Anyway here's my predictions:
1. Oakland Raiders - Jamarcus Russell
Everything else has been a smoke screen. The Crypt Keeper err Al Davis wants action and excitement and as such there are only two possibilities. Scarlett Johansson and Jamarcus Russell. The Raiders will obviously make the wrong choice and go with Russell.
Wouldn't you take her first if given the choice?
2. Detroit Lions - Calvin Johnson
Look its equally likely that the Lions will trade this slot to either Tampa or Atlanta or Washington or John Mccain (who desperately needs good publicity) and make the selection themselves but whoever is at the Number 2 slot I say picks Calvin Johnson. He's by far the anointed "sure thing" with a chiseled physique, freakish athletic skills and abilities in the kitchen (notably he makes a tasty chicken parmigiana). That said Matt Millen may end up going with his other choice...a pony.
Matt Millen upon hearing that he can't draft a pony3. Cleveland Browns - Brady Quinn
The Cleveland Browns draft strategy tends to oscillate between a Chinese Fire Drill and re-enacting the scene of the Captain going down with the Titantic. Pederson is still hurt, Joe Thomas makes too much sense and the ownership wants to sell tickets with the face of the lost Manning Sibling on it. Yet another year of rebuilding and possibly one step forward to triumphant return of Sgt Slaughter (aka The Chin aka Bill Cowher) to Cleveland.
Artist rendition of a local Cleveland bar (or the Cohen household) during the NFL Draft
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Gaines Adams
Remember when Tampa won the Super Bowl. Remember when Jon Gruden was considered a good coach, maybe even great. Remember that time Gutsy was in a Turkish Prison. Ah so many memories. So long ago. So lets say that my wild projections are somehow accurate and Calvin Johnson is off the table. Tampa should go with defense. Gaines Adams is the choice if Detroit is selecting here. Its possibly the choice if Tampa is selecting here. I suppose so is Gruden using his "laser" and holding the world hostage for.....1 million dollars.
According to legend only the sweet sweet nectar of Onion Rings can soothe Gruden's rage.
Remember when Tampa won the Super Bowl. Remember when Jon Gruden was considered a good coach, maybe even great. Remember that time Gutsy was in a Turkish Prison. Ah so many memories. So long ago. So lets say that my wild projections are somehow accurate and Calvin Johnson is off the table. Tampa should go with defense. Gaines Adams is the choice if Detroit is selecting here. Its possibly the choice if Tampa is selecting here. I suppose so is Gruden using his "laser" and holding the world hostage for.....1 million dollars.
According to legend only the sweet sweet nectar of Onion Rings can soothe Gruden's rage.
5. Arizona Cardinals - Joe Thomas
The average life span of an Arizona Cardinals QB is roughly equivalent to the life expectancy of a person covered in cupcakes and sent to Rosie O'Donnells' house. Jake Plummer came into the league discussing Sartre and left wondering how to operate a razor. Coincidence, I think not! There's just not enough blocking for the Cards. They made huge strides last year so Thomas can be brought in to protect Leinart from tacklers and paternity suits.
There's a lot of potential dangers that Joe Thomas must protect against.
Random Bets (note betting is illegal unless your having fun or really need the money)
1. Michael Irvin forgets he doesn't play anymore: EVEN
2. Michael Irvin forgets he's on tv and wears his rasta hat 2:1
3. Kiper rips Minnesota's pick. Even
4. Kiper Jr. rips the state of Minnesota and they're lousy lakes. 4:1
5. Suzy Kolber interviews a college kid who mumbles incoherently EVEN
6. Suzy Kolber interviews Stuart Scott who also mumbles incoherently: 1:2
7. Number of times Jaws uses the phrase "I've watched the tape" : 67
8. Number of times Merill Hodges is confused by a door knob: 67
What's your prediction?
The average life span of an Arizona Cardinals QB is roughly equivalent to the life expectancy of a person covered in cupcakes and sent to Rosie O'Donnells' house. Jake Plummer came into the league discussing Sartre and left wondering how to operate a razor. Coincidence, I think not! There's just not enough blocking for the Cards. They made huge strides last year so Thomas can be brought in to protect Leinart from tacklers and paternity suits.
There's a lot of potential dangers that Joe Thomas must protect against.1. Michael Irvin forgets he doesn't play anymore: EVEN
2. Michael Irvin forgets he's on tv and wears his rasta hat 2:1
3. Kiper rips Minnesota's pick. Even
4. Kiper Jr. rips the state of Minnesota and they're lousy lakes. 4:1
5. Suzy Kolber interviews a college kid who mumbles incoherently EVEN
6. Suzy Kolber interviews Stuart Scott who also mumbles incoherently: 1:2
7. Number of times Jaws uses the phrase "I've watched the tape" : 67
8. Number of times Merill Hodges is confused by a door knob: 67
What's your prediction?
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