Ingredients:
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1 1/2 oz Blueberry schnapps
- 1 splash 7-Up
- 1 tsp Grenadine
- 6 oz Grape juice
- 1 oz Vodka (optional)
Continuing the tradition Cheers and Jeers will present its Year in Review. While last year was the year of the Roller Coaster, this was the year of Shattered Dreams. I'm sure for the people of Boston or Gainesville its been a great year. Well fuck them. They can have their own Cheers and Jeers. The best allusion I can come up for this year is like wandering through the desert for five years and finding a oasis of showers, turkey sandwiches, beautiful women and puppies. However just as you reach the oasis you see a flaming anvil (possibly made of broken glass) fall from the sky smashing everything with the only thing remaining are leftover tapes of Steven A. Smith's Quite Frankly. It was the Year of the Scissor Kick to the Nuts. Here's the Blow by Blow of the year that was:
January - Didn't see that Coming
January set the stage for the year as a momentous battle between the Florida Gators and the Ohio State Buckeyes turned into a fizzle and soulless feeling. Florida raced around the OSU O-Line like Speedy Gonzalez on crack. The crushing defeat had me turning off the tv in the third quarter, crying, taking my rage out on my own body (reading Bill Simmons), taking my rage out on others (drop kicking Angela Lansbery) and general depression.
Other Notable January Events: Barbaro died without passing his freak genes on. Quite Frankly was canceled. Hitman still hasn't filled that time slot in his heart. Nick Saban was able to not lie for 7 seconds. MJ was found not guilty of trying to hit Kevin Youklis with a forklift.
February - Tony Dungy gets ring probably doesn't get speaking engagement in San Fran
February saw lots of milestones. For the first time in history two black NFL coaches faced on another in the Super Bowl. Chicago was beaten handily and a result Tony Dungy was named humantarian of the decade. This was a great step forward for African-Americans. Probably a step back for gays as Dungy isn't exactly a fan but according to the media this doesn't count. Doggie Howser (aka Neil Patrick Harris) went on murder spree of hobos to protest this.
Other Notable February Events: Bill Parcells ate co-host Christ Mortenson on air following a dispute. ESPN created CGI Christ Mortenson who can only handle gossip and rumors to replace the live on. Publius began his 6 month stint in charge of C&J which resulted in only 5 paternity suits (which was second only to Tom Brady) and 3 restraining orders (which was second only to Bobby Petrino)
March - Madness and Snoop Almost Breakthroughs
March Madness is the greatest sporting event in the US. In fact it might even top the Canadian Midget Bowling Open, The Belgian Chocoholication, The Cambodian Russian Roulette-off or the Brazillian Wax for the Rain Forest. This year the favorites by in large streaked the tournament. Florida, The Fighting Waltons of UCLA, the Son of Georgetown and Mattavests of OSU claimed a place of the Final 4.
Other Notable March Events: BSD would have a series of Mock Drafts starting with the great Beer Draft of 07. Charles Barkley saved a cheeseburger from a ravenous wolf but suffered non-repairable brain damage. Snoop Dogg was nearly hired as coach of Atlanta before they turned to a more reliable man in Bobby Petrino.
April -Deja Vu All over Again
A mere four months after Florida crushed tOSU in the Championship game, Florida crushed tOSU in the Championship game. After careful research (read looking the take out menu at Ming Dynasty for Sesame Chicken) this has never happened before. Joakim Noah obnoxious and possibly rabies infected body stopped Greg Oden for the first two-peat since Duke. This was made even worse when he dedicated the victory to Bill Simmons.
Other Notable April Events: MJ wanted to put a halt on Boston's march to the World Series or Becket's Cy Young. Unfortunately he would be able to stop one of these. Pacman Jones would take matters into his own hands to ensure that he would indeed have a wrestling career. The Browns and Vikings, in the most improbable event of the year, did not screw up their draft.
May/June - Not sure how it happened but not a happy ending
These months kinda fused together. I blame the acid laced gelatto. Also more heartbreak so I'm just grouping them together. The Lebrons (based loosely out of Cleveland) somehow marched through the Eastern Conference getting my hopes up before shrinking like Publius at a cold day at the beach in the Finals. The Spurs stomped on them and my sleep deprived hopes to become the world's most boring Champion. I also started caring about Champion's League. A tournament pitting the best European Club teams against one another. Unfortunately AC Milan won the tournament to become to the world's most corrupt Champion defeating my adopted team of not AC Milan.
Other Notable May/June Events: Boston missed out on a top 3 pick causing Boston to become to the media favorite to win the NBA the following year. Bill Simmons level of obnoxious would begin to rise to Chernobyl levels. Michael Vick announced he had no involvement with dog fighting, thus ending the issue forever. Gred Oden became the first number 1 pick to not play at all his first year when he had knee surgery. Gutsy began his campaign to have Jamie Lynn Spears impregnated.
Stay Tuned for Part II of C&H Year in Review....until then your C&J gal of the Week Erica Durance
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