Rivalry Week

There's a ton of rivalry games this week so I just wanted to highlight a few, their significance and what Vegas is saying….

8. Godzilla v. Bud Selig

History: Bud Selig was born after an underwater nuclear bomb test. This nuclear energy released Selig's destructive force onto the world. Godzilla is protector of Japan, the New York Yankees and the creative consultant for the Lebrons Nike Commercial.

What's on the Line: Do the Boston Red Sox improve their pitching?

Probable Outcome: Bud Selig uses his freeze ray and drives Godzilla away.

7. Schottenheimer v. Denver.

History: What can euphemistically be described as a series of failures that could only have been topped if Rumsfeld had been in charge.

What's on the Line: First place in AFC West. Possible ticket to a first round bye.

Probable Outcome: John Elway comes out of retirement and strips Tomlinson of the ball on Denver's one yard line.

6. Pittsburgh at Cleveland
History: Previously one of the best and most brutal Pro Football rivalries. Turkey Jones dropping Bradshaw on his head and turning him into the drooling vegetable you see today. Tim Couch being reduced to tears, which sent the organization on a circuitous forty year journey through the desert.

What's on the Line: Possibly second place in the AFC North and gasp of playoff air.

Probable Outcome: Crying in the fetal position after an angry outburst leads to an accidental stepping on my Obi-Wan Kenobi action figure.

5. Mirror Lake Jump (Student Body v. Nature)
History: In 1902 OSU students began the tradition of throwing freshmen into Mirror Lake. This tradition evolved into the jump into Mirror Lake on the Thursday before the Big Game as can be seen here. Say what you will but having naked people running around next to someone in a Winnie the Pooh costume doing the backstroke is an important part of the college experience

What's on the Line: The temperature is going down to 36 with rain which means the student body is at risk for hypothermia and painfully erect nipples.

Probable Outcome: Our co-contributor and field reporter Publius, either arrested for sex crimes or being swept away in a naked girl tsunami.

4. Backyard Brawl (Pitt v. West Virginia)
History: The 14th oldest rivalry in college football with 2006 representing the 99th meeting of these neighbors. Originally the Backyard Brawl was fought over several cases of moonshine. The school's proximity (only 70 miles apart) gives the battle a certain ruthless quality.

What's on the Line: More Moonshine

Probably Outcome: West Virginia winning and stealing opposing team's sisters.

3. The Iron Bowl (Auburn v. Alabama)
History: First game was played in 1893. From 1907 until 1943 no Iron Bowl was played as the two schools couldn't agree on expenses paid. An act of the Alabama state house was needed to get the rivalry started again. Games were typically played in Birmingham due to lack of roads from Auburn and possibly grass in Auburn. Auburn has won four straight dating back to 2002.

What’s on the Line: Winner get's to the name the next Governor of the state. Bragging rights.

Probable Outcome: Auburn wins but offensive output sends football back 50 years.

2. Cal v. USC
History: Cal has been the only Pac 10 team to challenge USC for the conference title this century. The fight between these two teams started when Aaron Rogers took the last piece of sushi at a local grocery store thus denying Matt Leinart in 2003. USC has not lost at home to a Pac-10 team in a loooong time.

What's on the Line: Possible National Championship, Pac-10 Championship, rights to sleep with Paris Hilton for winning quarterback.

Probable Outcome: John Booty follows Matt Leinart and goes where many, many, many men have gone before.

1. The Game (although at various points known as the The Toledo War, 10 Year War, The Gale of the Century)

History: I'll let youtube handle this one because there's just not enough hype. Little known fact was that there really almost was a war between the two states (albeit over Toledo). In exchange for surrendering Toledo, the US bequeathed the Upper Peninsula to the newer of the two.

What's on the Line: Possible National Championship, Big 10 Championships, life itself. As part of ABC's agreement with the Big 10, the rules of the game will follow ancient Aztec custom in which the loser (or possibly the winner. We're still waiting on the supreme court of archeologists official ruling) will be sacrificed at the Temple of the Sun. (Hey Disney this game is called THE GAME it doesn't need your crappy Judgment Day moniker to improve the hype).

Probable Outcome: Massive amounts of drunkenness.