Five Things I Hate About the NFL

Disclaimer: I love the NFL! It's just frickin' fantastic! But nothing is perfect, and therefore, the following list:

5. Bad TV Announcers: I respect that it is difficult to intelligently speak about anything for three consecutive hours. I can't even do it for three minutes. But enough of these two-bit bums in the booth whose analytical skills are at approximately the 5th-grade level. Why are the guys on radio always better, and how come we can't get any of them on our tubes?

4. The NFL Network: Who are the ad wizards that came up with this one? A bunch of elitist bastards, no doubt. For a league that has generally been brilliant business-wise, the decision to put Thursday night games on the little-seen NFL Network is both surprising and truly stupid. For 8 months, we guys are stuck with crappy network dramas and inane "reality" TV on Thursdays. When Thursday night college football ends - throw us a frickin' bone, here! Let us start the weekend right!

3. That Damn Chevy/John Mellencamp Commercial: I like John Mellencamp (or John Cougar, or John Cougar Mellencamp, or Big Jim Slade - whatever he's called these days). I liked the Chevy commercial featuring his new "Our Country" song - the first time. Do we really need to see it at least once during every commercial break?

2. Terrell Owens: I know, this is an easy one. Not only am I sick of T.O. and his ridiculous, selfish antics - but I'm sick of all of the coverage of T.O. and his ridiculous, selfish antics. He is an enormously talented receiver, but by no means a perfect one, on or off the field. There are a million better stories in the NFL right now. There is no greater punishment of Owens' transgressions than to ignore his egomaniacal, pass-dropping, no-title bitch ass.

1. Overprotection of the QB: Quarterbacks need special protections. When they're passing, they can't defend themselves. We all agree on that. But when a D-lineman gets a 15-yard penalty because the QB ducks his head inadvertently into the lineman's arm, we've gone too far. Linebackers shouldn't be flagged for pushing the QB one step after the QB has released the ball, while trying to stop from a full speed pass rush. Enough is enough: this is football, dammit!