Mighty:
Schlafly's Pale Ale. A microbrew of Saint Louis it has the come hither taste that says I haven't sold out to South Africa like Miller as well as the label that says I piss off batshit crazy right wing basically same as Lynne Cheney but with less eye makeup Phyllis Schlafly. The beer maker Schlafly is the gay relative (son? brother? gardener?) to Phyllis and I always like giving money to something that would piss her off. Factor in the versatility of Schafly (you can relax to while grilling. You can have it with a nice classy meal. You can impress non-native Louisians with tales of how Schlafly's Pale Ale once saved a small Aborigine tribe in Papa New Guineau). Its basically the swiss army knifes of Beers.
Solid pick. I would not have used the first overall selection on it but it wouldn't have lasted as I had plans to nick during the wraparound 2nd round.
MJ: Stella Artois. American light beer sensibility with a refined Euro taste. Served in a pretentious glass that doesn't fit on a table that is already crowded with regular pint glasses. Basically it says "I'm the asshole who stands out, but in a good way." Bonus is that you get to call out a woman's name ("Gimme a Stella!") instead of sounding like a midwestern homo ("Bud please."). Only St. Pauli Girl can match Stella on this level, but that bimbo from St. Pauli tastes like crap.
Publius: Schlafy: Clearly an attempt to steal my love.
Stella!?!?! Euro Miller Lite combined with bad techno signals euro
trash to the bartender.
MJ: I don't hear no techno playing when I order my Stella, mate. Maybe that sweater is rolled too tightly around your neck?
A Young Stella drinker.
With the 3rd pick of the 2007 Beer Draft, the team of Colonel Sander's Jungle Rots picks Guinness Stout.
Since 1759, the world has been graced with this fine beer. When one thinks of Ireland, you think Guinness, potatoes, U2 and maybe fighting. No other beer represents an entire country. If there was a country of Guinness, I would definately move there. Guinness can also be used as an ingredient in one of the finest tasting stews on earth. If you walk into McGurks and order a Guinness Stew with a side of Guinness you will be delighted. Also, Guinness is the only beer that I know of that if you walk into a pub in Ireland and ask for "a pint", they will just hand you over a Guinness. The shear black motor oil look of the beer screams out, "I am a man, I will beat the shit out of anyone who fucks with me". Downing four pints of some girly beer (ie Stella and Schafly) at last call is easy. Only real alcoholics or beer minded people can down four pints of Guinness in 10 minutes. The settling of the beer, the frothy top, the nitrogen canister in the cans, these are all unique to Guinness.
Plus, I hear that Sir Alec Guinness endorses Guinness, so anyone want to say that Obi Wan is wrong?
Hitman: Auuuuggghhhh you took my pick!
Can we penalize Colonel for using the comments thread to make his official selection? I suggest he defaults the rights to Guinness and has to drink a six-pack of Natty Light before his next pick.
Colonel: I blame the craziness of Gmail. It isn't my fault you are picked a team from Texas to be in the Final Four. I think that any person picking Texas for anything should be relegated to drinking a six pack of Lone Star.
Hitman: Having selected a Texo-Canadian as my bride-to-be, I gladly accept a six-pack of Lone Star. It sure beats that Coors horse urine that you drink out in Colorado.
With the fourth pick in the 2007 Beer Mock Draft, Hitman's Hangovers select...
Bass Ale.
In a beverage world increasingly dominated by good-glove, no-hit shortstops (Heineken has a light beer?!?!) or pinch-hitting specialists (shit-eating microbrews), Bass is the clean-up hitter around which a beer lineup is formed. It's your first beer, it's the beer you drink with your meal, it's the beer you drink when you get home after a long day of work and the only sound you can hear is your pint glass crying through your cupboards: "I need a real beer, please!" Bass comes from England, a country where pubs with real pub names like "The Wolf and the Shoe" or "The Dirty Jester" fill up at 10 a.m. with people who know their brews and don't worry about minor
annoyances like slurring their words from drinking too many pints of Bass because they're already unintelligible. When you sidle up to your neighborhood bar, just say that one special word "Bass", and your barkeep will smile and nod in appreciation and recognition that you have just selected one of the most durable, respected, and feared ales in all the land.
