AFC East.
1. New England - Mum-ra from the Thundercats. They're getting old. Mumbles, when he speaks doesn't come close to anything coherent. But you realize that they're not going anywhere and it'll take a total team effort to defeat them.
2. J-E-T-S - The Gummi Bears. They're good, they could be better, but there's something holding them back. Like an all-star that everyone can gravitate towards.
3. Buffalo - Dungeons and Dragons. The potential is there. Sure its technically flawed and bound to fail but you feel like with a tweak here and a tweak there they could be good. Just not this year.
4. Miami Dolphins - The Snorkels. Why are they ever on tv?
AFC Central
1. Pittsburgh - Sgt. Slaughter I just have that funny feeling that everything will fall into place and the new blood will get this solid team into first. Sure there's a few questions, and it'll be painful at times but when push comes to shove, they'll kick butt.
2. Cincinnati (Wild Card) - Captain Planet. No reason. I just wanted to note how stupid it
is to give 5 random kids rings, expect them to work together so that some lazy hero that works like 10 minutes a week can go and try to stop a litter bug.3. Cobra - Let me tell you why Cobra will falter this year. Missing their pro bowl right tackle, Ogden (pro bowl left tackle) is hurt. Mcnair seems to be coming to crypt keeper given his advanced aging and why would we expect Mcgahee to do better in Raven Dropping land? Really?
4. Brownies - The Gargoyles. For what feels like a thousand years the Cleveland Browns have be cursed. Frozen in basically rock to get crapped on but whatever team decides to fly by. I'm not saying this year will be different but I think the curse might be finally lifting and by the end of the year there might be some hope in Steamerville.
AFC South
1. Indianapolis - Megatron from transformers. They're annoying. They're evil. But damn are they powerful. Sure they have a rebuilt defense. But it wasn't that good last year. Indy drafts well, are decently coached and have the best player in the game. Fear the gun.
2. Jacksonville - Tailspin. Any question of how good they'll be was answered when they had their sudden panic move to release Leftwich. It just screams we need to do something and now to be relevant. Like Tailspin. A quality show but always in the shadow of others.
3. Houston - Chip N'Dale Rescue Rangers - They've been a joke for so long they just don't know where up is. Well up is where they're going to be this under Matt Schaub.
4. Tennessee - Aladdin the Series. Too many expectations. The Madden Curse. No offense. No Pac-Man Jones. No running back. Its VY versus the world and I'm thinking the world can throw down.
AFC West
1. San Diego - Simpsons Season 6 on. Basically your being pushed by institutional inertia. The fun is gone. The jokes are stale. And its just not as good as it used to be. But there's too much talent for it not to be semi-successful. Not as successful as some people think it'll be, but s
till2. Denver (Wild Card)- Snake Eyes. There's every reason to think they should be good. Really good. But I've watched them a few times now and let me but a few cautionary flags out there. Cutler is not improving. His mechanics are still off and he's pulling an Eli and throwing off his back foot. The defense is being rebuilt from the ground up with Bates instituting a new scheme which means it'll take awhile before they hit all cylinders. Yes they'll make the playoffs but this team will take awhile to come together. Also I just think Snake Eyes ruled and wanted a picture of him.
3. Oakland - Tomax (GI Joe). They're inter-changeable with Xamot. Boring, annoying, and always bound to fail. Much like the Snorkels they
should not be on tv. 4. Kansas City - Xamot (GI Joe) - see above
NFC
NFC East
1. Philadelphia - (Starscream, transformers). Possibly the most annoying character ever. Forever bitching and moaning about their place as number two. Make no mistake about it though they're powerful, deadly and bound to eliminate a character that you like.
2. Dallas (Wild Card) - Arthur (from the Tick). Wade Phillips seems like a decent guy. He hangs out with strong, albeit stupid, people. He's a good sidekick to have but just doesn't have what it takes to star on the big screen by himself. Especially filling the Tuna's shoes...
3. Washington - They have Captain Chaos, who is all the action
you need. Campbell will be better. The defense will be better. The only question is if the offensive line will be any good.
4. Gotham Giants - Eli Manning can obviously be only one cartoon character...Smurfette. Its going to be a long long year for the G-Men.
NFC North
1. Chicago (Serpentor, GI Joe).
Honestly the more I think about the more that the Bears seem like Cobra Commander but better and tougher. Urlacher has surpassed Ray Lewis as THE middle linebacker in the game and hopefully will challenge his record for murders in a season. Don't mess with Serpentor.2. Green Bay - Aquaman . Maybe in the 1960s Brett Favre and Aquaman were good but today in the modern age they're shadows of their old selves with just even older crustier white guys rooting for them. Please retire, swim to the bottom of the Ocean. Whatever.
3. Minnesota- Underdog. A super dog? It just doesn't work. Two other words that don't work Tavaris Jackson. These two words are enough to defeat the typical guarantees that would lead any team to the playoffs...good against the run and ability to the run the ball. I'd give Laz's left nut for the Browns to have Minnesota's defensive line. Of course I'd do the same for a tasty pizza.
4. Detroit - (Eek the Cat). So one of my favorite shows growing up was Eek the Cat. It was
about this cat that while well meaning but was always getting hurt and failing miserably at well everything. Why should this Ford product be any different from any other one?NFC South
1. New Orleans - (Magneto, X-Men). Declaring revenge for past sins. Maybe Sean Payton is angry that it took him awhile to get a job. Maybe Drew Brees is angry because he was discarded by the Chargers and overlooked by the Dolphins. Maybe Reggie Bush is angry because he didn't get a cool enough free car in college. Whatever the case, they're pissed off and capable of causing problems.
2. Carolina - Wonderwoman. Always teasing. Always flirting. Never actually giving up the good stuff. I've never understood a) Why Jake Delhomme still has a job and b) How Wonderwoman's clothes stay up. Seriously
3. Tampa - Jubilee (X-Men). Mainly its a useless. Either the team is too old, too young, has-beens or never weres.
4. Atlanta - (Snarf Thundercats) - The joke of the NFL.
NFC West
1. Saint Louis Rams - Scrooge McDuck. So I had to wrack by brains on this one but bear me out
. Today's Rams are heirs to great tradition/fortune, the greatest show on turf. Sure the parts are old or not as good as the originals but still better than 80% of the competition. This is their last ride as a few additions will be enough to win the division one last time.2. Seattle (Wild Card)- The Penguin. Batman. Their routine has gotten old. I mean attack umbrellas? Alexander body will show that he's not recovering. Hasselbeck' shoulder will show its not the same. And that line well its just not the same since Hutchinson left. No title for these birds....
3. San Francisco - Robin (Dick Grayson). Still young, still learning. However everyone knows this team is destined to be staring in center ring. Its just a question of when. Maybe next season.....
4. Arizona - Wondertwins. It doesn't matter who is in charge, you just can't take them seriously.
Super Bowl..... New England over Chicago. And they say parity reigns in the NFL. HA.
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