Week 15 – Pursuit for History

The Patriots have a stupid tab on the ESPN bottomline for their “Pursuit of Perfection.” It’s obnoxious. Where’s the Dolphins tab for “Hunting for Heartbreak”? How come we aren’t scouting their opponents and giving constant updates on their quest?

More importantly, where’s my tab? Quietly, softly, I did the unthinkable last week… I achieved perfection in my picks last week! I finally topped Bill Belichick in something. I may not have won a Super Bowl but, I achieved perfection before Belichick! And I didn’t even use a time machine to cheat at any point!

Manwich Matchup of the Week / Opening Round Playoff Game #5
Buff @ Cleveland – As far as I can remember, the Browns have not been in the Manwich Matchup since I started writing in 2004. The Browns did appear as a “Mini-Manwich” a few weeks ago but that’s not the same. So… this is their Manwich debut!
As for this game, the winner of this game essentially controls their own destiny, and the loser is behind the 8-ball in a major way, because head-to-head would be the first tiebreaker if both teams would finish with the same record. This game is a doozy and I’m just going to go with the home team, because the stakes couldn’t be higher, and I have to guess that homefield advantage will be important.
Pick: Cleveland

Upset of the Week
Baltimore @ Miami- I don’t belive for a second that the Dolphins are the “worst team ever.” I may have made fun of the Dolphins since before the season began for their personnel decisions, but they still can’t be the worst team ever when they’ve had SIX close losses. Granted, they were a much better team in the first half with Ronnie Brown and when Chris Chambers was at least trying to get open. The Ravens have actually lost 7 in a row, which isn’t that much less than the 13 the Dolphins have lost! I’ve got to believe the Dolphins will come through and stick it to Kyle Boller. This is probably their last chance.
Pick: Miami

Opening Round Playoff Game #6
Arizona @ New Orleans- It’s an elimination game! For real! You could pretty much flip a coin on this one.
Pick: Saints

Denver @ Houston- Burger King has this insane (and way too long) video showing what happens when BK pretends that they don’t have whoppers for sale. While watching this, I realized that Burger King is very proud about how their burgers are “Flame Broiled!” But in Wendy’s commercials, they are very proud of the fact that their burgers are “Never Frozen!” It’s like “Less Filling vs. Tastes Great” for a new generation!
Pick: Houston

Cincy @ San Fran – I’m not even sure who’s playing QB now for the 49ers. It might be Trent Dilfer.
Pick: Cincy

Atl @ Tampa – Petrino is gone, and there were some great sound bytes by the players. I hope for Petrino’s sake he never bumps into any of those guys.
Pick: Tampa

Green Bay @ St. Louis- It’s not even going to be fair with Green Bay running around on the fast turf…
Pick: Green Bay

Jacksonville @ Pitt – This is NOT an opening round playoff game… mainly because both of these teams are most likely going to be in the playoffs, win, lose, tie, or shenanigan.
Pick: Pitt

Jets @ Pats – Jets: “You’re such a cheater!”
Pats: “I know you are but what am I!” [supposedly, the Jets got caught filming the Pats last year]
Pick: Pats

Seattle @ CAR – Enjoy Testaverde’s last few starts, I’m guessing he will return to being a “Mr. Mom” again next year.
Pick: Seattle

Tennessee @ KC – An important game for the Titans. I'm hesitantly picking them, with full knowledge that the Madden curse has already doomed Vince Young.
Pick: Tennessee

Indy @ Oakland – Let’s just hope the game stays close enough for Addai and R. Wayne to score enough points so I can take down Mighty in the fantasy playoffs. Once I defeat Mighty, Mighty’s transformation will be complete, as we can then call his team “Schottenheimer” since he qualifies for the playoffs almost every year, and then usually abruptly loses in the fantasy playoffs without winning the big one.
Pick: Indy

Detroit @ San Diego – I don’t see why the Lions will win this week either. Sorry Michigan.
Pick: San Diego

Philly @ Dallas – Do the Eagles have some fight left? Maybe just a bit.
Pick: Dallas

Washington @ Giants – If the Giants win, they’re in. If they lose, there’s trouble just around the corner! (Bill, Pats are next 2 games!)
Pick: Giants

Chicago @ Minny – Minny will make the playoffs, and whatever Bears QB comes out to play, it won’t be enough to stop the Vikings Defense.
Pick: Minny

Last Week: 16-0 (for real! Believe it!)
Season: 135-73
Manwich: 11-3 (Thank you Chargers for rallying, beating the Titans, and putting the Browns in a better position.)
Upset of the Week: 7-7 (The Texans came through clutch, and stopped any possible “McCown winning streak”)