Well following up on Hart's expert analysis of the AL Central, I thought it would be appropriate to take a step back and look at both Centrals, using Aristotelean analysis. What is Aristotelean analysis, you ask? Webster defines it as: Of or relating to Aristotle or to his philosophy. I hope that clears things up. Nonetheless here's a few reasons why I'm centering on the Centrals
1. They have fans that have highest rate of ugliness and stupidity. Unfortunately its mainly because Chicago White Sox fans skew the distribution.
2. They have the Stadium that not only has the highest homicide rate but also the most number of Domino pizzas per Capita. This is of course Detroit. I'm not sure if there's a causal story like people that kill other people tend to eat Dominos Pizza afterwards but its something worth investigating.
3. I see all of my baseball in the Centrals. When you think of baseball, obviously you think of me, Michael Cohen. However due to my Midwest Heritage and current location most of my viewing of baseball happens here, in the Midwest. As such by definition interest: love of baseball centers on the Centrals.
4. Radio Announcers. Baseball remains best when listened to via the radio. The Centrals have long and pantheon like list of famous radio announcers. From Jack Buck to Harry Carey to Herb Score to Bob Uecker. Today's generation of announcers are no less accredited from Tom Hamilton in Cleveland to Tony Danza in Chicago to Mr. Met in Pittsburgh (it was part of a trade).
Nonetheless given why the Centrals obviously are more interesting than the other division here's my Aristotelean analysis
Worst Off Season Ever
Houston - You can't lose Beltran, Kent and Berkman (for part of the year) and think your going to be ok. This is an old team that got another year older and a little bit thinner (paging Seattle) Maybe Pettite will be healthy the whole year, maybe Clemens will have another Cy Young performance but the margin of error is awfully thin for this team.
Addition by Subtraction
Also known as the "Ewing Effect" or I suppose in baseball the "A-Rod Effect". Get rid of a marque player(s) and re-tool the team. Both Chicago teams did that this season. ChiSox let big bombers Lee and Ordonez go (see Hart's recent post) and the Cubbies got rid of the middle of their line-up "hit home runs but strike out a lot" Alou and Sosa. Both teams are refocusing on consistent hitting and a bit more speed. Should be interesting albeit gaps in both bullpens could be their achilles heel.
KC Possibility?
This is not a reference to Kansas City this year. They blow. Big time. So does Pittsburgh. As such I'm not going to talk about them Anyway KC possibility means a small market team that if everything goes their way could be contenders until the last months of the season when they implode. This is Detroit, Milwaukee and Cinci. They got nice additions (Ordonez and Percival for Detroit, Lee in Milwaukee and Cinci got Honus Wagner). They also have a lot of potential (and probability) for serious injuries hamstringing their season. But if they can stay healthy, they can stay in the race.
Some of you I know, some of you I'm meeting for the first time
This relates to Minnesota, Cleveland and St.Louis. Really Minnesota and St. Louis but I didn't want Cleveland in its own category. These teams did a little reshuffling of their line-ups (in all three cases centered on their middle infield and pitching staffs). All are going to weigh heavily on some free agents (except Minnesota which apparently grows all their farm kids in some sort of super formula). The margin of error for the former champs is going to be a lot smaller this year and there is high hopes (like Dave Chapelle high in Half-Baked ) in Cleveland.
In conclusion all I have to say is that I saw your wife last night. Great little dancer. That guy she was with? I'm sure he's a close personal friend, but tell me, what was he doing with her panties on his head?
Monday, February 28, 2005
AL Central Preview
One of the most exciting divisions in baseball this year ought to be the AL Central. There isn't a dominant team, nor is there a serious title contender coming out of this division. But the Twins, Indians, White Sox and Tigers will spend a lot of time beating the crap out of each other, and that ought to be a lot of fun for the rest of us to watch. Here's a preview, in reverse predicted order of finish:
5. Kansas City - this is the only team in the Central that we know isn't going to be anywhere close to competitive. Still reeling from the loss of Carlos Beltran and the team's failure to build on their unexpected 83-win season in 2003, Kansas City enters the 2005 campaign with little talent and even less hope. Poor Mike Sweeney is stuck trying to anchor this lineup, surrounded by cast-offs Terrence Long and Matt Stairs and the never-quite-impressive Ken Harvey. The team has a few top prospects coming up soon: Mark Teahen is a young stud at 3B who may appear in 2005, and John Buck is expected to settle in as the team's catcher for opening day. But they're not enough to bring sunshine to KC this season. Top starters include (I'm not making this up) Zack Greinke, Jose Lima, Runelvys Hernandez, and Jimmy Gobble. Affeldt's closing again. Yuck.
4. Detroit - the Tigers are a vastly improved team, and could challenge for the Central Division crown...if they can find some starting pitching. However much they overpaid for Magglio Ordonez, Detroit could find itself with a real pearl if Mags' knees hold up. This lineup features Pudge Rodriguez, Ordonez, Dmitri Young, Rondell White, and Carlos Guillen in the heart of the batting order, which can at least hold its own against most everyone else in the division. With Alex Sanchez at the top of the order, look for Detroit to score a decent amount of runs - again, if Ordonez can play. As for pitching, the arrival of Troy Percival gives Detroit a bona fide closer who, while no longer among the bullpen elite, ought to provide great stability for the rest of the relief corps. Rumors abound regarding a trade of Ugueth Urbina, but if I'm Detroit, I keep him, along with Kyle Farnsworth and Franklyn German - unless someone's dangling a decent starter in exchange for Ugie. Detroit's rotation will feature Jason Johnson, Jeremy Bonderman, Mike Maroth, and Nathan Robertson, none of whom strike fear in any major league hitter. Ultimately, even in the brightest light, I don't think the Tigers have the pitching to seriously contend, but they will not be a fun team to face.
3. Chicago (I'll try to be objective here - I'm a Cubs fan and I hate the White Sox) - for some reason, the Chicago press embraced the Carlos Lee deal and the Sox' efforts to turn their squad into a faster, smaller team. I understand the desire to change up the team's style - but dealing El Caballo seems to me to have been a bad mistake. Lee was Chicago's best and most consistent hitter over the last few years, and a rising star in his own right. Without him and Ordonez, the Sox will rely heavily on Paul Konerko, who hit 41 homers in 2004, and Big Frank Thomas, who'll be late to Arizona as he recovers from ankle surgery. Beyond those two, the Sox need big contributions from 3B Joe Crede, who's yet to live up to his hype, OF Aaron Rowand, who could be a darkhorse for you fantasy baseballers out there, and Japanese import 2B Tadahito Iguchi. As for the rotation, the Sox think they've got one of the best in baseball - and they're nuts. Mark Buerhle's a workhorse and legitimately one of the better, more consistent pitchers in the game. After that, though, they're relying on Freddy Garcia, far removed from his 18-win season with Seattle in 2001, El Duque, Jose Contreras, and Jon Garland. I'm not buying into it; I don't think these five are bad, but they're far from automatic. As for the 'pen, Shingo Takatsu and Luis Vizcaino should be solid, and Damaso Marte should contribute as well. I really like the Dustin Hermanson signing; he strikes me as a Terry Mulholland type, versatile enough to start or relieve as the team needs him. The Sox ought to finish a little above .500, but I don't see them with enough energy, talent or momentum to overtake...
2. Cleveland - I'm very tempted to pick the Tribe to win this division, and if it weren't for Minnesota's amazing ability to win against all odds, I'd go with Cleveland. This team is below the radar for many analysts, and that's a mistake Eric Wedge and Co. will take advantage of. Let's start with the rotation: CC Sabathia, Jake Westbrook and Kevin Millwood should bring at least 40-45 wins between them, and then a promising Cliff Lee checks in at #4. It's the best rotation in the division and competitive with most other AL teams. The lineup features a number of young and talented hitters that can really mash: Travis Hafner, Ben Broussard, Victor Martinez, Aaron Boone and Jody Gerut will provide an excellent start and should give the starters a nice cushion to work with. The bullpen, anchored by Bob Wickman, also features David Riske, Arthur Rhodes and Bobby Howry as set-up men, giving the Indians a very reliable squad to close out games. I really like this team, and if they can start strong and maybe add a bat or an arm in mid-season, Cleveland could surprise many and find themselves playing in October.
1. Minnesota - one day, someone will explain how the Twins, year in and year out, play some of the best baseball around. They lose guys left and right, and they keep coming back. On paper, they're not as good as Cleveland, and I dare you to bet against them. Johan Santana is a true ace and maybe the best pitcher in baseball, and he's why NOBODY wants to see this team in a five-game opening round playoff series. Brad Radke's back, along with Kyle Lohse and Carlos Silva, and if Joe Mays is healthy, the Twins can throw as well as anyone. The bullpen, featuring Joe Nathan, J.C. Romero, Grant Balfour and Juan Rincon, might be the best in the game. The lineup has some question marks, especially after the departures of Cristian Guzman and Corey Koskie - but the Twins should find a way to hit regardless. Peter Gammons said that if Joe Mauer'd been healthy for the playoffs, the Twins would have beat the Yanks in the ALDS last year - and now Mauer's back behind the plate. Throw in a possible 40 home runs from 1B Justin Morneau, solid play from Torii Hunter and Shannon Stewart, and a full season of Michael Cuddyer's bat, and there's not too much reason for concern. Most importantly, this team has shown its ability to persevere and to find ways to win, and I expect the Twins to be back for this year's playoffs.
5. Kansas City - this is the only team in the Central that we know isn't going to be anywhere close to competitive. Still reeling from the loss of Carlos Beltran and the team's failure to build on their unexpected 83-win season in 2003, Kansas City enters the 2005 campaign with little talent and even less hope. Poor Mike Sweeney is stuck trying to anchor this lineup, surrounded by cast-offs Terrence Long and Matt Stairs and the never-quite-impressive Ken Harvey. The team has a few top prospects coming up soon: Mark Teahen is a young stud at 3B who may appear in 2005, and John Buck is expected to settle in as the team's catcher for opening day. But they're not enough to bring sunshine to KC this season. Top starters include (I'm not making this up) Zack Greinke, Jose Lima, Runelvys Hernandez, and Jimmy Gobble. Affeldt's closing again. Yuck.
4. Detroit - the Tigers are a vastly improved team, and could challenge for the Central Division crown...if they can find some starting pitching. However much they overpaid for Magglio Ordonez, Detroit could find itself with a real pearl if Mags' knees hold up. This lineup features Pudge Rodriguez, Ordonez, Dmitri Young, Rondell White, and Carlos Guillen in the heart of the batting order, which can at least hold its own against most everyone else in the division. With Alex Sanchez at the top of the order, look for Detroit to score a decent amount of runs - again, if Ordonez can play. As for pitching, the arrival of Troy Percival gives Detroit a bona fide closer who, while no longer among the bullpen elite, ought to provide great stability for the rest of the relief corps. Rumors abound regarding a trade of Ugueth Urbina, but if I'm Detroit, I keep him, along with Kyle Farnsworth and Franklyn German - unless someone's dangling a decent starter in exchange for Ugie. Detroit's rotation will feature Jason Johnson, Jeremy Bonderman, Mike Maroth, and Nathan Robertson, none of whom strike fear in any major league hitter. Ultimately, even in the brightest light, I don't think the Tigers have the pitching to seriously contend, but they will not be a fun team to face.
3. Chicago (I'll try to be objective here - I'm a Cubs fan and I hate the White Sox) - for some reason, the Chicago press embraced the Carlos Lee deal and the Sox' efforts to turn their squad into a faster, smaller team. I understand the desire to change up the team's style - but dealing El Caballo seems to me to have been a bad mistake. Lee was Chicago's best and most consistent hitter over the last few years, and a rising star in his own right. Without him and Ordonez, the Sox will rely heavily on Paul Konerko, who hit 41 homers in 2004, and Big Frank Thomas, who'll be late to Arizona as he recovers from ankle surgery. Beyond those two, the Sox need big contributions from 3B Joe Crede, who's yet to live up to his hype, OF Aaron Rowand, who could be a darkhorse for you fantasy baseballers out there, and Japanese import 2B Tadahito Iguchi. As for the rotation, the Sox think they've got one of the best in baseball - and they're nuts. Mark Buerhle's a workhorse and legitimately one of the better, more consistent pitchers in the game. After that, though, they're relying on Freddy Garcia, far removed from his 18-win season with Seattle in 2001, El Duque, Jose Contreras, and Jon Garland. I'm not buying into it; I don't think these five are bad, but they're far from automatic. As for the 'pen, Shingo Takatsu and Luis Vizcaino should be solid, and Damaso Marte should contribute as well. I really like the Dustin Hermanson signing; he strikes me as a Terry Mulholland type, versatile enough to start or relieve as the team needs him. The Sox ought to finish a little above .500, but I don't see them with enough energy, talent or momentum to overtake...
2. Cleveland - I'm very tempted to pick the Tribe to win this division, and if it weren't for Minnesota's amazing ability to win against all odds, I'd go with Cleveland. This team is below the radar for many analysts, and that's a mistake Eric Wedge and Co. will take advantage of. Let's start with the rotation: CC Sabathia, Jake Westbrook and Kevin Millwood should bring at least 40-45 wins between them, and then a promising Cliff Lee checks in at #4. It's the best rotation in the division and competitive with most other AL teams. The lineup features a number of young and talented hitters that can really mash: Travis Hafner, Ben Broussard, Victor Martinez, Aaron Boone and Jody Gerut will provide an excellent start and should give the starters a nice cushion to work with. The bullpen, anchored by Bob Wickman, also features David Riske, Arthur Rhodes and Bobby Howry as set-up men, giving the Indians a very reliable squad to close out games. I really like this team, and if they can start strong and maybe add a bat or an arm in mid-season, Cleveland could surprise many and find themselves playing in October.
1. Minnesota - one day, someone will explain how the Twins, year in and year out, play some of the best baseball around. They lose guys left and right, and they keep coming back. On paper, they're not as good as Cleveland, and I dare you to bet against them. Johan Santana is a true ace and maybe the best pitcher in baseball, and he's why NOBODY wants to see this team in a five-game opening round playoff series. Brad Radke's back, along with Kyle Lohse and Carlos Silva, and if Joe Mays is healthy, the Twins can throw as well as anyone. The bullpen, featuring Joe Nathan, J.C. Romero, Grant Balfour and Juan Rincon, might be the best in the game. The lineup has some question marks, especially after the departures of Cristian Guzman and Corey Koskie - but the Twins should find a way to hit regardless. Peter Gammons said that if Joe Mauer'd been healthy for the playoffs, the Twins would have beat the Yanks in the ALDS last year - and now Mauer's back behind the plate. Throw in a possible 40 home runs from 1B Justin Morneau, solid play from Torii Hunter and Shannon Stewart, and a full season of Michael Cuddyer's bat, and there's not too much reason for concern. Most importantly, this team has shown its ability to persevere and to find ways to win, and I expect the Twins to be back for this year's playoffs.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
The NBA and a “Trilogy Complete”
While watching the NBA’s All-Star Saturday, I found something on a movie station to get me through the endless commercials- Wild Things 2 (straight to video) followed by Wild Things 3 (straight to Skinemax). In the end, I probably have become the only man to have seen the whole Wild Things Trilogy. Considering the fact that I enjoy a really bad movie (they are so hilariously funny, and there are bonus points for topless girls), I had assumed I represented a significantly small portion of the country, but apparently, there are enough people watching to justify 2 sequels!
I’ll say this- Wild Things 3 was a mistake. By the 3rd movie, where the same illogical plotline is copied each time, with one vintage menage a trois scene, it becomes predictable in its illogical plot. Sometimes, a movie can be bad enough to make me laugh, and other times it can be bad enough to make me cringe. Wild Things 3 made me cringe but it did increase the number of scenes where hot girls decide to make out with each other, which was a plus. The other interesting thing is that each movie is 12 minutes shorter than the previous movie. The last movie was only 82 minutes long. By Wild Things 8, they’ll be down to just the menage a trois scene.
Anyways, I was able to multi-task and watch All-Star Saturday at the same time as Wild Things 3. Here are my thoughts:
1) Dan Majerle can still make a half-court shot! It was great to see him, as he somehow still hasn’t aged at all.
2) I think the skills competition is cool, but the players really should do more bounce passes, and I wouldn’t mind more than 4 competitors (Nash beat Boykins in the finals).