Publius: selects...
New Belgium Abbey
Abbey, the biggest medal collector in the New Belgium portfolio, is categorized as a Belgian style "dubbel" or "Double Ale." This complex ale, along with Trippel, is very true to style of the beers brewed in Belgium where the monks produce beers to support their abbey. Dubbels tend to be darker, with a heavier malt profile. Bottle conditioning produces esters that manifest as earthy or floral tones.
It also means double the alcohol content (7.5%... you gotta love those monks),
"It's Colorado holy water. This righteous Belgian-style ale is enough to make you don a monk's habit and consider celibacy."
I'm not sold on the celibacy but I'll take beer for $200 Alex...
with the 6th pick, Gutsy Goldberg selects...
Publius: We waited this LONG FOR SAM ADAMS AND CORONA?!?!!?
It's mexican piss.
MJ: sam adams: for the wannabe pretentious boston red sox fan in all of us...except for those with balls and an ability to pronounce our "r's" and "h's" corona: no beer that requires lime is acceptable. fruit in beer violates man law. we all know this already.
Colonel: Might as well have picked Zima Light and Bill Simmons Ale.
8th Pick: Murphy's Irish Stout
Brewed in Cork since 1856, Murphy's offers the discerning stout consumer a smooth, creamy, easy-to drink alternative to other stouts. Murphy's is made with all natural ingredients, and is subject to rigorous quality controls to ensure that each pint is perfect. Murphy's claimed the Gold Medal for stout at the 2002 International Brewing awards, a true testimony of the superior taste and commitment to quality. Murphy's Irish Stout is a product obtained from wort, made from malted barley, roasted material (barley and malt), drinking water and hops, alcoholically fermented with pure culture yeast of the type Saccharomyces cerevisiae.
Guinness is a safe pick but stout drinkers know this one... and they know it well.
MJ: To all you drinkers of beer that is darker than a muddy pot of sewage-- what's the appeal? Why pay for pints of black piss when you can drink the meltings of black snow on street corners?
Publius: The appeal is a little like the first time one goes to investigate the vertical smile... it's unusual, but it's part of being a man. Drinking beer with the same color as urine doesn't work for me.
With the 9th pick in the 2007 Beer Mock Draft, Hitman's Hangovers select:
Chimay Blue Ale.
If Belgian were a language, Chimay would mean "Great Fuckin' Beer" - and we all know how good Belgian beer is, so that should tell you something. Chimay simply rocks. It's delicious and it's smooth. It's the piece de resistance. A man who can appreciate a Chimay is a man indeed. Chimay isn't for your casual beer swiller: it's not for frat parties, it's not for the corner pub, and the monks who brew it are far too classy and sensible to ship their nectar to somewhere uncouth like Missouri. No, Chimay comes from beer heaven. When you're ready to respect the glory that is beer, don your Sunday best, stroll to the nearest Church of Beer, and show the world that
you belong to that elite crowd that simply knows a top-quality beer when you see it.
MJ: Hitman knocking the state of Missouri. No, we never saw that one coming. I've been to both Missouri and Illinois...honestly? Besides Chicago, Illinois looks an awful lot like Missouri, right?
Hitman: Chicago is to Missouri as Hilary Swank is to MJ. Sure, they're in the same general part of the country, but even blind men can tell them apart - and most certainly appreciate the difference.
MJ: Hillary Swank and I are both mannish. But only one of us is supposed to be. So, no, I don't think it's that easy to tell us apart. Ugliest "hot" celeb out there, that Swank.
Colonel: It is a toss up between man faces between Swank and fellow 90210 alum, Tori Spelling. I would have to give it to Swank since she played a boxer. I bet both of them drink Guinness like it is water.
MJ: Swank may drink beer but Tori looks like a wine-cooler and fruity martini sort of twat.
