Friday, May 12, 2006

Cheers and Jeers: Jager Bomb Edition

1 shot Jägermeister
1 bottle Beer

I feel like a series of rants coming on and Jager is the drink of anger. Davey Jones once wrote "Jager is like the ocean, you don't turn you back on it". Why you ask? Because jager will make you pay.The chief export of Jager, like Chuck Norris, is pain. You don't eat cucumber sandwhiches with Jager. Jager is the only substance that has the same intesity as MJ Brand Frosted Anger Flakes (the ceral with surliness). And now the listing of grievances.

Jeers: NBA second round playoff has honestly sucked. I think there has been one close game. Call the game if a team has a lead of more than 5 because the only thing that will happen is that lead will increase by 5 factorial. I'd rather participate in a type of proctology exam involving fire ants than watch a 20 point win by the Heat.

Jeers: To Kevin Garnett. How's Sam Cassel doing with a big man (Brand) oh yeah he's winning the playoffs. How about Chauncey Billups and Flip Saunders? Ditto. Its only poor Garnett wallowing in his own pity thats at home. Sure Kevin Mchale has the brain pattern of an autistic monkey (which not only qualifies him for the Minnesota GM job but also a top advisor position at the White House). But until Garnett wins the playoffs (read gets to the finals) he's nothing more than a tall Tracey McGrady.

Jeers: The White Sox. After winning the world Series I figured the only way for good and evil to be balanced out was that the South Side team would lose for 3 centuries. Jim Thome post-backeatomy apparently is slugging like there is no tommorow. The only thing that equal the pain I feel over these events is listening to a 3 hour lecture from Brittney Spears on the wonders of motherhood.

Jeers : To that Jerkoff Judge who is threatening imprisonment if the author's of Game of Shadows don't reveal their sources. Its bad enough we are pestered with puff piece journalism of Peter Gammons or Sports Center's yellow dog Why Barry Bonds loves children but now with the threat of imprisoning investigative journalism the last remanant of good journalism may go the way of the dodo.

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