3) I still can’t believe how much everyone sucked in the 3-point contest. I thought Q-Richardson would certainly lose, but instead, he got hot and won. And what in the world is Voshon Lenard doing participating in this? He tore his Achilles, he’s out for the season, but he decided to spend time practicing JUMPING on his Achilles to defend his 2004 3-point championship. This is a terrible idea. But not as terrible as…
4) A dunk contest where you get as many chances as you need. In a stroke of marekting genius, the NBA realized they could get some great highlights by providing an incentive to try the hardest dunks possible. Chris Anderson went about 3 for 31 from the field during his dunk portion. I wish I was kidding. Fortunately, High School Rookie Josh Smith of the Hawks had some sensational dunks including a retro-Dominique windmill. It was sweet.
I've never seen a crazier NBA Trading Deadline period. Here are my initial thoughts...
NBA Trade Recap 5 Quick Notes:
1. Webber & 2 Scrubs for Corliss Williamson, Kenny Thomas, & Principal Skinner –
-I don’t blame the Kings for trading Webber. He hasn’t been the same since the latest knee surgery (2002?) Webber has no explosiveness anymore, and has become a small forward that takes lot of outside jumpers. In addition, he’s a huge defensive liability. Williamson & Thomas can play better defense, but the biggest problem I have with this trade is that the Kings are still stuck w/ 3-year contracts for each player.
-Advantage: Sixers, though I think Webber will be ineffective w/in 1 year.
2. Antoine Walker’s return to the Celtics – I still can’t believe that GM Danny Ainge changed his mind after shipping him out almost 2 years ago. Meanwhile, if Gary Payton was “unhappy” with his championship prospects in Boston, he may be suicidal in Atlanta.
-Did You Know: Apparently, Tom Gugliotta is still in the league and was a throw-in for the trade to the Hawks. Gugs! Who’d have known?
3. Baron Davis on Golden State – Why do the analysts keep saying that Baron is going home? Does anyone else realize that Oakland is many hours away from UCLA?
4. Isiah Thomas still not knowing that there is a salary cap – “In the Spurs deal, the Knicks are sending back $5.5 million in future salaries for the remaining four years, $27.3 million of Rose's contract. In the Rockets' deal, Thomas is sending back $8 million in future salaries and getting back $18 million in return.” - Associated Press
-Even the Associated Press has caught on to the fact that Isiah Thomas does not know there is a salary cap. At some point, you would think one of the interns in the NY Knick organization would at least let him play some NBA 2005 and teach him a little bit about salary caps. The Knicks have the largest payroll in the league right now and they just added more commitments!
5. Cavs trade another 1st round pick for another SG – The Cavs gave up a 1st round pick this past summer for Sasha Pavlovic for outside shooting. Then we just gave up a 1st round pick for a 33% 3-point specialist. That’s not that good. Next season, Luke Jackson will be back. I’m sick of GM Paxson wasting 1st round picks. For every 3 transactions that are good, Paxson has 7 transactions that are poor.
I’ll say this- Wild Things 3 was a mistake. By the 3rd movie, where the same illogical plotline is copied each time, with one vintage menage a trois scene, it becomes predictable in its illogical plot. Sometimes, a movie can be bad enough to make me laugh, and other times it can be bad enough to make me cringe. Wild Things 3 made me cringe but it did increase the number of scenes where hot girls decide to make out with each other, which was a plus. The other interesting thing is that each movie is 12 minutes shorter than the previous movie. The last movie was only 82 minutes long. By Wild Things 8, they’ll be down to just the menage a trois scene.
Anyways, I was able to multi-task and watch All-Star Saturday at the same time as Wild Things 3. Here are my thoughts:
1) Dan Majerle can still make a half-court shot! It was great to see him, as he somehow still hasn’t aged at all.
2) I think the skills competition is cool, but the players really should do more bounce passes, and I wouldn’t mind more than 4 competitors (Nash beat Boykins in the finals).
3) I still can’t believe how much everyone sucked in the 3-point contest. I thought Q-Richardson would certainly lose, but instead, he got hot and won. And what in the world is Voshon Lenard doing participating in this? He tore his Achilles, he’s out for the season, but he decided to spend time practicing JUMPING on his Achilles to defend his 2004 3-point championship. This is a terrible idea. But not as terrible as…
4) A dunk contest where you get as many chances as you need. In a stroke of marekting genius, the NBA realized they could get some great highlights by providing an incentive to try the hardest dunks possible. Chris Anderson went about 3 for 31 from the field during his dunk portion. I wish I was kidding. Fortunately, High School Rookie Josh Smith of the Hawks had some sensational dunks including a retro-Dominique windmill. It was sweet.
I've never seen a crazier NBA Trading Deadline period. Here are my initial thoughts...
NBA Trade Recap 5 Quick Notes:
1. Webber & 2 Scrubs for Corliss Williamson, Kenny Thomas, & Principal Skinner –
-I don’t blame the Kings for trading Webber. He hasn’t been the same since the latest knee surgery (2002?) Webber has no explosiveness anymore, and has become a small forward that takes lot of outside jumpers. In addition, he’s a huge defensive liability. Williamson & Thomas can play better defense, but the biggest problem I have with this trade is that the Kings are still stuck w/ 3-year contracts for each player.
-Advantage: Sixers, though I think Webber will be ineffective w/in 1 year.
2. Antoine Walker’s return to the Celtics – I still can’t believe that GM Danny Ainge changed his mind after shipping him out almost 2 years ago. Meanwhile, if Gary Payton was “unhappy” with his championship prospects in Boston, he may be suicidal in Atlanta.
-Did You Know: Apparently, Tom Gugliotta is still in the league and was a throw-in for the trade to the Hawks. Gugs! Who’d have known?
3. Baron Davis on Golden State – Why do the analysts keep saying that Baron is going home? Does anyone else realize that Oakland is many hours away from UCLA?
4. Isiah Thomas still not knowing that there is a salary cap – “In the Spurs deal, the Knicks are sending back $5.5 million in future salaries for the remaining four years, $27.3 million of Rose's contract. In the Rockets' deal, Thomas is sending back $8 million in future salaries and getting back $18 million in return.” - Associated Press
-Even the Associated Press has caught on to the fact that Isiah Thomas does not know there is a salary cap. At some point, you would think one of the interns in the NY Knick organization would at least let him play some NBA 2005 and teach him a little bit about salary caps. The Knicks have the largest payroll in the league right now and they just added more commitments!
5. Cavs trade another 1st round pick for another SG – The Cavs gave up a 1st round pick this past summer for Sasha Pavlovic for outside shooting. Then we just gave up a 1st round pick for a 33% 3-point specialist. That’s not that good. Next season, Luke Jackson will be back. I’m sick of GM Paxson wasting 1st round picks. For every 3 transactions that are good, Paxson has 7 transactions that are poor.
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Baseball Preview?
Apparently the Indians are a little concerned that their pitchers might escape. As such they have all been tied up and on occasion Eric "Porno" Wedge comes out to hit them with rubber hoses. Despite my valient attempts to avoid paying attention to baseball, yep I'm still interested in it. Over the coming few weeks I'll give out my thoughts, picks and witty comments. Or at least in comparison to Bob Ryan. Bob Ryan has hit the Limbaugh trifeca in the book of punditry (i.e. fat, obnoxious and idiotic).
The team I think that was hurt the worst this off-season was Oakland. Oakland routinely made the playoffs on the backs of the BIG 3 (Mulder, Zito, Hudson). Two were traded for prospects, cement and a new apple computer. Now I'm not going to say Billy Beane made a stupid move but no different from when the Indians imploded their team its going to take a little time for Oakland to be back in contention for the title.
Their will be three competitive divisions in baseball this year and by competitive I mean at least three teams vying for the division crown: AL Central, NL East, NL Central. Its possible that San Diego or LA could duke it out with San Franscisco for the title but I'm not sold on that yet.
The biggest question I think I have is what were the Yanks thinking when they signed Pavano and Wright. Now I'm not saying they won't be decent but neither has a winning record over the two year span as a starter (Wright's only be a starter again for one year before then he worked jointly as San Diego reliver, Atlanta set up man and Parole Officer.
Change to Watch: Atlanta is moving John Smoltz back into the starter and replacing him with Danny Kolb. Smoltz over the past two years has been the best reliever (excluding Gagne). Atlanta's stranglehold on the division and its amazing run as champs I think will rise and fall and the success of those two players.
Oh and there's some NBA All-Star game but apparently the League thinks itll reach a broader audience by having it only on TNT and late at night. Lebron and the young guns (i.e. players that Larry Brown refused to play in the Olympics because they weren't old enough to drink) will be showcased. Meanwhile David Stern will physically stand between Kobe and Shaq to prevent any riot from breaking out.
NCAA Pick that I'm sticking with: Kansas, Illinois and 2 ACC teams
Thursday, February 17, 2005
I Should be a TV Executive
It's time to start making my pitch to be a TV Excutive. Here's some analysis:
TV Note 1
First off, TNT is airing a one-on-one NBA All-star event as Mr. Anonymous has told me. Is this a tournament of NBA stars, competing in a March Madness tournament?
Probably not, considering the event isn't even listed on NBA.com. I'm intrigued. You should be too, it airs Saturday at 5PM on TNT. If this is a pre-recorded event of LeBron playing video games with his friends from 3 weeks ago, I will be disappointed.
TV Note 2
If I was running an NBA 1-on-1 event, I'd have a Little Man Region, and a Big Man Region. My dream final: Earl (5'5") Boykins vs. Amare (6'11") Stoudemire. Or maybe we'd have to do a Little Man, Shooting Guard, Swing Man, and Big Man Region (6'9" and above). Depends on how many we can get to play. I tell you what, THIS would get ratings! First to 5, by ones, twos, and a 5-point MTV 'ballers spot at the halfcourt mark.
TV Note 3
Baseball is suffering through some "who did it" problems. More like "who didn't do it". I have a solution. A reality show, with 25 Major Leaguers. Each week, they compete for immunity from the Ultimate Truth Test, which will determine whether they did steroids or not [I hope modern science can do this]. The motto for the show: "Only 3 of these MLB Players are steroid free. But 5 will win!" That's right, we will only eliminate 20 users, leaving 2 users as winners, since no one will know that they use steroids. This gives incentives for people to go on the show who use steroids, because they too can win! I'm talking to you Barry Bonds.
TV Note 4
Ode to Mark Price- A great B-ball player. Didn’t think he could be any worse than Cavs announcer Austin Carr. Carr rambles on about a specific moment of a play and ends up skipping over the commentary for the next 8 points. He’s eccentric, and just a terrible announcer. This season, they hired Mark Price. As a player, Price was fantastic. My favorite player. Met him on my 14th birthday, which I still think was my greatest birthday present ever. But Price is even worse than Carr. Unimaginable. Price is about as exciting as a plain white undershirt. Price talks softly, for the first 15 minutes of his first game, 90% of the audience didn't even know there was a color-man doing the game. Price also has a characteristic that is unbelievable - he NEVER gets excited about anything. For example, "LeBron just dunked the ball. Fans of the NBA like this." If only he could return to his playing days.
Quote of the week, courtesy of Mr. Anonymous's daily calendar:
Seattle Supersonics center Jerome James, responding to a complaint by his coach that he was selfish:
“I don’t have the first clue who he is talking about because all I worry about is Jerome.”
TV Note 1
First off, TNT is airing a one-on-one NBA All-star event as Mr. Anonymous has told me. Is this a tournament of NBA stars, competing in a March Madness tournament?
Probably not, considering the event isn't even listed on NBA.com. I'm intrigued. You should be too, it airs Saturday at 5PM on TNT. If this is a pre-recorded event of LeBron playing video games with his friends from 3 weeks ago, I will be disappointed.
TV Note 2
If I was running an NBA 1-on-1 event, I'd have a Little Man Region, and a Big Man Region. My dream final: Earl (5'5") Boykins vs. Amare (6'11") Stoudemire. Or maybe we'd have to do a Little Man, Shooting Guard, Swing Man, and Big Man Region (6'9" and above). Depends on how many we can get to play. I tell you what, THIS would get ratings! First to 5, by ones, twos, and a 5-point MTV 'ballers spot at the halfcourt mark.
TV Note 3
Baseball is suffering through some "who did it" problems. More like "who didn't do it". I have a solution. A reality show, with 25 Major Leaguers. Each week, they compete for immunity from the Ultimate Truth Test, which will determine whether they did steroids or not [I hope modern science can do this]. The motto for the show: "Only 3 of these MLB Players are steroid free. But 5 will win!" That's right, we will only eliminate 20 users, leaving 2 users as winners, since no one will know that they use steroids. This gives incentives for people to go on the show who use steroids, because they too can win! I'm talking to you Barry Bonds.
TV Note 4
Ode to Mark Price- A great B-ball player. Didn’t think he could be any worse than Cavs announcer Austin Carr. Carr rambles on about a specific moment of a play and ends up skipping over the commentary for the next 8 points. He’s eccentric, and just a terrible announcer. This season, they hired Mark Price. As a player, Price was fantastic. My favorite player. Met him on my 14th birthday, which I still think was my greatest birthday present ever. But Price is even worse than Carr. Unimaginable. Price is about as exciting as a plain white undershirt. Price talks softly, for the first 15 minutes of his first game, 90% of the audience didn't even know there was a color-man doing the game. Price also has a characteristic that is unbelievable - he NEVER gets excited about anything. For example, "LeBron just dunked the ball. Fans of the NBA like this." If only he could return to his playing days.
Quote of the week, courtesy of Mr. Anonymous's daily calendar:
Seattle Supersonics center Jerome James, responding to a complaint by his coach that he was selfish:
“I don’t have the first clue who he is talking about because all I worry about is Jerome.”
Monday, February 14, 2005
Francisco Franco is still dead
1. Well the obvious is finally becoming official : the NHL season is being cancelled. After round after round of utterly and totally useless arguments: the players association and the commissioners are giving up, throwing in the towel and putting the zamboni machines on ice (wait aren't they normally on ice. what do you do with an idle zamboni machine besides give it cameo in Adam Sandler movies). The NHL obviously needs a salary cap AND fewer teams AND a commissioner that knows how to get tv contracts AND a country with more than 10 people that watches it. At this rate we're going to be watching IHL players in NHL uniforms next year. And frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.
2. Preview of the potential NBA finals this past weekend when San Antonio took on Miami. You know what...the heat won 96-92. For those of you have so little confidence in the East, they might not be as deep as the West but the upper echelon teams can go with anyone. Miami had a higher field goal percentage, outrebounded the Spurs and limited Duncan to 5 - 14 shooting. Right now I feel like the national pundits are thinking San Antonio is the team to beat (and frankly they are) but don't be suprised if a team from the East wins again.
3. The Cavs seemed locked in the two-face routine. For those that haven't seen Seinfeld in awhile two-face was the girl Jerry dated that looked good only in certain lighting. That describes the Cavs to the T. Somedays they look great (like stopping Lakers) and somedays they look awful (losing to Denver?). I'm not sure why they vary around so much but that won't feed the kids come playoff time. I would like to give a shout out to Sasha (way to keep the foreign bench production steady)
4. I don't know when the last time the number 1 ranked team in the country won the NCAA tournament but Illinois might do that this year. Sure they really rely on their guards to constantly reign 3s but those guards just don't miss. I don't get it but they don't ever (and I mean ever) miss. If Illinois doesn't at least make it to the final 4 (barring injury) it'll be the biggest disappointment since Laz found out that you couldn't have a doggy bag at the all you could eat buffet.
5. Debate of the Week:
Which is a better conference: The ACC or the Big East?
I'm going with ACC if best means top 3. Big East if you mean the median team. The big question then becomes top 4 in the tournament who does better?
2. Preview of the potential NBA finals this past weekend when San Antonio took on Miami. You know what...the heat won 96-92. For those of you have so little confidence in the East, they might not be as deep as the West but the upper echelon teams can go with anyone. Miami had a higher field goal percentage, outrebounded the Spurs and limited Duncan to 5 - 14 shooting. Right now I feel like the national pundits are thinking San Antonio is the team to beat (and frankly they are) but don't be suprised if a team from the East wins again.
