them? Udonis Haslem. 2nd-year PF from Florida. Shaq's PF always does fairly well.
Orlando- They got rid of T-Mac to get Steve Francis. Not a smart move. They did get Jameer Nelson from St. Joe's though.
Washington- This team is a re-creation of Golden State from 3 years ago. Jamison, Arenas, and Larry Hughes. If they would have brought Early Boykins, I would consider the playoffs.
Atlanta- These guys are terrible.
Charlotte- I don't mean the Hornets, I mean the Bobcats. These guys are worse.


Western Conference - 11 or 12 playoff contenders, of which 5 could win the Eastern Conf.

Northwest Divison- Garnett, Nene, and Boozer.
2- Minnesota-I only pray that Cassell & Spreewell last through the season.
4- Denver- What a team! Carmelo, Nene, Boykins, Andre Miller, Camby. You know what, let's add Kenyon Martin just to be safe! Wow! I love it! They only move one step closer to the 2007-2009 NBA Finals Showdowns between Cleveland and Denver.
8-Utah-Yes, they added Boozer and Memo from Detroit. Coach Sloan is their best asset, and he will get them to the playoffs once again.
Portland- I really don't care. Though it has been reported they have Stoudamire AND Van Exel AND New York high school PG project Telfair.
Seattle- These guys are terrible.

Pacific Division- Do you think Kobe ever sings the song "I think I'm alone now" ?
3- Sacramento- The Kings are always a good bet. Yes, they are getting older, but any team w/ Webber, and a regular season Stojakovic should do well.
6-Phoenix- This is my SURPRISE TEAM. They get 7 foot tall Amare for the whole year (he was injured for about 60 games last year). They added Steve Nash, and Richardson from the Clippers, who can flat-out score.
7-Lakers- How you like it now Kobe? All by yourself, struggling to make the playoffs?
Clippers- Rah rah rah... go Elton Brand.
Golden State- They let Brian Cardinal go to Memphis. These guys responded by saying, "Well, we can spend all of our money on our back up center, named... hey Joe, what's that guy's name? We can spend all of our money on Adonal Foyle." As one of the 24 fans of the NBA, I could not recall who Foyle was.

Southwest Division- All 2004 Playoff teams. Someone has to lose.
1- San Antonio- No one stops Tim Duncan.
5- Houston- They finally realized how much Steve Francis was hurtin the team and they went out and got... Tracy McGrady! And they have Yao! And Shaq left for the other conference! I say playoffs.
Memphis- I can't believe it. I think this team is really good, but I just don't see them getting into the playoffs right now. They would be able to make the 2nd round in the Eastern Conf.
Dallas- This is complicated. They lost PG Nash, are replacing him with Jason Terry (from Arizona & Atlanta), Devin Harris (rookie-Wisconsin) , and Marquis Daniels. I like M. Daniels as their PG. They got Dampier (from Golden State) to be their center, and they added Stackhouse for some '90s flair. I don't see them gelling in time for the playoffs. They would make the 2nd round in the Eastern Conf. Easily.
New Orleans HORNETS- These guys got the shaft. From being a top-5 seed in the East, they get thrown in a division full of playoff teams from last year. Sorry, but this is the ultimate proof of how much the East stinks, as these Hornets will get creamed all year.

So here's how the 1st round playoffs shake out:
1 Det over 8-Tor
4-Ind over 5-Phil
6-Clev over 3-NJ
2-Miami over 7-NY

1-SA over 8-Utah
4-Denver over 5-Houston (one word: NENE)
6-Phoe over 3-Sac (SURPRISE TEAM)
2-Minn over 7-Lakers

2nd round:
4-Ind over 1-Det (That's what we call revenge)
2-Miami over 6-Cleveland

1-SA over 4-Denver
2-Minn over 6-Phoe

The rest:
4-Ind over 2-Miami (O'Neal vs. O'Neal).
1-SA over 2-Minn
1-SA over 4-Ind

All-Goldberg Team
PF- Garnett, Minnesota
SF-James, Cleveland
C- Ming, Houston
SG-Stojacovic, Sacramento
PG-Wade, Miami