Ingredients:
- 1 L Fruit juice
- 10 cl Vodka (Absolut)
- 10 cl Whisky
- 15 cl Southern Comfort
- 5 cl 151 proof rum
Football in America is a man's man sport. Your arm falls out the socket. Tape it up and get back in there. Break your leg. Walk it off. We revel in the hits, the brutality, and toughness of the game. But that sometimes is not enough. Sometimes we need more. Mustaches complete the image. However contrary to public opinion mustaches aren't always on the toughest of hombres. They have a wide variety of purposes. Sometimes they accentuate the toughness like horns on a rhino or laser beams on sharks. Others hide the lack of toughness like a peacock's feathers or Rudy Giulani's smile. So what are the categories of mustache's in football?
The Mustache of Power: Bill Cowher's mustache exemplifies the mustache of power. It bristles with rage. It had its own will power. I'm pretty sure that mustache could do pushups if need be. I mean just look at it. Its like a porcupine on HGH. Men with this mustache should be feared and obeyed.
The Mustache of Competence: Example of this belongs to Purdue's Joe Tiller. It says yeah I can't compete with the Alpha dogs but I can get the job done. You can set your watch to a mustache like that. In fact a little known fact is Tiller's mustache wakes him up every morning at 5:45 on the dot.
The Mustache of Uncertainty: This belongs to Minnesota's Brad Childress. It hides more than reveals. Is Childress a professional coach or a crazed sex offender?Will his mustache tell him to give Purple Jesus the ball more or let some other schlump get the hand off? You just never know what to expect with a mustache like that. Childress probably shouldn't be trusted until his mustache can be deciphered.
The Mustache of Rectal Exams: This belongs to Dave Wannstedt. Its a scientific fact that this mustache is mainly used to examine Wannstedt's rectum as that's where his head is most of the time. Most mustache's endow the wearer with some sort of power but not this type. Wannstedt has made catastrophic decision after idiotic decision and yet gets jobs and keeps the ones he has. Its an unsolvable mystery that has only been topped by Kevin Costner's ability to get more movie roles. However one thing is clear, his mustache says that he has one clean colon.
Bonus Mustache: The Mustache of Wisdom: Some mustaches endow their owner with a magic third eye that let them think deep thoughts. Tom Friedman has one of the seven known mustache's of wisdom.
Cheers: To the games of the week. For college watch for Rutgers v. South Florida, LSU v. Auburn Kentucky v. Florida, Michigan v. Fighting Alumni (Illinois), and Pros Indy v. Jacksonville and Pitt v. Denver. Also something about a baseball game(s)
Cheers: To the Fall of Troy. For the past 4 odd years USC hath bestrode the college football landscape like a colossus. Well two lost offensive coordinators and a lack of heisman trophy recruits and team looks suddenly vulnerable. This year's team not only stands at the precipice for being out of the national championship conversation but as Pac 10 Champ. Short of a miracle job by freshman QB Mark Sanchez, their reign is over out West.
Cheers: To news that Mark Everett is walking. Small steps buddy. Small steps.
Jeers: To the Atlanta Thrasher (That's a NHL Team) fired their coach after 6 games. 6 games! I'm sorry that should never ever happen.
Cheers: to Kenny Lofton for setting the all time playoff stolen base record.
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Your Youtube Clip: The Deer Hunter (Russian Roulette Scene) As EDSBS noted being in the top of the college polls is basically like spinning the gun. Mao. Pick up the gun and hope for the best. Mao
Fun Fact that Depresses Publius: Say Hello Turkish Soldiers in Iraq and resulting increase in gas prices.
And your C&J gal of the week.....Carolyne Murphy
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