3. The Cavs seemed locked in the two-face routine. For those that haven't seen Seinfeld in awhile two-face was the girl Jerry dated that looked good only in certain lighting. That describes the Cavs to the T. Somedays they look great (like stopping Lakers) and somedays they look awful (losing to Denver?). I'm not sure why they vary around so much but that won't feed the kids come playoff time. I would like to give a shout out to Sasha (way to keep the foreign bench production steady)
4. I don't know when the last time the number 1 ranked team in the country won the NCAA tournament but Illinois might do that this year. Sure they really rely on their guards to constantly reign 3s but those guards just don't miss. I don't get it but they don't ever (and I mean ever) miss. If Illinois doesn't at least make it to the final 4 (barring injury) it'll be the biggest disappointment since Laz found out that you couldn't have a doggy bag at the all you could eat buffet.
5. Debate of the Week:
Which is a better conference: The ACC or the Big East?
I'm going with ACC if best means top 3. Big East if you mean the median team. The big question then becomes top 4 in the tournament who does better?
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Super Bowl Disappointment
5 thoughts on the Super Bowl
1. Worst Coin Toss Ever – The NFL had this brilliant idea, why not have a 10-year old from a youth football team actually do the coin toss? Here’s what happened:
Ref: “Now, Jimmy, make sure you throw the coin real high.”
Jimmy: Puts the coin in his open hand, throws the coin up, and the coin does not even rotate. McNabb then started yelling that the coin didn’t even rotate!
Well, I can bet the NFL will never allow a child to ever do the coin toss again. Can you imagine if Ray Lewis was playing and got screwed over by some kid’s coin toss?
2. TO deserves somme serious props – I can’t believe how well TO played. Talk about an amazing rehabilitation! If you would have told me that TO would have 9 catches for 122 yards on a gimpy ankle, I would have thought that the Eagles would have won.
3. Best commercial(s) – The triumphant return of MC Hammer! Now, he makes fun of himself for money!
4. 2nd best commercial – FedEx- detailing the 10 elements needed for a good Super Bowl commercial and then including all of them in their commercial (Burt Reynolds & a talking, dancing grizzly bear)
5. I’ve lost some respect for Andy Reid – I’m not an NFL coach, but from watching the Colts-Patriots game, I would have recognized that the no-huddle that the Colts used at the end of the half led to their only score. So, with 2 weeks to prepare for the Super Bowl, you’d think that at some point, Coach Reid would have prepared some kind of no-huddle system. What were the chances that you may need to save some time?
Well, we all know what happened, the Eagles got the ball w/ 6 minutes left, down 10 points, and they took their good old time moving the ball for about 4 minutes until hitting a 30-yard touchdown. Any kind of responsible clock-management could have actually left the Eagles with enough time at the end of the game. In addition, I don’t believe any of these shenanigans about McNabb too sick to be able to run the no-huddle. If he was too sick, he wouldn’t have thrown for 357 yards!
But the 2 biggest disappointments of all deserve their own paragraphs:
Disappointment #1:
Where’s the flea-flicker?
For the love of football, if there’s anything I’ve noticed, it’s that the flea-flicker works almost every time. If anything it keeps the other safeties honest in sticking with their receivers for as long as possible. I don’t know why we couldn’t see some trick plays, flea-flicker or not, in the Super Bowl.
Diasspointment #2:
Where’s the TO Super Bowl touchdown dance? I really could care less about either team, and all I wanted to see was the touchdown dance that TO had prepared. Now, we’ll never know. I would have paid to see it. Honestly.
Final Thoughts:
I definitely feel a resurgence of “2 Legit 2 Quit” at sporting events in the year 2005. In addition, be prepared for more columns this year from yours truly. NCAA Basketball and NBA will dominate the discussions, that’s for sure.
1. Worst Coin Toss Ever – The NFL had this brilliant idea, why not have a 10-year old from a youth football team actually do the coin toss? Here’s what happened:
Ref: “Now, Jimmy, make sure you throw the coin real high.”
Jimmy: Puts the coin in his open hand, throws the coin up, and the coin does not even rotate. McNabb then started yelling that the coin didn’t even rotate!
Well, I can bet the NFL will never allow a child to ever do the coin toss again. Can you imagine if Ray Lewis was playing and got screwed over by some kid’s coin toss?
2. TO deserves somme serious props – I can’t believe how well TO played. Talk about an amazing rehabilitation! If you would have told me that TO would have 9 catches for 122 yards on a gimpy ankle, I would have thought that the Eagles would have won.
3. Best commercial(s) – The triumphant return of MC Hammer! Now, he makes fun of himself for money!
4. 2nd best commercial – FedEx- detailing the 10 elements needed for a good Super Bowl commercial and then including all of them in their commercial (Burt Reynolds & a talking, dancing grizzly bear)
5. I’ve lost some respect for Andy Reid – I’m not an NFL coach, but from watching the Colts-Patriots game, I would have recognized that the no-huddle that the Colts used at the end of the half led to their only score. So, with 2 weeks to prepare for the Super Bowl, you’d think that at some point, Coach Reid would have prepared some kind of no-huddle system. What were the chances that you may need to save some time?
Well, we all know what happened, the Eagles got the ball w/ 6 minutes left, down 10 points, and they took their good old time moving the ball for about 4 minutes until hitting a 30-yard touchdown. Any kind of responsible clock-management could have actually left the Eagles with enough time at the end of the game. In addition, I don’t believe any of these shenanigans about McNabb too sick to be able to run the no-huddle. If he was too sick, he wouldn’t have thrown for 357 yards!
But the 2 biggest disappointments of all deserve their own paragraphs:
Disappointment #1:
Where’s the flea-flicker?
For the love of football, if there’s anything I’ve noticed, it’s that the flea-flicker works almost every time. If anything it keeps the other safeties honest in sticking with their receivers for as long as possible. I don’t know why we couldn’t see some trick plays, flea-flicker or not, in the Super Bowl.
Diasspointment #2:
Where’s the TO Super Bowl touchdown dance? I really could care less about either team, and all I wanted to see was the touchdown dance that TO had prepared. Now, we’ll never know. I would have paid to see it. Honestly.
Final Thoughts:
I definitely feel a resurgence of “2 Legit 2 Quit” at sporting events in the year 2005. In addition, be prepared for more columns this year from yours truly. NCAA Basketball and NBA will dominate the discussions, that’s for sure.
Monday, February 07, 2005
I hope you had the time of your life
Well its officially the end of the football season. New England is once again champs and starting today all the football pundits go back doing whatever it is that they do in the off-season (Peter King hangs with his family, Norman Chad gambles and Sean Salisbury is put into a cryogenic freezer). Its been a lot of fun writing about football and in honor of the man that inspired me (read Norman Chad) I've decided to write in his style for my Super Bowl Coverage
6:20 PM So I've seen 2 Presidents, an ex-Beatle and John Travolta..wait John Travolta..how the hell did he get on TV as a famous celebrity? Is it just me or did it feel like the pre-game show started like Friday.
6:25 Bill Belichek walks on to the field and heads to the Eagles sideline accidently. How embaressing! Why does Belichek always look like he just stole the clothes off of a hobo? The sad part is that his outfit is that took 5 Laos girls working double shifts to make it and it probably costs like 200 dollars.
6:28 T.O. enters the playing field. Sure he's hopped on Jesus and can't feel pain but I believe the real reason for his recovery is the hyperbolic chamber he used. That thing is incrediable. I'm not sure what exactly it does but damn I bet if I used one I could do lots of amazing things (which at the moment tend to involve making a tasty sandwhich)
6:30 Game Starts
6:31 First Commercial. This year the commercials were so-so. I liked the budweiser ones, and anything that involves monkeys but was fairly perplexed why this was the year of MC Hammer. Explain how he got two seperate commercial spots?
7:00 Brady fumbles the ball and in the ensuing riot Philly recovers. Not only did the Philly players punch Brady in the kidney's during the pile-up by Philly D Coordinator ran into the stands to sucker punch Brady's family. Now thats a tough D
7:40 By in large Brady has been untouched by the Eagles Blitzing. Their O-Line never gets any credit but thats the strength of team. In both the Pittsburgh and Eagles game Brady was by in large untouched and unhurried.
7:45 Mike Martz order Marshall Faulk into the flats and out for some wings. Now that is a genius move.
Sometime before I fall asleep: New England once again wins by 3. Terrible onside kick by David Akers gave the Eagles no real chance to come back. And the collective media continues its brown nosing of Boston and the Patriots. The Patroits are coronated as the greatest team since Julius Caesar's army sacked Gaul.
And thats the season. Its been a wacky season from Rams come behind victory to Butch Davis having a mental breakdown to Randy Moss' ass being newsworthy.
Luckily my hypocrisy knows no bounds so I'll be back to give coverage on the NBA, NCAA basketball and even (gasp) a Spring Training guide to baseball. I, unlike the NFL network, will not be covering the OWNER's meeting. If you want to learn more about rich, white guys making decisions that affect America I suggest you watch C-SPAN.
6:20 PM So I've seen 2 Presidents, an ex-Beatle and John Travolta..wait John Travolta..how the hell did he get on TV as a famous celebrity? Is it just me or did it feel like the pre-game show started like Friday.
6:25 Bill Belichek walks on to the field and heads to the Eagles sideline accidently. How embaressing! Why does Belichek always look like he just stole the clothes off of a hobo? The sad part is that his outfit is that took 5 Laos girls working double shifts to make it and it probably costs like 200 dollars.
6:28 T.O. enters the playing field. Sure he's hopped on Jesus and can't feel pain but I believe the real reason for his recovery is the hyperbolic chamber he used. That thing is incrediable. I'm not sure what exactly it does but damn I bet if I used one I could do lots of amazing things (which at the moment tend to involve making a tasty sandwhich)
6:30 Game Starts
6:31 First Commercial. This year the commercials were so-so. I liked the budweiser ones, and anything that involves monkeys but was fairly perplexed why this was the year of MC Hammer. Explain how he got two seperate commercial spots?
7:00 Brady fumbles the ball and in the ensuing riot Philly recovers. Not only did the Philly players punch Brady in the kidney's during the pile-up by Philly D Coordinator ran into the stands to sucker punch Brady's family. Now thats a tough D
7:40 By in large Brady has been untouched by the Eagles Blitzing. Their O-Line never gets any credit but thats the strength of team. In both the Pittsburgh and Eagles game Brady was by in large untouched and unhurried.
7:45 Mike Martz order Marshall Faulk into the flats and out for some wings. Now that is a genius move.
Sometime before I fall asleep: New England once again wins by 3. Terrible onside kick by David Akers gave the Eagles no real chance to come back. And the collective media continues its brown nosing of Boston and the Patriots. The Patroits are coronated as the greatest team since Julius Caesar's army sacked Gaul.
And thats the season. Its been a wacky season from Rams come behind victory to Butch Davis having a mental breakdown to Randy Moss' ass being newsworthy.
Luckily my hypocrisy knows no bounds so I'll be back to give coverage on the NBA, NCAA basketball and even (gasp) a Spring Training guide to baseball. I, unlike the NFL network, will not be covering the OWNER's meeting. If you want to learn more about rich, white guys making decisions that affect America I suggest you watch C-SPAN.
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Super Pick for a Super Bowl
The Browns will win the Super Bowl.
By the Browns, I mean the Browns former coach (Belichick) and future coach (Crennel).
Well, here we are finally! I just wanted to get some shock value by the first line. The long-awaited Super Bowl. Other than Oakland-Tampa Bay, I think this is only the 2nd time since the “new era” began in ’99 that both teams actually EXPECTED to make the Super Bowl and succeeded. It’s pretty amazing when you think about it. Is this the end of parity? I’m not sure if we’re there yet. Though I must say that a lot of teams have learned from the Pats these last few years that it’s all about cheap talent from the draft, and you have to be careful how you spend the $$$.
Granted, the Eagles went for broke and signed DE Kearse and WR Terrell Owens. Obviously, it’s worked out great. The only question throughout all of America is: Will TO play?
Ladies & Gentlemen, I’m here to tell you a few things:
1) I don’t think we have any female readers out there, so I’m never starting a sentence w/ the phrase “Ladies & Gentlemen” ever again ;
2) The Cohen family made a lot of money this year, since they bet the house on a Pats-Eagles Super Bowl – IN AUGUST! ;
3) It really won’t matter if TO plays, because there’s no way he’s 100% !!!
That’s right. Look at TO’s stats from the 2003 season in San Francisco. He wasn’t happy, he was slightly injured, and he just didn’t have the same explosiveness as usual. Ultimately, I don’t think it matters if TO plays because the AFC is SUPREME. If the AFC was Superman, the NFC would be his weak pathetic newspaper friend, Jimmy Olsen. Basically, w/o the Eagles unveiling some kind of kryptonite, they are not winning. The Patriots are amazing, because they can CHOOSE to be either a running team, or a passing team depending on the team that they are playing and the situation they are in. The Pats' coaches find ways to win. The Eagles coaches only find ways to eat more chicken wings. In the end, the Pats multi-faceted team should find a way to crack the Eagles D, and should go on to win a close game.
Final Score: 23-17
Finally, just to recap, I did go 2-0 that last week in the playoffs, so I finished at: 6-4. That sounds good, but for the playoffs, it’s actually terrible. Especially considering the fact that before the playoffs started, I predicted a Colts-Falcons Super Bowl. I was off by a bit you might say. Thanks Tony Dungy for failing again. I will never trust you ever again.
By the Browns, I mean the Browns former coach (Belichick) and future coach (Crennel).
Well, here we are finally! I just wanted to get some shock value by the first line. The long-awaited Super Bowl. Other than Oakland-Tampa Bay, I think this is only the 2nd time since the “new era” began in ’99 that both teams actually EXPECTED to make the Super Bowl and succeeded. It’s pretty amazing when you think about it. Is this the end of parity? I’m not sure if we’re there yet. Though I must say that a lot of teams have learned from the Pats these last few years that it’s all about cheap talent from the draft, and you have to be careful how you spend the $$$.
Granted, the Eagles went for broke and signed DE Kearse and WR Terrell Owens. Obviously, it’s worked out great. The only question throughout all of America is: Will TO play?
Ladies & Gentlemen, I’m here to tell you a few things:
1) I don’t think we have any female readers out there, so I’m never starting a sentence w/ the phrase “Ladies & Gentlemen” ever again ;
2) The Cohen family made a lot of money this year, since they bet the house on a Pats-Eagles Super Bowl – IN AUGUST! ;
3) It really won’t matter if TO plays, because there’s no way he’s 100% !!!
That’s right. Look at TO’s stats from the 2003 season in San Francisco. He wasn’t happy, he was slightly injured, and he just didn’t have the same explosiveness as usual. Ultimately, I don’t think it matters if TO plays because the AFC is SUPREME. If the AFC was Superman, the NFC would be his weak pathetic newspaper friend, Jimmy Olsen. Basically, w/o the Eagles unveiling some kind of kryptonite, they are not winning. The Patriots are amazing, because they can CHOOSE to be either a running team, or a passing team depending on the team that they are playing and the situation they are in. The Pats' coaches find ways to win. The Eagles coaches only find ways to eat more chicken wings. In the end, the Pats multi-faceted team should find a way to crack the Eagles D, and should go on to win a close game.
Final Score: 23-17
Finally, just to recap, I did go 2-0 that last week in the playoffs, so I finished at: 6-4. That sounds good, but for the playoffs, it’s actually terrible. Especially considering the fact that before the playoffs started, I predicted a Colts-Falcons Super Bowl. I was off by a bit you might say. Thanks Tony Dungy for failing again. I will never trust you ever again.
Sunday, January 30, 2005
NBA Midseason: Redux
Well if Ivan is giving out awards like Koosed gives out bad advice then I'm all over it like a fat kid on a cupcake. Here's a little list of my take on the NBA season
Midseason MVP:
I keep harping it but I gotta go with Nash. If I was to overlook Nash I would go with....Dwayne Wade. Miami is the best team in the East. With Shaq there, everyone else tends to get overlooked. When a key shot needs to be made in the fourth quarter.. the Flash is getting the ball. Against Houston today he had 30-8-7, now thats a stat sheet. I'm never certain what criteria one judges the MVP. If it is which player is an integral part of a succesful team it would be Nash. If an MVP is the player, on a championship caliber team, you want holding the rock on then its Wade.
Rookie of the Year:
Omeka Okafor. Is he a good player on a crappy team or just an average player on a really crappy team. Beats me. But you don't reattle off like 18 straight double-doubles without getting a little dap. Sometimes staying in school pays off. My only question if Okafor was a high schooler would he be as ignored by the media as he is now. And then the media wonders why high schoolers come out in droves. Tisk Tisk.
Most Inspirational:
Grant Hill and his most improved Orlando Magic. Did anyone see this guy playing in February last year? Did anyone see Orlando in the playoffs? That would be a negative, houston. I don't care if the NBA has to invent award, Grant Hill deserves a trophy for something.
