- 1 1/2 oz Vodka (Skyy)
- 1 1/2 oz Chambord raspberry liqueur
- 1 oz Triple sec
- 1 splash Rose's sweetened lime juice
It is almost football time. This is good for us columnists because when you're posting pictures of Star Trek you know you need more material. Before we strap on our chin straps, lace up the shoes and fire up the Brian Billick voodoo doll perhaps a little
1) The Longest Yard (1974 version)
Why you should see it: Burt Reynolds was inducted into the Man Law hall of fame for this movie. I think also Ray Nitschke can be seen actually killing someone in the background.
Best Scene: Last two minutes of the game.
Best Line:
Police Officer: "Why'd you drive her car into the bay?"
Paul Crewe: "Couldn't find a car wash."
2) Mash (the movie)
Why you should see it: While not really a movie about football, the football game steals the show of this Robert Altman classic.
Best Scene: Hmm. So many to choose from but the fake snap to win the game should be game planning for all serious coaches. The other of course being the election of the chief surgeon...
Best Line: so many but here's a good one…
Hotlips O'Houlihan: Oh my God! They've shot him.
Colonel Blake: Hot Lips, you incredible nincompoop. It's the end of the quarter.
3) Any Given Sunday
Why you should see it: Oliver Stones directed probably the most realistic football movie ever made. The cinematography really does make you feel like quarterback blindly searching around for an open receiver. Also count up the number of famous actors and football players…you'll be shocked at the answer.
Best Scene: Either Willie Beamen (Jamie Foxx) throwing up or The Shark (LT) cutting Beamen's car in half.
Best Line: (guard to QB) "Hey, unless you're gonna kiss me, get your hands off my ass."
4) Remember the Titans
Why you should see it: Denzel at the top of his game….constantly yelling at people. Oh and that underlying theme about racial harmony….
Best Scene: When the assistant coach walks onto the field and calls out the referees for their blatant cheating despite the fact that it costs him a bid for the hall of fame.
Best Line: "We will be perfect in every aspect of the game. You drop a pass, you run a mile. You miss a blocking assignment, you run a mile. You fumble the football, and I will break my foot off in your John Brown hind parts and then you will run a mile. Perfection. Let's go to work."
5) Varsity Blues
Why You Should See It: Just about any spoof movie made about teen movies has a requisite Varsity Blues homage. Also does anyone doubt that Jon Voight acted the same way as just about any other
Best Scene: That's easy, three words…whip cream bikini
Best Line with a twang: 'I do not want your life.'
6) Last Boy Scout
Why You Should See It: I'm pretty sure football operates exactly like it is portrayed in this movie: crazy owners forcing players to shoot up drugs in hopes of making more money…no wait that's baseball. To add creditability to the movie I think Jerry Jones played himself in the movie. Also in his off days Bruce Willis really does serve as a PI so the movie is good insight into Bruce Willis, PI.
Best Scene: Opening scene where drugged up player uses steroids and a gun to try to score.
Best Line: (Willis after finding out his best friend had an affair with his wife)"Sure, sure, it just happened. Could happen to anybody. It was an accident, right? You tripped, fell on the floor and accidentally stuck your d*ck into my wife. "Oops, I'm sorry, Mrs. H, I guess this just isn't my week".
7) Waterboy
Why You Should See It: Classic Adam Sandler: idiot savant uses his charm to win a contest (in this case a game) and the girl. Also nobody has yet been able to figure out what Kathy Bates is doing in this movie. Watch it, you'll leave as clueless as I am about the casting.
Best Scene: Kathy Bates spearing her ex-husband
Best Line: "You can do it!"
And now a little cheering and jeering….
Cheers: Dikembe Mutombo for opening a hospital in the Congo. The country desperately needs all the medical attention it can get and Mutombo donated 15 million out of his own pocket for the hospital. That's definitely a reason to cheer.
Jeers: To the bizarro world known as Browns training camp. Beethoven once said "Applaud friends, the comedy is over". He obviously wasn't thinking about the Browns. The comedy that is the Cleveland Browns center position continues. Now both second strings are out (ankle sprain, drug suspension). For those keeping track that's one knee injury, one ankle injury, one drug suspension, and two retirements. My Middle East Plan looks better and better.
Jeers: To authorities warning women not to wear gel bras on planes. I can't comment on the necessity of the security but that seems like gender discrimination to me. I mean I can still wear my gel speedo jr. onto planes.
Cheers: To baseball's men of mustache. Need I say more?
Cheers: To a committee of scientists not axing Pluto's status as a planet. Well kind of. A new sub-type of planets is being created, called Plutons, which I guess are the Tampa Bay Devil Rays of planets. The new definition does add 3 more planets to the Terran System: Xena, Charon and Ceres (the dwarf planet). Students all over this planet toilet papered the scientists' houses in protest to more memorization.
Jeers: To re-enacting a scene from Blazing Saddles. An
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