Ingredients:
- 2 parts Amaretto
- 3 parts Grapefruit juice
There’s a lot of sports fans out there this weekend that will be on a rollercoaster of emotion. Will their team win? Will their opponents lose? Will I have that extra beer? Will somebody please tell the Hitman where his pants are?
Stock photo of the Hitman
Here are some of stages you will probably go through while on the stressful job of rooting for your team
Stage 1: Hope – Hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies. Unless your team gets behind or if you have anxiety issues your team is only slightly ahead, then you move to stage 2. Panic
Stage 2: Panic. Maybe your team is behind. Maybe its underperforming. Maybe you shouldn’t have eaten that Chinese food from Little Wu’s. In any event the panic usually means standing up, pacing and making bargains with any type of deity you can think of up to and including Ganesh.
Stage 3: Ignoring. When your prayers to Ganesh go unanswered you begin to tune out. Maybe you fix a snack. Or call a friend. Or a build a life size replica of a Buick Lesabre. Anything to keep you from looking at that tiny score in the corner that says your team is basically behind.
I built a 1975 Buick Lesabre out of legos (seen above) during the recent Cavs playoff run
Stage 4: Repression. At this stage you can’t ignore your team losing. Your friends are texting you blistering comments, your girlfriend, wife, porn collection has publicly stated if your team doesn’t win your not getting any. Ganesh still isn’t helping you out. So you turn to the only source of repression left that might work…Jack Daniels. Now if you’re a Cleveland fan and been down this road enough you can call him John but for most people its Jack. Yes finishing the bottle of John Daniels seems like the only hope to survive the pain that your team is currently putting you through
Now that's how you repress....
Stage 5: Come from behind victory . Now this doesn’t always. Sometimes your team loses. But thanks to your losing battle with the bottle of whiskey mash you probably hallucinating victory anyway. Sure you might be watching the game from the fetal position in the men’s bathroom. Or clutching the toilet wondering why Ganesh is still ignoring your prayers but hey between the whiskey, the tears and a little luck your team has a victory which means in a short time you can go through the stages again…..
Cheers: To the games of the week. Any baseball game involving a contender. LSU v. South Carolina, Kentucky v. Arkansas (watch the top two picks of next year’s draft), Alabama v. Georgia. Sunday stock up on NFL action with Dallas v. Chicago and San Fran v. Pittsburgh.
Jeers: To the ongoing spygate, wiretap, Beligate or whatever its called. Obviously he’s guilty. Just ship him off to Louisiana, I’m sure he’ll get justice there (unless he’s black)
Cheers: Big Daddy Drew has decided that fantasy football is much more fun than patent law. Sorry Gutsy
Cheers: To funny lines. ESPN’s title to Griffey being finished for the year read as “Groin Knocks Griffey Out”. That’s one powerful Johnson.
Cheers: To Bill’s tight end Kevin Everett, who could walk within weeks. Certainly hope it happens.
Youtube Clip of the Week: All glory to the hypnotoad
Fun Facts that Depress Publius: The Canadian Dollar is now worth more than the US Dollar.
And now our C&J gal of the week…Jenna Fischer. Jenna, star on the tv show The Office is showing off her wares to celebrate the start of a new season of sitting on the couch watching TV. Shows I’ll be watching include Office, Boston Legal, Scrubs and Back Door Sluts 9 (wait that’s not a tv show)
No comments:
Post a Comment