Most Disappointing:
Minnesota..This is a team that was poised for an NBA run and then they remembered sharing don't pay the dogs. Latrell "12 million dollars a year doesn't feed my family" Sprewell started the me-ism and the disease has spread. The Candyman and Cassel seemed to have the disease and/or no ligments in their legs. Garnett is probably in line for most frustrated NBA player award.
Best Hairdo
Anderson Varejao...he's so money and he doesn't even know it.
NFL Draft Watch:
Begins now. Unleash Mel Kiper from his holding cell.
Midseason MVP:
I keep harping it but I gotta go with Nash. If I was to overlook Nash I would go with....Dwayne Wade. Miami is the best team in the East. With Shaq there, everyone else tends to get overlooked. When a key shot needs to be made in the fourth quarter.. the Flash is getting the ball. Against Houston today he had 30-8-7, now thats a stat sheet. I'm never certain what criteria one judges the MVP. If it is which player is an integral part of a succesful team it would be Nash. If an MVP is the player, on a championship caliber team, you want holding the rock on then its Wade.
Rookie of the Year:
Omeka Okafor. Is he a good player on a crappy team or just an average player on a really crappy team. Beats me. But you don't reattle off like 18 straight double-doubles without getting a little dap. Sometimes staying in school pays off. My only question if Okafor was a high schooler would he be as ignored by the media as he is now. And then the media wonders why high schoolers come out in droves. Tisk Tisk.
Most Inspirational:
Grant Hill and his most improved Orlando Magic. Did anyone see this guy playing in February last year? Did anyone see Orlando in the playoffs? That would be a negative, houston. I don't care if the NBA has to invent award, Grant Hill deserves a trophy for something.
Most Disappointing:
Minnesota..This is a team that was poised for an NBA run and then they remembered sharing don't pay the dogs. Latrell "12 million dollars a year doesn't feed my family" Sprewell started the me-ism and the disease has spread. The Candyman and Cassel seemed to have the disease and/or no ligments in their legs. Garnett is probably in line for most frustrated NBA player award.
Best Hairdo
Anderson Varejao...he's so money and he doesn't even know it.
NFL Draft Watch:
Begins now. Unleash Mel Kiper from his holding cell.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
NBA Mid-Season Review
Welcome to the bye week between the NFL playoffs and the Super Bowl. Honestly, this bye week drives me nuts. I know the NFL wants the players to get healthy, but it just gets me all antsy. I think there has never been a more fitting time for an...
NBA Mid-season Review
Let’s hand out some awards, and maybe even glance ahead to the playoffs, considering I had San Antonio over Indiana, and well, the Pacers have been missing some people you might say.
On to the awards…
Favorite Breakout Player- Dan Dickau
Dickau was a sharpshooter on Gonzaga for 2 years. His 2nd year (2002), Gonzaga was ranked like 11th, and got a 6th seed. Everyone, including myself, was shocked. This was an insult. Well, Gonzaga lost in the 1st round! In 2004, Gonzaga was once again ranked high all season, snagged a 2-seed, and lost in the 2nd round. Gonzaga seems to do better when they are a lower seed for some reason.
Anyway, after bouncing around for 3 teams, averaging only 7 minutes/night and 2 ppg, Dickau is suddenly getting 30 min/night on the New Orleans Hornets, and is now averaging 13 ppg, and constantly springs for 20 points. Granted, Dickau can’t take them to the playoff-land (the Hornets are 7-34), but since Dickau got there, the Hornets are 7-30. I mean, w/o Dickau, they wouldn’t have won any games.
Most Disappointing Team – Denver Nuggets
There were a lot of candidates for this (Minnesota, Utah, among others) but the Nuggets are just horrific. Let’s recap what happened w/ their personnel: they ADDED Kenyon Martin, lost SG Voshon Lenard to an injury, and for some reason chose to let Jon Barry leave. It seems like they should be fine still, but Carmelo has shown that he can’t take the shots all night. This team is in desperate need of a shooter. You’d think there would be more people like Dickau lying around. Denver is in desperate need of being able to spread the floor, since Andre Miller & Earl Boykins, while very effective, still aren’t pure outside shooters. Also, Jon Barry may be the most underrated spark plug off the bench. On Sacramento in the late ‘90s, he was excellent in helping the Kings. Ultimately, this team should just trade one of their 5 forwards for some more shooting.
Most Surprising Team – Seattle Supersonics
Also many candidates for this (Phoenix, Washington (Golden State-East)). During my NBA preview, this is what I had to say about the Sonics: “Seattle- These guys are terrible.” Was I ever wrong. Their TEAM is shooting 38.2% from 3-point land! It’s unbelievable. This team is basically using PF Fortson as a center, and spreading the floor with 4 shooters. I’m glad to see how effective this is, and I hope more teams recognize the worth in having pure shooters, and start drafting to fill the need. Then again, Ray Allen may have just sold his soul to the devil in order to get a good contract extension.
Best Feel Good Story – Washington Wizards
I could go anywhere w/ this category. But let’s be honest here- this team is Golden State – East. They use Jamison, Hughes, Arenas who were all recently on Golden State. In my preview I said, “If they would have brought Early Boykins, I would consider the playoffs.” Well, I underestimated how weak the East is, and how much of a leap Hughes would make this year (his 7th year in the league, though he is just 26). I still don’t understand why more people don’t latch on to this story, about recreating the Warriors. You could interview people from Oakland, and see how upset they get. It’s great journalism.
Unbelievable Mid-season Trade- Carlos Arroyo
Arroyo seemed like a star-in-the-making for Utah last year. He disagrees w/ Sloan on fundamental things and he gets shipped out to the defending champion Detroit Pistons who have a lack of point guards. Talk about a great trade! Now, the Pistons don’t even have to always rely on Chauncey Billups. The Pistons are so deep, I’m frightened to even face them in the playoffs. 3 guesses as to the “fundamental differences” , 1) Arroyo is a firm believer in the zone defense and Sloan still swears it’s illegal, 2) Arroyo thinks new teammate Carlos Boozer’s chest hair smells funky, 3) Arroyo gave Sloan bad advice on his NBA fantasy team.
Outlook
If I had to make a new prediction, it would be hard to NOT predict San Antonio over Miami in the finals at this point. The Heat are just incredible, since there are only like 2 other centers in the East besides Shaq. Granted, no matter what seed the Pistons get, they could be extremely dangerous in the playoffs. Of course I love what LeBron is doing, but this is not the year for the Cavs to go all the way… yet. The Suns are amazing, beyond anything I could have expected though I dubbed them my “surprise” team. Ultimately, Nash is a liability on defense, and that team would have a hard time against any teams w/ good point guards. Well, I hope you enjoyed this change in programming. The Super Bowl is still ages away.
NBA Mid-season Review
Let’s hand out some awards, and maybe even glance ahead to the playoffs, considering I had San Antonio over Indiana, and well, the Pacers have been missing some people you might say.
On to the awards…
Favorite Breakout Player- Dan Dickau
Dickau was a sharpshooter on Gonzaga for 2 years. His 2nd year (2002), Gonzaga was ranked like 11th, and got a 6th seed. Everyone, including myself, was shocked. This was an insult. Well, Gonzaga lost in the 1st round! In 2004, Gonzaga was once again ranked high all season, snagged a 2-seed, and lost in the 2nd round. Gonzaga seems to do better when they are a lower seed for some reason.
Anyway, after bouncing around for 3 teams, averaging only 7 minutes/night and 2 ppg, Dickau is suddenly getting 30 min/night on the New Orleans Hornets, and is now averaging 13 ppg, and constantly springs for 20 points. Granted, Dickau can’t take them to the playoff-land (the Hornets are 7-34), but since Dickau got there, the Hornets are 7-30. I mean, w/o Dickau, they wouldn’t have won any games.
Most Disappointing Team – Denver Nuggets
There were a lot of candidates for this (Minnesota, Utah, among others) but the Nuggets are just horrific. Let’s recap what happened w/ their personnel: they ADDED Kenyon Martin, lost SG Voshon Lenard to an injury, and for some reason chose to let Jon Barry leave. It seems like they should be fine still, but Carmelo has shown that he can’t take the shots all night. This team is in desperate need of a shooter. You’d think there would be more people like Dickau lying around. Denver is in desperate need of being able to spread the floor, since Andre Miller & Earl Boykins, while very effective, still aren’t pure outside shooters. Also, Jon Barry may be the most underrated spark plug off the bench. On Sacramento in the late ‘90s, he was excellent in helping the Kings. Ultimately, this team should just trade one of their 5 forwards for some more shooting.
Most Surprising Team – Seattle Supersonics
Also many candidates for this (Phoenix, Washington (Golden State-East)). During my NBA preview, this is what I had to say about the Sonics: “Seattle- These guys are terrible.” Was I ever wrong. Their TEAM is shooting 38.2% from 3-point land! It’s unbelievable. This team is basically using PF Fortson as a center, and spreading the floor with 4 shooters. I’m glad to see how effective this is, and I hope more teams recognize the worth in having pure shooters, and start drafting to fill the need. Then again, Ray Allen may have just sold his soul to the devil in order to get a good contract extension.
Best Feel Good Story – Washington Wizards
I could go anywhere w/ this category. But let’s be honest here- this team is Golden State – East. They use Jamison, Hughes, Arenas who were all recently on Golden State. In my preview I said, “If they would have brought Early Boykins, I would consider the playoffs.” Well, I underestimated how weak the East is, and how much of a leap Hughes would make this year (his 7th year in the league, though he is just 26). I still don’t understand why more people don’t latch on to this story, about recreating the Warriors. You could interview people from Oakland, and see how upset they get. It’s great journalism.
Unbelievable Mid-season Trade- Carlos Arroyo
Arroyo seemed like a star-in-the-making for Utah last year. He disagrees w/ Sloan on fundamental things and he gets shipped out to the defending champion Detroit Pistons who have a lack of point guards. Talk about a great trade! Now, the Pistons don’t even have to always rely on Chauncey Billups. The Pistons are so deep, I’m frightened to even face them in the playoffs. 3 guesses as to the “fundamental differences” , 1) Arroyo is a firm believer in the zone defense and Sloan still swears it’s illegal, 2) Arroyo thinks new teammate Carlos Boozer’s chest hair smells funky, 3) Arroyo gave Sloan bad advice on his NBA fantasy team.
Outlook
If I had to make a new prediction, it would be hard to NOT predict San Antonio over Miami in the finals at this point. The Heat are just incredible, since there are only like 2 other centers in the East besides Shaq. Granted, no matter what seed the Pistons get, they could be extremely dangerous in the playoffs. Of course I love what LeBron is doing, but this is not the year for the Cavs to go all the way… yet. The Suns are amazing, beyond anything I could have expected though I dubbed them my “surprise” team. Ultimately, Nash is a liability on defense, and that team would have a hard time against any teams w/ good point guards. Well, I hope you enjoyed this change in programming. The Super Bowl is still ages away.
Monday, January 24, 2005
Mirror Images
Eagles v. Pats. You can sell a million ways but I'm selling it a matchup of the dynasties. What is a dynasty well one definition goes something like this:
a group that maintains power for several generations
That would be the Eagles and Pats, almost mirror images of one another. Sure the Eagles are the weaker brother of the dynasty but does anyone doubt that they have been the 400 lb gorrilla of the NFC. While the Pats are on route for their third superbowl in four years, the Eagles have made it four straight years to the title game. Both have masterminds of defense reducing MVP candidates and the young to their knees. Michael Vick looked flawed and mortal. By the end, Rothlisberger was crying like Koosed without a Chicken Ceasar Salad. Both team's quarterbacks are maestros, managing the weather and their teams with ease. Baseball has what I term top heavy parity (theres only 8 good teams but they easily balance on another year to year) Football has bottom heavy parity- a bunch of mediocore teams clawing for a playoff spot while high on Mount Olympus Belichek and Reid laugh at their efforts. They bestride the NFL world like Colosseuses in recent years (I'm certain if Shakespeare was alive today he'd cover the NFL) and for all the claims of parity this should be the year that that illusion evaporates.
Player of the Week: Jeremiah Trotter. He led the team in tackles. He has a cool finishing move (the wood cutter) He is the reason why the Eagles stopped the Atlanta rushing game while Cleveland cut through it (He didnt start till week 9).
Player I feel the Worst For: Jerome Bettis. For all the weeping over Brett Favre, I think Bettis symbolizes what it is good about football. The hardnosed approach, the indominable spirit, the shimmy. Here is a man that doesn't just talk the talk about money but he took the pay cut so he could stay in Pittsburgh. It would almost be fitting for him to retire with Eddie George, his fellow running back warrior.
Pundit Watch
Line of the week: Norman Chad:
At the NFC championship game, a half-frozen 10-year-old sang the national anthem before the Falcons-Eagles game. I hate to nitpick, but some adult was whispering the words into his ear! It felt like the presidential debates all over again.
Why It's Good to Be a Pundit: Peter King's $105 philly cheese steak...that Sports Illustrated paid for. 1) That better be the best philly cheese steak ever and 2) I never ever want to hear him to do social commentary and/or belief that he's just a common person (and that includes Starbucks references)
NBA tidbits: 1) Baby Bulls - .500 ball and the 7th seed
2) Nash gets hurt. Suns plummet. Any questions on who's the MVP?
3) I can no longer defend the Eastern Division. They should donate their playoff spot to charity or something
a group that maintains power for several generations
That would be the Eagles and Pats, almost mirror images of one another. Sure the Eagles are the weaker brother of the dynasty but does anyone doubt that they have been the 400 lb gorrilla of the NFC. While the Pats are on route for their third superbowl in four years, the Eagles have made it four straight years to the title game. Both have masterminds of defense reducing MVP candidates and the young to their knees. Michael Vick looked flawed and mortal. By the end, Rothlisberger was crying like Koosed without a Chicken Ceasar Salad. Both team's quarterbacks are maestros, managing the weather and their teams with ease. Baseball has what I term top heavy parity (theres only 8 good teams but they easily balance on another year to year) Football has bottom heavy parity- a bunch of mediocore teams clawing for a playoff spot while high on Mount Olympus Belichek and Reid laugh at their efforts. They bestride the NFL world like Colosseuses in recent years (I'm certain if Shakespeare was alive today he'd cover the NFL) and for all the claims of parity this should be the year that that illusion evaporates.
Player of the Week: Jeremiah Trotter. He led the team in tackles. He has a cool finishing move (the wood cutter) He is the reason why the Eagles stopped the Atlanta rushing game while Cleveland cut through it (He didnt start till week 9).
Player I feel the Worst For: Jerome Bettis. For all the weeping over Brett Favre, I think Bettis symbolizes what it is good about football. The hardnosed approach, the indominable spirit, the shimmy. Here is a man that doesn't just talk the talk about money but he took the pay cut so he could stay in Pittsburgh. It would almost be fitting for him to retire with Eddie George, his fellow running back warrior.
Pundit Watch
Line of the week: Norman Chad:
At the NFC championship game, a half-frozen 10-year-old sang the national anthem before the Falcons-Eagles game. I hate to nitpick, but some adult was whispering the words into his ear! It felt like the presidential debates all over again.
Why It's Good to Be a Pundit: Peter King's $105 philly cheese steak...that Sports Illustrated paid for. 1) That better be the best philly cheese steak ever and 2) I never ever want to hear him to do social commentary and/or belief that he's just a common person (and that includes Starbucks references)
NBA tidbits: 1) Baby Bulls - .500 ball and the 7th seed
2) Nash gets hurt. Suns plummet. Any questions on who's the MVP?
3) I can no longer defend the Eastern Division. They should donate their playoff spot to charity or something
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Lost & Found: Rule 6
I’m so mad that I forgot about this rule. I forgot about Rule 6:
Rule 6: "If you beat a team by 30 or more points in the playoffs, you will lose your next game (90% of the time). If you beat a team by 40 or more points in the playoffs, you ALWAYS lose your next game. "
It’s a completely ridiculous rule, but somehow holds true the vast majority of the time. Recent examples: 1999 Jacksonville blows out Miami by 55 points, loses in the AFC Championship to Tennessee. 2002 NY Jets beats the Colts by 41 points, loses its next game to Oakland. 2000 NFC Championship game, the Giants beat the Vikings 43-0. Next week, they get blown out in the Super Bowl. 1993 NFC Playoffs – the 49ers blow out the Giants 44-3, only to lose in the NFC Championship game to the Cowboys.
