Cheers and Jeers: Chicks Dig it Edition

Ingredients:

• 1 1/2 oz Vodka
• 1 oz Triple sec
• 3/4 oz Peach schnapps
• Half fill Cranberry juice
• Fill Ginger ale

Well happy new year to all you MOTers out there in Cheers and Jeers land. I'm always ambivalent about new years, hebraic style. First off that means two new years every year. Which is a lot of family and a lot new years resolutions. Once again I failed to dunk a basketball which creates a shame spiral. Lousy shame spiral. The other is that the Jewish New Year actually lasts two days, which is fairly counter-intuitive. Maybe ancient Israel was smart and had a national hangover day like we do today, or maybe they had trouble determining if the moon was round enough, I dunno. Still seems odd to me. Other things that I've never figured out....what do cheerleaders do during the week. Luckily for you I went undercover to 4 universities to determine what they were up to.

1. Georgia Tech. Location: Atlanta, Georgia
G-Tech cheerleading squad spends the week driving around in a 1920s style car attempting to re-introduce prohibition, segregation and creationism. Its actually in the cheerleader rule book they got from the alumni after careful screening to keep scientific facts out. Remember this is the South we are talking about.

2. University of Southern Cal. Location: Los Angeles
Part of their training exercises the Cheerleading squad has to stay together and wear their uniforms at all times. Its really about the team building. So they go swimming together. Bath together. You know whatever is natural....

3. The Ohio State University - Location: Columbus, Ohio
OSU cheerleaders spend their week worshiping Zoltan, lord of special teams and sweatervests. The cheerleading squad goes down to the mighty Olentangy River and sacrifices fruitbaskets and Wendy's Spicy Chicken Sandwiches in hopes that it will appease their deity who in turn will bring them downed punts on the opposition's 2 yard line.

4. University of Minnesota - Location: Somewhere Up North
Golden Gopher cheerleaders spend the week practicing arching their back and reducing their gag reflex. I have no idea what that would help them do during the weekend....

And now for a little cheering and jeering

Cheers: Games of the Week. This weekend brings in baseball Yanks v. Sauuucks and in college football USC v. Nebraska, Tennessee v. Florida and Michigan v. Notre Dame. For pro football check out the Manwhich Matchup as well as Purple Jesus v. Mad Martz.


Jeers: To the WAC for banning the Haka Dance. Before their games the Hawaii Rainbows perform the ceremonial Haka Dance. The WAC, because they distrust anything that is less white than mayo on white bread, penalized Hawaii EVEN THOUGH THEY DID THE DANCE IN THEIR LOCKER ROOM. Gee maybe the dance would produce violence which obviously has no place in football. I guess "other cultures" are considered unsportsmanlike in WAC country. WAC officials also banned the Hawaii's nickname, The Rainbows, as it may encourage gayness. Check out the link for the New Zealand Rugby team's dance, the Kapa o Panga, which is based on the Maori and intimidating as hell.

Jeers: Belichek and Spygate. We all knew that Belichek was an inhuman monster that steals married women, bank rolled Michael Vick's puppy drowning operation and devours the hearts of the innocent for strength. Now we also know that he's an arrogant cheater. You really think Mangina didn't know that Belichek has done this before or had an axe to grind after Belichek treated him like crap. I don't know how that affects his legacy but think of all the close games they pulled off thanks to crappy rules or Vinateri. I believe we can now add a third factor: cheating.

Oh, I'm afraid the deflector shield will be quite operational when your friends arrive.

Jeers: Greg Oden's knee. Get well soon!

Fun Fact that depresses Publius: Scientists expect Redheads to be extinct by 2100

Rapture Index: 157. The Rapture Index tracks how close we are to the end of the world. Don't store up on those twinkees quit yet.


and now in honor of the Jewish New Year I present Jo Ankier, 3000 olympic steeplechaser and possibly the world's hottest Jewish British Olympic Athlete as your Cheers and Jeers Gal of the Week: