The whole universe doubted Pitt Coach Dave Wannstedt and his Moustache, and also the McCown brothers, and Gus Frerotte. Boy were we wrong, as each of them won last week! Due to the power of the Moustache, he caused Pitt to upset West Virginia and to create a whole lot of fun for the BCS and all the college football fans. In honor of the Moustache and Dave Wannstedt, this week’s column is for him!
Manwich Matchup of the Week
SD @ Tenn – Clearly, this is the most important game of the week. Both teams have 7 wins and are looking to get to the playoffs… Wannstedt would probably choose the Titans because their coach has a moustache, but it’s just not as distinguished.
Pick: SD
Upset of the Week
Tampa Bay @ Houston – Wannstedt was the 1994 NFC Coach of the year! This was also the same year that the Houston OILERS named another man as their coach, Jeff Fisher, in the hopes that his moustache would bring success to the city of Houston.
Pick: Houston
KC @ Denver – Deadspin had a sweet comment on Wannstedt: “Has anyone ever noticed that Wannstedt looks like Tommy Lee Jones' character ("Two-Face" or whatever it is) in one of those Batman movies? His face has a handsome side with a clear complexion and a full mustache, mirrored by an ugly side with a craggy complexion and a sparse moustache. It really is carnie freakshow stuff.”
Pick: Denver
Chicago @ Wash – Wannstedt first established himself as a pathetic head coach while he was the Bears head coach from 1993 – 1998… who did he succeed there? Mike Ditka!
Pick: Washington
CAR @ Jacksonville – The Jags will get back on track. Dave Wannstedt rules.
Pick: Jack-o
Dallas @ Detroit – Wannstedt was the defensive coordinator during the Cowboys’ glory days in the 1990s. Perhaps Wannstedt’s greatest achievement related to the Cowboys, was when he beat the Cowboys thoroughly in 2003 as coach of the Dolphins and then his players gave Coach Wannstedt a game ball! Check out this video that proves it!
Pick: Dallas
Miami @ Buff – I didn’t realize this, but Wannstedt was actually the Dolphins’ defensive coordinator under Jimmy Johnson in 1999, before becoming head coach in 2000. Wikipedia, at this moment, has a great quote on his Miami tenure: “Wannstedt, however, was highly criticized after a 27-0 blowout loss in the second round of the playoffs against the Oakland Raiders. The week before, in a game against Indianapolis Colts, Wannstedt had run the ball with Lamar Smith forty times in an overtime victory. This rendered Smith barely able to walk the next day, and virtually useless for their next game against the Raiders. Wannstedt would end up doing this several times in Miami before he would resign.”
Pick: Buff
Giants @ Philly- I actually found a blog that supports Coach Wannstedt and doesn’t want him to get fired because all of his players were injured this year.
Pick: Giants
Oakland @ Green Bay- One Dolphins fan started a “fire Wannstedt” website in 2002 and had to wait quite a while. They did have this sweet picture with Wannstedt’s head on a ballerina.
Manwich Matchup of the Week
SD @ Tenn – Clearly, this is the most important game of the week. Both teams have 7 wins and are looking to get to the playoffs… Wannstedt would probably choose the Titans because their coach has a moustache, but it’s just not as distinguished.
Pick: SD
Upset of the Week
Tampa Bay @ Houston – Wannstedt was the 1994 NFC Coach of the year! This was also the same year that the Houston OILERS named another man as their coach, Jeff Fisher, in the hopes that his moustache would bring success to the city of Houston.
Pick: Houston
KC @ Denver – Deadspin had a sweet comment on Wannstedt: “Has anyone ever noticed that Wannstedt looks like Tommy Lee Jones' character ("Two-Face" or whatever it is) in one of those Batman movies? His face has a handsome side with a clear complexion and a full mustache, mirrored by an ugly side with a craggy complexion and a sparse moustache. It really is carnie freakshow stuff.”
Pick: Denver
Chicago @ Wash – Wannstedt first established himself as a pathetic head coach while he was the Bears head coach from 1993 – 1998… who did he succeed there? Mike Ditka!
Pick: Washington
CAR @ Jacksonville – The Jags will get back on track. Dave Wannstedt rules.
Pick: Jack-o
Dallas @ Detroit – Wannstedt was the defensive coordinator during the Cowboys’ glory days in the 1990s. Perhaps Wannstedt’s greatest achievement related to the Cowboys, was when he beat the Cowboys thoroughly in 2003 as coach of the Dolphins and then his players gave Coach Wannstedt a game ball! Check out this video that proves it!
Pick: Dallas
Miami @ Buff – I didn’t realize this, but Wannstedt was actually the Dolphins’ defensive coordinator under Jimmy Johnson in 1999, before becoming head coach in 2000. Wikipedia, at this moment, has a great quote on his Miami tenure: “Wannstedt, however, was highly criticized after a 27-0 blowout loss in the second round of the playoffs against the Oakland Raiders. The week before, in a game against Indianapolis Colts, Wannstedt had run the ball with Lamar Smith forty times in an overtime victory. This rendered Smith barely able to walk the next day, and virtually useless for their next game against the Raiders. Wannstedt would end up doing this several times in Miami before he would resign.”
