MMBSD: Revenge

Contrary to popular belief revenge is not a dish best served cold. Its a dish that should be served hot and possibly sticky. Revenge shouldn't be dished out in small portions but it should gush out into someone's eye. There was a lot revenge this week in sports and it wasn't meek. It was pretty much in your face.

Lewis v. Cobra Commander: Jamal Lewis was basically downsized by Cobra Commander this offseason. After giving his body to the Dirty Birds for his entire career (except that time he spent in jail) Lewis was dumped. Well Jamal was fired up and cut the heart out of the Ravens like Ray Lewis on a night on the town. Browns downed the Ravens Droppings and Jamal Lewis enjoyed every minute.

Culpepper v. The City of Miami: Daunte Culpepper I think blew out every tendon, ligament, muscle and anything else that holds the knee together. When he wasn't immediately 100% Nick Saban belittled/benched Culpepper before forcing him into a fate worse than death (listening to Lou Holtz analyze football). Well this week Culpepper was back and smashed Miami for five touchdowns like Charlie Weis at a Chinese buffet. Following a touchdown a Culpepper with vengeance in his heart, tapped his surgically repaired right knee and signaled ''OK'' to the crowd."


Jesus v. The World: I feel like Jesus has been pretty quiet in the sports world lately. Maybe I haven't paid attention. Maybe all his efforts are focused on appearing in tortillas in Mexico. In any event he's back and on a mission of vengeance. People doubted that Jesus wanted Jon Kitna cured so he could lead the Lions to a 10 win season. Well a 34 point fourth quarter outburst against one of the pre-season Super Bowl favorites should disprove evolution Jesus wanting Detroit to go the playoffs (also Jesus caused 40 million injuries to the Bears D). Meanwhile over in Cardinals land Jesus was powering Ken Wisenhunt's revenge on the Steelers (Wisenhunt was passed over for the Steeler headcoaching job). Jesus is still powering old Kurt Warner to put up a touchdown and powering Steve Breaston to run very very fast.

Herm Edwards v. The World: I'm pretty sure Herm Edwards wants vengeance on everything and anything. There's just a perpetual itch on his metaphorical ass that can't be scratched for Coach CooCoo Bananas. His rage has fueled him to inexplicable coaching positions and this week a beatdown of human doormat, Norv Turner. Norv, who each week seems to remind me more and more of Gil from the Simpsons was no match for old Blood & Guts Edwards. Somewhere Marty Schottheimer is chuckling......


The Little Guy v. College Big Wigs: There was only 1 game this week in college football that was between 2 top 25 ranked teams. Easy time for the Big Boys, right? Wrong. Nemesis, Roman Overlord of righteous infliction of vengeance struck again and again. Oklahoma and Texas got their heads handed to them. West Virginia was stomped by South Florida. Rutgers was eye gouged by Maryland. And sweetest of all, Irvin Meier's Florida Gators were made backseat of a Volvo uncomfortable by Auburn. Tim Tebow who the media has been slobbering over like he was the second coming of Jesus Favre was handled. Maybe no 2 Heisman's for Tebow. In the grand scheme of things this season has always been about USC v. LSU and until one of those loses nothing much has changed.


Baseball Thoughts From Under the Curly Hair: I love the one game playoff for the playoffs for baseball. There's something wonderful about the pressure packed win or game home after an entire baseball season. I don't hate the Mets or anything so outside of a curiosity this isn't being cruel but their collapse has to rank up there with all time collapses. I'm sure our baseball mavens can tell us where it ranks but its got to be high. This week starts baseball playoff fever so let the irrational exuberance run wild.

A Mighty Correction: In my last post I erroneously reported that MJ was quoted as saying "The breakup of Belgium, while not inevitable, is the result of the disintegration of the national party system and shifting peripheral nationalism." The actual quote was "MJ smash puny Eurotrash country!"