In case anyone missed it, the Miami GM, Jeff Ireland, said at a press conference last week: “Of course I want guys that have great upside. This is the first pick in the draft. This guy is going to be -- you hope that he's a pillar of your defense for a long time."
Oops! After a reporter explained to Ireland his slip-up (that he just said he was drafting for DEFENSE), Ireland quickly tried to recover by saying:
"Pillar of your defense, or offense, or team. That's a Freudian slip." After digging an enormous hole, one of the reporters said that this might all be a smoke screen. Finally, Ireland was given a way out and said: "I'll let you guys decide!”
Anyways, time for my unqualified predictions. I actually had fun going through my old predictions where I praised WR Mike Williams and said Aaron Rodgers sucks , where I just realized that it’s already been 2 years since Reggie Bush took money in school and the investigation is still not complete , and where I praised OT Joe Thomas. See, I may be right only half the time, but at least I can entertain without wrecking the future of a franchise.
1. Miami – DE Vernon Gholston, OSU – As said above, the Dolphins are taking a defensive player for sure. So… go Buckeyes!
2. St. Louis – OT Jake Long, Michigan – Even in the NFL draft, the Wolverins can’t top the Buckeyes!
3. Atlanta – DT Glenn Dorsey LSU- The Falcons are not going to reach for a QB at this point.
4. Oakland – RB McFadden, Arkansas – You hear that awkward uncomfortable silence? That’s the silence Howie Long will hear when he calls Al Davis to convince Davis to pick Howie’s son, Chris. Al Davis responds, “yeah… I don’t think we’re going to do that.”
5. KC – OT -B. Albert, UVA - O-Line help is a must for the Chiefs. Or so the internet tells me.
6. NY Jets – QB Matt Ryan, Boston College – The Jets finally draft a successor for Chad Pennington. Coach Mangina of the Jets is very pleased with his new QB’s double-masculine name.
7. New England – CB Leodis McKelvin , Troy – The Patriots make a move to replace the departed Asante Samuel. However, this is probably too straight forward of a strategy. A more plausible scenario may be that the Pats instead trade down in exchange for a bundle of hooded sweatshirts so that they can pay their draft pick less money.
8. Baltimore –DE Chris Long, UVA – GM Ozzie Newsome doesn’t miss his chance to take the free-falling Chris Long. Meanwhile, proud father Howie Long then rips off his Raiders shirt, Hulk Hogan style, and puts on a new Ravens shirt.
9. Cincy – DT Sedrick Ellis, USC– A lot of websites say Cincy likes this DT. I assumed that they have to choose a receiver in a later round as Chris Henry was already released and Chad Johnson is demanding a trade. However, I assume they will wait until the 2nd round, because there are no highly rated receivers.
10. New Orleans - CB Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, Tenn St. - The Saints are still desperate for a CB, and draft this guy, because the CB Cromartie on San Diego played so well last year. The two Cromarties actually are cousins , so the Saints also decide to also keep a hair sample of Cromartie just in case the NFL ever allows teams to clone their own players.
11. Buffalo – ILB Jerod Mayo, Tenn – The corporate Mayonnaise executives, including Hellmann’s and Miracle Whip, have been disappointed with the explosion in the last few decades of people eating Bleu Cheese and wings. Finally, the Mayonnaise executives find a way to penetrate the chicken wing market – and getting people to eat Mayonnaise and wings together at last – by having the Buffalo Bills draft Jerod Mayo and having Mayo promote chicken wings! Corporate America can be so evil. Anyways, the Mayonnaise executives are smart, because I’m sure Bills fans will try mayo on chicken wings, if for nothing else, than for promoting team spirit. Editor’s Note: Personally, I hate Mayo and don’t like it anymore, and find it repuslive. Please don't tell the Mayonnaise executives.
12. Denver – OT – Ryan Clady, Boise St. – The Broncos draft for their line. Yawn.
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Later Picks
15. Detroit – RB Felix Jones, Arkansas – In a double-shocker, the Lions do NOT take a WR, and the Lions take the sweet RB from Arkansas not named McFadden, who averaged 8.7 yards per carry last season (and a whopping 7.6 yards per carry for his career as a backup to
McFadden).16. Arizona – RB Rashard Mendenhall, Illinois – The Cardinals make a move to replace Edgerrin James. That’s how it works in the NFL.
Round 2 – Atlanta – drafts QB Joe Flacco from Delaware whose helmet looks like Michigan’s.
Round 2 – Baltimore – drafts QB Brian Brohm from Louisville.
Round 4 – CAR – drafts QB Chad Henne from Michigan whose helmet looks like Delaware’s.
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