Friday, May 12, 2006

There Is No End To Dan Shanoff's Stupidity, Or, Why Barry Shouldn't Wear Pinstripes

Because it wouldn’t be a day without me insulting the intelligence of Dan Shanoff, I give you the latest installment of his nitwit observations and idiotic theories:

“Bonds to the Yankees?

Yankees LF Hideki Matsui broke his left wrist last night and, based on reports, will be out anywhere from three months to the entire season.

It’s an outsize blow, because if anything, Matsui was the rock of the Yankees. Matsui had played 518 straight games...until now. Sheffield is on the DL. Johnny Damon reinjured his shoulder and foot last night.

So before the New York tabloids jump on it, let me be the first to make the case:

The Yankees should try to trade for Barry Bonds.

Start with this: The Yankees could use him; they now have a gaping hole in left field, potentially for the rest of the season.

Not only that, but Bonds could occasionally take advantage of the AL’s DH rule to avoid fielding and just take at-bats, particularly with Yankee Stadium’s friendliness to left-handed hitters.

(That would avoid embarrassments like Thursday, when Bonds stumbled all over the outfield as he played in a rare afternoon game, the day after he played in a night game. It showed a painful defense and he went 0-3.)

Bonds is an albatross. He has eclipsed the franchise, turning it into a national embarrassment. Giants owner Peter Magowan even broached the subject of letting Barry walk away (albeit in the off-season) on Tuesday, saying “I’ve always been open to the possibility of him being in another uniform.”

(Interestingly, when Bonds said Tuesday that he’d be open to exploring free agency in the AL as a DH, many fans thought of the Yankees as a natural fit. Why wait until December? Why can’t it fit right now?)

To me, that says: Make him an offer, Brian Cashman.

Finally, is there any pair more made for each other than Bonds and the Boss? The most hated player on the most hated team. And if there were any city or franchise that is bigger than any one player -- and big enough to absorb the biggest, baddest story in sports -- it’s the Yankees.

“Bonds on Bronx” for the rest of 2006 is an outrageous-sounding proposition that makes an outrageous amount of sense.”

Why on earth would the Yankees want to trade for Bonds if the very reason Bonds would seek refuge in the AL in the first place would be to hide his atrocious defense, which Shanoff himself labeled an “embarrassment”?

Dan Shanoff is just stupid enough to make a point, contradict himself, staunchly argue in defense of his own contradictory argument, and then throw in a non-sequitur for good measure. Harvard University must be so proud of their graduate.

But seriously, let me stop ripping on ESPN’s worst and most pathetic writer. Barry Bonds would offer nothing in the way of relief for the Yankees. Bonds is defensively challenged and, at this point, isn’t much of a hitter.

The best bet for the Yanks is to call up a minor leaguer to hold down the fort for a few days while things play themselves out. Instead of making a big splash for someone like Bobby Abreu or Alfonso Soriano, Brian Cashman should make a value move, like the one he made in trading for Shawn Chacon. Trading for someone like Craig Wilson, Frank Catalanotto or Lew Ford might be a good pickup for the team and won’t require the Yanks to sacrifice anything significant from the minor league system.

Although the reality is that the Yanks’ run of eight straight division titles and 11 straight postseason appearances might be coming to an end, the 2006 team was well-constructed and simply encountered some bad luck. With a bit of patience and distance, Cashman might be able to fortify the team for the short term without sacrificing the long term future of the ball club.

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