Week 6 – Flawed Fantasy Football Scoring Systems

I have a deep, dark secret I have to share. I haven’t been a monogamous man. I’m not in just one fantasy football league. I’m not in two. I decided, as part of my celebration of my last year of law school, to accept every fantasy football invitation I received. So, I am in… SIX Fantasy Football leagues this year!!!

The few times that this awful truth has come out, it always creates some initial friction. Some people say “who do you root for? How do you even know who’s who in which league?” The answer: Rooting is difficult, but it's easier when you get similar players across the board (R.Moss, Droughns, Indy Defense). Even stranger is how each of the two other times I’ve been discovered as being in 6 leagues, I am forced to reassure the person, “don’t worry, your league is still #1 in my book!” I finally understood the inner-struggles of what it was like to be a polygamist. It takes a lot of work to keep everyone happy, because you don’t want to be a dead-beat owner, so you still have to make efforts to keep all 6 happy.

By being in all of these fantasy football leagues, you see some very interesting things, such as: 1) some of the features (and weaknesses) of the different websites and 2) the utterly insane, flawed, and awful scoring systems that exist. FoxSports.com has a neat feature where you get to post a “league story” that is in a large font, with pictures, on the front and center of the league page! It’s like having your own blog space, right on your fantasy football page. No longer can people claim, like we all do on Yahoo, “I forgot to check if there were any posts.”

The problem with FoxSports? When you attempt to acquire any player, the application usually crashes. For some reason, it has to load EVERY PLAYER IN THE NFL UNIVERSE before you can pick anyone up. So, I can’t really recommend the site, because this phenomenon completely discourages people from picking up players (I was able to still get Colston last Thursday, after 3 failed attempts earlier in the previous week).

In an ESPN league that I’m in, I suddenly realized on Monday Night that I was gaining 1 point for every 5 tackles the Broncos made. This created the most baffling incentive I could think of. Now, I wanted Jamal Lewis to continually get 3.34 yards, stay in-bounds, and rack up first downs, all so that I could maximize “tackle points!”. Does this scoring system make any sense? None, whatsoever, which is why I’m sharing it with the world. Anyways, on to the games.

Manwich Matchup of the Week-
Seattle at St. Louis- St. Louis did beat Denver in week 1, when Denver looked like they completely took the Rams for granted. The Rams really haven’t been tested since, and have somehow gained 4 wins. Seattle should be able to benefit from the bye week, and with or without Shaun Alexander, Seattle shouldn’t have many problems. Pick: Seattle

Upset of the Week –
Cincinnati at Tampa Bay – I think this could be a tricky game for Cincy. I can’t really think of any other plausible shocking upsets for the week, so I’m going with the more desperate team here. Pick: Tampa

Buffalo at Detroit- Now here is an interesting game. Actually, if not for 2 defensive touchdowns created by the Lions last week, they could have beaten the Vikings. I’ve got to go with the more desperate team here. Pick: Detroit

Carolina at Baltimore- Not even Cobra Commander could fight off the curse of the Upset Special last week. Pick: CAR

Houston at Dallas- The battle for Texas! I’ll never forget how the Texans started their franchise with a Win against Dallas, and how I thought they would quickly ascend to the elite in the NFL, like Jacksonville or Carolina. I was wrong. Pick: Dallas

N.Y. Giants at Atlanta – Everyone is baffled how the Giants suddenly played a good defensive game. Maybe it was more of a reflection on Mark Brunell? My theory is that it’s because typically-conservative Giants coach Tom Coughlin took his team out to a karaoke bar the night before the game, and Coach Coughlin performed an energetic version of “Moneymaker”, by Ludacris. As Coach Coughlin belted out “shake what your momma gave ya!”, all of the defensive players were inspired by what Coughlin is capable of, an inspiration that made them believe they could beat the Redskins and hold them to 3 points. Pick: Atlanta

Philadelphia at New Orleans- Obviously, New Orleans barely got by last week against a desperate Tampa team, and after the last 2 weeks, it seems as if teams are starting to figure out how to slow down the Saints offense. Pick: Philly

Tennessee at Washington- No one knows what to expect from the Redskins in any given week. They shredded the unstoppable the Jaguars, and got stuffed by the Giants. My only advice to the Redskins this week is to listen to what Frank Drebin once said in Naked Gun 3: “Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.”
Pick: Redskins

Kansas City at Pittsburgh- Eeeesh. Pittsburgh’s season could seriously come down to this game. They still have to get to 10-6 to make the playoffs, meaning there is not much room for error. I say, start Omar Jacobs. Pick: Pittsburgh

Miami at N.Y. Jets – I didn’t realize that Mike Mularkey, former head coach of Buffalo and insane offensive coordinator during the Kordell years, is the offensive coordinator at Miami. Now it all makes so much sense why they stink! Pick: NY Jets

San Diego at San Francisco- If only the Chargers released a schedule of when they will wear the power blue uniforms… Pick: San Diego

Oakland at Denver - This is a nationally televised game! Pick: Denver

Chi @ Arizona – This is also a nationally televised game! Final note: does anyone else find it amazing that YouTube.com just got bought for $1.6 billion, or the equivalent of approximately two to three NFL football teams? Pick: Chicago

Last Week: 12-2
Season: 46-28
Manwich: 4-2 (The Steelers just can’t get on track)
Upset of the Week: 0-5 (Not even Cobra Commander can stop the jinx power of the Upset Special)