Thursday, June 05, 2008

The Unbearable Indifference of the NBA Finals

See if I was to believe the hype you'd think that this was the greatest NBA finals matchup ever. Bird, Magic, Chamberlain and Russell will be playing or their functional equivalent. Its even possible that Bill Simmons life is on the line. Win and he will be carried around Boston in a golden liter, lose and he will be bound, gagged and dropped off in Compton. I should be excited like waking up with Kristen Bell in my bed excited to this series.

Mental Note: Don't throw her out of bed

But I'm not. Unfortunately there's no emoticon to show air masturbation so I'll just have to type more. Yes there's Kobe, the greatest player in the NBA. But outside of jumping over pits of snakes its hard to root for him. And then there's KG. Probably the most over-hyped player of his generation. Outside of his chest bumps, pounding his chest and odd penchant for snarling its hard to see when he made a dramatic difference.

Exhibit A on the type of people that chest bump/pound chest

Yes, yes KG never had help in the past but how many of the greats overcame that to win a series on a semi-regular basis? And now that KG has the help its Paul Pierce carrying the heavy load in the deciding games. And so outside of my respect but general indifference to Kobe and my ESPN/gatorade induced annoyance with KG all thats left is a cast of castoffs. Gasol, apparently spends his time off panning for gold and working on his lost in the wilderness for 2 months look. Rondo and Ray Allan spend time looking for jump shots. Lamar Odom? Really I'm going to tune in for Lamar Fucking Odom.
Nepal's first act as a Republic was to ignore Lamar Odom

Yeah yeah the uniforms say Lakers v. Celtics but this isn't Showtime v. Lunch Palers (did the Celtics of the 1980s have a nickname? What kind of assholes in the media couldn't come up with nicknames? Lazy ones thats who) In the 1980s hall of famers, all-stars, super specialists and even the occasional recovering pot addict (oh Bill Walton) roamed the court. And don't even bring in the earlier clashes. This time there are two good teams but nothing historic. So yeah I'll read the outcomes, watch the highlight reels and take my traditional dump on Bill Simmons lawn but otherwise its the unbearable indifference of the NBA finals.

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