BCS Championship Preview

Image stolen with pride from the Cleveland Plain Dealer

Tonight on center stage is the BCS Championship Game: Florida v. OSU. Somewhere in Glendale Arizona the heart of Central Ohio and the heart of wherever Gainesville is located are getting ready to take the field. Perhaps I can give a little window into what things are like here in Brutus land. First of all it's important to note that when talking about TOSU fans its starts in Central Ohio. These are the true college football fans and a good number of them are in Buckeye, Arizona preparing to trade their children and wives in for tickets. Cleveland fans of the Scarlet and Grey carry with them the baggage of being a fan first of professional teams (if I can call the current Browns organization one) that have suffered the sports soul equivalent of falling on punji sticks repeatedly. As such we treat a national championship game like a man going blind clutches his porn collection (holding on tight because it might be the last good thing he'll ever see). In other words I'm suffering from enough anxiety that would have Woody Allen say "You need to chill out". So here in attempt to allay my fears is your OSU v. Florida BCS Bowl Breakdown

Fate preparing yet another surprise ending to a Cleveland playoff run

1. SEC Speed
Like other tall tales like giant squids, minotaurs and Nancy Pelosi, the myth of the superior speed of the SEC has a basis in reality. OSU is 0-7 in bowl games against the Southernest of Southern conferences in bowl games. The question before us, is Florida today that much faster than OSU today? It's hard to fathom that Ginn Jr. or First and Gonzo are slow relative to anyone and the Big 10 did go 2-0 against the SEC this Bowl season. That said Percy Harvin might be faster than any defensive player OSU has on the roster.

Legend has it that in the mythical city of San Francisco all citizens are required to have gay relations and meatless meatloaf.

2. Troy Smith and the Heisman Trophy
While a nice feather in Troy Smith's college career, Heisman trophy winners have fared less that stellar in the championship game. In fact Heisman winners are 1-4 in the game of games. Chris Weinke, Eric Crouch, Jason White and Reggie Bush all fell short. Only Carson Palmer has led his team to BCS Championship glory and won the Heisman trophy in the same year. Heisman awards can lead to inflated egos, less practice time and a big bulls eye for opponents. Of course Weinke, Crouch and White are not exactly what we would call NFL grade QBs. Mostly we would call them bums or unemployed or most likely to join K-Fed in asking "Would you like fries with that?" Perhaps this game will shed light on if Smith is deserving of a first round pick like Palmer or a much later round.

Don't break our hearts Troy or you'll be out of the family and you know what that means...

3. OSU as Number 1
Facing the number two team in the country is getting older than Brittany Spears career at this point for OSU. The Buckeyes are going for the hat trick of beating the number two for a third time (this season they have already beaten Texas and M*ch*g*n). Overall the higher ranked team is 6-2 in the BCS Championship game. Of course one of the notable exceptions was a team that had squeaked out wins through great special teams play, tough defense and a second year coach born in Ohio. This description not only fits the 2002 Buckeyes but also perfectly describes Florida this year (Urban Meyer was born in Ashtabula, Ohio in 1998).

Miami never recovered from the '02 loss which revoked its prisoners into football players rehabiliation plan.

4. Defense Wins Championships
Both of these teams have great defenses. OSU surprisingly has the number 1 scoring defense in the country while Florida ranks in the top 10 in both points allowed and yardage allowed. I see two crucial players on the defenses. For Florida safety Reggie "The Eraser" Nelson, hits players so hard they think the King of Queens is funny. He's a ballhawk and enforcer. OSU needs the middle of the field to operate its spread offense so Nelson is crucial to shutting that down. On the OSU side I'm selecting Vernon Gholston, defensive end as the key. Gholston is a terror off the end and if he can get pressure on Leak, turnovers can happen (Leak threw 13 this year). A Tressel team that wins the turnover battle is pretty unlikely to lose.

5. Magic Numbers
Tressel is 4-1 in bowl games while Meyer is 3-0 (both are undefeated in BCS bowl games). Ex-OSU football coach Earl Bruce leads all coaches with most number of assistants that are now head coaches in this game (both Tressel and Meyer coached under him). Jim Tressel owns a magic closet that contains an infinite number of grey sweater vests. Legend has it one of them has arctic cooling powers that he will wear in Arizona. This is in sharp contrast to MJ who owns 1 sweater vest and would burst into flames if he wore it in Arizona. Urban Meyer does not own any sweater vests but has one nickname for his wang: "The Octagon". Freshman QB, Tim Tebow, leads the team with 7 rushing TDs, 14 freshman girls, and most consecutive days without taking a shower (12). OSU leads Florida in number of current players' fathers fired by the Cleveland Browns (1 - Terry Robiskie, father of WR Brian Robiskie). Florida has blocked more punts than it has made field goals 5-4. OSU has been off for 51 days while Florida has only been off for 37 days. OSU leads Florida in the number of offensive lineman that hunt javelinas with cheeseburgers 1-0.

So in conclusion, it’s a tough decision. I don't think OSU will cover the spread (7 at last glance) but will eek out the victory.

I'm going out on a limb and saying OSU doesn't have the mascot advantage

Final Prediction: OSU 24 Florida 21