Pick: Buff
Giants @ Philly- I actually found a blog that supports Coach Wannstedt and doesn’t want him to get fired because all of his players were injured this year.
Pick: Giants
Oakland @ Green Bay- One Dolphins fan started a “fire Wannstedt” website in 2002 and had to wait quite a while. They did have this sweet picture with Wannstedt’s head on a ballerina.
Pick: Green Bay
Pitt @ New England – Wikipedia claims that Wannstedt was a finalist for the Pittsburgh job in 1992… but got beat out by Bill Cowher! Talk about a facial hair battle royale!
Pick: New England
St. Louis @ Cincy – Check out this controversial quote on wikipedia, which make such a leap it’s pretty funny: “The 2004 season turned out to be a disaster from the beginning. Star running back Ricky Williams retired from football in the face of drug abuse charges and fear of being over-used as he was in the previous season, Randy McMichael was arrested for domestic abuse, and newly acquired receiver David Boston injured himself in training camp and was lost for the season. Many believed that most, if not all of the things that happened that offseason were a direct result of Wannstedt's lack of discipline and overall knowledge of the game.”
Under the same logic, we should blame Cincy head coach Marvin Lewis for all the arrests that happened, because he too has a “lack of discipline and overall knowledge of the game!”
Pick: Cincy
Arizona @ Seattle – Another site dedicated to getting Wannstedt fired… Notice no one tells him to shave the moustache.
Pick: Seattle
Minny @ San Fran – During the 1994 season, Coach Wannstedt led the Bears to the playoffs and even won a game in the playoffs, over Minnesota. The 1994 Season was one of the times when the NFC Central division would hold their own version of the “Norris division playoffs” – with the 1st place team in the division playing the 4th place team, and the 2nd and 3rd place teams squaring off. Chris Berman dubbed this the “Norris division playoffs” and it still makes me laugh (the reference is in honor to the old NHL divisions, one of which was called the Norris, where that was the playoff format, with every division having 4 playoff teams).
Pick: Minny
Cleveland @ Jets- Wannstedt’s last game in the NFL was against the Jets – where he was beat down 41-14 and the Dolphins had slipped to 1-7. Wannstedt was using the Feeley-Fiedler QB duo that season!
Pick: Cleveland
Indy @ Baltimore –Coach Wannstedt’s 2nd, and last???, playoff win came against Indy in the 2000 season when Coach Wannstedt was head of the Dolphins.
Pick: Indy
New Orleans @ Atlanta- Wannstedt has a moustache. Did you know that?
Pick: New Orleans
Last Week: 7-9 (back to reality)
Season: 119-73
Manwich: 10-3 (Thank you Cowboys.)
Upset of the Week: 6-7 (The Jags couldn’t quite do it against the Colts)
Pitt @ New England – Wikipedia claims that Wannstedt was a finalist for the Pittsburgh job in 1992… but got beat out by Bill Cowher! Talk about a facial hair battle royale!
Pick: New England
St. Louis @ Cincy – Check out this controversial quote on wikipedia, which make such a leap it’s pretty funny: “The 2004 season turned out to be a disaster from the beginning. Star running back Ricky Williams retired from football in the face of drug abuse charges and fear of being over-used as he was in the previous season, Randy McMichael was arrested for domestic abuse, and newly acquired receiver David Boston injured himself in training camp and was lost for the season. Many believed that most, if not all of the things that happened that offseason were a direct result of Wannstedt's lack of discipline and overall knowledge of the game.”
Under the same logic, we should blame Cincy head coach Marvin Lewis for all the arrests that happened, because he too has a “lack of discipline and overall knowledge of the game!”
Pick: Cincy
Arizona @ Seattle – Another site dedicated to getting Wannstedt fired… Notice no one tells him to shave the moustache.
Pick: Seattle
Minny @ San Fran – During the 1994 season, Coach Wannstedt led the Bears to the playoffs and even won a game in the playoffs, over Minnesota. The 1994 Season was one of the times when the NFC Central division would hold their own version of the “Norris division playoffs” – with the 1st place team in the division playing the 4th place team, and the 2nd and 3rd place teams squaring off. Chris Berman dubbed this the “Norris division playoffs” and it still makes me laugh (the reference is in honor to the old NHL divisions, one of which was called the Norris, where that was the playoff format, with every division having 4 playoff teams).
Pick: Minny
Cleveland @ Jets- Wannstedt’s last game in the NFL was against the Jets – where he was beat down 41-14 and the Dolphins had slipped to 1-7. Wannstedt was using the Feeley-Fiedler QB duo that season!
Pick: Cleveland
Indy @ Baltimore –Coach Wannstedt’s 2nd, and last???, playoff win came against Indy in the 2000 season when Coach Wannstedt was head of the Dolphins.
Pick: Indy
New Orleans @ Atlanta- Wannstedt has a moustache. Did you know that?
Pick: New Orleans
Last Week: 7-9 (back to reality)
Season: 119-73
Manwich: 10-3 (Thank you Cowboys.)
Upset of the Week: 6-7 (The Jags couldn’t quite do it against the Colts)
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