Gutsy’s 4th Annual NFL Preview

Editor’s Note: It’s time to start football preview week!

If there’s any theme to this season, it’s that “Goodell is the law!,” as pointed out before on the blog. I’m really intrigued by the latest punishment handed out by the office – the punishment of Dallas’ NFL QB Coach, Wade Wilson, who also was a QB in the NFL on the Vikings. Wade Wilson has been suspended for 5 games for “buying and using performance-enhancing substances.”
Why would Wade Wilson be using these substances you ask? He says it’s to “improve the quality of his life after living with diabetes for more than 20 years.” This may be true, but the even weirder part of the story is how in the world is using steroids enhancing his performance as a QB coach???? I’m not sure. Apparently from the article though, it appears that Wilson may have been buying his illegal steroids from a popular steroid ring, so I guess that’s why Goodell came down so hard on him. If there's anything I've learned from this offseason, it's don't even try to mess with Goodell and don't enter the league with the same name as people currently on Goodell's hate list (I'm talking to you Chris Henry on the Titans!). Goodell's coming to get all of you and there's nothing you can do to stop him! He's like the Robot Santa from Futurama - everyone's been naughty this year!

AFC East
1. New England – As if anyone is picking any other team to win this division… sidenote: It’s anyone’s guess as to who the top Pats wideout will be for fantasy purposes this season. I think my money is on Wes Welker. Definitely not taking Randy Moss.
2. New York Jets – A magical playoff run for Coach Mangina in his first season. Unfortunately, Coach Mangina will soon learn that a climactic playoff season can’t happen every year.
3. Buffalo Bills – I really like the Bills, but it appears that they may have lost too much on defense to be able to push into the playoffs.
4. Miami Dolphins – I can’t understand any of the decisions they make out in Miami. Granted, I realize different groups have been in charge over the years but none of it makes any sense in Miami. Trading a 2nd-round pick for AJ Feeley and then getting rid of him for a nickel on the dollar; trading an excellent defensive lineman (Ogunleye) for an average wide receiver (Marty Booker). What happened this past year takes the cake in my mind in terms of the “post-Marino Miami mayhem decisions.” So, previous coach/GM Nick Saban decided he wanted QB Daunte Culpepper, coming off a tear of 3 ligaments in his knee, AND that he would give up a 2nd round pick to get him… and then Saban/some insane doctor thought Culpepper could come back from this injury in about 9-10 months, though even Willis McGahee needed over a year. So then, GM Randy Mueller was given control of the personnel and decided that Culpepper was worthless and just waived him, rather than seeing if he had recovered…clearly Mueller didn’t get the memo – you’re supposed to get a nickel on the dollar! So then, Mueller went out and got QB Trent Green who’s coming off severe concussions for this season (and spent another 4th-round pick to get another injured QB). Seriously, what is Mueller doing? At least if you have a serious injury concern, you know that Miami will give you a chance! Next thing you know, Trent Green will get waived after the season, when he could still always be traded for “future considerations.” If GM Randy Mueller still has his job in 2010, I’d say Miami has to be one of the favorites in Vegas for landing Michael Vick.

AFC Central
1. Cincinnati – Their defense may be questionable, but I believe their offense should score enough points to win the division. Go Bungles!
2. Pittsburgh – I believe the Steelers will be in playoff contention all season (9 or 10 wins), but it’s hard to pick them when no one is sure how their new head coach is or what the offensive system is.
3. Baltimore – I believe the Ravens will also be in playoff contention all season, but I just think they still lack the offensive punch to be as fortunate as they were last season when they won the division. Just to be clear though, any of the top 3 teams in the Central could certainly win the AFC.
4. Cleveland – In 1999, when the Browns returned, I believed the Browns were on a 5-year plan for Super Bowl success. In 2005, I believed that with a new GM (Savage) and a round-like-a-racquetball coach (Romeo Crennel), the Browns were on a 4-year plan. I’ve been wrong each time. This year, Romeo will have to win 7 or 8 games to save himself I think. It’s not going to happen. With that in mind, I can only hope that Brady Quinn is not thrown to the wolves when the Browns start the season 2-8 with 5 divisional losses and multiple offensive line injuries. I still can hope the Browns can manage to play .500 ball outside the division (5-5) while losing all their divisional games (0-6) to finish a paltry 5-11.

AFC South
1. Indy – Though they took a step back defensively and they lost an offensive lineman to retirement, the division title should still be theirs.
2. Jacksonville – I think the Jags will be back in the playoffs this year. Their defense is still great they just need to be a bit more consistentcy on the offensive side. I was tempted to put them out of the playoffs with Leftwich’s quick dismissal from the team, but I’ve decided he’s injured so often that having Garrard full time shouldn’t make much of a difference. Hell, they are like the old Falcons now – and they could run the option or the wishbone if they wanted with a speedy Garrard, Jones-Drew, and Fred Taylor.
3. Tennessee – Nobody can stop the Madden curse! No one! Not even Vince Young can run away from it. And to answer everyone’s questions, I finally implemented a “No-draft” policy in each of my fantasy leagues for the person on the cover of Madden.
4. Houston – I’m curious about the QB Matt “Stump the” Schaub situation, and how successful he can be. Granted, they probably still don’t have an offensive line to protect Stumpy.

