MMBSD: November Madness

There's a certain headiness to March. A celebrated time where the pee-wees of College Basketball upset the big college names with regularity. Sure some years are crazier than others (like Giuliani crazy) when a George Mason or James Madison or James Woods proves to the world not only they have a school but also a basketball team. But every year the favorites fall. This year college football has joined the ranks of College Basketball in zaniest. The powers that be on espn might furrow their brow, grit their teeth and wonder about the fall of society but most of us are enjoying the insanity. The problem of course is where College Football differs is that the most deserving team and the best team at the end are different teams. In College Basketball, much like Publius' sex life, how a team finishes matters much more than how they started. I mean who really remembers its opening befuddled gropes at the Maui Invitational. If you can finish with the rolling crab at the ACC Tournament well you did well and get the top seed. College Football, though, every game is the playoffs. There's no opening foreplay. Every game, every down counts. And so the USC and Georgia fans may complain that they are the best now but so what? That's why you have to show up every week.... So using the basketball schematics how are the college teams doing on their BCS bids? Remember their are 6 guarantees and 4 at larges.

Wubya is considering an executive order to put Texas in a BCS bowl as soon as he confers with his Secretary of the Interior

ACC (1 Bid)
Lock: None
Bubble: BC, V-Tech. Winner is off to the Orange Bowl. Other gets the consolation prize of hanging with Wubya.

Big East (1 Bid)
Lock: West Virginia. They're off to the Battle in the Backyard v. the Mustache. Win and its off to the National Championship. Lose and its random BCS bowl

Big 10 (1-2 Bids)
Lock: OSU - Waiting. A Missouri or West Virginia loss and its another Championship Birth. Otherwise the Grand Daddy of the Bowls.
Bubble: Illinois - A good shot at an at large bid. Another Arizona State loss and they should be in.

Vernon Gholston's arms are ensured a BCS bowl bid. In fact his right bicep is ranked 18th in the AP poll (funnier if you know the SNL Bill Brasky skit)

Big 12 (2 Bids)
Lock: None
Bubble: Mizzou, Okkies, Kansas - Missouri plays Oklahoma. Mizzou gets a championship bid if they win. Oklahoma gets the Fiesta Bowl if they win. Kansas probably has an at large bid locked up tighter than Belichek's injury list.

SEC (2 Bids)
Lock: Georgia. I'll eat a corn beef sandwich thats not warmed if Georgia doesn't get an at large bid.
Bubble: LSU, Tennessee. Winner in Atlanta get's the SEC automatic bid to the Sugar Bowl and a free lap dance at the strip club of choice on Bourbon Street.

Houston Nutt and Arkansas celebrated their spoiling LSU's bid for a BCS Championship

Random Ass Team (1 Bid)
Bubble: Hawaii needs to beat Washington of the non-Saint Louis variety this week. If they do they will get an at large bid.

Hooray for Flexibility. Umm where was I?

Pac 10 (1-2 Bids)
Lock: None
Bubble: For those that are unaware the Pac 10 is potentially in craptacular region. Craptacular region is here defined as the land where tie breakers based on % of the school's income coming from their emu farms decide the PAC 10. If USC wins, then they are Rose Bowl Bound. If Arizona State beats arch-rival Arizona they are probably bound for the Fiesta Bowl with their two losses. If both lose and Oregon who is considering starting Alan Greenspan at quarterback, also loses, UCLA gets the tie-breaker in a 5 way tie. I think. MIT is still examining the possible permutations. That's right, assuming that Einstein's theory of relativity holds UCLA could be Rose Bowl bound or a loss sends them to 6-7 and no Bowl bid. Yikes.

NFL
The NFL sits in the land of two perpetual questions: Will the Patriots be the first 17-0 team and who will they beat in the Super Bowl (Dallas or Green Bay). Its tough to find an interesting subject. Everything seems almost superficial in relation to those two questions. However I'll raise a few
1) How good is Jacksonville ?- Are they the perpetually unable to break through Jags or has Garrard changed to the team to the point they can finally top the Colts?

2) Can the Browns really make the playoffs? With games against Arizona, Jets, Bills, Bengals and 49ers its possible. I'm guessing 10 wins will be enough this year in the AFC. If they do a big portion of that credit goes to K2. I know he's gotten off the wrong foot in the mouth when he started but since his injury he's been a great team player. The man plays hurt. I mean he's playing with a separated shoulder. The man is always always looking to get better. And the man no longer makes the mistakes of youth by opening his mouth. Read what he says now. Give him a second look those that dislike him. It's not often you see a kid grow into a mature adult in this day and age.

No actual photo exists of the legendary "Texans football team" so I went with a photo of the Browns beating the hated Rat Thugs (photo from Joshua Gunther)

3) Will the Chargers win the AFC West? - umm its looking like it. Although I think paint drying might be more interesting

Other Fun Facts
Over the last 6 games Lebron James is basically averaging a triple double. He's averaging 37.5 points, 10.2 rebounds, and 9.5 assists a game over that stretch. Read those stats again - its not a misprint. This is the best stats over that stretch since the Big O averaged a triple double over an entire season. I doubt Lebron can keep this up but it needs to be recorded. And written about. And possibly turned into a musical as soon as that Broadway strike is over. Those stats are ridiculous. Like MVP/Bill Walton fellatio treatment, good.