Cheers and Jeers: 2007 Year in Review Part II

The second half of 2007 wasn't much different than the first half of 2007. It was the year of the Shocker. And not the good kind. The kind were you think things are enjoyable and then well things quickly take a turn for the worst. Wait thats not supposed to be there, and that's not comfortable I said many of times (before going to the corner to cry)

July/August

July/August or what I can Julugust is normally a slow time in the sports world of ye old USA. It provided an opportunity for the Yanks, Indians and Cubbies to begin their push for the playoffs, which at the time seemed like a good thing. But for this humble sports writer the biggest sports event of the time period was the Palio. Palio is THE sporting event of my adoptive home for the first half of '07. For six long months the men, women, horses, Vespas, and leaning tower makers of Siena, Italy trained for the greatest horse race around an enclosed Piazza in the world. At first I was annoyed at the constant drumming and flag throwing but over time and possibly because of the free food and wine I got behind my section of the city and my team Nicchio (the Fighting Seashells). This would only end in heart break as at the last second one of our rivals would swoop in an win the event continuing Nicchio's 40 odd year long drought and sending me into a shame spiral.

Other Notable July/August Events: Joey Chestnut defeated Kobayashi in a hot dog eating contest. Kobayashi would retire from competitive eating and become a Cleveland reliever and forcing me to retire from hot dog eating. Publius and I survived MJ's birthday. MJ did not. Pittsburgh made sure everyone knew that the Steel Industry is in fact gay.

September
September brought an odd moment when the entire Big 10 cheered when Applachian State beat Michigan in the Big House. At first it seemed funny, like Mini-Me. But over time it became more and more annoying as the punditry felt this moment crystallized by the Big 10 was the worst conference in college football, much like Mini-me. Somehow Oregon's record points, West Virginia's dominance, Florida's success and the Big 12's basketball scores were not signs that NOBODY has figured how to defend the spread. Nope Just the Big 10 with its plodding Stegosauri. By the end of the year I rued the day Applachian State entered the Big House.

Other Notable September Events: MJ speculated that Les Miles might consider the Michigan job. Thus ending the issue for the year . Charlie Frye getting traded after starting the first game of the season would turn out to be an executive of the year type move. Colorado Rockies may have lost one game this month Scientists are still measuring this incredible run .

October

I believe it was Oscar Wild that once wrote October is the cruelest month. I believe he also said I'm a lamp shade while under an opium induced hallucination. However Wild was right. October saw the Indians cut down by Boston Red Sox after a 3-1 lead. For those that have never suffered with a city that has never won a championship (unless indoor soccer counts. and it doesn't) its hard to note exactly what that feelings like for a team that you think has destiny written on it lose to a bunch of arrogant, racist , panda killers (I've never been to Boston or know anything about it but I can only assume that it represents all things that I hate). The closest thing I can imagine is being let into the Playboy Grotto , chocked full of the most beautiful beings the universe has seen only to be kicked in the groin by a robotic donkey. The closer you are the more painful the kick (note that Scientists have in fact proven this at a Stanford Lab).

Other Notable October Moments: The Yankees were attacked and devoured by highly intelligent midges thus restoring my faith in nature. Publius got NFL direct, thus ending his need for going to the bar. But why the bars offer reasonably priced food and surrounded by stable individuals. It also ended my desire to talk to him on Sundays.

From Jeff Darcy Cleveland PD

November
November was actually a good month. In fact it may have been the best sports month of the year. The Browns somehow won football games in exciting fashion. Brian Billick made the mistake of pissing off Mr. T and suffered severe lacerations to his kidneys as a result. OSU and Michigan played out the way a Bo and Woody would have liked (an ugly, grind it out, bad weather, slug fest) . I found one reason not to hate 2007's Heisman winner Tim Tebow well actually two.
Other Notable November Events: Lloyd Carr announced his retirement setting the stage for RoRod to bring the Spread Option to Ann Arbor. After taking West Fucking Virginia's basketball coach last year, I can actually refer to the school above Ohio as West Fucking Virginia North. Which made me happy. The Patriots march to being one of the best, if not THE best, team ever hit full speed. Given my belief in New England fans this is probably a bad thing but I'll ignore the ramifications till 2008.

December
The Browns success has been perplexing like a monkey trying to invent a new flavor of ice cream. I'd never complain about it but I never saw it coming. I mean who would have guessed the Browns would have a shot at the playoffs. The Browns offense has been ranked 30, 31rst and 47th the past few years. Que in a new year , new offense coordinator and a QB named Horseballs and the offense clicked for the first 3/4 quarters of the year. However as my Dad says, you could lead a guy named Horseballs to water but you can't make a guy named Horseballs drink the water because he's an alcoholic and will probably throw four interceptions against the Bungals. I'm not sure where that saying comes from. Probably the Bible or something. The end of December is still a week away but here's to betting that it'll end the same way the rest of the year has gone....a build up of high hopes, only to end soul crushingly short.

Other Notable December Events: Arthur Blank completed the all time hat trick of having a QB, coach and possible GM lie to him. LSU clinched the SEC thereby forcing BCS voters to send them to the championship game because theyre from the fucking South. Mighty began amassing a series of bottles of alcohol, locals of opium dens, and possibilities for new phone numbers in preparation for the BCS Championship game.

And for the first time C&J will reveal the gal of 2007 (who coincedentally is Playboy's playmate of the year)....Sara Jean Underwood