Wednesday, June 02, 2010

6th Annual NBA Finals Preview

Editor's Note: Obviously, I'm upset about the Cavs losing. However, I have to be professional about this which is why I'm still writing a NBA Finals preview, despite the fact that for the third year in a row, I dislike both teams involved.

Just as a recap, in 2005, my NBA Finals Preview used Star Wars quotes. In 2006, I used Indiana Jones quotes. In 2007, I used Back to the Future quotes. In 2008, I used Aliens vs. Predators quotes from both AVP1 and AVP2 (because I hated both teams and because there were hardly enough quotes from any AVP movie worthy of a blog entry.) In 2009, I used quotes from Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story because I believed the Magic would topple the Lakers (though I was wrong as usual... for the record, I was only right in 2005 (Spurs) and 2007 (Spurs)). Without further adieu, it is time to analyze the classic NBA finals matchup that is before us.

Because the Lakers vs. Celtics is a sequel that I don't want to see, but yet I may not be able to turn away from, it's only fitting that we use some quotes from Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, which is a sequel that no one should ever be forced to watch ever again.

1) Mutt Williams: You know, for an old man you ain't bad in a fight.
Indiana Jones: Thanks.
Mutt Williams: What are you, like, 80?

This one goes out to KG. I still can't believe how he had more energy left and how his body has been able to hold up very well. It probably helped that he hasn't actually had to deal with any strong PFs (going through Beasley/Haslem, Jamison (because the Cavs were dumb and didn't play Andy that much, though Andy was injured to some mysterious degree), and then Rashard Lewis). Anyways, according to, KG and Pierce are both posting very healthy 18.6 and 18.8 efficiency ratings (and Rondo is at 21.9 and Allen at 15.7). The Celtics did the right thing when Doc Rivers basically told them during the season that they weren't going to play that hard. No one, and I mean no one, could have realized KG had one more push in him.

2) Mac: You broke my nose!
Indiana Jones: I told you.

This goes out to Kendrick Perkins who does not get the respect he deserves. His role is not to score... but he can guard any center in the league (including Dwight Howard). I am 100% confident he will be fine against Gasol (seeing as Bynum is not in good health at all).

3) Indiana Jones: [beat] Why the hell didn't you make him finish school?

This goes out to the Lakers GM. I have no idea how the Lakers are supposed to match-up against Rondo. Derek Fisher struggles mightily against any PG with speed (just ask Russell Westbrook, who needed Kobe to guard him, or even Aaron Brooks in last year's playoffs). If Kobe has to guard Rondo, I suppose Fisher will be out guarding Ray Allen. I don't have high hopes for the Lakers succeeding in that situation.

4) General Ross: Indy, thank God. Don't you know it's dangerous to climb into a refrigerator? Those things can be deathtraps!

The Lakers are in serious trouble in this series. Bynum isn't right, and the line of Gasol and Odom will be shut down by Perkins and KG (and Big Baby and Rasheed). I see no alternative...
Celtics in 6! Kobe wants his place in history as beating the Celtics, but I don't see it happening unless he shoots an amazing percentage throughout the Finals.


MJ said...

It saddens me greatly to hear someone picking the Celtics.

What if we turn the tables on the analysis and say that Ray Allen/Paul Pierce can't guard Kobe but that Kobe/Artest can defend Allen/Pierce which leaves the matchup tilting on whatever Kobe can do vs. whatever the Celtics front line can do.

In that matchup, I'll take Kobe every time. He's playing great this postseason.

I'm going Lakers in 7.

Mighty Mike said...

I'm torn between Lakers in 7 and Celtics in 6. Kobe has been playing well lately but the Rondo factor coupled with Bynum's subpar play have me leaning the Celtics. I'll go with Celtics in 6. What do I know?

Gutsy Goldberg said...

It's true... Kobe is a beast. I forgot to mention that Tony Allen, yes Tony Allen, has been playing out of his mind. He slowed down LeBron at times (in addition to the team defense). So, my theory of the Celtics winning also hinges on the ability of Tony Allen to slow down Kobe for some extra minutes (so it's not just Paul Pierce/Ray Allen).

Of course, it's entirely reasonable that the Lakers win. I'm often wrong. We shall see soon enough.

MJ said...

Gutsy, I love you but I hope and pray that you're wrong.

Gutsy Goldberg said...

MJ, I love you too... i'm wrong through one game. we'll see how i do soon enough.