Cheers and Jeers: Mister Wu Edition

Ingredients:

• 1 oz Vodka
• 2 oz Bourbon
• 3 oz Lemon-lime soda
• 1 dash Orange juice

As a professional commentator, blogger, columnist and Howie Long impersonator I figured it was incumbent upon me to try to make some predictions for the Super Bowl . However any idiot can make random predictions. It takes real genius and 4 mojitos (and yes I realize its only 1 in the afternoon) to come up with not only WHAT will happen but WHEN it will happen.

9:00 AM Chris Wallace of Fox Sunday's News and Blame Liberals Show is joined by several varieties of conservative pontificators as well Terry Bradshow and Jimmy Johnson. After a half hour of discussions its agreed that a loss by New England will be a sign that the Democrats hate America. Any win by New England will be a sign that John Mccain is Ronald Reagan reincarnated.

11:00 AM Millions of viewers will be driven insane when they mistakenly flip on Ryan Seacrest trying to discuss football. Our nation's healthcare system will be once again be destroyed by Hollywood.

1:00 PM Gutsy will make the fatal mistake of inviting a Duke fan to his Super Bowl party. There are few truisms in the world: 1) never get in a land war in Asia, 2) never get in with Sicilian when death is on the line and 3) Duke fans are the functional equivalent of locusts but with less hygiene.

3:00 PM Hour 345 of pre-game coverage. Bradshaw tries to run for freedom but is shot with a tranquilizer gun before he can escape.

4:30 Mighty begins the official start to the Super Bowl by the lighting of the grill and the 4 shots of Bourbon.

File photo of Mighty in quiet contemplation of how to make fire

4:32 Mighty decides that four shots of Bourbon was a big mistake

6:34 Kickoff. Hooray.

6:35 First Super Bowl Commercial. It's not funny. MJ sets fire to Boston in protest

6:43 First New England Touchdown. MJ introduces David Ortiz to his boomstick in protest

Listen up Papi, this is my Boomstick

7:00 Peter King wins a date with Tom Brady when he scalds Bill Simmons with scared upperclass whitey flavored coffee (I think its called Starbucks on the East Coast)

Title of Simmons and Kings new book

1:00 AM Game finally ends. Note there was no overtime. Just too many commercials and an interruption when Bradshaw gets loose from his cage. Final score New England 31 Giants 20


And with that a little cheering and jeering.....

Cheers: To Voting. Well not primary bullshit but for the 100 Sexiest Women at FHM

Cheers: To National Signing Day. For those that aren't aware about the subcultural that is College Football recruiting....lets just say it makes the NFL draft seem rational and sane. Thankfully it'll all be over on Wednesday. Person to watch is Terrel Pryor who tOSU and West Fucking Virginia North have been fighting over.

Jeers: To a nudist flight. Nothing personal against East Germans but I assume that flying is uncomfortable enough as is without having to see some old dudes junk.

Jeers: To NBA trades. Bitch all you want Kidd. You and your 20-30 odd million dollar a year contract are going to have a hard time moving. I swear 40% of all NBA coverage is on rumored trades. (FYI the other 40% is on NBA games and the final 20% is on the lack of quality Nacho Cheese at NBA arenas).


Sean Taylor Memorial Beatdown:
Goes to Kansas State beating in-state rival Kansas 84-75 thus breaking a 24 year old losing streak. Which is a long time according to most polls. Uber phenom Michael Beasley poured in 25 points as he has begun to solidify his case for the number 1 pick in next year's NBA draft.


And Your C&J gal of the week is Alessandra Ambrosio who likes Pink the color (not the singer)