AFC West
1. Denver Broncos – Back to the playoffs I believe, so long as the RBs stay healthy, Travis Henry continues impregnating women, and QB Jay Cutler improves.
2. San Diego Super Chargers – I really want to pick them higher but Norv Turner is the head coach and he has more of a record of underachieving than anything else. The Chargers should still make the playoffs but beyond that… eeesh.
3. Oakland Raiders – I want Culpepper to start, to play well, and make Miami GM Randy Mueller cry on September 30th when Oakland visits Miami and GM Mueller realizes that Culpepper still can succeed.
4. Kansas City Chiefs – If there was ever a man destined to get injured this season, it’s Larry Johnson. He had a NFL record 416 carries, and a career high 1789 yards. The facts are: (1) Whenever you have around 400 carries season, the next season you are cursed and usually get injured and/or play poorly (see Curtis Martin, Jamal Anderson, Terrell Davis, Barry “Bananas” Foster, Edgerrin James, Shaun Alexander); (2) they don’t know who’s playing QB; (3) there are too many changes on the offensive line.

NFC East
1. Dallas Cowboys – I really like the Cowboys talent-wise, but just like the Chargers, they have a coach with a poor track record, Wade Philips, who I’m not sure what to make of.
2. Philadelphia Eagles – The Eagles should be good again, just as long as McNabb stays healthy.
3. New York Giants – MJ hates the Giants.
4. Washington Redskins – Everyone likes Captain Chaos (TE Chris Cooley)! I think he’s my 2nd favorite player now behind Chad Johnson, because Captain Chaos dates cheerleaders and gets them fired from their jobs.

Norris Division
1. Chicago Bears – Remember former draft pick, WR David Terrell from U-Michigan? Well, my friend heard directly from his fraternity brother, who lived in the same hall as Terrell, an unbelievable “Legendary story” about Terrell. Apparently, after each “successful night with a woman,” Terrell would immediately ask the woman, “Who’s got the bomb-ass Dick?!?” Since this is news to me, I can only hope that the Bears use this as a theme this year, and immediately ask this same question to each opponent that they beat. It’s a theme like this that helps you avoid the “Super Bowl loser curse.”
2. Minnesota Vikings – Really surprised to learn that the Vikings were one of the best teams against the run last season. Not sure what to make of this season and none of us have any idea what their QB, Tarvaris Jackson, is capable of, but at least with a better defense than Green Bay or Detroit, they should finish above them I suppose.
3. Green Bay Packers – The Packers actually were 8-8 last season which was rather baffling. After taking a look at last season, it appears they finished 7-4 by beating up on a bunch of non-playoff teams, but gave up a whopping 366 points along the way. This season it won’t be as easy, as they face the AFC West and the NFC East.
4. Detroit Lions – The only thing we know is that they will score a lot of points but they still turn the ball over a bit and don’t play any defense.

NFC South
1. New Orleans – Oh yeah! Back-to-back division titles are in sight.
2. CAR– It should be a bounce-back year for Carolina, assuming Jake Delhomme can re-find his form from 2005 and before. Playoffs are even a possibility, but they certainly need to score more than 14 points per game.
3. Tampa Bay – I don’t like Jeff Garcia with a poor offensive line…
4. Atlanta Falcons – Nor do I like Joey Harrington with a football team. But at least Harrington knows which team to sign with to find a starting gig each year (Miami last year, Atlanta this year). Kudos to Harrington’s agent!

NFC West
1. Seattle Seahawks – Back to the playoffs again!
2. San Francisco – I think many people, including me, have them making the leap to the playoffs this season.
3. St. Louis Rams – I almost had them in the playoffs instead of San Fran, but their defense is still suspect.
4. Arizona Cardinals – At least they’ll have fun shootouts… and remember, no one beats Coach Whizz, except on Sundays!

AFC Playoffs –
3-Denver OVER 6-Jacksonville – It’s a battle of the teams with inexperienced quarterbacks! I’m just going with the home team in this scenario.
4- Cincy OVER 5-San Diego – This game will be a fun shootout.
2- Indy OVER 3-Denver – Denver still can’t stop the Colts in the playoffs.
1- New England OVER 4-Cincy– Cincy will find itself completely unprepared for the schemes that Belichick will dream up.
1-New England OVER 2-Indy – Indy’s defense will not be able to do enough to stop the amazing wideouts that the Pats got this offseason.

NFC Playoffs –
3-Dallas OVER 6- San Fran – It’s a good old rivalry game, only this time, TO is playing for the Cowboys. I think he should continue to step on the Stars on the field in Dallas after each touchdown, just for good measure.
4-Seattle OVER 5- Philly – It’s just too hard to win in Seattle.
2-New Orleans OVER 3-Dallas – The Saints have too many weapons.
1-Chicago OVER 4-Seattle – Just like last season, the Bears are able to squeak by the Seahawks.
2-New Orleans OVER 1-Chicago – This time, the Saints are able to solve the Bears in Chicago.

Super Bowl
New England OVER New Orleans – I really wanted to pick another team this year, as opposed to going with the overwhelming favorite, but sometimes, the reasons for someone to be the overwhelming favorite are just too much to overcome. Tom Brady will then become even more arrogant than ever before, Randy Moss will retire after the game, and Bill Belichick will only come to the podium after winning and will only say: “I’m smarter than every other coach combined.”