My favorite example of all time though: the Buffalo Bills winning 51-3 in the 1990 AFC Championship game against the Raiders. Scott Norwood caps off the collapse by missing the field goal in the Super Bowl.
Indy was an exception in 2003, when they beat the Broncos by 31, then beat the Chiefs the next week. I guess you’re just supposed to blow out the Broncos each year.
The best explanation is overconfidence. A team just gets too cocky when this happens, and the other team gets so mad because they get ignored during the week by the media, and all the media does is focus on how the one team won a game by 40 points. It also forces the new opponent to make sure they make many creative adjustments, while the team that won by 40 points is hesitant to adjust anything.
A secondary explanation is the “I just blew my load” theory. That’s right, you blow your whole load on one game, with nothing left, no energy, no determination, and you don’t even give a full effort in practice the next week, and all the players end up doing lines off of their favorite strippers.
I’d also like to introduce a rule, that is as simple as can be…
Rule 7 - #1 seeds NEVER lose to #6 seeds. 8-0 all-time, now 9-0.
I’d like to now say, that nothing would surprise me with the final 4 we have. Anything is possible, as all 4 have great strengths, and some weaknesses.
Atlanta @ Philadelphia-
Houston. We have a problem. I’ve been saying ALL SEASON that is the Eagles destiny to lose in the final 4. In addition, I’ve been on the Vick-Duckett-Dunn triumvirate bandwagon almost all season. Destiny says Falcons, meanwhile, the Falcons won by exactly 30 points last week, so Rule 6 says Eagles. I have to stick w/ the Rules.
Pick: Eagles
New England @ Pittsburgh-
Rule 5: AT LEAST 1 Home team will win in the final 4. Both road teams almost never win (last time was 1992 – Bills won in Miami, Dallas won in San Fran), though almost every year, there’s often times there is 1 upset in the final 4. This means that it’s really difficult for me to pick Colts over Falcons, since they both would likely have to win on the road.
So, we’ll stick w/ the rules. The Eagles win at home, allowing the Patriots to win on the road.
Pick: Patriots
I also learned something last weekend, that I'm really going to take to heart. Since the playoffs expanded in 1990, only 11 road teams have won in the divisional round. ELEVEN!!!! Think about that. I tried to think of them off the top of my head, and I almost did it. Just for educational value, let’s take a look at the Exciting Eleven:
1992 Buffalo – after the greatest comeback in NFL history in the 1st round against the Oilers, there was no stopping these guys from losing in the Super Bowl. They were 11-5, and won at Pittsburgh (11-5) then 11-5 Miami.
1993 Kansas City – 11-5 won at 12-4 Houston. Houston had lots of trouble in the playoffs, even though they were immensely talented.
1995 Indy – 9-7 won at 13-3 and #1 seed! KC. KC was coached by Marty Schottenheimer. We’ll call this the Schottenheimer effect.
1995 Green Bay – 11-5 won at 11-5 San Fran. Not much of an upset.
1996 Jacksonville – 9-7 won at 13-3 and #1 seed Denver. I think this is the most shocking upset of the modern playoff era. Denver went on to win the next 2 Super Bowls, but this Jacksonville team rolled into town on a 7-game losing streak (went from 3-7 to 9-7 to make the playoffs, and then won at Buffalo & Denver).
1997 Denver – 12-4 Denver won at #1 seed 13-3 KC. Schottenheimer effect.
1999 Tennessee – Music City Miracle in 1st round. Resulted in 12-4 winning at 13-3 Indy. Jim Mora effect. Mora never won a playoff game.
2000 Baltimore – 12-4 at #1 seed Tennessee. Hungrier team, w/ no respect from media or Gutsy Goldberg.
2001 Philly – 11-5 won at 13-3 Chicago. Chicago won at least 4 games they shouldn’t have. No won outside of Mike Ditka was surprised.
2003 Carolina- 11-5 won at 12-4 St. Louis. Double OT. Carolina proved they had passing attack in playoffs. Martz is a crazy head coach, who caused another loss.
2003 Indy- 12-4 won at 13-3 KC. KC had no defense, finished the season 3-3, won 4 extra games just from Dante Hall’s returns.
Last week 3-1 (Damn Colts. Thanks for not using the no-huddle the whole game. Thanks for not even attempting to throw the ball 20 yards downfield)
Playoffs: 4-4 (Pathetic, I know)
Rule 6: "If you beat a team by 30 or more points in the playoffs, you will lose your next game (90% of the time). If you beat a team by 40 or more points in the playoffs, you ALWAYS lose your next game. "
It’s a completely ridiculous rule, but somehow holds true the vast majority of the time. Recent examples: 1999 Jacksonville blows out Miami by 55 points, loses in the AFC Championship to Tennessee. 2002 NY Jets beats the Colts by 41 points, loses its next game to Oakland. 2000 NFC Championship game, the Giants beat the Vikings 43-0. Next week, they get blown out in the Super Bowl. 1993 NFC Playoffs – the 49ers blow out the Giants 44-3, only to lose in the NFC Championship game to the Cowboys.
My favorite example of all time though: the Buffalo Bills winning 51-3 in the 1990 AFC Championship game against the Raiders. Scott Norwood caps off the collapse by missing the field goal in the Super Bowl.
Indy was an exception in 2003, when they beat the Broncos by 31, then beat the Chiefs the next week. I guess you’re just supposed to blow out the Broncos each year.
The best explanation is overconfidence. A team just gets too cocky when this happens, and the other team gets so mad because they get ignored during the week by the media, and all the media does is focus on how the one team won a game by 40 points. It also forces the new opponent to make sure they make many creative adjustments, while the team that won by 40 points is hesitant to adjust anything.
A secondary explanation is the “I just blew my load” theory. That’s right, you blow your whole load on one game, with nothing left, no energy, no determination, and you don’t even give a full effort in practice the next week, and all the players end up doing lines off of their favorite strippers.
I’d also like to introduce a rule, that is as simple as can be…
Rule 7 - #1 seeds NEVER lose to #6 seeds. 8-0 all-time, now 9-0.
I’d like to now say, that nothing would surprise me with the final 4 we have. Anything is possible, as all 4 have great strengths, and some weaknesses.
Atlanta @ Philadelphia-
Houston. We have a problem. I’ve been saying ALL SEASON that is the Eagles destiny to lose in the final 4. In addition, I’ve been on the Vick-Duckett-Dunn triumvirate bandwagon almost all season. Destiny says Falcons, meanwhile, the Falcons won by exactly 30 points last week, so Rule 6 says Eagles. I have to stick w/ the Rules.
Pick: Eagles
New England @ Pittsburgh-
Rule 5: AT LEAST 1 Home team will win in the final 4. Both road teams almost never win (last time was 1992 – Bills won in Miami, Dallas won in San Fran), though almost every year, there’s often times there is 1 upset in the final 4. This means that it’s really difficult for me to pick Colts over Falcons, since they both would likely have to win on the road.
So, we’ll stick w/ the rules. The Eagles win at home, allowing the Patriots to win on the road.
Pick: Patriots
I also learned something last weekend, that I'm really going to take to heart. Since the playoffs expanded in 1990, only 11 road teams have won in the divisional round. ELEVEN!!!! Think about that. I tried to think of them off the top of my head, and I almost did it. Just for educational value, let’s take a look at the Exciting Eleven:
1992 Buffalo – after the greatest comeback in NFL history in the 1st round against the Oilers, there was no stopping these guys from losing in the Super Bowl. They were 11-5, and won at Pittsburgh (11-5) then 11-5 Miami.
1993 Kansas City – 11-5 won at 12-4 Houston. Houston had lots of trouble in the playoffs, even though they were immensely talented.
1995 Indy – 9-7 won at 13-3 and #1 seed! KC. KC was coached by Marty Schottenheimer. We’ll call this the Schottenheimer effect.
1995 Green Bay – 11-5 won at 11-5 San Fran. Not much of an upset.
1996 Jacksonville – 9-7 won at 13-3 and #1 seed Denver. I think this is the most shocking upset of the modern playoff era. Denver went on to win the next 2 Super Bowls, but this Jacksonville team rolled into town on a 7-game losing streak (went from 3-7 to 9-7 to make the playoffs, and then won at Buffalo & Denver).
1997 Denver – 12-4 Denver won at #1 seed 13-3 KC. Schottenheimer effect.
1999 Tennessee – Music City Miracle in 1st round. Resulted in 12-4 winning at 13-3 Indy. Jim Mora effect. Mora never won a playoff game.
2000 Baltimore – 12-4 at #1 seed Tennessee. Hungrier team, w/ no respect from media or Gutsy Goldberg.
2001 Philly – 11-5 won at 13-3 Chicago. Chicago won at least 4 games they shouldn’t have. No won outside of Mike Ditka was surprised.
2003 Carolina- 11-5 won at 12-4 St. Louis. Double OT. Carolina proved they had passing attack in playoffs. Martz is a crazy head coach, who caused another loss.
2003 Indy- 12-4 won at 13-3 KC. KC had no defense, finished the season 3-3, won 4 extra games just from Dante Hall’s returns.
Last week 3-1 (Damn Colts. Thanks for not using the no-huddle the whole game. Thanks for not even attempting to throw the ball 20 yards downfield)
Playoffs: 4-4 (Pathetic, I know)
Monday, January 17, 2005
The Art of the Pick
The biggest weekend in the NFL and the favorites held sway. No upsets, no road victories, nothing. Home teams 4 Road Teams 0. Sure some people (who will merely refer to as I. Goldberg or Ivan G.) went with the team du jure (read the Colts). However I did not budge. Much like Laz at an all-you-can-eat-buffet, I never wavered or moved, no matter the odds. At the begining of the season I called KC v. Philly in the Super Bowl. Well that pick turned out to be semi-prophetic (much like this article is semi-funny. its not exactly funny but it doesn't drive people into fits of rage like Sean Salisbury). When I was first picking the great decision was between KC and New England. Its tough to repeat but here is what New England has in its favor that everyone (read Ivan) overlooked.
1) Corey Dillon - New England punished the Colts in the trenches and Dillon smacked the Colts linebackers around. He's an explosive runner and a HUGE upgrade over last years running back (I think they used Hugh Grant last year)
2) Schemes - I'm not sure who calls the schemes (whether its Belichek or Crennel) but New England's D got better as the game went on. Not only are they prepared but they make the adjustments during the game which I consider the hallmark of good coaching. The question on every Brown's fan's mind is how much does Crennel influence the D since its looking like Crennel is choice number 1 for the Browns abandoned coaching post.
3) Rest - New England had its bye in week 3. That is a whole lot football played with very little rest. The week off had New England rested and focused. Speaking of rest all those knuckleheads who cried out about Andy Reid resting its players for a month should publicly apologize. Reid is undefeated coming off a bye week and boy did Philly have time off. Minnesota was never in that game either.
Next week has some close games but I'm sticking with the horses I rode in on . Just remember its not as important whether you absolutely win or lose but that you beat your co-host whether its John Clayton and Sean Salisbury, Tony Kornheiser and Mike Wilbon, Ivan Goldberg and Michael Cohen or George Bush and a pretzel.
1) Corey Dillon - New England punished the Colts in the trenches and Dillon smacked the Colts linebackers around. He's an explosive runner and a HUGE upgrade over last years running back (I think they used Hugh Grant last year)
2) Schemes - I'm not sure who calls the schemes (whether its Belichek or Crennel) but New England's D got better as the game went on. Not only are they prepared but they make the adjustments during the game which I consider the hallmark of good coaching. The question on every Brown's fan's mind is how much does Crennel influence the D since its looking like Crennel is choice number 1 for the Browns abandoned coaching post.
3) Rest - New England had its bye in week 3. That is a whole lot football played with very little rest. The week off had New England rested and focused. Speaking of rest all those knuckleheads who cried out about Andy Reid resting its players for a month should publicly apologize. Reid is undefeated coming off a bye week and boy did Philly have time off. Minnesota was never in that game either.
Next week has some close games but I'm sticking with the horses I rode in on . Just remember its not as important whether you absolutely win or lose but that you beat your co-host whether its John Clayton and Sean Salisbury, Tony Kornheiser and Mike Wilbon, Ivan Goldberg and Michael Cohen or George Bush and a pretzel.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Must-See Thursdays & Crazy 8s
That’s right. I apologize for the unannounced schedule change, but the powers that be (“The Man”) have told me that additional advertising revenues can be made by me switching my column to Thursdays. Back to our regular progamming...
I have to first say a little bit about last week’s Chargers debacle against the Jets.
Did you Know?
John Madden said that Antonio Gates used a “basketball move” on every catch last week. When he failed to catch it though, he would say, those “basketball moves” aren’t going to work in the NFL. Then, when Gates faked out his defender, caught the ball, and rumbled for 50 yards, Madden said, "Basketball moves work great in the NFL." You can’t have it both ways Madden! Either praise his basketball skills or not.
I will say this- after Tony Gonzalez and now Antonio Gates, I’m completely convinced that you can convert any 6’5” athletic forward from college basketball into an All-Pro TE without any college football experience. I’m on the bandwagon, and the next one that I know of will be on my fantasy team.
Meanwhile, Coach Schottenheimer just dropped the ball in OT of the game by settling for a 40-yard field goal. He’s scared out of his mind after all of his playoff collapses. At any moment I was fearful of Marty releasing his bowels on national television. Instead, he went home and cried.
As for Moss’s fake mooning, I really don’t care. How in the world this is worse than "fake-killing," or "fake-digging a grave" as a celebration is beyond me. And by “beyond me” I mean it makes absolutely no sense. Thank you FCC for protecting America's youth from fake-mooning. I mean gosh, nothing could be worse.
The most shocking thing is that after no 8-8 teams ever winning a playoff game, both the Vikings & the Rams won! It’s insanity, and that’s why I love the NFL. The Rams were feasible winners, I mean they had swept the Seahawks. The Vikings was against all odds. Yes, before the season began, I had a Colts-Vikings super bowl. But at this point, after finishing 3-7 (again), being 8-8 (which is worse than last year), and not even trying to lift a finger, I didn’t expect much effort in Green Bay. The fact remains, GB’s defense is terrible, and Favre only loses games for them at this point (seriously, they win when they can run Ahman Green all day). So, the Vikings got a big enough lead that Favre had to throw. Simple. Now, let’s turn our attention to this week’s games, and here’s a reprint of the rules that I go by for picking NFL games:
Rule 1: It’s tough to beat a team you already beat. If you played a team once, the losing team OFTEN wins the rematch.
Rule 2: If you swept a team, you probably WILL beat them a 3rd time (This means Green Bay and St. Louis are in good situations.)
Rule 3: NO ONE wins consecutive weeks against the same team.
Rule 4: 8-8 Teams don’t win playoff games. They just don’t win games. It’s simple.
Rule 5: AT LEAST 1 Home team will win in the final 4. Both road teams almost never win.
I must say one thing about Rule 1, beating a team you already beat during the season. It’s a weak rule, and is probably only right maybe 60% of the time, whereas the other rules are up around 80%-100% successful.
Interestingly enough, EVERY GAME THIS WEEK IS A REMATCH. And EVERY HOME team won the 1st bout, meaning that according to Rule 1, all the ROAD teams are winning! I’m going to rank the games by the chances of Rule 1 working (meaning the Road team winning).
Let me be frank. This has never happened, and I’m not going to predict it.
Colts @ Pats-
This is the one game where I’m going with Rule 1. I’m also creating a special rule just for the Colts for this year. Special Rule: “If the wind is below 10 mph, and the chance of precipitation is below 20%, the Colts will win the game.”
Forecast as of Thursday afternoon for Boston: 9 mph winds, 10% chance of precipitation.
In addition, I’m just hoping that Peyton can take advantage of all the injured Pats’ cornerbacks. Finally, I can’t remember being more excited for an elite 8 NFL game.
Pick: Colts
Rams @ Falcons-
If the Rams were coached by anyone other than Martz, I would probably say they would win. But I don’t trust Martz, and I have no reason to. This game is really interesting. The Falcons have a great front 7, but their secondary is suspect. A lot of teams have passed on them this year (Chiefs, Broncos, Panthers,). Ultimately, it comes down to how often Martz runs the ball to milk the clock, because the Falcons are capable of using their 3 RBs (Vick, Dunn, Duckett) to beat every NFC team. I’m guessing both teams will score 4 touchdowns.
Pick: Falcons
Vikings @ Eagles-
I think we are dangerously close to having (2) 8-8 teams in the NFC championship game (if we even want to call it that). I just don’t have the balls to pick it. The fact is, the Eagles have no run defense. Don’t listen to what anyone tells you, because all season this has been a problem for the Eagles. And if the Vikings have any brains, they will use all of their Pro-bowl caliber backs (w/ each of their trademark items): Bennett and his sore hammy, Onterrio Smith and his dubie, Mewelde Moore and his dreadlocks, and Moe Williams and his moustache. Ultimately, no one knows what Viking team will show up. I will say, Culpepper vs. McNabb is always fun, and I will be cheering for the Vikings, but it seems like too much for them to go into the rudest city in America, Philly, and win. Anyways, it’s the Eagles destiny to host another NFC Championship game and lose. No one messes w/ destiny.
Pick: Eagles
Jets @ Steelers-
The Jets haven’t really been playing great. In addition, the Steelers 2nd & 3rd strings were manhandling the Bills the last week. Short of Pennington hitting Santana Moss on 3 homerun balls, I don’t see the Jets pulling off the revenge factor.
Pick: Steelers
Last week: 1-3 (I only got the Colts right. All those road teams won, and I wasn’t expecting it. Don’t worry, my final 4 is still intact.)
I have to first say a little bit about last week’s Chargers debacle against the Jets.
Did you Know?
John Madden said that Antonio Gates used a “basketball move” on every catch last week. When he failed to catch it though, he would say, those “basketball moves” aren’t going to work in the NFL. Then, when Gates faked out his defender, caught the ball, and rumbled for 50 yards, Madden said, "Basketball moves work great in the NFL." You can’t have it both ways Madden! Either praise his basketball skills or not.
I will say this- after Tony Gonzalez and now Antonio Gates, I’m completely convinced that you can convert any 6’5” athletic forward from college basketball into an All-Pro TE without any college football experience. I’m on the bandwagon, and the next one that I know of will be on my fantasy team.
Meanwhile, Coach Schottenheimer just dropped the ball in OT of the game by settling for a 40-yard field goal. He’s scared out of his mind after all of his playoff collapses. At any moment I was fearful of Marty releasing his bowels on national television. Instead, he went home and cried.
As for Moss’s fake mooning, I really don’t care. How in the world this is worse than "fake-killing," or "fake-digging a grave" as a celebration is beyond me. And by “beyond me” I mean it makes absolutely no sense. Thank you FCC for protecting America's youth from fake-mooning. I mean gosh, nothing could be worse.
The most shocking thing is that after no 8-8 teams ever winning a playoff game, both the Vikings & the Rams won! It’s insanity, and that’s why I love the NFL. The Rams were feasible winners, I mean they had swept the Seahawks. The Vikings was against all odds. Yes, before the season began, I had a Colts-Vikings super bowl. But at this point, after finishing 3-7 (again), being 8-8 (which is worse than last year), and not even trying to lift a finger, I didn’t expect much effort in Green Bay. The fact remains, GB’s defense is terrible, and Favre only loses games for them at this point (seriously, they win when they can run Ahman Green all day). So, the Vikings got a big enough lead that Favre had to throw. Simple. Now, let’s turn our attention to this week’s games, and here’s a reprint of the rules that I go by for picking NFL games:
Rule 1: It’s tough to beat a team you already beat. If you played a team once, the losing team OFTEN wins the rematch.
Rule 2: If you swept a team, you probably WILL beat them a 3rd time (This means Green Bay and St. Louis are in good situations.)
Rule 3: NO ONE wins consecutive weeks against the same team.
Rule 4: 8-8 Teams don’t win playoff games. They just don’t win games. It’s simple.
Rule 5: AT LEAST 1 Home team will win in the final 4. Both road teams almost never win.
I must say one thing about Rule 1, beating a team you already beat during the season. It’s a weak rule, and is probably only right maybe 60% of the time, whereas the other rules are up around 80%-100% successful.
Interestingly enough, EVERY GAME THIS WEEK IS A REMATCH. And EVERY HOME team won the 1st bout, meaning that according to Rule 1, all the ROAD teams are winning! I’m going to rank the games by the chances of Rule 1 working (meaning the Road team winning).
Let me be frank. This has never happened, and I’m not going to predict it.
Colts @ Pats-
This is the one game where I’m going with Rule 1. I’m also creating a special rule just for the Colts for this year. Special Rule: “If the wind is below 10 mph, and the chance of precipitation is below 20%, the Colts will win the game.”
Forecast as of Thursday afternoon for Boston: 9 mph winds, 10% chance of precipitation.
In addition, I’m just hoping that Peyton can take advantage of all the injured Pats’ cornerbacks. Finally, I can’t remember being more excited for an elite 8 NFL game.
Pick: Colts
Rams @ Falcons-
If the Rams were coached by anyone other than Martz, I would probably say they would win. But I don’t trust Martz, and I have no reason to. This game is really interesting. The Falcons have a great front 7, but their secondary is suspect. A lot of teams have passed on them this year (Chiefs, Broncos, Panthers,). Ultimately, it comes down to how often Martz runs the ball to milk the clock, because the Falcons are capable of using their 3 RBs (Vick, Dunn, Duckett) to beat every NFC team. I’m guessing both teams will score 4 touchdowns.
Pick: Falcons
Vikings @ Eagles-
I think we are dangerously close to having (2) 8-8 teams in the NFC championship game (if we even want to call it that). I just don’t have the balls to pick it. The fact is, the Eagles have no run defense. Don’t listen to what anyone tells you, because all season this has been a problem for the Eagles. And if the Vikings have any brains, they will use all of their Pro-bowl caliber backs (w/ each of their trademark items): Bennett and his sore hammy, Onterrio Smith and his dubie, Mewelde Moore and his dreadlocks, and Moe Williams and his moustache. Ultimately, no one knows what Viking team will show up. I will say, Culpepper vs. McNabb is always fun, and I will be cheering for the Vikings, but it seems like too much for them to go into the rudest city in America, Philly, and win. Anyways, it’s the Eagles destiny to host another NFC Championship game and lose. No one messes w/ destiny.
Pick: Eagles
Jets @ Steelers-
The Jets haven’t really been playing great. In addition, the Steelers 2nd & 3rd strings were manhandling the Bills the last week. Short of Pennington hitting Santana Moss on 3 homerun balls, I don’t see the Jets pulling off the revenge factor.
Pick: Steelers
Last week: 1-3 (I only got the Colts right. All those road teams won, and I wasn’t expecting it. Don’t worry, my final 4 is still intact.)
Monday, January 10, 2005
And the Beat Goes On
Remember earlier this year when no one could figure out what the hell was going on in the NFL? Well to quote Poltergeist "It's Back!"
Could even Ivan's rule handle this helter skelter that is the NFL? Short answer: No
Indy v. Denver:
Ivan's rule: It’s tough to beat a team you already beat. Denver should lose and boy did they ever. Peyton and his majestic offense put up 35 points in the first half. Manning ended up throwing for more yards than any other quarterback in a playoff game....except for Bernie Kosar (we still love you Bernie!) On the brightside for Denver...no blame can be leveled at Jake Plummer.
Ivan 1 NFL 0
Rams v. Seahawks:
Ivan's rule: 8-8 Teams don’t win playoff games (0-8 going into this year i.e. Rams should lose). On the other hand Rams swept Seahawks during the season. So Ivan's rules appear to contradict one another. Nonetheless there had to be a winner and it was the Rams. I've given a lot of heat to Mad Martz this year but damn give that man some dap. His offense and playcalling were Superb. He used the Marshall Plan and the Jackson Plan (i.e. running the ball). Third and Two, fake into the line and throw to the tight end. Somewhere Bill Walsh is smiling. On the other hand if anyone in all of Seattle could catch a ball the Rams would have lost. Got to feel a little for Matt Hasselback...last year he threw the winning pass (albeit for the opposing team) . This year short of covering the ball with glue, his receivers couldn't hang onto the ball.
Split decision: Ivan 2 NFL 1
Jets v. Chargers
See Rule #1. Jets won the first game. They stumbled into the playoffs losing to the Rams and possibly the Washington Generals. They looked sorry. But old Marty ball returned. You know ultra-conservative (possibly symbolized when he punted on second down or at least thats how it felt). Also Herm Edwards knows a great New Orleans woman that does this fancy voodoo curse. In other news Drew Brees' arm fell off.
Ivan 2 NFL 2
The rubber match: Vikings v. Packers
Packers had swept the Vikings. The Vikings were 8-8. Vikings couldn't win outside. Favre hadn't lost outside (besides to Michael Vick) since the Neanderthals hit a field goal in OT. None of that mattered. The Vikings beat Green Bay like a rented mule. Let's be honest Green Bay has been an above average team for the past three years. Coach/GM/Wisconsin Governor Mike Sherman suited up only 4 receivers (one of whom was just signed off the practice field). That doesn't cut it in this league. Once again Mike Sherman shows why coaches shouldn't be GMs.
2 Laws get broken and in a romp the NFL beats Ivan 4-2
Michael Wilbon, in the Washington Post, discusses today an issue that I am sure will hang over pundits and the State of Wisconsin: Is this the end of Brett Favre? Favre is such a beloved figure that he often gets a free pass. The past few years have been good but not great. Yesterday Favre threw 4 INTs. Sure the receivers ran some bad routes and Favre got some unlucky breaks, but he threw into some bad coverage and hung the ball out there a lot. More than that, the old fire was gone. The man that would head butt Warren Sapp or leap for joy following a TD was not on that field yesterday. I suppose we all need to mature but after all that has happened to Favre, both on and off the field, I'm not as sure as I used to be that Brett will be back.
While on the subject of punditry, one of my favorite targets, is the "Moonsota" incident. Yes Randy Moss pretended to moon some fans. Was it classless? Yes. Was it insulting? Yes. Is he now in the league of Terrel Owens for jack-ass moves? Yes. Do I sound like Donald Rumsfeld? Yes. However the reaction out of FOX and ESPN was so over the top, it should be laughable. Both networks refused to re-show the incident. Let me repeat that: FOX and ESPN refused to show a Randy Moss PRETENDING to moon the fans. No ass was visible. Any network that shows ArmWrestling (ESPN) or Who's Your Daddy (FOX) should be barred from making any statements on taste, quality or obscenity (whatever the hell that means). To all you networks and pundits I give you the following:
Could even Ivan's rule handle this helter skelter that is the NFL? Short answer: No
Indy v. Denver:
Ivan's rule: It’s tough to beat a team you already beat. Denver should lose and boy did they ever. Peyton and his majestic offense put up 35 points in the first half. Manning ended up throwing for more yards than any other quarterback in a playoff game....except for Bernie Kosar (we still love you Bernie!) On the brightside for Denver...no blame can be leveled at Jake Plummer.
Ivan 1 NFL 0
Rams v. Seahawks:
Ivan's rule: 8-8 Teams don’t win playoff games (0-8 going into this year i.e. Rams should lose). On the other hand Rams swept Seahawks during the season. So Ivan's rules appear to contradict one another. Nonetheless there had to be a winner and it was the Rams. I've given a lot of heat to Mad Martz this year but damn give that man some dap. His offense and playcalling were Superb. He used the Marshall Plan and the Jackson Plan (i.e. running the ball). Third and Two, fake into the line and throw to the tight end. Somewhere Bill Walsh is smiling. On the other hand if anyone in all of Seattle could catch a ball the Rams would have lost. Got to feel a little for Matt Hasselback...last year he threw the winning pass (albeit for the opposing team) . This year short of covering the ball with glue, his receivers couldn't hang onto the ball.
Split decision: Ivan 2 NFL 1
Jets v. Chargers
See Rule #1. Jets won the first game. They stumbled into the playoffs losing to the Rams and possibly the Washington Generals. They looked sorry. But old Marty ball returned. You know ultra-conservative (possibly symbolized when he punted on second down or at least thats how it felt). Also Herm Edwards knows a great New Orleans woman that does this fancy voodoo curse. In other news Drew Brees' arm fell off.
Ivan 2 NFL 2
The rubber match: Vikings v. Packers
Packers had swept the Vikings. The Vikings were 8-8. Vikings couldn't win outside. Favre hadn't lost outside (besides to Michael Vick) since the Neanderthals hit a field goal in OT. None of that mattered. The Vikings beat Green Bay like a rented mule. Let's be honest Green Bay has been an above average team for the past three years. Coach/GM/Wisconsin Governor Mike Sherman suited up only 4 receivers (one of whom was just signed off the practice field). That doesn't cut it in this league. Once again Mike Sherman shows why coaches shouldn't be GMs.
2 Laws get broken and in a romp the NFL beats Ivan 4-2
Michael Wilbon, in the Washington Post, discusses today an issue that I am sure will hang over pundits and the State of Wisconsin: Is this the end of Brett Favre? Favre is such a beloved figure that he often gets a free pass. The past few years have been good but not great. Yesterday Favre threw 4 INTs. Sure the receivers ran some bad routes and Favre got some unlucky breaks, but he threw into some bad coverage and hung the ball out there a lot. More than that, the old fire was gone. The man that would head butt Warren Sapp or leap for joy following a TD was not on that field yesterday. I suppose we all need to mature but after all that has happened to Favre, both on and off the field, I'm not as sure as I used to be that Brett will be back.
While on the subject of punditry, one of my favorite targets, is the "Moonsota" incident. Yes Randy Moss pretended to moon some fans. Was it classless? Yes. Was it insulting? Yes. Is he now in the league of Terrel Owens for jack-ass moves? Yes. Do I sound like Donald Rumsfeld? Yes. However the reaction out of FOX and ESPN was so over the top, it should be laughable. Both networks refused to re-show the incident. Let me repeat that: FOX and ESPN refused to show a Randy Moss PRETENDING to moon the fans. No ass was visible. Any network that shows ArmWrestling (ESPN) or Who's Your Daddy (FOX) should be barred from making any statements on taste, quality or obscenity (whatever the hell that means). To all you networks and pundits I give you the following:
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Ultimate Playoff Preview & 2004 Recap
Before we get into the games this week, we need to cover a few issues. First off, congratulations to USC, for thoroughly beating Oklahoma and once again (as usual) proving that the Big 12 is just a weak conference. I still really wanted to see USC vs. Auburn, but that’s how the cookie crumbles. Anyway, I did some major research and it’s time for…
Goldberg’s Fantasy Football Recap 2004
Best decision: Picking TO with a 2nd-round pick
Worst decision: McNair as a “value” 4th round pick. He barely even played.
Worst decision Part 2: Brunell as my backup QB.
Worst decision Part 3: Kerry Collins as my 3rd string QB, during his 3 TD – 13 INT streak.
This resulted in a very bad team, since I was posting low numbers at QB, and I had no RB depth.
Sleeper pick
Every year, I have a “super-sleeper” who usually, no one knows about. Since it’s winter vacation, I’m going to try and show you how good I usually am at this fun game. The “sleeper” has to be either a) a rookie that most people aren’t planning on drafting or b) a younger known player that I will be picking really high
1994- Ben Coates TE, New England – I thought another season of Bledsoe would work out well. And it did! He went from 700 yards to 1174 (though he did go down from 8 to 7 TDs).
1995- Curtis Martin RB, New England (A relatively unknown rookie who ended up with 1487 yards and 15 TDs. Not starting him the first week of the season cost me, but who would have known he would kick his career off with 120 yards and 2 TDs? Just looked up on NFL.com, he was the 9th RB taken that year. I just knew New England needed a starting RB, and he might be the guy.)
1996- Mark Brunell QB, Jacksonville (Brunell had 2200 yards, 19TD in ’95. He had 4300 yards, 22 TD in ’96)
1997- I was in college and I can’t remember.
1998- I was in college and I can’t remember.
1999- I was in college and I can’t remember.
2000-I was in college, but this one was so bad I still remember! Thomas Jones RB, Arizona (rookie, he sucked. I think I’ve had him on my team every year until this year, when he finally started producing like he was supposed to.)
2001-David Boston WR, Arizona – not as much of a sleeper, since he had 1100 yards the previous year. But he bumped it up to 1600 yards, and people really took notice.
2002- Clinton Portis RB, Denver – by this point, going with the latest Denver Rookie RB always seemed to work. This year, Terrell Davis was rumored to be returning, as well as Olandis Gary and Mike Anderson. Portis was a great pick, but I had no receivers this year and so Portis’s 1500 yards and 17TDs didn’t take me as far as they should have.
2003- Onterrio Smith RB, Minnesota - a slow start, but once he saw action he actually produced.
2004- Michael Jenkins WR, Atlanta – 7 active games and only 7 receptions. Wow. I’ve hit rock bottom.
If you haven’t noticed by now, I really focus on rookies who I think will see serious playing time, or younger players who haven’t been noticed yet. It tends to work pretty well, but I certainly had my worst choice ever this past year. I mean Jenkins only had 7 catches all year!
The Final Crazy Numbers
Last Week: 6-10
Season: 151-107 (58.5%)
Manwich Matchup: 7-11 (The Panthers lost to the Saints, and the Jets lost to the Rams once they had nothing to play for)
Upset Special: 7-9 (I didn’t have an upset special last week)
I didn’t think I’d ever go below 50% in a single week, and I did it a whopping 4 out of 17 weeks this year! Those 4 weeks, I went a combined 22-36 for a pathetic 38% success rate. The rest of the season actually went pretty well. I went 129-71 for a very good 65% success rate. It’s just that those 4 weeks brought me all the way down to 58.5%.
NFL Playoff Picks
Cohen already went through 3 of my rules for picking the playoffs in his column. Quick recap, and then we’ll add in 2 more.
Rule 1: It’s tough to beat a team you already beat. If you played a team once, the losing team OFTEN wins the rematch.
Rule 2: If you swept a team, you probably WILL beat them a 3rd time (This means Green Bay and St. Louis are in good situations.)
Rule 3: NO ONE wins consecutive weeks against the same team. This means that Denver has absolutely no chance this week against Peyton and the Colts. (Best example is when the Rams won vs. the Saints in 2000, only to play them again and then lose the rematch.)
Let’s add in the rest of the rules.
Rule 4: 8-8 Teams don’t win playoff games. They just don’t win games. It’s simple. The only problem is that the Rams are 8-8 but already swept the Seahawks. That’s a tossup situation.
Rule 5: AT LEAST 1 Home team will win in the final 4. Both road teams almost never win (last time was 1992 – Bills won in Miami, Dallas won in San Fran), though almost every year, there’s often times there is 1 upset in the final 4. This means that it’s really difficult for me to pick Colts over Falcons, since they both would likely have to win on the road.
As a matter of fact, 1996 was the last time both home teams won, and that was a fluky year with the Jags and Panthers (2 expansion teams) in the championship games. The last 8 years have seen exactly 1 road team win in the final 4, but the hardest question is always figuring out which team it will be.
AFC
NY Jets @ San Diego-
As Cohen pointed out in his column, these 2 teams met earlier in the season and the Jets won. Applying rule 1, San Diego should have no problem and be able to advance.
Pick: San Diego
Denver @ Indy-
Simple, apply rule 3. These teams played last week, and no one, I mean NO ONE can win 2 weeks in a row against the same team. And as Cohen pointed out, Peyton is playing this week.
Another question is which Champ Bailey will show up? Shut-down Champ, or the Champ that got burned by Chad Johnson and Peerless Price earlier this year?
Pick: Indy
NFC
Minnesota @ Green Bay-
I have to stick to my guns. Not only does Rule 2 apply, since Green Bay has swept Minnesota, but Rule 4 also applies, since Minnesota is now 8-8. Sorry, but my pre-season Super Bowl pick has hit the end of the road. Granted, it was a miracle for them to even make the playoffs the way they played the last 6 weeks. I think the Vikings only victory over the last 6 weeks was due to the Lions fumbling an extra point away! If I was Mike Tice, I would bring in a hypnotist to make everyone think it was week 7, when the Vikings always win.
Pick: Green Bay
St. Louis @ Seattle-
Now there are some problems with my rules here. First off, St. Louis swept Seattle (Rule 2). But St. Louis is 8-8 (Rule 4). Anything could happen in this game with these 2 rivals. I have to go with Seattle. If you look back, I’ve picked Seattle every time these 2 teams have matched up this year. It just seems ridiculous for Seattle to choke against the Rams for a 3rd straight game, and then they would be the most pathetic team for allowing an 8-8 team to advance.
Pick: Seattle
This is the one and only week where I’m going to forecast additional games.
AFC
The Colts will go to New England, and assuming the weather forecast stays the same, I’m applying Rule 1. Yes, New England beat the Colts in Week 1, and the Colts will get their revenge! And their revenge for last year’s AFC Championship game loss! Meanwhile, the Chargers will go to Pittsburgh, and as long as Roethlisberger’s ribs are healed, Pittsburgh should be fine. Finally, Peyton Manning will be able to abuse the Pittsburgh secondary, and put the Steelers behind for the first time since week 2, and Roethlisberger will force a couple of INTs, as the Colts go to the Super Bowl.
NFC
It’s a lot more simple in this conference. The most pivotal game would be Green Bay at Atlanta. Favre vs. Vick, the rematch (from the 2002 playoffs where Vick won in Green Bay). Ultimately, I see the Falcons running all over that weak Green Bay run defense. With Dunn, Duckett, and a healthy Vick, I don’t see Green Bay stopping that, and Favre will throw up enough interceptions. Meanwhile, Philadelphia will take care of Seattle. Atlanta will go to Philly, and the annual tradition of Philly losing in the NFC Championship game will continue. Without TO, there’s no hope. The Philly run defense is also weak, I mean the Browns were running all over them this season. In addition, the whole nation will realize that the Falcons 6’5” rookie receive Michael Jenkins is just unstoppable. And all of America will wonder, why didn’t this guy play during the season, and finally, my 2004 Fantasy sleeper will actually look good. And I will scream out, “REDEMPTION!”And my dream matchup will be complete. Manning vs. Vick. Completely going against my own Rule 5, since 2 road teams will win in the final 4. Manning has to get to the Super Bowl, and whatever inferior team from the NFC shows up will certainly lose.
Goldberg’s Fantasy Football Recap 2004
Best decision: Picking TO with a 2nd-round pick
Worst decision: McNair as a “value” 4th round pick. He barely even played.
Worst decision Part 2: Brunell as my backup QB.
Worst decision Part 3: Kerry Collins as my 3rd string QB, during his 3 TD – 13 INT streak.
This resulted in a very bad team, since I was posting low numbers at QB, and I had no RB depth.
Sleeper pick
Every year, I have a “super-sleeper” who usually, no one knows about. Since it’s winter vacation, I’m going to try and show you how good I usually am at this fun game. The “sleeper” has to be either a) a rookie that most people aren’t planning on drafting or b) a younger known player that I will be picking really high
1994- Ben Coates TE, New England – I thought another season of Bledsoe would work out well. And it did! He went from 700 yards to 1174 (though he did go down from 8 to 7 TDs).
1995- Curtis Martin RB, New England (A relatively unknown rookie who ended up with 1487 yards and 15 TDs. Not starting him the first week of the season cost me, but who would have known he would kick his career off with 120 yards and 2 TDs? Just looked up on NFL.com, he was the 9th RB taken that year. I just knew New England needed a starting RB, and he might be the guy.)
1996- Mark Brunell QB, Jacksonville (Brunell had 2200 yards, 19TD in ’95. He had 4300 yards, 22 TD in ’96)
1997- I was in college and I can’t remember.
1998- I was in college and I can’t remember.
1999- I was in college and I can’t remember.
2000-I was in college, but this one was so bad I still remember! Thomas Jones RB, Arizona (rookie, he sucked. I think I’ve had him on my team every year until this year, when he finally started producing like he was supposed to.)
2001-David Boston WR, Arizona – not as much of a sleeper, since he had 1100 yards the previous year. But he bumped it up to 1600 yards, and people really took notice.
2002- Clinton Portis RB, Denver – by this point, going with the latest Denver Rookie RB always seemed to work. This year, Terrell Davis was rumored to be returning, as well as Olandis Gary and Mike Anderson. Portis was a great pick, but I had no receivers this year and so Portis’s 1500 yards and 17TDs didn’t take me as far as they should have.
2003- Onterrio Smith RB, Minnesota - a slow start, but once he saw action he actually produced.
2004- Michael Jenkins WR, Atlanta – 7 active games and only 7 receptions. Wow. I’ve hit rock bottom.
If you haven’t noticed by now, I really focus on rookies who I think will see serious playing time, or younger players who haven’t been noticed yet. It tends to work pretty well, but I certainly had my worst choice ever this past year. I mean Jenkins only had 7 catches all year!
The Final Crazy Numbers
Last Week: 6-10
Season: 151-107 (58.5%)
Manwich Matchup: 7-11 (The Panthers lost to the Saints, and the Jets lost to the Rams once they had nothing to play for)
Upset Special: 7-9 (I didn’t have an upset special last week)
I didn’t think I’d ever go below 50% in a single week, and I did it a whopping 4 out of 17 weeks this year! Those 4 weeks, I went a combined 22-36 for a pathetic 38% success rate. The rest of the season actually went pretty well. I went 129-71 for a very good 65% success rate. It’s just that those 4 weeks brought me all the way down to 58.5%.
NFL Playoff Picks
Cohen already went through 3 of my rules for picking the playoffs in his column. Quick recap, and then we’ll add in 2 more.
Rule 1: It’s tough to beat a team you already beat. If you played a team once, the losing team OFTEN wins the rematch.
Rule 2: If you swept a team, you probably WILL beat them a 3rd time (This means Green Bay and St. Louis are in good situations.)
Rule 3: NO ONE wins consecutive weeks against the same team. This means that Denver has absolutely no chance this week against Peyton and the Colts. (Best example is when the Rams won vs. the Saints in 2000, only to play them again and then lose the rematch.)
Let’s add in the rest of the rules.
Rule 4: 8-8 Teams don’t win playoff games. They just don’t win games. It’s simple. The only problem is that the Rams are 8-8 but already swept the Seahawks. That’s a tossup situation.
Rule 5: AT LEAST 1 Home team will win in the final 4. Both road teams almost never win (last time was 1992 – Bills won in Miami, Dallas won in San Fran), though almost every year, there’s often times there is 1 upset in the final 4. This means that it’s really difficult for me to pick Colts over Falcons, since they both would likely have to win on the road.
As a matter of fact, 1996 was the last time both home teams won, and that was a fluky year with the Jags and Panthers (2 expansion teams) in the championship games. The last 8 years have seen exactly 1 road team win in the final 4, but the hardest question is always figuring out which team it will be.
AFC
NY Jets @ San Diego-
As Cohen pointed out in his column, these 2 teams met earlier in the season and the Jets won. Applying rule 1, San Diego should have no problem and be able to advance.
Pick: San Diego
Denver @ Indy-
Simple, apply rule 3. These teams played last week, and no one, I mean NO ONE can win 2 weeks in a row against the same team. And as Cohen pointed out, Peyton is playing this week.
Another question is which Champ Bailey will show up? Shut-down Champ, or the Champ that got burned by Chad Johnson and Peerless Price earlier this year?
Pick: Indy
NFC
Minnesota @ Green Bay-
I have to stick to my guns. Not only does Rule 2 apply, since Green Bay has swept Minnesota, but Rule 4 also applies, since Minnesota is now 8-8. Sorry, but my pre-season Super Bowl pick has hit the end of the road. Granted, it was a miracle for them to even make the playoffs the way they played the last 6 weeks. I think the Vikings only victory over the last 6 weeks was due to the Lions fumbling an extra point away! If I was Mike Tice, I would bring in a hypnotist to make everyone think it was week 7, when the Vikings always win.
Pick: Green Bay
St. Louis @ Seattle-
Now there are some problems with my rules here. First off, St. Louis swept Seattle (Rule 2). But St. Louis is 8-8 (Rule 4). Anything could happen in this game with these 2 rivals. I have to go with Seattle. If you look back, I’ve picked Seattle every time these 2 teams have matched up this year. It just seems ridiculous for Seattle to choke against the Rams for a 3rd straight game, and then they would be the most pathetic team for allowing an 8-8 team to advance.
Pick: Seattle
This is the one and only week where I’m going to forecast additional games.
AFC
The Colts will go to New England, and assuming the weather forecast stays the same, I’m applying Rule 1. Yes, New England beat the Colts in Week 1, and the Colts will get their revenge! And their revenge for last year’s AFC Championship game loss! Meanwhile, the Chargers will go to Pittsburgh, and as long as Roethlisberger’s ribs are healed, Pittsburgh should be fine. Finally, Peyton Manning will be able to abuse the Pittsburgh secondary, and put the Steelers behind for the first time since week 2, and Roethlisberger will force a couple of INTs, as the Colts go to the Super Bowl.
NFC
It’s a lot more simple in this conference. The most pivotal game would be Green Bay at Atlanta. Favre vs. Vick, the rematch (from the 2002 playoffs where Vick won in Green Bay). Ultimately, I see the Falcons running all over that weak Green Bay run defense. With Dunn, Duckett, and a healthy Vick, I don’t see Green Bay stopping that, and Favre will throw up enough interceptions. Meanwhile, Philadelphia will take care of Seattle. Atlanta will go to Philly, and the annual tradition of Philly losing in the NFC Championship game will continue. Without TO, there’s no hope. The Philly run defense is also weak, I mean the Browns were running all over them this season. In addition, the whole nation will realize that the Falcons 6’5” rookie receive Michael Jenkins is just unstoppable. And all of America will wonder, why didn’t this guy play during the season, and finally, my 2004 Fantasy sleeper will actually look good. And I will scream out, “REDEMPTION!”And my dream matchup will be complete. Manning vs. Vick. Completely going against my own Rule 5, since 2 road teams will win in the final 4. Manning has to get to the Super Bowl, and whatever inferior team from the NFC shows up will certainly lose.
Monday, January 03, 2005
Hello My Friend, Hello Again
When the Bard of Bards (i.e. Neil Diamond), sang the words "Hello my friend, hello again.." he was partly referring to the NFL playoffs and partly a tribute to the Applebees in Grand Rapids Michigan (its a long story but the short version involves rib eyes and a beautiful waittress). Nonetheless the reference to the NFL was obviously sarcasm. Familiarity breeds contempt, period. And there's a whole lot of contempt coming this weekend for the first round of the playoffs. To properly analyze the games I will use the three rules of Ivan's familiarity.
1. It's tough to beat a team you already beat - (San Diego v. New York Jets)
In week 2 the Jets topped the Chargers 34-28. Since then the Jets have done well against the crappy teams and stunk it up versus average/good teams (witness their loss to the 8-8 Rams). Herm "I'm trying to be crazier than Mike Martz" has had his fill of head scratchers. The Super-Chargers are fueled by Magic Marty and the best uniforms ever (love the powder blue love it).
2. It's really tough to beat a team three times in one year - (Minnesota v. Green Bay; Seattle v. St. Louis)
Both games in the NFC represent games against in-division rivals. Both games represent games where one of the teams swept the other. Not too long ago Pittsburgh pulled the trifeca against the Browns so sometimes a team just has the number. But Green Bay has LAMBOUGH FIELD, albeit two forces (global warming and Michael Vick) have hurt the mystic. St. Louis had one of the great comeback against Seattle this year (although they still have Mike Martz and a makeshift offensive line)
3. Don't even think about winning back to back games against the same team (Denver v. Indianapolis)
Denver beat up on the Colts in week 17 to make it into the playoffs. Their prize: playing the Colts on the road. Oh and some guy named Manning will be playing this time. That's like beating up Superman and then Superman takes off his kryptonite tux. Yeah what's going through Denver's head is basically: I hope this doesn't hurt too bad.
Who's Coming out on Top?
Well there is no good answer to this question. The NFC is full of at best mediocore and incomplete teams. The AFC is full of giants and intrigue. Does anyone really doubt that the AFC will win the Super Bowl again. Here are some major factors to keep your eye on:
1. Ref's - Will the Ref's be as stringent, less stringent or more stringent on pass interference. Remember the rule changes were all because of New England v. Indy
2. Richard Seymour's Health - Stopping the run is top predictor of going to the Super Bowl. Seymour is the Patroits top run -stopper. you do the math.
3. Big Ben's Ribs - Can his body take a shot? Ribs take an awful long time to heal
4. Michael Vick's hand- As of today Michael Vick has no feeling in his throwing hand. Now I'm just a simple graduate student but my understanding is that feeling in throwing hand is important to throwing.
My prediction:
New England repeats (does it really matter who they are playing. alright I'll throw out Philly)
Sugar Bowl: Auburn
NBA Championship: San Antonio over Miami (its a weekly column I can change it by the week)
My Dinner: Salad and maybe cheese and crackers.
1. It's tough to beat a team you already beat - (San Diego v. New York Jets)
In week 2 the Jets topped the Chargers 34-28. Since then the Jets have done well against the crappy teams and stunk it up versus average/good teams (witness their loss to the 8-8 Rams). Herm "I'm trying to be crazier than Mike Martz" has had his fill of head scratchers. The Super-Chargers are fueled by Magic Marty and the best uniforms ever (love the powder blue love it).
2. It's really tough to beat a team three times in one year - (Minnesota v. Green Bay; Seattle v. St. Louis)
Both games in the NFC represent games against in-division rivals. Both games represent games where one of the teams swept the other. Not too long ago Pittsburgh pulled the trifeca against the Browns so sometimes a team just has the number. But Green Bay has LAMBOUGH FIELD, albeit two forces (global warming and Michael Vick) have hurt the mystic. St. Louis had one of the great comeback against Seattle this year (although they still have Mike Martz and a makeshift offensive line)
3. Don't even think about winning back to back games against the same team (Denver v. Indianapolis)
Denver beat up on the Colts in week 17 to make it into the playoffs. Their prize: playing the Colts on the road. Oh and some guy named Manning will be playing this time. That's like beating up Superman and then Superman takes off his kryptonite tux. Yeah what's going through Denver's head is basically: I hope this doesn't hurt too bad.
Who's Coming out on Top?
Well there is no good answer to this question. The NFC is full of at best mediocore and incomplete teams. The AFC is full of giants and intrigue. Does anyone really doubt that the AFC will win the Super Bowl again. Here are some major factors to keep your eye on:
1. Ref's - Will the Ref's be as stringent, less stringent or more stringent on pass interference. Remember the rule changes were all because of New England v. Indy
2. Richard Seymour's Health - Stopping the run is top predictor of going to the Super Bowl. Seymour is the Patroits top run -stopper. you do the math.
3. Big Ben's Ribs - Can his body take a shot? Ribs take an awful long time to heal
4. Michael Vick's hand- As of today Michael Vick has no feeling in his throwing hand. Now I'm just a simple graduate student but my understanding is that feeling in throwing hand is important to throwing.
My prediction:
New England repeats (does it really matter who they are playing. alright I'll throw out Philly)
Sugar Bowl: Auburn
NBA Championship: San Antonio over Miami (its a weekly column I can change it by the week)
My Dinner: Salad and maybe cheese and crackers.
Friday, December 31, 2004
Mutumbo's Victims
Dikembe Mutombo honored LeBron James with a surprise birthday bash in Wednesday's game in Cleveland. He bashed his face, fracturing it, causing Lebron to wear a mask. In honor of this incident, ESPN took the time to figure out who else has been injured by Mutumbo. Dikembe Mutombo's elbows have done a lot of damage over the years. Left in his wake were 25 affected players, five broken noses, 20 stitches. I just had to get the word out (especially take note of the April 9, 1999 game, where he managed to injure 4 people in one game!)
I know this is not a typical column, but I have to spread the truth in my role as a journalist.
1. April 20, 2004: Kenyon Martin, hit in the eye and retaliated by clubbing Mutombo across the arm. Received a technical foul
2. March 31, 2003: Yao Ming, hit in the throat. Mutombo assessed flagrant foul
3. Feb. 4, 2002: Vince Carter, hit in the gut
4. May 16, 2001: Vince Carter, hit in the head. Carter did not return to Game 6 of the Eastern Conference playoffs
5. May 6, 2001: Chris Childs, broken nose
6. Feb. 26, 2001: Ray Allen, broken nose
7. Jan. 13, 2001: Corey Maggette, eye trauma
8. Dec. 28, 2000: Chauncey Billups, hit in the mouth, four stitches, fractured front tooth
9. Feb. 6, 1999: Jayson Williams, broken nose
10. May 4, 1999: Mark Strickland, broken nose
11. May 8, 1999: Lindsey Hunter, left eye
12. May 8, 1999: Christian Laettner, cut on face
13, 14, 15, 16. April 9, 1999: Chris Childs, lost a tooth; Marcus Camby, shot to throat; Larry Johnson, hit in the head; Patrick Ewing, hit in the head
17. March 4, 1999: Kevin Willis, injured shoulder. Missed several games
18. May 6, 1997: Dennis Rodman, retaliated and ejected with second technical foul
19. April 12, 1997: Tom Gugliotta, broken nose
20. Jan. 30, 1997: Antoine Carr, knocked senseless
21. Jan. 4, 1997: Charles Oakley, four stitches to the lip
22. Oct. 22, 1996: Michael Jordan, bloodied nose (preseason game)
23. April 10, 1994: Robert Horry, hit in the head, fell to the floor
24. Dec. 30, 1993: Chris Webber; Mutombo later ejected for taunting Chris Gatling
25. Dec. 28, 1991: Robert Parish, hit the floor
26. Nov. 29, 1991: Ricky Pierce, 12 stitches in forehead
I know this is not a typical column, but I have to spread the truth in my role as a journalist.
1. April 20, 2004: Kenyon Martin, hit in the eye and retaliated by clubbing Mutombo across the arm. Received a technical foul
2. March 31, 2003: Yao Ming, hit in the throat. Mutombo assessed flagrant foul
3. Feb. 4, 2002: Vince Carter, hit in the gut
4. May 16, 2001: Vince Carter, hit in the head. Carter did not return to Game 6 of the Eastern Conference playoffs
5. May 6, 2001: Chris Childs, broken nose
6. Feb. 26, 2001: Ray Allen, broken nose
7. Jan. 13, 2001: Corey Maggette, eye trauma
8. Dec. 28, 2000: Chauncey Billups, hit in the mouth, four stitches, fractured front tooth
9. Feb. 6, 1999: Jayson Williams, broken nose
10. May 4, 1999: Mark Strickland, broken nose
11. May 8, 1999: Lindsey Hunter, left eye
12. May 8, 1999: Christian Laettner, cut on face
13, 14, 15, 16. April 9, 1999: Chris Childs, lost a tooth; Marcus Camby, shot to throat; Larry Johnson, hit in the head; Patrick Ewing, hit in the head
17. March 4, 1999: Kevin Willis, injured shoulder. Missed several games
18. May 6, 1997: Dennis Rodman, retaliated and ejected with second technical foul
19. April 12, 1997: Tom Gugliotta, broken nose
20. Jan. 30, 1997: Antoine Carr, knocked senseless
21. Jan. 4, 1997: Charles Oakley, four stitches to the lip
22. Oct. 22, 1996: Michael Jordan, bloodied nose (preseason game)
23. April 10, 1994: Robert Horry, hit in the head, fell to the floor
24. Dec. 30, 1993: Chris Webber; Mutombo later ejected for taunting Chris Gatling
25. Dec. 28, 1991: Robert Parish, hit the floor
26. Nov. 29, 1991: Ricky Pierce, 12 stitches in forehead
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
Week 17 - Season's End
Well, it’s been a long wacky season as usual. I still think we are in the era where any year, your team can be truly great, or truly terrible. The Chargers went from worst, to contenders. Granted, we still have a couple teams that do well each and every year, (Pats & Eagles). I really cannot remember a year though where most of the teams have their playoff position secured with nothing to play for. 7 teams have secured their seed and have nothing to play for this weekend. NOTHING! This will certainly create mass confusion when the playoffs starts, especially for teams that haven’t had to play hard in about 3 weeks.
Manwich Matchup of the Week-
New Orleans @ Carolina-
From 1-7 to 8-8 and the playoffs. The Panthers are unbelievable. They had 13 guys on IR by week 6 (the Browns didn’t get to 13 until like week 9, and then just gave up). They almost beat the Falcons to win out the season. This would definitely be the best 8-8 team ever to make the playoffs. Am I discounting the Saints by not even speaking of their strengths or weaknesses? Your damn right I am!
Pick: Carolina
Manwich Matchup of the Week, Part 2 (NO Upset of the week this week)-
NY Jets @ St. Louis-
How funny would it be if the Jets lost this game and didn’t make the playoffs? Apparently, the Jets would be the odd team out in a possible 3-way tie with Denver and Buffalo. The Rams have a lot to play for, considering a wildcard and/or division title is within their reach. I’m giving the edge to the Jets, simply because Martz is insane. 2 weeks ago, a reporter asked Martz why Steven Jackson did not play, and Martz said, “I didn’t realize that.” Martz made up for it by letting Jackson rush for 150 yards on Monday night.
Pick: Jets
Minnesota @ Washington-
As always, I’m picking the Vikings. Washington is missing Portis, so I’m actually using some reason this week.
Pick: Minnesota
SUPER 7
The following 7 games involve teams with nothing to play for.
Pittsburgh @ Buffalo-
Lucky: Buffalo is playing a team that does not need to win.
Unlucky: Buffalo still needs help from either Denver or the Jets.
Pick: Buffalo
Indy @ Denver-
The Broncos are in the best spot. Indy is likely to rest everyone. They have the 3-spot locked up, nothing to gain or lose. Broncos may still salvage the playoff spot after all!
Pick: Denver
Cinci @ Philly-
Locked in at NFC #1, Andy Reid may play center for fun. He may also eat a Cornerback for a snack.
Pick: Cinci
Atlanta @ Seattle-
Atlanta is locked in at NFC #2. My fantasy sleeper Michael Jenkins may get some serious playing time. I still think they’re saving his “coming out” party for the playoffs. A 6-5 guy with speed who’s rated off the charts in ESPN football and in Madden?
Pick: Seattle
Green Bay @ Chicago-
GB has nothing to play for. Local Clevelander Tony Fisher may get more time to shine.
Pick: Chicago
San Fran @ New England-
New England has nothing to play for. World Football League MVP Rohan Davey will toss some balls around to both teams for a calistenic workout. This is the one game I have a problem with. I really don’t have the courage to pick San Fran even though New England has nothing to play for.
Pick: New England
KC @ San Diego-
Marty Schottenheimer returns to the playoffs! Unbelievable how well their defense came together after sucking it up for so long. But they’ll save all the surprises for after the playoffs.
Pick: KC
Miami @ Baltimore-
Baltimore only needs to win and hope for Buffalo, Denver, and Jacksonville to lose. I’m just happy they’re not going to the playoffs. The main reason- choking in week 1 to the lowly Cleveland Browns!
Pick: Baltimore
Jacksonville @ Oakland-
All the Jags had to do was win against Houston, and they would have held all of the tiebreakers. Instead, they laid a big, fat egg and lost by 21 points. I think the “oops I crapped my pants excuse” does not hold up very well in the National Football League.
Pick: Jacksonville
Cleveland @ Houston-
The Houston Texans were my surprise team. One more victory and they get to 8-8. That really was not too bad, considering how pathetic their defense was and how Carr got sacked so often. The biggest problem is that they are in the AFC South with the Colts, Jags, and Titans. Believe me, next year will not be any easier.
Pick: Houston
Tampa Bay @ Arizona-
You do realize, Arizona would be right in the playoff mix. One problem, they got swept by the 49ers!!! This normally would not be a big deal except that the 49ers only have 2 wins, which are both against Arizona. Meanwhile, Brian Griese sold his soul to the devil to re-discover his groove. The movie’s coming out next year, “How Griese Got His Groove Back.”
Pick: Tampa Bay
Dallas @ NY Giants-
This will be the second straight year that the Giants lose out the season. Last year, they started 4-4 and lost 8 straight to get to 4-12. This year was a little better, they started 5-2, only to lose 9 straight. Actually, I’m not sure which one is better.
Pick: Dallas
Detroit @ Tennesee-
This game means nothing. Anything can happen. I’m going to stick with Kevin Jones. K-money!
Pick: Detroit
Last Week: 13-3 (2 of the 3 losses were Manwich and Upset!)
Season: 145-97
Manwich Matchup: 7-9 (The Vikings make me a loser once again)
Upset Special: 7-9 (Picking against the Steelers again did not work out so well)
Manwich Matchup of the Week-
New Orleans @ Carolina-
From 1-7 to 8-8 and the playoffs. The Panthers are unbelievable. They had 13 guys on IR by week 6 (the Browns didn’t get to 13 until like week 9, and then just gave up). They almost beat the Falcons to win out the season. This would definitely be the best 8-8 team ever to make the playoffs. Am I discounting the Saints by not even speaking of their strengths or weaknesses? Your damn right I am!
Pick: Carolina
Manwich Matchup of the Week, Part 2 (NO Upset of the week this week)-
NY Jets @ St. Louis-
How funny would it be if the Jets lost this game and didn’t make the playoffs? Apparently, the Jets would be the odd team out in a possible 3-way tie with Denver and Buffalo. The Rams have a lot to play for, considering a wildcard and/or division title is within their reach. I’m giving the edge to the Jets, simply because Martz is insane. 2 weeks ago, a reporter asked Martz why Steven Jackson did not play, and Martz said, “I didn’t realize that.” Martz made up for it by letting Jackson rush for 150 yards on Monday night.
Pick: Jets
Minnesota @ Washington-
As always, I’m picking the Vikings. Washington is missing Portis, so I’m actually using some reason this week.
Pick: Minnesota
SUPER 7
The following 7 games involve teams with nothing to play for.
Pittsburgh @ Buffalo-
Lucky: Buffalo is playing a team that does not need to win.
Unlucky: Buffalo still needs help from either Denver or the Jets.
Pick: Buffalo
Indy @ Denver-
The Broncos are in the best spot. Indy is likely to rest everyone. They have the 3-spot locked up, nothing to gain or lose. Broncos may still salvage the playoff spot after all!
Pick: Denver
Cinci @ Philly-
Locked in at NFC #1, Andy Reid may play center for fun. He may also eat a Cornerback for a snack.
Pick: Cinci
Atlanta @ Seattle-
Atlanta is locked in at NFC #2. My fantasy sleeper Michael Jenkins may get some serious playing time. I still think they’re saving his “coming out” party for the playoffs. A 6-5 guy with speed who’s rated off the charts in ESPN football and in Madden?
Pick: Seattle
Green Bay @ Chicago-
GB has nothing to play for. Local Clevelander Tony Fisher may get more time to shine.
Pick: Chicago
San Fran @ New England-
New England has nothing to play for. World Football League MVP Rohan Davey will toss some balls around to both teams for a calistenic workout. This is the one game I have a problem with. I really don’t have the courage to pick San Fran even though New England has nothing to play for.
Pick: New England
KC @ San Diego-
Marty Schottenheimer returns to the playoffs! Unbelievable how well their defense came together after sucking it up for so long. But they’ll save all the surprises for after the playoffs.
Pick: KC
Miami @ Baltimore-
Baltimore only needs to win and hope for Buffalo, Denver, and Jacksonville to lose. I’m just happy they’re not going to the playoffs. The main reason- choking in week 1 to the lowly Cleveland Browns!
Pick: Baltimore
Jacksonville @ Oakland-
All the Jags had to do was win against Houston, and they would have held all of the tiebreakers. Instead, they laid a big, fat egg and lost by 21 points. I think the “oops I crapped my pants excuse” does not hold up very well in the National Football League.
Pick: Jacksonville
Cleveland @ Houston-
The Houston Texans were my surprise team. One more victory and they get to 8-8. That really was not too bad, considering how pathetic their defense was and how Carr got sacked so often. The biggest problem is that they are in the AFC South with the Colts, Jags, and Titans. Believe me, next year will not be any easier.
Pick: Houston
Tampa Bay @ Arizona-
You do realize, Arizona would be right in the playoff mix. One problem, they got swept by the 49ers!!! This normally would not be a big deal except that the 49ers only have 2 wins, which are both against Arizona. Meanwhile, Brian Griese sold his soul to the devil to re-discover his groove. The movie’s coming out next year, “How Griese Got His Groove Back.”
Pick: Tampa Bay
Dallas @ NY Giants-
This will be the second straight year that the Giants lose out the season. Last year, they started 4-4 and lost 8 straight to get to 4-12. This year was a little better, they started 5-2, only to lose 9 straight. Actually, I’m not sure which one is better.
Pick: Dallas
Detroit @ Tennesee-
This game means nothing. Anything can happen. I’m going to stick with Kevin Jones. K-money!
Pick: Detroit
Last Week: 13-3 (2 of the 3 losses were Manwich and Upset!)
Season: 145-97
Manwich Matchup: 7-9 (The Vikings make me a loser once again)
Upset Special: 7-9 (Picking against the Steelers again did not work out so well)
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