Thursday, July 20, 2006

Cheers and Jeers: American Dream Edition

Ingredients:

This week, marks the beginning of a last stand. At least for American athletics (Although the weather forecaster noted there was 30% chance of the Rapture which probably means I need to stop watching that weatherman or change religions really fast). USA Basketball is at a cross-road. After failing to win a gold medal for the first time since professionals started playing, Team USA pulled out all the stops. They hired a coach (Coach K) that preaches team play. They brought in role players that could do things like hit jump shots and play defense. They plan on keeping the same squad for more than 2 weeks. Heck they are even including a crazy notion called "practice". However this is it. If Team USA fails at this approach, you can officially note that USA Hegemony on basketball (or in general) has gone the way of Dutch Empire (their basketball team was finally defeated in Third Anglo-Dutch War which signaled the begining of dominance for the Manchester Globetrotters, the team the sun never set on). So Americans, keep your fingers crossed…this time they're trying….


Cheers: To a stadium finally standing up for itself. I was getting awfully tired about losing, unwatchable, whiney teams demanding better treatment or they bolt. Well the tables have turned my friends….

Cheers: To John Jordan "Buck" O'Neil stepping to the plate again. Buck O'Neil is a favorite here in C&J land. Frankly I'm impressed that at 94 Buck is moving around touring the nation. The fact that he can stand in there and take a heater well that’s just a reason to cheer. For the record I'm guessing O'Neil will hold the record as the oldest man ever to play professional baseball for a long time.

Jeers: To Bob Costas for attacking poker players. Bob, I spend a lot of time defending you from your various enemies (from jealous reporters, anti-Saint Louisites, ex-gay lovers, and ninjas) so I was a little hurt when you turned on one of my hobbies. Poker, especially the texas hold-em style, is fun and wholesome (whatever that means). It forces kids to learn statistics, and psychology. Plus if they weren't playing poker they'd probably be drinking and stealing mannequins. Or maybe that's just what I did as a youth. Nonetheless, back off Bob!

Cheers: Of all the pre-season All-American teams, the gold standard is the "All-Name" team. My favorites include: Jim Bob Cooter (who obviously plays for Tennessee), LeQuantum McDonald (Having Quantum as a first name was simply too powerful so it was Frenchified to water it down some), and Knowledge Timmons.

Jeers: To Sammie Sosa after noting that he's not retired. Sammie, listen to me, don't go the Jose Canseco root. You have a shred of dignity left. Please, avoid begging for a roster spot or claiming you can still play (when you can't). Just fade away until you're up for the Hall of Fame and then you can make as much noise as you want.

Cheers: To only nine days till the Maryland Crab Days. The Navy Yards answer to Maine's Lobster Festival, Crab Days features lots of crabs and boat rides, possibly captained by crabs. They are smart creatures you know....

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