Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Cheers and Jeers: Crazy Maker Edition


C&J is back with a College Football Edition ….Last year the building storm of parity in college football washed over the elite schools sending #1 and #2 ranked teams tumbling on a regular basis (and let’s not even forgets Appalachian State’s upset of the team formerly coached by Lloyd Carr). I’ll go on record now to say the roller coaster ride will continue. Down is up, up is South, with the only constant being that SEC coaches willingness to stab their own grandmas with a blunt spoon if it meant one more win (and of course that Lee Corso is a giant….) So outside of my lame prediction of unpredictability what else will I roll out? For the special occasion the official return of Cheers and Jeers….

Jeers: USC will beat OSU by exactly the spread. Nobody gets up for big games like Pete Carroll. Key to the run will be the USC safety who will have 2 INTs on wounded duck thrower Todd Boekman. Pryor will have a touchdown and sleep with 2 USC cheerleaders in the loss

Jeers: Notre Dame will beat the Wolverines. The Irish will have vengeance for last year’s underperformance and go .500. In celebration Charlie Weis will buy a dapper hat and gain 400 lbs.

Jeers: Florida will remember the Georgia dance routine and upset them in the Cocktail Party (with the screwdriver and Colonel Mustard watching)

Jeers: OU will somehow continue to dominate the Big 12 after it beats Mizzou in the Dr.Pepper Big 12 Classic (and yes I’m paid to mention Dr Pepper with all its secret ingredients that I believe helped win WWI for the British). Due to gas prices instead of taking a bus to face KU, Mizzou will hire Ed Hocculi to carry them.

Jeers USC will hang on to win the Pac 10 edging out ASU by 1 game. However USC will manage to accumulate a number of other insane losses including to: Oregon, Arizona and strange yellow discharge. Slick Rick of UCLA will avoid breaking US law by doing all recruiting on international waters.

Cheers: West Virginia’s coach, known for his love of slacks and frozen yogurt, will keep the Mustache from winning the Big East. In anger the Mustache will kill Dave Wanstedt (didn’t see that coming)

Cheers: OSU, despite a tough schedule, will win the Big 10 sending ESPN into a murderous rage. Wisconsin will be #2 followed by Illinois #3. Mark May will start a campaign barring the Big 10 from the BCS.

Cheers: Georgia’s running back Moreno will win the Heisman. However Peter King will “discover” Tim Tebow before professing his undying love for the young QB as well as sending Tebow inappropriate pictures.

Jeers: In the mythical National Championship Game will be OU v. Georgia, Georgia wins thus enshrining the belief that the South has won the Civil War.

And the C&J gal of the week….. Jessie Preston

No comments: