Friday, April 28, 2006

Cheers and Jeers: Mel Kiper Drinking Game Edition

Hey it's almost NFL Draft Day. Draft day is one of the best hyped and most emblematic sportstainment days of the year. I mean millions of people tune in to watch highlights for basically eights hours. Its voyeuristic, it's passive and has lots of sound and fury ultimately signifying nothing. The center of the tangled web of the draft information zone is the old wise Guru better known as Saint Mel Kiper of Assi. (or was that Francis) In any event to make the draft go faster I will recommend the Mel Kiper Jr. drinking game.

Rule 1: Every time Mel says this guy has a lot of upside potential take a drink. This is easily the silliest comment since all college players have upside potential.

Rule 2: Take a drink anytime an Eagles or Jets fans boo. You should be drunk/vomiting/Boris Yeltsin by the fifth pick.

Rule 3: Anytime someone mentions how Mel Kiper predicted that Trev Alberts would suck, finish your beer. This prediction launched Mel into the current guru gig but heck I say Trev Alberts sucks on a daily basis and you don't see me landing some plum job.

Rule 4: If Merril Hodge is able to read the teleprompter take a drink. I wouldn't worry, Hodge can't do this. Besides the producers only turn to Hodge when Mel is in his bio-regenerative pod (which he must return to every three hours to protect his hair).

Rule 5: Throw a beer can through your tv if you’re here the phrase "The U" in reference to University of Miami. It's self-explanatory but too much exposure to slurping of any Hurricane player or Michael Irvin will result in paralysis.

Now for some quick cheering and jeering…

Cheers: To the NFL draft. By the end of Sunday, every local paper will be stating how their team is playoff bound now.

Jeers: To seven game NBA series. I understand the monetary reasons but the drama just doesn't seem there. Chicago upset Miami last night…but eh. I really can't pay attention for at least two more games.

Cheers: Colorado Rockies. I seem to have a soft spot for these guys. Maybe because I hate the Marlins and Diamondback and the Rockies never seemed to have the success the other new franchises have had (note there isn't a team in Tampa, that’s just a common myth like the Yeti or cheap gas). Anyway the young Rockies seem to be putting up a fight in the NL West. Hey as long as its not San Fran winning the division I'll be happy.

Cheers: To the World Cup. We here at the Back Seat Drivers have hired a star reporter to cover the World Cup live. Hopefully we'll get reports and not drunken e-mails like that time we hired Publius to cover Octoberfest.

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