While based in Thailand during the great "conflict", one of my fellow brethren had me try Singha Lager. I was delighted by its smoothness and never realized that they could make this type of beer in this area of the world. After this encounter, I raised a glass of Singhato Charlie every time I cut his ear off for my collection. Now after coming back from the "conflict" I always order a Singha with my favorite Thai dishes. Drunken Noodles was not called drunken noodles without the person cooking it drinking Singha. In order to wipe away the spiciness of the food, I just keep drinking Singha. Another positive thing about it is that it is a Malt Liquor so it has an added umpf in the way of the alcohol content. Colt 45, Nighttrain, Hurricane all taste like crap, but Singha is the way to go.
Publius: Asian Beer?!?!? Really!?!?!
With the 11th pick, the MJ Rage-a-Holics select Smithwicks Ale.
I had never had Smithwicks until last night when I had two. This is tastier than Bass, less pretentious than Sam Adams, and Ireland's best selling ale since the 1920's. The Irish know what they're doing and I trust them with my life when I'm ordering pints at a bar.
Alright with 12th pick (6th pick in round 2)
I will go with Miller High Life.
I know its not that fancy beer with foreign sounding names but it still a quality beer. First let me set the record straight when your drinking the high life your living the high life. No beer matches its brat soaking abilities. No beer is as good around the grill. No beer says smelly fraternity like the high life. What other beer is the champagne (pronounced cham pag na) of beers? Thats right, none. So put on your stained wife beater, fire up the grill, and pop open a nice ice cold brewski, The High Life Way.
Hitman: Miller High Life in the second round is the worst pick in the history of beer drafting. Sure, it was the best beer that any WU fraternity gave out in the late 90s, the same way that a gunshot to the toe beats a bullet in the head: I still wouldn't recommend it.
Mighty: such snobbery from the second city. let me guess, you're making the territorial claim that old style is better?
Colonel: I disagree. In picking the best beers you have to look at the history of drinking the beer. All of the members on this panel have a good experience living the high life. Sure it might look like cat urine, but even now, when I go to the liquor store, sometimes i feel nostalgic and give the 5 bucks for a 12 pack of the champagne of beers.
Analysis of Rounds 1 and 2
Mighty: Schalfy's-- solid pick. Not sure it deserves the first pick but solid pick. I would have nabbed it during the wrap around pick early round 2. Pale Ale-- high quality like Stifler's mom.
The High Life? The champagne of beers?!?!?! Clearly this pick will be questioned. Are you hanging out with Mike Vick??? We have 5 rounds. Spoils from NCAA challenge can be delivered in High Life.
MJ-- Stella Artois, and Smithwicks. Not a bad haul. Stella looks like piss but I'd drink Smithwicks anytime.
The Colonel: Guinness and some Thai beer. Singha I think. Thailand is for sex tourism and I love Guinness. If you have questions, please ask Gary Glitter.
Hart: Bass and Chimay. A good haul.
Publius: Abbey and Murphy's Irish Stout. OLE
Gutsy: Sam Adams and Corona. I cannot believe we waited for these picks. This isn't a Mike Vick selection, but why bother?
ESPN/Chris Berman selection ranks the top few as Hitman, Publius, and a lager split between colonel and MJ. Belgian beer vs thai beer?? I'd take Belgian but prefer the Abbey/Chimay. Needs improvement: Mighty and Gutsy.
Here you go Gutsy.
Hitman: Auuuuggghhhh you took my pick!
Can we penalize Colonel for using the comments thread to make his official selection? I suggest he defaults the rights to Guinness and has to drink a six-pack of Natty Light before his next pick.
Colonel: I blame the craziness of Gmail. It isn't my fault you are picked a team from Texas to be in the Final Four. I think that any person picking Texas for anything should be relegated to drinking a six pack of Lone Star.
Hitman: Having selected a Texo-Canadian as my bride-to-be, I gladly accept a six-pack of Lone Star. It sure beats that Coors horse urine that you drink out in Colorado.
With the fourth pick in the 2007 Beer Mock Draft, Hitman's Hangovers select...
Bass Ale.
