TV Review: Bonds on Bonds

I couldn’t help myself. I had to watch the cleverly titled special called “Bonds on Bonds”, which aired on ESPN2 on Tuesday night. Needless to say, I was expecting something like “Gumbel to Gumbel” from the Family Guy show, where the Gumbel brothers end up solving a hodgepodge of crimes and interview interesting people. Unfortunately, “Bonds on Bonds” doesn’t involve Bonds asking himself questions. He still does talk in the third person sometimes though, like when he said, “The reason people always hate Barry Bonds, is that this is about Barry Bonds and the records.” This episode basically tried to explain how benevolent Barry is, and basically interviewed all of his top supporters: Dusty Baker, a radio guy, and some guy on the street who thinks Barry is Michael Jordan; and then they added some criticisms to explain the burden that Barry carries and how his life is tough. Call it a hunch, but I’m under the assumption that Bonds has final say on what airs.

My favorite quote of the night was at the beginning though, when he said, “It’s un-American to charge someone who’s not guilty.” Actually, I think they can charge whoever they damn will please (within reason), and then you are presumed innocent. Under the Barry Bonds version of law, you’d somehow have to completely prove someone’s guilt before charging them and then you really wouldn’t even have to go to court! Ah… if only Barry could rewrite American law.

The most shocking part of the portions I saw was when “Bonds on Bonds” had a commercial stating that this was a WEEKLY show (every Tuesday at 8PM on ESPN2). I have absolutely no idea what will happen on this show EACH WEEK. This episode went through every Barry issue in the timeline (Pirates, Giants, playoff losses, he's not jealous of Mark McGwire, death threats, his dad dying, his knee injury). I really have no idea what Barry wants to do next week. Are they going to recap the games? Are they going to show his kids having temper tantrums, and then show Barry uping the ante by teaching them to throw larger temper tantrums by punching holes in the walls? Is the WEEKLY show going to become evidence that he no longer takes steroids as he slowly becomes smaller each week? Is it going to evolve into a reality show like Hulk Hogan's???