NFL Preview: Rebound Teams

Len Pasquarelli, after an orgy of binge drinking and gambling, accidentally did some great reporting last week. (Actually I think Len does a remarkably good job of using things like “facts” and “research” as opposed to the truthiness that pervades others at espn.com land. I also can neither confirm nor deny if anything I say in this article uses facts). Len uncovers a trend in the NFL he terms “rebound teams” or teams that made the playoffs two years ago but missed it last year. Since 1992 there have been 29 rebound teams or about 2 per year. So who are this year’s rebound candidates? In descending order of likely return to the playoffs here’s my list:

1) Atlanta
Pro: Two Words : Michael Vick. He has another year in the West Coast system and my understanding is that prolonged exposure to stimulus can cause learning (much like me and the merciless chili peppers of Quetzlzacatenango. Suffice to say if someone offers you something grown in a Guatemalan insane asylum don’t eat it)

Con: Two Words: Michael Vick. Will he ever live up to the hype? Will he ever master the intricacies of throwing to a receiver?
2) Minnesota
Pro: No Mike Tice. That’s at least 2 more wins. I think he always wore a pencil behind his ear to throw people off the fact that he’s illiterate. Minnesota also is in the weakest division in football.

Con: You really want to rely on Brad Johnson’s arm for a playoff run? You really want to rely on Chester Taylor’s leg? You really want to rely on someone to be named later for middle linebacker?
3) San Diego
Pro: Great defense especially versus the run (they were number one last year). Arguably best running back in football. Arguably best tight end in football

Con: Phillip Rivers. Is he going to play like a first year quarterback or a third year quarterback? As my dad used to say “Smoke up, Johnny!” Wait, was that the Breakfast Club? Anyway San Diego needs Rivers to play at least as well as Drew Brees did (now doesn’t that sound odd) for them to make it to the playoffs
4) Philadelphia
Pro: Return of Donovan McNabb. The removal of T.O.

Con: Outside of Donovan and fragile Westbrook, who else is on the Eagles? I swear I could substitute the extras from Pirates of the Caribbean at Philly’s skill positions and nobody would notice.
5) St. Louis
Pro: Great Offense still. A healthy Marc Bulger. A coach that acknowledges running the ball is not illegal

Con: Defensive line/Defensive secondary are about as a weak as one could imagine.
6) NY Jets
Pro: There’s nowhere to go but up

Con: It’s a long long long way up from where they are
7) Green Bay
Pro: The fans are armed with cheese and are not afraid to use it.

Con: Global Warming has removed the advantage that was the frozen tundra. Also that little thing called an offense (name a position and its substandard)