Cheers and Jeers: Gentleman's Club Edition

Ingredients:

• 1 1/2 oz Gin
• 1 oz Brandy
• 1 oz Sweet Vermouth
• 1 oz Club soda

At the moment outside of a pending game by the Lake I can say that sports is kind of in a lull. Basketball hasnt kicked in, the Bowl Games are on a break, and a world of football without parity there's very few meaningful games until the playoffs. So instead of looking at Sports today's Cheers and Jeers will focus in on Part II of our ongoing coverage of facial hair. Today's topic: The Goatee. The History of the goatee is complex and mysterious. Some find that it was born in the 19th century as a part of an opium induced bet between Edgar Allan Poe and a 60 foot tall Andrew Jackson. Others trace it back to Satan where the goatee went well with his ruddy complexion. In any event over the years the goatee has appeared in various forms so today C&J will try to classify them

The Evil Goatee
The most famous evil goatee in history belongs to Evil Spock. Well he wasn't evil exactly but he has come to represent that evil parallel universe versions of people tend to have goatees. As Dr.Spock in his best selling kid's book said: if you ever meet your parallel version with a goatee assume that he will try to overthrow your government and enslave you. Now a few people's evil version's don't come with goatees (evil Captain Kirk) but that's just because they're hiding their evil goatee elsewhere.

Other Famous Evil Goatees: Satan

Goatee of Douchebaggery
This is the lesser second cousin once removed of the evil goatee. There's always one douchebag out there with a sanctimonious goatee. It says I'm a jerk, a no talent ass clown but yet I still can trick my friend into writing an Oscar worthy movie without doing work and I get to have sex with many beautiful women. Obviously Ben Affleck epitomizes that type of goatee.

Other Famous Douchebag Goatees: Tom Cruises hidden goatee

Goatee of Shame:
Some people have goatees to hide their shame. They first use their goatee to say I'm competent. I'm a hero. I had nothing to do with that incident with your sister's home made movie making it onto youtube. Or I won't talk about my history of injecting steriods directing into my eyeballs. And perhaps you believe them given the goatee. But the goatee of shame always shows its true colors and the wearer goes down in the Big Book of Shame (published by Hufflin Mifflin for those Christmas shoppers)

Other Goatees of Shame: General Armstrong Custer


Goatee of Druggyness
Fo Shizzle my Nizzle. And to avoid any further legal action by Up In Smoke Inc. I'll just salute you Snoop Dogg, owner of the 6 foot long blunt and wearer of the Goatee of Druggyness

Other Goatees of Druggyness: Shaggy from Scooby-Doo


Hero's Goatee
There's a few out there that use the goatee as for good not evil. They fight injustice with strength, determination and possibly a trick boxing glove arrow. However to protect friends, family and neighbor's dogs they need to hide their true identity. What better way to do that than through a goatee? The goatee also gives the hero super powers. Like better accuracy with handcuff arrows. I'm sure it does other things that are non-arrow related but I just haven't researched it enough. Nobody symbolizes this better than Oliver Queen aka the Green Arrow

Other Hero's Goatee: Robin Hood


And now for some Cheering and Jeering

Cheers: To the 15th anniversary of WWE's Monday Night Raw. For those that are unaware of the syllogism Monday Night's are Raw and Raw is still War. Hence I can watch the high points of culture (i.e. a grown man attacking another with a sock) over New Orleans v. Atlanta.

You really think I was going to pick watching Joey Harrington over Stacey Keibler's legs?

Jeers: To the news that Jessica Alba is preggers via some douchebag. She ruined her vagina for this guy? Booo!

Jeers: Walmart for yanking panties. Its why I only shop at Costco. And its strictly a comfort thing.

Jeers: To over reacting. First everyone said the Texans were idiots for picking Mario Williams. Now everyone is saying they're geniuses. Can we wait at least 3 years before deciding on rookies please?

Jeers: Bobby Petrino. Even if the Hitman summed up why he sucks , Petrino still can't be booed enough.

Lawyer Milloy didn't like Petrino either (h/t EDSBS)

The Shawn Taylor Memorial Beatdown of the Week goes to the Colts humiliating of the Ravens. The game was over with about 12 minutes left in the 2nd Quarter. Even Collinsworth publicly admitted nobody but Colts fans were watching it by halftime. Oh it was beautiful


And the C&J gal of the week goes to Marissa Miller. Yes I'm dreaming of the beach too....