Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Beer Draft... Round 3

Mighty: Pick 13 (3rd Round)

First of all I object to picking twice in a row. I dont remember that in the brochure. Nonetheless I will pick the actual best beer from Belgium...Delirium Tremens. First of all its beer that has the courage to mock recovering alcoholics. Secondly I think its the beer with the highest level of alchohol. ( 8.5 to 10%) Im pretty sure its banned in like 10 states and Nova Scotia.Thirdly it comes in a huge bottle. Which is important if you want to drink a lot and not be a dripping umm vagina like lets say people that criticize the High Life. According to the Pink Elephant that inhabits its label it was named the best beer in the world in 1998. Which is in fact the hottest year in record (although 2007 is looking to break that). Finally it comes in 4 seasonal flavors. Im not sure why thats a good thing but once again Pinky the Elephant tells me to shut up and drink. Thanks Pinky.....

Editors Note: Great pick and love the pink elephant

MJ: What's with people picking stuff like Chimay and Delirium Tremens...foul-tasting scum which is meant to be served warm? Beer is supposed to be frosty and refreshing, not room-temperature with the taste of liquid fat.

Old Style is not for public consumption except for in the greater Chicagoland area. If there was an ecosystem of beers, Old Style is like the cockroach that survives nuclear winter -- NO ONE likes Old Style (except, obviously, Chicagoans).

Hitman: Spoken like a true cretin. If you can't appreciate the finest of Belgian beers - perhaps you shouldn't even be eligible for this draft!

As for the flagship label of the G. Heilemann Brewing Company: a few years ago, they ran a commercial featuring Dennis Farina, native and wonderful Chicagoan that he is, referencing Old Style as "our great beer". Indeed, it is. If you don't like it, we don't care.

Publius: If you like Old Style so much, draft it!!

With the 14th overall selection, MJ's Rage-a-Holics select Sapporo Premium Lager.

It's the best damn lager from that side of the world and the best thing about it is that every Japanese restaurant worth its fish serves it in 23 oz bottles. That's a lot of refreshment right there. For all you uncouth people who don't know of great beer, here's a picture of Japan's finest export besides sushi, the Playstation 2 and geisha girls.
Publius: More asian lager but I have to admit this is the best sushi beer. I have eaten raw fish and consumed this beer. It's a winning combination.

With the 15th overall selection, Colonel Sander's Jungle Rots select Breckenridge Brewery's Christmas Ale.

Since it is snowing outside today, I figured I would remember the winter. After skiing the slopes in a beautiful environment, Christmas Ale gives you the lack of feeling to those rubbery legs. Its 7.4% alcohol content makes any snow bunny look like Scarlett Johannsen. The happiness of the Christmas season embodies this ale. If you haven't had the opportunity to have Breckenridge Christmas Ale, I would suggest coming out, doing a few runs on the slopes and then heading to the brewery or your local establishment to get this great ale.
With the 16th overall pick in the 2007 Beer Mock Draft, Hitman's Hangovers select:

Summit Hefeweizen.

With summer and the baseball season upon us, you need a great summer beer. There is no summer beer quite like a Weiss, and nobody makes a Weiss like Summit. Served in a tall Weiss glass, with a lemon wedge (you CAN put fruit in certain beers!), a Summit Hefeweizen is the epitome of refreshment. It's your classic lead-off hitter, the beer you want to start your night right. One sip and you say "Yeah, now that's why I drink beer!" It sets the table for your clean-up hitters - oh, the delicious contrasts between your Summit, and your Bass and Chimay! A lineup for the ages, indeed...

MJ: we waited 3 hours and endured another round of soul-crushing chicago tourism blather for ANOTHER fruity beer? what's with fruiting the beer? we've been through this.

Publius: Point of clarification-- does fruiting beer include asian strippers near my Sapporo?

MJ: my man, strippers and beer were meant to go together. that is the fundamental tenet of man law. we're talking about lemon, lime, or anything else that grows on trees, shrubs, groves, or has agricultural or nutritional value.

Publius: Very well. Asian flowers are allowed in so much as they are naked. fruit garnishes are not allowed. Where is Judge Eddie Griffith?

With the 17th Overall selection, Publius and his all-stars selects:

Alaska Amber

Alaskan Amber is based on a recipe from a turn-of-the-century brewery in the Juneau area. It was voted "Best Beer in the Nation" in the 1988 Great American Beer Festival. Water, malt, hops and yeast with no adjuncts, no preservatives and no pasteurization. Our glacier-fed water originates in the 1,500 square-mile Juneau Ice Field. The malt is a rich blend of premium two-row Pale and Crystal malts. Cascade hops from the Yakima Valley and imported Czechoslovakian Saaz hops impart bittering flavors and aromas.

The good news is that global warming will increase glacier water flows and increase Alaskan Amber production. Take that Al Gore. I trust any culture that puts up with minimal/zero sunlight during the doldrums of winter. If anyone knows booze, these cultures do. For
example, Russians know Vodka, Scandinavians know Akevitt, and Alaskans know beer.

Put that in your pipeline and smoke it.

With the 18th overall selection, Gutsy Goldberg selects:
Sam Smith, particularly Sam Smith's Oatmeal Stout - It sounds like a breakfast in itself, but Oatmeal stout is where its at. Sam Smith brewery also happens to be Yorkshire's oldest brewery, founded in 1758, and uses a fermentation system involving stone squares. Plus, Sam Smith's beers are vegan products meaning that this acquisition of this beer will soon see increased sales, due to flocks of people becoming vegan to avoid the risk of cancer. Granted, I didn't realize that the other beers of the world were non-vegan products, but when there is even a possibility for a competitive advantage, you have to take it when you are in a Mock Beer Draft. Perhaps even more importantly, Sam Smith's beers have won multiple world championships. Sam Smith is providing a healthy choice, great taste, and a championship legacy that even John Wooden would be jealous of.

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