MMBSD: Truth In Advertising

One of the keys to being a successful pundit, besides large jowls (i.e. Tim Russert), is the usage of hyperbole. Yep whoever is at this very moment doing well will be crowned champion and whoever is doing poorly in the last 5 minutes is doomed to a life worse than selling hot dogs outside of US Cellular field. Witness the quickness in which people will be jumping on and off Carolina's bandwagon after Week 2. Well I'm going to at least try to not fall prey to that. When I announce something I'm at least going to announce the certainty with which I know something. Plus I figure if everyone did this Dan Lebatard would never speak.

I'm Certain...
1) That there is about as much truth in Brian Billick being an offensive guru as the fact that Billick has syphilis (everyone knows he just has the Clap). The Raven Droppings have no offense. They were obliterated by the Titans whose team's average age is 16.4. Jeff Fischer enjoyed drop kicking his former AFC Central foe.

2) Minnesota did not deserve to be on the same field as Cinci, henceforth known as the ex-Bungals. Minnesota is missing two o-linemen from last year and it shows. Culpepper will not make out the year healthy if this keeps. I'm pretty certain that part of the reason for the Vikings' embarrassment is that the ex-Bungals have a legit offense. I am very excited to see their mettle tested against the fearsome Bears defense (shout out to MJ and Hart for pointing it out) next week.

3) Charlie Weiss could be a good coach but I think this week showed that it’s too soon to tell. The national media and folks at South Bend were going to anoint Charlie as the second coming of Knute Rockne. Some day maybe but Charlie needs to do a bit more successful recruiting for the D before the jury is settled. I'm looking forward to the Ty bowl where Notre Dame faces off against University of Washington.

4) Deadwood should have won the Emmy for Best Drama. You can't convince me otherwise.

Things I'm Pretty Certain...
5) MJ is right New England just doesn't look right. Their vaunted defense doesn't seem to have the same toughness around the goal line and Corey Dillon spent the off-season perfecting his twinkee eating technique. Tom Brady might be on the verge of being exposed for being somebody not good enough to win on his own himself (only the great QBs win on their own - see Marino). Patriots have a test next week against Pittsburgh before I completely dismiss the Pats.

6) Colts offense doesn't look quite right either. 10 pts? Last week wasn't much better until the second half of the game. The catch is that Manning and Company have faced two of the tougher defenses in the league. Their defense is much better than last year (Know and Fear Bob Sanders) so I'm not kicking the Colts under the bus. If they struggle against the Browns though...

7) Maybe I shouldn't have tried to make my food tonight and maybe the gas fumes made me woozy but I'm going to congratulate the MLB office. I've bashed them for lots of stuff but I have to tip my cap to their late season scheduling. Oakland v. LAAA , Yanks v. BoSox and ChiSox v. Tribe. All of the division playoffs, at least for the AL, will probably ultimately come down to previous key series all of which are scheduled for the last week of the season. Probably.

Things I'm Talking Out of My Ass
8). I've watched a little bit of the small town team known as the BrewCrew of the Milwaukee variety. They have some great young hitters (Cecil Fielders son is going to be something). The owner has announced he is upping the payroll by 10 million next year. Lyle Overbay is going to be traded (probably for some pitching). If this team can get a starter or two and some middle relief watch out.

9). OU should stop playing games this season. They were exposed for being weak against USC last year. This year they're showing they don't deserve to be on the same football field as UCLA's basketball team. You guys are just going to embarrass yourselves against Texas so why try?

10) The NFC South is the deepest division in the NFL. At least if New Orleans beats the G-Men it’s settled. And Michael Vick isn't seriously hurt.