Week 3 – Even Steven Gutsy

If I had tried to start out the season by going exactly 8-8 and then 7-9, I would have failed. I feel like Jerry Seinfeld in that one episode, when everything ended up Even Steven. Jerry loses $20, he finds $20. Gutsy hits the Manwich Matchup (CAR over NE), but the Vikings get trounced.

I have also been getting a number of suggestions from across the world on how I can improve.

Bobby from Milwaukee wrote me: “Did you know you could just pick home teams each week and do much better?”
That may be true. But that would be absolutely no fun. My column would be 6 words long. “I am picking the home teams.” 6 words.

Jason from Miami says: “Monkeys flipping coins would do better than you.”
This is also true. I already made fun of myself last year for this. Check out the link. http://thedawggs.blogspot.com/2004/10/week-8-monkeys-flipping-coins.html

Salim from Atlanta says: “My buddy chooses games based on which mascot would win if they were involved in a steel-cage death match.”
That would have been a good idea, had it been original! Sorry Salim, you totally stole that from a Perfect Strangers episode I saw (luckily, it’s the only one I can remember). Interestingly enough, Balki makes his cousin a lot of money by realizing ridiculous things like “an Eagle would always beat up a 49er searching for gold.” The climax of the episode is when Balki can’t decide the winner between the Packers and the Browns. The moral of the story Salim: Even Balki would have had trouble this past week.

Timmy C. from Hawaii says: “Why don’t you just give up your pre-conceived notions on the Lions, Vikings, Cardinals, and Ravens and move on with your life.”
Timmy is talking more sense than anyone else. I just need to “tweak” my predictions slightly. Don’t worry, I’m sure they will still be laughable BUT remember, they incite riots and provide smiles to football fans across the country.

Manwich Matchup of the Week-
New England @ Pittsburgh – Who set up this schedule for the Patriots? First the Panthers, then the Steelers on the road? It should be another great game but the problem is that I don’t have much confidence in the Patriots defense, and neither does the Bill “The Brain” Belichick.
Pick: Pittsburgh

Upset of the Week –
Jacksonville @ NY Jets – I don’t know if anyone is catching on at Las Vegas, because the Jets are the favorites in this game despite the Jags playing some great defense in a loss to the Colts last week.
Pick: Jacksonville

Atlanta @ Buffalo- The Bills have a great defense, as we all know. I just hope that Tagliabue sends out a notice so that they don’t injure Vick, because that’s my biggest fear whenever Vick plays a great defense.
Pick: Buffalo

Carolina @ Miami- It’s amazing how quickly everyone jumped off and then back on the Panther bandwagon.
Pick: Carolina

Cincinnati @ Chicago- I guess I should have given Lovie Smith more credit. I guess I should have given Joey Harrington less credit last week. Unfortunately, the Bengals seem to have one of the best offenses in the NFL. And no, Boomer Esiason didn’t come out of retirement to throw for 500 yards.
Pick: Cincinnati

Cleveland @ Indy- What if? What if the Browns just ran Rueben “Attack of the” Droughans and ate up all the clock. I think Peyton would still go 7/10 with 5 TDs.
Pick: Indy

New Orleans @ Minnesota- I’m really skeptical on whether the Vikings O-line can figure out which defenders to block. 2 weeks in, and Culpepper is running for his life, and has somehow almost matched his INTs from last year (11 last year, 8 in 2 games this year). I want to go w/ America’s New Sweetheart, the New Orleans Saints, but I’m going to try the Vikings one more time.
Pick: Minnesota

Oakland @ Philly – Welcome to the Moss vs. TO Touchdown Celebration competition! TO will start the game by scoring a TD, and then doing the Robot. Moss and the Raiders answer with an 11-person rendition of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.” TO and the Eagles then respond by doing the Electric Slide, led by Coach Andy Reid.
Pick: Philly

Tampa Bay @ Green Bay – Battle of the Bays ain’t so exciting when Green Bay can’t even stop the Brownies.
Pick: Tampa Bay

Tennessee @ St. Louis – I’m more intrigued by the Titans right now than any other team. As we know, they have a defense full of 1st & 2nd year players. They gave up like 300 rushing yards to the Steelers, and 13 rushing yards to the Ravens. Offensively, they still have Steve McNair! I have absolutely no idea what to expect, so I'll just go w/ the home team.
Pick: St. Louis

Arizona @ Seattle- Seattle pulled off an unnoticed upset of Vick and the Falcons last week. Their reward? Me picking them to win this week (which is actually more like a curse).
Pick: Seattle

Dallas @ San Fran – I have this suspicion that Dallas coach Bill Parcells has had nightmares all week about somehow letting Santana Moss burn him twice in one game.
Pick: Dallas

NY Giants @ San Diego- This is a tough game. Eli Manning versus the team that he spurned. The other thing is, the Giants have been playing great the first two weeks! I have to suspect that the Chargers will be motivated to just pummel Eli for being such a pretentious biatch.
Pick: San Diego

Kansas City @ Denver – I don’t even like the Broncos, but I’m going to pick them just because they are playing at home.
Pick: Denver
Last week: 7-9
Season: 15-17
Manwich Matchup: 2-0 (CAR beat up the Patriots and helped boost my confidence).
Upset Special: 0-2 (the Dolphins at least were in the game against the Jets, which was better than my week 1 “Ravens over Colts”).