2005 NHL Playoff Preview

I woke up the other day and realized that something is missing in my life. I enjoy the NBA Playoffs as much as I can, but – where oh where is my beloved NHL overtime playoff games? Seriously, nothing captivates a small percentage of the young, white male audience than an OT hockey game. So, I figure now is a good a time as ever to unveil my…

2005 NHL Playoff Preview

United States Conference
Under the new rules, there are 2 conferences – US & Canadian. The winners play to decide who gets the Stanley Cup. Everyone plays each other during the season, it’s just that 4 out of 6 Canadian teams make the playoffs – and 1 of them is always in the finals. This way, the ratings play off the heated US-Canadian rivalry.
1 – Tampa Bay vs. 8- NY Rangers – Miraculously, the Rangers high-priced team of Jagr, Holik, and Goalie Mike Dunham actually make the playoffs. Unfortunately, they run into the tiny scoring dynamo of Martin St. Louis, as well as Lecavalier, and Redhawk alumnus Dan Boyle.
Pick: Tampa in 4

4- New Jersey vs. 5- Philadelphia –
These 2 bitter rivals square off once again. NJ still has Niedermeyer & Brodeur, Philly uses Tony Amonte, Jeremy Roenick, and a cast of goons. Unfortunately, after the strike was resolved, 5-game suspensions become automatic for fighting, and the Flyers end up having to use 8 minor leaguers in the crucial game 7 due to everyone else being suspended.
Pick: New Jersey in 7

2-Detroit vs. 7-St. Louis -
Everyone is wondering how the Red Wings will do without Steve Yzerman, who retires after the strike, as well as Chris Chelios. Goalie Curtis Joseph still comes back to redeem himself from 2004’s playoff collapse. Luckily, they draw the St. Louis Blues, who use a different goalie every year in their quest to lose in the 1st round each year. This year, the Blues use Patrick Lalime to their disadvantage, as they blow a 3-1 lead and lose in 7 games.
Pick: Detroit in 7

3- Colorado vs. 6 –Dallas -
Everyone is back for the Avs – Forsberg, Sakic, Kariya, Selanne (Patrick Roy retired before last season). Dallas still brings Mike Modano and Pierre Turgeon back for one last ride. It sure is a short ride though.
Pick: Colorado in 5

2nd round
Tampa over New Jesey – Khabibulin taunts Brodeur into fighting, knowing that without Brodeur, the Devils are doomed.
Colorado over Detroit– Bitter rivals square off. Unfortunately, Curtis Joseph gets banished from the city of Detroit after his bad play.

Canadian Conference
2- Toronto – vs. 3 – Montreal –
All the fans in Canada go crazy as the Leafs finally battle the Canadiens in the playoffs. Looting breaks out after just the first victory by Toronto. Toronto’s roster is focused on the stars of EA Sports NHL ’94 – as they have Mats Sundin, Owen Nolan, Mogilny, Brian Leetch, Joe Nieuwendyk, and Ed Belfour. Montreal counters with a younger team led by the invincible Koivu and Goalie Jose Theodore. After an exciting series, it all comes down to game 7, where the Maple Leafs happen to have saved up enough speed bursts to take down the Canadiens.
Pick: Toronto in 7

1- Ottawa vs. 4- Calgary–Calgary has 2004 stars Jarome Iginla and goalie Martin Kirprusoff. Hasek is on the Ottawa Senators, and only plays 41 games during the year, just the home games, and ends up going 40-1 in those games. The Ottawa Senators are the highest scoring team in the league, and they don’t even need Hasek on the road in this series.
Pick: Ottawa in 6

Conference Finals
Tampa over Colorado – Colorado goalie Aebischer just can’t come up with enough saves. Colorado then immediately trades half of its team to start over after Sakic & Forsberg retire.
Ottawa over Toronto - After Toronto loses, they declare that if your goalie isn’t Canadian, you can’t be in the Candian Conference starting next season.

NHL Finals – Ottawa over Tampa
Unfortunately, there are no Leafs or Canadiens, or major US markets involved. Nonetheless, the ratings are double what they were in 2004 due to the exciting new camera angles and the promotions that allow fans who watch hockey to win free kegs of beer. The ratings are also very high due to the exciting Canada vs. US format.
In the end, Hasek wins another championship with the Ottawa Senators, and promptly declares his 4th retirement from the NHL.