Tuesday, October 04, 2005

An Open Letter To The Sports Gods That Mock Me

Dear Sports Gods,

I am a 30 year old man living in New York and I love sports. All of them. I love sports so much that I’m getting a degree in Sports Business. I’m a fan of the Yankees, the Giants and the Knicks. I don’t think I’ve ever wronged you, O Mighty Sports Gods. So why then do you mock me?

1. Knicks acquire Eddy Curry: When I woke up this morning, I read in the paper that my favorite basketball team had traded Tim Thomas, Michael Sweetney and a first round draft pick for Eddy Curry of the Bulls. Why must this be so? Why must the Knicks trade an expiring contract, a promising young power forward and a draft pick for a fat, lazy, slovenly pig with a heart ailment? Why must we endure the potential trauma watching this worthless crap-basket die on our home court? Why does my team not heed the advice of every single insurance company that refuses to issue a policy against the risk of Curry’s demise and expiration? Why does my team not see that a commodity as damaged as this one should not be bought at such a high cost? Woe is me that the Knicks should continue to inflict such pain upon my soul.

2. Baseball playoffs begin: Normally this is a happy and joyous time of year. The Yankees are again in the playoffs and again squirt lemon in the eye of Peter Gammons who left them for dead less than five days ago. But, Sports Gods, you have played a cruel joke on the Yankees. You have let their rivals, the Red Sox, play a team that will not last until Friday. You will let the Red Sox get their rest and reset their rotation as they await the winner of the Yankees-Angels series. Why must it be this way? Why did you make the White Sox mediocre this year instead of incredibly poor? Why could you not have given the Indians one more hit this season, thus eliminating Boston from October play? Why do the Red Sox get to play the patsies in the first round again this year?

Sports Gods, I feel that you have forsaken me. Please let this not be so. Please show me a sign that you still care. Smite the Red Sox this week. Give Isiah Thomas the foresight to call this foolish trade off at the 11th hour. Please, I beseech thee.

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