In a beverage world increasingly dominated by good-glove, no-hit shortstops (Heineken has a light beer?!?!) or pinch-hitting specialists (shit-eating microbrews), Bass is the clean-up hitter around which a beer lineup is formed. It's your first beer, it's the beer you drink with your meal, it's the beer you drink when you get home after a long day of work and the only sound you can hear is your pint glass crying through your cupboards: "I need a real beer, please!" Bass comes from England, a country where pubs with real pub names like "The Wolf and the Shoe" or "The Dirty Jester" fill up at 10 a.m. with people who know their brews and don't worry about minor
annoyances like slurring their words from drinking too many pints of Bass because they're already unintelligible. When you sidle up to your neighborhood bar, just say that one special word "Bass", and your barkeep will smile and nod in appreciation and recognition that you have just selected one of the most durable, respected, and feared ales in all the land.
Publius: selects...
New Belgium Abbey
Abbey, the biggest medal collector in the New Belgium portfolio, is categorized as a Belgian style "dubbel" or "Double Ale." This complex ale, along with Trippel, is very true to style of the beers brewed in Belgium where the monks produce beers to support their abbey. Dubbels tend to be darker, with a heavier malt profile. Bottle conditioning produces esters that manifest as earthy or floral tones.
It also means double the alcohol content (7.5%... you gotta love those monks),
"It's Colorado holy water. This righteous Belgian-style ale is enough to make you don a monk's habit and consider celibacy."
I'm not sold on the celibacy but I'll take beer for $200 Alex...
with the 6th pick, Gutsy Goldberg selects...Sam Adams - makers of multiple delicious beers that also happen to be available in high volume. We're talking quality taste, as well as big money marketing power so that I can create commercials on whatever topic I desire. Plus, an added bonus is that a big defensive lineman is named after the beer, and he will be joining my front office. What other beer comes with a throw-in 380 pound defensive lineman?
with the 7th pick, Gutsy Goldberg selects...
Corona - Nothing says "summertime relaxing" like Corona. Plus, it always seems like people who drink Corona have ladies hanging all over them. Corona also creates lots of fun as there's always "that guy" who tries to get his lime in his beer, only to have the beer shoot all over himself due to "that guy" failing to fully cover the opening of the beer. With a Sam Adams and Corona combination, I've got high quality beer, the power to make silly commercials, and female groupies.
Publius: We waited this LONG FOR SAM ADAMS AND CORONA?!?!!?
It's mexican piss.
MJ: sam adams: for the wannabe pretentious boston red sox fan in all of us...except for those with balls and an ability to pronounce our "r's" and "h's" corona: no beer that requires lime is acceptable. fruit in beer violates man law. we all know this already.
Colonel: Might as well have picked Zima Light and Bill Simmons Ale.
8th Pick: Murphy's Irish Stout
Brewed in Cork since 1856, Murphy's offers the discerning stout consumer a smooth, creamy, easy-to drink alternative to other stouts. Murphy's is made with all natural ingredients, and is subject to rigorous quality controls to ensure that each pint is perfect. Murphy's claimed the Gold Medal for stout at the 2002 International Brewing awards, a true testimony of the superior taste and commitment to quality. Murphy's Irish Stout is a product obtained from wort, made from malted barley, roasted material (barley and malt), drinking water and hops, alcoholically fermented with pure culture yeast of the type Saccharomyces cerevisiae.
Guinness is a safe pick but stout drinkers know this one... and they know it well.
MJ: To all you drinkers of beer that is darker than a muddy pot of sewage-- what's the appeal? Why pay for pints of black piss when you can drink the meltings of black snow on street corners?Publius: The appeal is a little like the first time one goes to investigate the vertical smile... it's unusual, but it's part of being a man. Drinking beer with the same color as urine doesn't work for me.
With the 9th pick in the 2007 Beer Mock Draft, Hitman's Hangovers select:
Chimay Blue Ale.
