The NFL's Final Four

Baltimore @ Pittsburgh - As any long-time reader knows, I am from Cleveland and I cannot stop hating the Baltimore Ravens. The hatred blinds my judgment to the point that I have pretty much failed to analyze the Ravens in any constructive way, though in my NFL preview this year, I pointed out that Coach Harbaugh is clearly Serpentor, since he has succeeded the former coach, Cobra Commander, aka Brian Billick. [For those needing a brief history of why any of us referred to the old coach, Brian Billick, as Cobra Commander, it all started back in a comment on a post in November 2005 - "Brian Billick is Cobra Commander. He has all these wonderful plans, but forgets to do major things (like actually kill a GI Joe), or in Billick's case, actually score points." MJ proceeded to post pictures of 70s Billick and Cobra Commander, and the rest is history]

Needless to say, I think that analyzing the rise and fall of Serpentor in the animated series is the only way to analyze the weakness of Serpentor and the Baltimore Ravens, who have no business being in the AFC Championship game:

1) In the animated series, Serpentor was supposedly created due to a dissatisfaction with Cobra Commander's leadership abilities (i.e. he never actually wins!). This is just like the Baltimore Ravens - they created Coach Serpentor (Harbaugh) due to Billick's lack of winning since the year 2000 Super Bowl.
2) Serpentor, in the cartoon, was created by extracting DNA from: Napoleon in Paris, a General in Egypt, The Crypt of Vlad Tempe aka Dracula, Sun Zu, Ghangis Khan, Montezuma, Alexander the Great, and Ivan the Terrible, as well as later using some DNA from... Sgt Slaughter (Bill Cowher)!
3) Apparently, in part 5 of the 5-part animated show, Serpentor falls for "General Hawk and the Joes posing for the President and other officials surrendering to Cobra. This allows the Joes to get close enough to mount an attack."

Lesson learned from the fall of Serpentor: Use trick plays! Flea-flickers, decoys, pump fakes, end-arounds, statue of liberty plays, wildcat formations, and any other gimmick play you can think of. This is how one will beat the Ravens, because Serpentor falls for cheap tricks. I also assume you can make Serpentor believe there are pennies behind his ears, so I would also hire extra grandpas for this week's game just to make sure Harbaugh is distracted before the game and during the game.
Pick: Pittsburgh

Philadelphia @ Arizona - There's no other way to describe this game other than by reminding yourself that this is clearly, without a doubt, the most unexpected NFC Championship game in history. Anyways, I was trying to make sense of the insanity that was the 2008 Playoffs. Perhaps the 2008 playoffs can actually be defined as the winning team having the better QB in each game. In the AFC, it actually doesn't work out that well (is Flacco better than Pennington and Kerry Collins? Is Roethlisberger better than Rivers? Is Rivers better than Peyton?) But in the NFC, it actually works out rather conveniently: Kurt Warner is better than rookie Matt Ryan and Kurt Warner is better than Jake Delhomme. Donovan McNabb is better than Tarvaris Jackson and McNabb is better than Eli Manning. Those weren't really groundbreaking conclusions. The tougher decision is whether Kurt Warner is better than Donovan McNabb... in 2008, not the year 2001, when they last met in the playoffs. I want to say Kurt Warner... so I'm doing the unthinkable thing... I'm going with the Cardinals.
Also, it gives me a chance to say something I haven't said in weeks: Nobody beats the Whiz! (that's Coach Whisenhunt for the new readers out there)
Pick: Arizona

Last week: 1-3 (ouch! only got Pittsburgh)
Playoffs: 2-6 (I just puked).