Ingredients:
For those that are unaware this will be my last cheers and jeers for awhile here at BSD. I will post tomorrow my final thoughts, parting shots, and goodbyes before I go on sabbatical. While I leave the Cheers and Jeers column in the capable hands of Publius starting next week, I thought before I waxed off (and then on) I would do one last cheers and jeers. Luckily the great Mahamikey can peer into the future to determine what will be worthy of cheering and what will be worthy of jeering while I am gone.
February
Cheers: Both the Colts and Bears will try to convince America to support their cause. The Colts will offer Eli Manning as a human sacrifice and free gatoraid. The Bears will promise not to make any music videos if they win. America without hesitation throws its support behind the Bears.
Jeers: In spite of America's support the Bears will overcome the combined powers of Peyton Manning, Bob Sanders and Jesus. This will be Jesus' first playoff loss since the fall of Constantinople.
Cheers: On the bright side, Tom Brady during a halftime interview will propose to Jake Gyllenhal, who will ecstatically accept. This marriage made in heaven, if it was run out of San Francisco, will usher in a period of tolerance towards celebrity gay marriages (just not the regular kind).
Cheers: Barbaro will finally be released from the hospital much to the joy of his legions of fans. He will go on to be Rookie Stud of the Month for February according to Horse Breeding Weekly.
March
Jeers: Gutsy (artist rendition of Gutsy at right) will finally discover the secret anti-life equation,
which will give him the power to correctly predict the NCAA tournament. Fortunately, Superman will step in to stop Gutsy when the power goes to his head when he picks Butler in the Final 4.
Jeers: Florida will return to the Final 4 of the Maddest of Mad tournaments. This will cause an outbreak of praying over fears that the forces of good have fled the Earth.
Cheers: Hope will be restored when Florida will be tripped up by one of the three other Final Four teams: UCLA, UNC and Wisconsin. Somehow, someway Jesus or possibly Eskimos will find a way to stop Satan Florida. And there will be much rejoicing.
Cheers: Barbaro will sing the national anthem at the start of the NCAA Tournament Championship game, becoming the first non-human since Rosanne Barr to receive this honor.
April
Cheers: A BSD first will be achieved when the Hitman publishes his investigative journalism piece on Barry Bonds. The article will reveal that Bonds resorted to using gamma radiation to unleash the beast within himself in his attempt to surpass Hank Aaron. Unfortunately, the Giants will void Bonds contract after this news. In retaliation, Bonds announces he will become the scourge of humanity for this insult and will lay waste to San Francisco. For years to come the name Barry Bonds will become synonymous with the boogeyman as parents will tell their children "Eat your vegetables kids or Bonds will get you"
Jeers: After absolutely no forethought what so ever Mighty Mike will predict a (sigh) Subway Series in the World Series between the Mets and the Yankees. Publius will weep openly at this prospect or at the picture his television gives him after he orders the Hi-Def channels or both. It will be unclear which one.
Cheers: Barbaro will become the first animal to sail around the world in a balloon. Steve Fawcett will resort to using oxycontin to contain his bitterness. In an unrelated story Colonel will make millions selling prescription drugs to an unnamed billionaire balloonist. He will immediately lose it all at the racetrack.
May
Jeers: Having run out of generals that support regime change, Bush will appoin
t retired Civil War era general Ambrose E. Burnside to lead an American Expeditionary Force to overthrow the government in Montreal and install Youppi as king of this new nation.
Cheers: In his first act as King of Montreal, Youppi will marry Hitman to his lovely bride. In honor of the event MJ will avoid swearing for the first 30 seconds of the ceremony before he remembers Bill Simmons compared a Boston team to the Yankees at which point he will start swearing again. Also juice will be served.
Cheers: To honor the Youppi monarchy and the Hitman's marriage, Barbaro will not only compete in the Kentucky Derby but will win it. He will be the only horse to overcome a broken leg to win the Derby. Later he will briefly serve as Montreal's ambassador to the United Nations.
June
Jeers: To avoid Steve Nash becoming MVP for the third consecutive season voters will give Dirk Nowitzki the trophy. Dirk will thank David Hasselhouf for the inspiration behind his season causing humanity once again to lose faith in good overcoming evil.
Cheers: In a surprise move the Yankees not only sign Roger Clemens to a deal but also Barbaro. In fact, the Yanks will rely on the pitching rotation of: Pettite, Clemens, Barbaro, Wang and Mussina to propel them to a record number of wins. Barbaro will become the first to win Rookie of the Year awards in both Baseball and Studding in the same year since Derek Jeter.
Jeers: An international manhunt will ensue after David Stern refuses to hand over the Larry O'Brien Trophy to Mark Cuban. After Dallas wins the NBA Championship, Stern will flee the country rather than suffer through the indignity of being in the same room as Cuban. Stern will ask for and receive amnesty in Venezuela under the protection of Hugo Chavez. Cuban will offer a 30 million dollar bounty on Stern, making Stern the most wanted criminal on the planet.
July
Cheers: Mighty Mike will return to writing Cheers and Jeers, possibly in English. Tom Tancredo will watch his every move to ensure a unilingual BSD.
which will give him the power to correctly predict the NCAA tournament. Fortunately, Superman will step in to stop Gutsy when the power goes to his head when he picks 
t retired Civil War era general Ambrose E. Burnside to lead an American Expeditionary Force to overthrow the government in Montreal and install Youppi as king of this new nation.
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