If Belgian were a language, Chimay would mean "Great Fuckin' Beer" - and we all know how good Belgian beer is, so that should tell you something. Chimay simply rocks. It's delicious and it's smooth. It's the piece de resistance. A man who can appreciate a Chimay is a man indeed. Chimay isn't for your casual beer swiller: it's not for frat parties, it's not for the corner pub, and the monks who brew it are far too classy and sensible to ship their nectar to somewhere uncouth like Missouri. No, Chimay comes from beer heaven. When you're ready to respect the glory that is beer, don your Sunday best, stroll to the nearest Church of Beer, and show the world that
you belong to that elite crowd that simply knows a top-quality beer when you see it.
MJ: Hitman knocking the state of Missouri. No, we never saw that one coming. I've been to both Missouri and Illinois...honestly? Besides Chicago, Illinois looks an awful lot like Missouri, right?
Hitman: Chicago is to Missouri as Hilary Swank is to MJ. Sure, they're in the same general part of the country, but even blind men can tell them apart - and most certainly appreciate the difference.
MJ: Hillary Swank and I are both mannish. But only one of us is supposed to be. So, no, I don't think it's that easy to tell us apart. Ugliest "hot" celeb out there, that Swank.
Colonel: It is a toss up between man faces between Swank and fellow 90210 alum, Tori Spelling. I would have to give it to Swank since she played a boxer. I bet both of them drink Guinness like it is water.
MJ: Swank may drink beer but Tori looks like a wine-cooler and fruity martini sort of twat.
Publius: Asian Beer?!?!? Really!?!?!
With the 11th pick, the MJ Rage-a-Holics select Smithwicks Ale.
I had never had Smithwicks until last night when I had two. This is tastier than Bass, less pretentious than Sam Adams, and Ireland's best selling ale since the 1920's. The Irish know what they're doing and I trust them with my life when I'm ordering pints at a bar.
Alright with 12th pick (6th pick in round 2)
I will go with Miller High Life.
I know its not that fancy beer with foreign sounding names but it still a quality beer. First let me set the record straight when your drinking the high life your living the high life. No beer matches its brat soaking abilities. No beer is as good around the grill. No beer says smelly fraternity like the high life. What other beer is the champagne (pronounced cham pag na) of beers? Thats right, none. So put on your stained wife beater, fire up the grill, and pop open a nice ice cold brewski, The High Life Way.
Hitman: Miller High Life in the second round is the worst pick in the history of beer drafting. Sure, it was the best beer that any WU fraternity gave out in the late 90s, the same way that a gunshot to the toe beats a bullet in the head: I still wouldn't recommend it.
Mighty: such snobbery from the second city. let me guess, you're making the territorial claim that old style is better?
Colonel: I disagree. In picking the best beers you have to look at the history of drinking the beer. All of the members on this panel have a good experience living the high life. Sure it might look like cat urine, but even now, when I go to the liquor store, sometimes i feel nostalgic and give the 5 bucks for a 12 pack of the champagne of beers.
Analysis of Rounds 1 and 2
Mighty: Schalfy's-- solid pick. Not sure it deserves the first pick but solid pick. I would have nabbed it during the wrap around pick early round 2. Pale Ale-- high quality like Stifler's mom.
The High Life? The champagne of beers?!?!?! Clearly this pick will be questioned. Are you hanging out with Mike Vick??? We have 5 rounds. Spoils from NCAA challenge can be delivered in High Life.
MJ-- Stella Artois, and Smithwicks. Not a bad haul. Stella looks like piss but I'd drink Smithwicks anytime.
The Colonel: Guinness and some Thai beer. Singha I think. Thailand is for sex tourism and I love Guinness. If you have questions, please ask Gary Glitter.
Hart: Bass and Chimay. A good haul.
Publius: Abbey and Murphy's Irish Stout. OLE
Gutsy: Sam Adams and Corona. I cannot believe we waited for these picks. This isn't a Mike Vick selection, but why bother?
ESPN/Chris Berman selection ranks the top few as Hitman, Publius, and a lager split between colonel and MJ. Belgian beer vs thai beer?? I'd take Belgian but prefer the Abbey/Chimay. Needs improvement: Mighty and Gutsy.
Here you go Gutsy.
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