MMBSD: Parity Shmarity

Parity shmarity. As the seconds ebbed away from the final playoff game and before CBS could put in their 4 millionth commercial about the perfect truck I needed to purchase I was left with only one thought: "New England v. Colts. Again? Really?" For all the talk and .500 records it'll be another Manning v. Belichek playoff game. Like cockroaches or buttered popcorn flavored jelly beans or Steven A. Smith, this nauseauting matchup won't die. I'd say rivalry but Manning hasn't won a big game since he bested Eli in hop scotch for the last ice cream cone at age 6. So once again Manning and Dungy, side by side, head up futility mountain to face New England. I suppose global warming has taken the teeth out of the dangers of a dome team on the road in the playoffs. Watching Soldier Field in January without snow, ice, tunda or polar bears confirmed my suspicions that the cold weather homefield isn't what it used to be.

Polar Bears, seen here at SoldierField in 1986, didn't make the trip down due to the unseasonably warm weather

I suppose I could have been a little bit more excited if New England or Indy had gotten there as conquering heros but instead they seemed like lucky recipients. San Diego gave away the game through muffed punts, fumbled interceptions and headbutts that gave Brady chances 3, 4 and 9. Perhaps Brady was worried that he was missing the opening episodes of 24 (did you know 24 was starting at 8 on FOX. I barely noticed the promos) but he seemed far from Montana-like on this day. Over in Baltimore, neither of the co-MVPS seemed that sharp. McNair gave the ball away at crucial times and renowned offensive genius (TM) Cobra Commander refused to pound away the undersized Colts d-line with the run. 17 rushes? Yes the Colts run defense is improved via the return of Bob Sanders but they were still give up nearly 4.5 yards a rush. While Peter King can say Manning had a good day it would require a view from one's own ass to come to that conclusion. Luckily my renowned math skills can come to the startling conclusion that if your offense doesn't score any touchdowns it wasn't a great day for the QB. I know, I know hold your applause.

Cobra Commander got jacked up

Luckily the NFC gave a little hope that excitement could still be found in football. Sexy Rexy overcame his sexy learning disability (sexlexia) and avoided making the 6 turnover game. Some bizarre fourth down calls by Holmgren and a secondary that couldn't seem to cover anything that moved faster than a turtle and the Bears are headed to the NFC Championship. The Eagles also came up short in the House of the Rising Sun. America's Team kept up their winning ways mainly by the man they call Deuce and a raucous crowd that really was the 12th man (did anyone else noticed the well endowed woman wearing the Fuck Da Eagles shirt that ended up on tv?). The clincher was Andy Reid's bizarre punt with less than two minutes, only two time outs, and a defense that was more open that Britney Spears legs (thought I wouldn't get a crack in on her did you?). I'm curious if an Andy Reid team played a Dungy team in the playoffs which would choke first? Both?

So in conclusion enjoy the NFC game but the only thing good about another Pats v. Colts playoff game is Pat's cheerleader Ashleigh van Gerven (h/t kissmesuzykolber)