Ingredients1 oz Rum
1 oz Gin
3 oz Coca-Cola
2 parts Hate
Its come to my attention that the hateometer has been running high lately. The demise of the Patriots was met first with shock but quickly the shock was replaced by an outpouring of death threats and hategasm. So why should the big shots have fun with all the hate. I mean why should
Bill Belichek
Let me be clear I've known Burmese Junta members that deserve to die on punji sticks less than Bill Belichek. Oh no you lost a Super Bowl so you need to go throw a hissy fit. Not only do you pull a Randy Moss and leave early, but then you also mumbled away to your team instead of being you know the head coach, before taking a dump on the media (actually I don't have a problem with that one). When you made that pact with Satan for your soul did he also get your honor, dignity, morals,etc,etc such that it left you without a personality or is it just that your experiments with botox to hide facial expressions left you dead inside? And I don't want to hear about life outside of football Mumbles is a decent guy. He has no life outside of football. It's like saying fancy Raman is tasty. It doesn't fucking exist. Listen up Bill, you've proven you know your strategies , just do the rest of a favor and commit Sepku for being a 3 year old girl over only going 18-1.
Duke
I hate a lot of things in this world: clowns, ninja clowns, bacon wrapped hot dogs, but few things drive me up the wall as much Duke. First and foremost anyone ever associated with that school are fuckwads. Snotty, whiny, insecure, aristocratic, douchebags covers about 99% of the Duke population. The other 1% are the Duke basketball players who deserve to be raped by mountain goats. Nothing personal guys but I'm just saying that Dick Vitale's yearly deep throating of such an average team (for those keeping score Duke hasn't gotten out of the sweet 16 since the US was you know liked) means that it should be a national priority to force Duke''s players, player's families, their fans and their alumni into a Jimmy Fallon movie marathon.
Welcome to Hell Dookies
Punxsutawney Phil
Because your such a pussy that you can't confront your own shadow, I have to deal with 6 more shitty weeks of grey soul crushing winter. Fuck you. I don't give a shit that you're groundhog. If you can't fix this fucking weather we're going to find another rodent that can.
Mit Romney
I'm glad your campaign crashed and burned. You had to spend 1.4 million dollars per delegate. I bet I could run a Fussilli statue of Ed Harris and get better results. You know why Mit, because my Kraft Macaroni and Cheese seems more natural. Yeah everyone is totally going to buy the Massachusetts governor did a 180 in 3.4 seconds to become the most bestest conservative ever. You couldn't even quit without being a fucktard. Yeah you quiting is helping defeat Osama. Go choke on a dick.
US Senate
Speaking of no talent ass clowns. After all this time of taking it on the chin and letting person after person commit perjury, felonies and more generally taking dumps on the constitution now your going to man up and stop the evil forces of Roger Goodell and Roger Clemens. I can totally see how the NFL shreds records its something to stand up to but lets say the CIA shreds records well thats just a minor thing. You guys really think this bullshit will stop voters from hating your sorry asses? There's a reason that herpes has a higher approval rating.
Clowns
They're still dangerous. Don't be fooled. If a Clown had half a chance it would kill you and steal your spouse or significant other.
Jessica Alba
You think you can make up for your pregnancy by posing nude? Ok fine you can but no more late night calls from you. Ok maybe late night calls but I'm not making you waffles. And that's final....
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